Going Home

Master, the panting dogs, K and deidre all head back down to Florida tomorrow afternoon. It'll be so good to see MoonShadow and Xavia again, as well as to load up the iPod with music. deidre realized this morning that she can actually download some of the things that she's wanted to right onto her iPod. Now she can listen to all of the recordings at Dirty Girl Radio as well as Miss Isabella's special wet dreams recording. she's been wanting to do these for a while, but it's not very slavelike to just sit down in front of the computer, hogging it so that she can listen to sexy women. Especially when Master has things to do that actually accomplish something.

K will only be there until Tuesday and then things will settle back into normality for deidre. she's missed it. After only a few days here she began to wonder what she was so excited about in the first place. When she's here she can't be deidre. she's C**** a slightly quirky, young woman dating a 53 year old man. she's constantly on guard making sure that she's speaking in 1st person, that she's calling Master by His name rather than Master and looking for little opportunities when K is in the bathroom or something to remind Master that she hasn't forgotten her place. Most of the time she's running around in nothing but a pair of knee-highs so when K comes home she has to run into the bedroom and find something normal to put on.

Considering her recent writings about domestic incarceration deidre sure has been doing a lot of socializing. she thinks she's about socialized out which means that she may be a bit more reclusive than usual not only in real life but here too.

In just a few weeks deidre will be flying north to work with isabellaval for the first time. she's so incredibly excited and can't wait to see what the two of Us/us come up with. It's going to be awesome.

It's strange that missa (AKA bella) and deidre occasionally are thinking on the exact same wavelength. Last night deidre was feeling a little bummed, thinking about how Master is her only real connection to something outside of herself and feeling the loss of a sister. When He first proposed the idea of a second slave deidre felt angry and hurt. she couldn't help but feel that maybe she wasn't good enough for Him and the last thing she wanted was another girl with whom she'd have to compete. That was just over 2 years ago. Now deidre wants a sister to share her life with, to giggle with, cry with, snuggle with, make lousy puns with and create super silly girly things that Master just wouldn't (want to) understand. she'd envisioned spending the rest of her life at Master's feet with missa right next to her. Now deidre looks at that spot, and it just feels cold and empty.

deidre keeps hanging on to this hope, as selfish as it is, that the years will go by and eventually the day will come when missa is able to commit herself again the way she really wants to, and that she'll be able to come here and once again offer herself up to Master. deidre wants more than anything for missa to save herself for Master, but this girl also knows that's not very realistic. No one should be forced to go that long without another person to complete them, to love them, take them, spank them. deidre heart is in limbo wanting both to hold onto the hope and wanting to release it, and missa along with it. Geesh. Sometimes life is hard.

Hopefully the cats are still alive when deidre gets home. she has prezzies for them, and love and snuggles. The only problem is that MoonShadow hates K. she hates Him with a passion. When K is at the beach house MS is bitch kitty from hell. Picture Linda Blair as a Siamese cat and you begin to get the idea. Poor kitty still holds a grudge from when K took her uterus and her claws.

Now, deidre's off to pack up all of the stuff We/we're taking with Us/us.

If deidre's life was a newspaper...

The headlines for 2006 would read:

January Polyamoury in America - Can it work?

February Witness to Valentines beating keeps quiet

March Polyamoury in America - Can it work? Part Deux

April Thousands of Sea Men killed without mercy in secret operation

May Brokenhearted Lover or Internet Stalker?

June Woman survives stabbing

July Couple reunited after long separation

August Ernesto threatens Florida

September Woman survives abandonment and harassment

October Public expresses mixed reactions to merger announcement

November Horrific Kitchen Accident Leads to Death

December Huge mess created from girl's impalement

Presents etc

Last year when it was time to wrap presents Master instructed deidre to take a big box from the entryway, open it and wrap what was inside. The sender was listed as the Disney Store so deidre had the feeling that it might be something for her. she objected a time or two asking if He was sure that He wanted deidre to open and then wrap ALL of the boxes in the hallway. He said yes, so she did. After she brought them out He realized what He'd done. Basically He'd had deidre wrap the giant Eeyore that He'd gotten for her. deidre still love it. It was and awesome present, she just got it a little early.

This year Master tried, He really did, but at the last moment He blew it. We/we'd brought up to Atlanta a few DVDs, some that had been recorded here and needed to be finalized, some that We/we were just going to swap out with the extensive collection that is here in Atlanta and one that was a present for deidre. Master kind of forgot that the present one was in the stack and He ended up handing it to deidre telling her to put it away with all of the others. Later on He remembered that He had gotten it for deidre, but it was pretty much too late. deidre had already seen it. Master had her wrap it anyway and told her to act surprised when she opened it. It was a copy of 'What Dreams May Come' with Robin Williams. He's one of deidre's favorite actors and that particular movie is a pretty unique one.

Master was a little more successful with keeping this year's "big present" a secret. A few weeks ago an e-mail came in from Apple. Master hid the e-mail in another folder that deidre has no reason to look it. He forgot to mark it as read though so the folder showed as having one new mail in it. deidre's never been prohibited from opening any mail on the computer so she clicked on it. Before she had a chance to read it though Master walked into the room. she told Him that for some reason there was an e-mail from Apple in the Home Owner's Association Folder. That was when He forbid her to look at it.

deidre's a nosy person. she has to know everything. It's part of being a Virgo she thinks. If she knows everything then no surprises can pop up and nothing can ruin any of her carefully made plans. So that e-mail sat there, and sat there, and sat there. deidre knew it was there. she knew that all she'd have to do is open it up and peek at it. Master would never know right? If it had been anyone but Master, deidre probably would have peeked anyway. But fear of disappointing Him kept her from doing it this time. Fear of the strap might have had a little to do with it too.
deidre was allowed to unwrap the present Christmas morning. It was so much sweeter than deidre had expected a present from Master to be this year. He got deidre an iPod! Not only is it the perfect excuse for Master to get rid of deidre's naughty music and country from His iTunes Library but it's also just the right size for deidre to take along with her as she's out jogging or biking. The best part is that Master had it engraved. It says "to my pet from her Master"

deidre really quite easy to please as far as gifts go. The rest of them were little things. Master picked up a set of 3 books called "One Tank Trips" Each one has 52 little road trips that are within a few driving hours of Tampa. We/we've been talking about making day trips on deidre's days off thinking that it might be more relaxing and refreshing than her usual routine lately.
deidre may have mentioned before that K, Master's brother, is the nicest guy in the world. We/we have to be careful about what We/we say when K is around because he remembers every time something is mentioned and will utilize that information when it comes to gifts. It doesn't even have to be a special occasion. K just does things out of the blue for people. It's awesome really. He's probably the nicest most altruistic guy that deidre knows.

Anyway, while We/we were driving home from Orlando, K told Master that he wanted to see the newest 007 movie after we got to St. Pete. deidre had no interest in it but thought that while they were watching their blow 'em up action movie she could slip in and watch SawIII. Master has made it very clear that He has no desire to see any of them, I, II or III, but He doesn't mind if deidre does. Yes, she has a sick, gory, blood and violence loving side to her. she can be pretty twisted sometimes. deidre never got the chance to see SawIII but under the tree from K was a copy of I and II on DVD. Master was even suckered into watching it Christmas Day with K and deidre. It's probably not your typical Holiday Movie, but hey, one can only take so many images of snow and Santa right?

When K came down so that the three of Us/us could go to the Olivia Newton John Concert together earlier this month deidre had some special Sushi prepared for him. K does not like Sushi at all but deidre guilted him into trying some. He was pleasantly surprised. It was a very atypical type of sushi, you see, a type that probably anyone would eat without reservation. The main ingredient is Twinkies J Basically you cut them so that you end up with 4 or 5 round slices of twinkie with the cream in the middle. Next you wrap strips of green fruit roll up around the outside so that it looks like seaweed. Then you push little pieces of raisin, dried apricot, dried cranberry (or any other kind of dried fruit) into the middle where the cream is. If you arrange them onto a plate with some slivers of dried mango (to look like ginger) it makes a wonderful presentation and you have your very own Twinkie Sushi. The recipe is something that deidre found in the twinkie cookbook. K was kind enough to pick up a copy of the book for her and it was waiting for her under the tree.

There were other little things from people, See's Candies, Hams, Turkeys, Toys from Santa, an ONJ CD, other chocolates and candies that deidre can't eat. A gun that shoots a spongy reindeer ball on a string. That one's been particularly fun to shoot at the Mansion Cat, Bugs.



Of course there were Christmas movies, Christmas dinner, Christmas calls to family and friends etc. All in all it was a wonderful day. deidre is a very happy slave-girl.

New Holiday Photo Set!

stroke your prehensile spermatophore-depositing tube for deidre

Because of today's news release about catching film of a live giant squid for the first time deidre's been doing research on the fascinating creatures. she loves calamari, it's just about her favorite food, and she would be in tastebud heaven if she actually had hundreds of pounds of squid just waiting to be eaten, but the creatures themselves just seem amazing even if their taste is disregarded.

Scientists have been hoping to study these beautiful creatures for years. Giant Squid carcasses have washed up on beaches or been found in the stomachs of sperm whales, but live ones have rarely been seen by those other than fisherman. The part that really pisses deidre off is that they finally have the opportunity to bring one to the surface and what do they do? Do they tag it and release it back into the ocean? No. Do they attach a camera to it somehow to record what it does? No. They kill it! They have one for the first time and they just butcher it.

Anyway, as deidre was looking up articles she came across one in wikipedia. The following paragraph made her laugh. More specifically the italicized part of the first sentence.

The reproductive cycle of the giant squid is still a great mystery, but what has been learned so far is both bizarre and fascinating; male giant squid are equipped with a prehensile spermatophore-depositing tube, or penis, of over 3 feet (90 cm) in length, which extends from inside the animal's mantle and apparently is used to inject sperm-containing packets into the female squid's arms — how exactly the sperm then is transferred to the egg mass is a matter of much debate, but the recent recovery in Tasmania of a female specimen having a small subsidiary tendril attached to the base of each of its eight arms could be a vital clue in the solution of this enigma. The giant squid lacks the hectocotylus used for reproduction in many other cephalopods.

deidre is reading this info outloud to Master, stumbling over the words as one does when reading something for the first time and she gets to the part that says "or penis" Well, damn it! why didn't they just say "penis" in the first place? It would've been a whole lot easier and (not that she'd ever be saying this to a giant squid) it sounds so much better to say, "deidre begs to be allowed to suck Your penis" than, "deidre begs to be allowed to worship Your prehensile spermatophore-depositing tube" Somehow the first one just rolls off of the tongue so much more easily.

made it!

We/we made it to Atlanta. It's only about an 8 hour drive, but We/we hit traffic and that made it seem even longer. Both of the dogs are really great about going on trips. Maggie's getting a little older though and having difficulty hoping up into the 4Runner, and Katie has this undying need to pant. She pants the entire way. All 8 hours. Katie's side of the car is on the passenger side, so it's 8 hours of panting right in deidre's ear. Fortunatly Katies knows the dreaded "look" and if she's given it she'll stop for about 15 seconds, so deidre supposes that it could be worse.

deidre was going to wait to do this until after Christmas when she had pictures of everything, but she has no content so she'll just do it now. Before she left St Pete she took pics of the presents that she'd already received.


~~*~~

This is the set of journals that NiteFlirt sent to deidre. They are the perfect size for her purse or organizer and will work for taking notes or writing grocery lists etc. The journals that they sent last year are still pretty much unused and sitting in a file cabinet in St. Pete. deidre never does private handwritten journal writing anymore. she's sure that eventually she'll find some use for them though.

~~*~~

These are some of the recent gifts from sissy4ladyd There's the nice big dong that he sent, a mini clit vibrator (which was a 2 pack) a Leonard Cohen CD and a wonderful pendant which contains Moonstone, one of deidre's favorite stones.

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This is the Luck Elephant that slave_karirenee sent to deidre. Thank you kari!

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These little duckies came from K. The match the duckies from her birthday that have party hats and cakes, and the ones from halloween that are "dressed" as witches, kitties, vampires, frankenduckies and ghosts. deidre wants to order a few more reinduckies so that she can have Santaduck in his sleigh pulled by his jolly team. Of course she will have to paint one of their beaks read so that he can be ruducky with his beak so bright.

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This is the Coffee Maker from slavemasterd (Thank You, MasterD!) deidre's only had one morning without it so far but she already misses it. The one here in Atlanta must be a leftover prop from "Honey, I Shrunk the Coffee Pot" It's very cute but only makes 4 cups at a time, which is actually only about a cup and a half of the mug that deidre uses.

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We/we have a real tree again this year for the second year in a row! deidre can't help but feel that somehow having a fake tree is cheating. A fake tree may have perfect limbs and the exact proper number of lights attached, but it's not the same. Before deidre met Master she used to live a short drive from the El Dorado National Forest. Trees grew well there and there were several Christmas tree farms. we'd all pile up in the truck and go tromping through the forest to find the perfect tree. Then we'd cut it down and drag it up to the little booth, pay for our new little tree friend, have some cider and take it home. A. always got to have a little potted tree of her own so that she could have something to decorate for her room as well.

Tonight after K got home from work the 3 of Us/us decorated this year's tree with lights and ornaments. Thank god deidre is around. If it wasn't for her the tree would be full of Star Trek, The Simpsons and Scooby Doo ornaments. It was okay when it was 2 bachelors celebrating Christmas together, but honestly a Christmas tree really needs a bit of a feminine touch so that it can be pretty. Now there are still cheesy bachelor decorations but deidre's added ornaments from her childhood, homemade shell ornaments and a few that she has begged and pleaded with Master to buy to offset the Bird of Prey and Enterprise that just don't seem to fit the theme too well. You can't see too well in the photo, but Our/our little tree seems just perfect now!


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This is the first year that We/we've left the cats behind. The cats usually travel in the rig right along with the dogs. They're lose so that they can move about and have their own litter box so that there aren't any messes. In Master's opinion though having them along on trips is a pain in the ass. Xavia behaves very well. She finds a soft out of the way place, lies down and stays there unless she has to go potty. MoonShadow cries and cries for the first half hour. Then she calms down a little bit. She roams from the front of the rig to the back, rubbing up against the dogs, helping Master drive (He actually puts her paws up on the steering wheel) or curled up on deidre's lap sleeping. All of that is really nothing though. Master stops every 2 hours to let the dogs have a break. They stretch their legs, have some water and go to the bathroom if they need to. As soon as the vehicle starts to slow, MoonShadow gets excited. she wants out. The last time We/we traveled up here she got her wish. Master kind of forgot that MS was in the car, opened the door to let the dogs in and the cat shot right out. deidre was inside the gas station at the time, and knew when she came out from the look on Master's face that something really bad must've happened.

The gas station We/we were at was, luckily, one of those places that's kind of isolated. There weren't a bunch of other stores or parking lots around however behind the gas station was a mechanic's garage. There were about 25 cars parked out in a field of dead weeds. There were hundreds of places for MoonShadow to hide and run to. She took advantage of a lot of them. At first deidre couldn't even find her. Then finally she saw her kitty crouched under a car. deidre tried to grab her but she'd just run under another car, dashing from tire to tire. After about 10 minutes deidre was in tears. Part of her knew that Master wouldn't decide to just leave with out the cat, but there was still a part of her that thought that at some point He would just lose patience and decide that it wasn't worth it. The cars that MoonShadow was scurrying to were getting closer and closer to a high chain-link fence. On the other side of the fence was what looked like an endless wooded area that MoonShadow could slip into and never be found again. deidre, who is normally calm in any situation, was beginning to freak out even more. Finally deidre was able to get close enough to MS that she could dive for the cat, grab a leg, even if the fucker ended up breaking, and catch the little shit before she got away again. It worked. deidre hasn't felt such and incredible release of fear in a long time. she was laughing and crying at the same time, basically hysterical.

Since then deidre's only been away from home once for a trip where the cats couldn't be left alone. It was back in June when she went to California to visit her family though and Master stayed home. He was there to keep them company, to feed and water them and to change the litter box so that they could have a clean potty place. This time they have no company except each other. As much as MoonShadow would like to deny it, her sister, Xavia does not like being pounced on out of the blue, she does not want to play, or be chased. In fact, deidre thinks that if cats are capable of hate then that is exactly what Xavia feels toward MoonShadow. Intense eternal feline hate. So they aren't really the best company for each other. deidre doesn't have to worry about their food, water or litterbox because a neighbor will be checking on them every other day just to make sure everything ok.

deidre guesses that the biggest problem really is that deidre misses them. she keeps walking past the bench in the foyer that MS hangs out on expecting to see her, but she's not there. The bed seems so big without Xavia stretching out to take up half (deidre literally means 1/2) of the bed. Poor kitties. Poor deidre. At least it's only another 7 days until she gets to go home knowing that MS and Xavia are both there, not having to worry for another 8 hour doggie-pant filled drive that one of them might get out or pooping when We/we've just left a place where it can be thrown away. Yeah yeah yeah...deidre knows. If the worst thing that happens to her today is that she's worried about her cats, who are well taken care of even when she's not there, then she's probably having a damn good day.

Art, Music, Gifts and MoonShadow

Master’s painting is almost done and so far deidre’s surprisingly happy with it. It’s simple, but bold and really does match His home quite well. she can’t wait for it to be done so that she can give it to Him.

A friend of deidre’s sent her a gift the other day. It’s a beautiful little crystal good luck elephant. Not only was the figurine itself very pretty, but the box that it came in was wonderful. It looks almost exactly like the box that Master’s ben wa balls are in, except that it’s green and has a cute little tassel on the front. deidre really likes it quite a bit and it will go perfectly with some of the other elephant figurines that Master’s mother used to collect.

Master finally broke down and purchased a television on Black Friday. It’s a 32 inch LCD that is now hanging on the wall in the living room. When He bought the house here in Florida He specifically decided not to buy a television because He didn’t want the distraction. He’d much rather be outside working in the yard or going to the beach than sitting in the living room.

The other day We/we were watching one of the public broadcasting channels and there was a concert by a group called Tonic Sol-Fa. It consists of 4 guys from Minnesota who’s music is a cappella. It’s really quite good. They’ve been performing for about 10 years now but have just released their first national CD. If you’d like to hear some of their music you can do so here.

The new TV has also caught the attention of MoonShadow. When she was a kitten MoonShadow used to sit with deidre and we’d watch LMN or Law and Order together. So far since being reintroduced to television MoonShadow seems to like Disney’s animated representation of Gershwin’s Rhapsody in Blue and PBS shows about the wild animals of Africa. deidre loves to watch MS as it catches her attention. During a show she likes MoonShadow will slowly inch closer and closer to the TV until she is finally as close as she can get and still see it. She’ll sit there perfectly still staring up at it, watching intently. It’s pretty funny. deidre will have to take a pic or two the next time she catches MoonShadow doing it.

MoonShadow was upset because she didn’t get to send anyone holiday greetings so here’s a little something from the cutest little kitty in the whole wide world.

New Pleasures

deidre has discovered the most wonderful new pleasure. There is a Gentleman that allows her to submit to Him through Niteflirt that she enjoys quite a bit. Recently He has been allowing her to spank her bottom nice and hard, over and over until both it and her hand are stinging and red. He then has her pull her hair hard forcing her forehead and then ear down to the floor with her ass high in the air. After she goes through this process several times, usually to the point where deidre is in tears, He allows her to rub her cunt and clit with her hand.

What an incredible feeling it is to have her ass still hot and red, to feel the tears running down her face onto the cool terrazzo, and to be allowed to feel the burning of her palm up against her juicy little pussy, while panting and then begging to be allowed to cum. deidre didn’t know there were so many kinds of heat. There’s the heat from exertion, from trying hard not to cum that makes her glisten with sweat. There’s the heat on her bottom and palm from the spankings. There’s the heat of her pussy nice and juicy wet, just begging for release. All of them combined together in one little place is such a simple yet intense pleasure that deidre can’t wait to be allowed to feel again.

financial slavery

When she thinks of financial slave the image of pathetic guys who have to give up their money to a goddess comes to mind. Some high powered business man who, instead of paying for things for his children and wife, spend all of his money on some woman so that he can feel validated. deidre doesn’t claim to understand the fetish, or the need which drives it, completely.


As strange as it is for her to think of herself as one, deidre is (among other things) a financial slave as well. It’s in a different way of course. deidre works for Master’s household, both to give tribute to Him as well as to cover His expenses for her presence at His feet. The need that is fed by doing so is different than the one that is fed by the boys who have their phone mistresses and chose when to pay, how to pay, and who to pay.


Before someone out there says, "…but deidre you DO have a choice…" she knows that ultimately she has a choice too. she can choose to work for Him or to leave Him, therefore it’s not really a choice. Yes, you have choices too. You can continue to live, or shoot yourself in the head. It’s the same thing. This entry isn’t about arguing about levels of slavery or choice etc. What it’s really about is Christmas and gifts.


As a financial slave deidre has no money except that which Master allows her. she no longer has credit cards or bank accounts in her name. Everything that she earns goes to Him. Because of this it’s difficult to be able to give Master things for Christmas or His birthday.


Last year she took a special photo and framed it for Him. This year she’s decided to make a painting to hang over the fireplace. Now, deidre is not an artist. she can be fairly creative when it comes to her use of words, or to taking photographs, but she is not visually creative. she took a watercolor painting class back in high school and there is still a horrid painting of what is supposed to be an old barn against a sunset sky hanging in her mother’s home, but it’s hanging there only because…well, deidre doesn’t actually know why mom put it up. It’s a really bad attempt at art.


When Master was gone on His last trip He left her some money which she used to pick up some supplies for this creation of hers. she bought canvas, paint, brushes, etc. Buying the stuff was easy. Coming up with an idea of what to paint was not. deidre knew what colors she wanted to use. she was hoping to use some of the same colors that are on the couch cushions and pillows.



Mixing colors is harder than deidre would’ve thought though. Yes, she can make purple, or orange, but getting them to be just the right shade is difficult. So deidre gave up on the idea of it being perfect.

Then Master found a photo of something that He really liked in the most recent issue of National Geographic. He went online to try to order a print of it, but couldn’t find it anywhere. deidre’s decided to paint Him something similar.

she’s half way finished with it now. It’s hard to find time to work on it when Master isn’t home and deidre isn’t working so it’s taking longer than expected as well but she plans on giving it to Him before we leave for Atlanta. she really hopes that He will like it for what it is rather than enjoying it solely because it’s something that His slave made for Him.

He’s told her over and over again that she doesn’t need to give Him anything. He enjoys each and every bit of herself that she gives Him on a daily basis, but when you give yourself every day it becomes commonplace, no longer as special as it is if only given on occasion. If deidre gave only herself to Him for Christmas or His birthday in the same way that she does every other day there is nothing to mark those days as extra ordinary for Him.

Besides, if deidre really is the natural slave that she seems to be, with submission itself being more of an instinct than a conscious act, the it’s no more of a gift than breathing or pissing. It just is and she wants to be able to give more than that as a way to recognize all that He has given to her. If it wasn’t for Him deidre may have never had all of those fake layers chiseled away so that she could be who she really is with no more pretending. He’s given her herself and that is so much more valuable than anything she could ever give in return.

Phantom of Lust

Hear that ladies? THE TEMPLE OF SEX. Come and worship within the temple. You shall be annointed with deidre's loooooooove juice. You shall be left weak from the awesome powers of ecstasy which flow through this body. You will scream with joy and tremble with pleasure.

LOL. Could it be any cornier?

Seriously though, you should come try it out. You need a little deidre in your diet. ;)

The Strap-on of Righteousness...

As soon as Master returns this afternoon, deidre will be booking her flight to Indiana for mid-January. It’s going to be so much fun to work with Miss Isabella. deidre can’t wait!! isabellaval has already come up with some wonderful ideas for some Domme/slave recordings but suggestions are always welcome.

Some of the ideas so far include deidre being hypnotized, naughty deidre’s visit to the principal's office, and deidre meets Miss Isabella’s strap on. Actually this last one makes deidre think of k8ydid’s strap on of righteousness so maybe the strap on idea can be combined with a religious scene where deidre has the holy spirit fucked out of her as she genuflects and begs for forgiveness. deidre REALLY likes that idea. she’s also wanted to do a…ahem… “consensual” rape scene for a while. How incredibly erotic would it be if she was raped by a woman instead of a man? Or a slave auction where deidre is sold on the block to the highest bidder. What will her new owner do with her? And of course, there’s orgasm denial, or forced orgasm, face slapping, hair pulling, throat fucking. What if deidre is hyponotized away from Master, turned into Miss Isabella's personal sex slave? or if Miss Isabella turns deidre into a lesbian? OMG the possibilities are endless!!

So, the floor is open, and suggestions are more than welcome. Of course they will have to be approved by both Master and Miss Isabella, but chances are that won’t be an issue. Let's see what those naughty minds can come up with!

Peppermint Pussy

Apparently when one combines deidre’s wet little pussy and her hot little asshole with nice big candy canes things get pretty messy. They melted!! Look here (NWS)

she did manage to get a few shots before her peppermint flavored juice started dripping all over the place though and has her holiday card for 2006 all ready to go.

One last thing. While the candy cane didn’t actually burn inside deidre’s ass it did give her a nice little tingle. When she’s better prepared she’s gonna have to try that again.

apology, coffee, and parties

deidre must apologize. she didn’t even think about how yesterday's post would make bella feel and that was wrong. deidre loves bella very much and knows that this girl is lucky to be able to still have such a wonderful person in her life. d’s terribly sorry for hurting her even more than she was already hurting.

Between talking with Master, vomiting up all of that emotional crap onto LJ yesterday, and chatting a little with bella, deidre is feeling an amazing amount better though.


~~*~~


deidre’s had her new coffee maker for a few days now (thanks to slavemasterd) and it is an awesome little machine. deidre hasn’t yet used the timer function on it, but it has upgrades and features on it that her last one didn’t. For instance, it makes more coffee at one time which is great because deidre drinks a lot of it during the day. In Master’s eyes caffeine is a much more acceptable addiction than this girl’s former nicotine habit.

It also talks. Sort of. When the pot is done brewing it beeps 5 times to let deidre know. When the machine gets tired of being on, it beeps twice and turns itself off. It has a charcoal filter in it to filter out the chlorine and other toxins that the water company puts in it. It looks awesome with it’s stainless steel body with black accents. Hell, even Master likes it enough that He’s actually been having a cup or two here and there. Of course, He likes His with a few spoonfuls of Nestle Quick mixed in. Sometimes Master is just too cute. Shhh…don’t tell Him deidre said so though. He likes to maintain His Domly image.


~~*~~


deidre’s written about her neighbors before. There are B&G right next door. He, G, is wonderful, very handy, and incredibly smart when it comes to making, building and fixing things no matter what it is. She. B, has several mental and intelligence issues including schizophrenia and what might be the early stages of Alzheimers. She is also the neighborhood gossip. She likes to watch out her window and never misses anything. They both have a rural southern sort of accent. Not the southern belle type. It’s more of a backwoods hick type.

Then we have J&A. deidre doesn’t know a whole lot about him, J, except what she’s heard from A. Nothing that she’s heard from A about J is good and deidre hates to judge people based on anything but what she learns from the person themselves. deidre does know that both J. and A. drink. A lot. A. is the person who wouldn’t stop calling deidre at all hours of the night the last time Master was gone. They each have one of those loud New Jersey accents.

Last we have K&O who are wonderful! They’re snowbirds though so they are only here for part of the year. K&O are the people who were kind enough to bring deidre coffee the morning after the coffee machine massacre. They’re from Canada so they have that Northern/Canadian accent.

Now that deidre’s described her neighbors to you she can get into the real story she wants to tell. Wednesday afternoon B&G returned from their Thanksgiving trip to Texas. Later that afternoon Master got a call from K&O saying, “Did you know that B thinks you are throwing a party for her birthday?” Well, no. Master didn’t know this and was a little confused. Shortly after that, B&G called wanting to know what time they should be here Friday night for the party, and to let Him know that they’d invited J&A.

So now, both sets of deidre’s crazy neighbors are coming over for a party that neither deidre nor Master knew was being thrown in His home. Master can’t back out of it because then He looks like some kind of asshole so He made sure that K&O would be coming too to sort of balance out the number of those who are sane.

Yesterday morning We/we went to the grocery store to pick up a cake, some snack making supplies, the card, balloons etc necessary for a party. We/we left to go there just a few moments after deidre finished writing that post from yesterday. Normally a trip to the grocery store sucks, but apparently somewhere around aisle 4 deidre started to focus on how much she loves party planning and started to feel better. By the time she was in the baking aisle she was feeling almost 100% again. What really helped the most was picking out the balloons.

deidre found the best balloons ever! They are supposed to be worms, but before they are blown up they look a bit like long skinny ribbed-for-her-pleasure condoms. deidre had to buy them, and yes, they are awesome. Evidently it doesn’t take a whole lot to make deidre happy.

Back to the story. Once We/we were home deidre started setting up meat trays, cheese trays, veggie trays, making up dips and drinks, lighting candles and blowing up balloons. By the time 5:30 came around everything was ready.

The food was good, the drinks were good, the company was…well…it was company. J&A drank almost an entire bottle of alcohol just between the two of them. A actually walked into one of the big sliding glass doors. They were loud an obnoxious like they always are. Everyone told funny stories about their pets. deidre’s cats by the way couldn’t stand either set of crazy neighbors, but loved the Canadians, so it’s not just deidre being mean.

In the end B enjoyed the party that Master was suckered into having for her. Finally by about 9:30 everyone was gone. The fridge is full of yummy stuff and Our/our life returns to normal. Master swears that He is never, ever doing anything again for B. There will be no more parties, no dinners, nothing. You know what? That is more than ok with deidre.


~~*~~


This coming Monday deidre will only be taking part of the day off instead of the entire day like normal. One of her other finds at the store yesterday were giant candy canes. They’re nice and thick and about 10 inches long without the crook. deidre picked up 3 of them so that she can have some Holiday photos taken with them pushed deep inside her little ass and cunt. If they turn out deidre will post a few. she’s warning you now though to only look if you won’t find the site of deidre’s smooth shaven pierced pussy full of fat sticks of pepperminty goodness offensive ;)

Another unslavelike memory from deidre's past...

deidre’s just discovered a surprising reason why she enjoys her job so much! Control. Yes deidre said control. Power. During some of the calls that deidre enjoys it’s deidre who has the control. Men come to deidre to bring to life their fantasies and she does it. she gets off guys every day with nothing more than her words and imagination. Man after man comes to her for pleasure, to orgasm, to squirt their big hot load into her mouth, ass or pussy, while they listen to deidre’s voice describing exactly how she’d tease them, taunt them and then fuck them. It’s an awesome, incredible feeling.

In fact, while she was thinking about this new realization she remembered back to her freshman year of high school. she had this boy named Jon that she’d tease. He turned her on, but she could never figure out why. He wasn’t attractive. He wasn't sexy. Just looking at him wouldn’t really do it for any woman. What he was, was the male equivalent of skank. He was lewd and disgusting, but it turned deidre on an incredible amount. If she’d known how to orgasm back then she knows of at least one time while in Mrs R’s English class in 7th grade that she would’ve just from the site of this boy’s leg. He made deidre feel wet and dirty at the same time. Not kinky good dirty either. It was a feeling of disgust with herself for being turned on by him. The kind of dirty that makes you want to take a steamy hot shower and scour your skin until it’s raw.

Even though Jon was older and more experienced deidre was able to have this wonderful power over him - over his cock - and she loved it. she remembers inviting him over one time to her house. We went into deidre’s bedroom, which at the time was in the center of the house with no windows. When the doors were closed it was pitch black.

He was wearing those cotton bike shorts, not spandex, but tight. They were black. deidre remembers telling him that she was thinking about fucking him, but only if he could really convince her to. Maybe if his cock got nice and hard for her she would make him feel really nice. deidre pressed her body up against his and reached down to his hard on and began to rub it through his shorts. It was throbbing. He was grinding his cock up against her hand begging, actually pleading with deidre to fuck him, to suck him, to do anything to please relieve him of that load. This went on for a good 15 minutes or so.

deidre can still remember flicking on the lights and informing him with a nasty fucking grin on her face that he would have to go because her father was going to be home any minute. deidre had never intended on fucking him. she certainly wasn’t going to fuck him after that pathetic display. she only brought him there to punish him. For what? you ask. deidre has no idea. Probably just because he happened to have a penis. deidre didn’t need any more reason than that. It was fun and deidre could.

Of course this kind of behavior is exactly what lead to deidre being raped later on, but you know those young whiperschnapers, they never think ahead or consider the consequences of their actions. ;)

As strange as it sounds, what really caused deidre to focus on this subject was the lovely isabellaval. deidre was allowed to speak with Her last night on the phone about the recording/modeling meet that is being planned for (hopefully) sometime in January. At some point the discussion turned sexual…* gasp * deidre? in a sexual conversation? NO!! …while discussing deidre’s phone sex experiences and how she loves to incorporate other PSOs and girls she knows into the calls deidre was reminded of how much she loves knowing that she’s exciting someone. Now, deidre has no idea of what will happen once she’s actually in Miss Isabella’s lair, maybe nothing sexual at all, ultimately that’s up to Miss Isabella, however, deidre does think it would be an incredible honor to be allowed to give Her even the smallest amount of pleasure. Even slaves are allowed to fantasize right?

Why Speak in 3rd person?

indreamsshecame recently commented that she had “never met someone who speaks in 3rd person. you mention that it is important to you, and if you would be so kind, i would appreciate learning more about why it feels right for you.”

deidre realized that while she addressed the question of how and when she learned to do so here she’s never exactly explained the purpose behind it.

First of all, and this isn’t directed toward any person in particular, deidre would like to say that there is quite a bit of negativity in certain communities toward those who are allowed to speak this way. It seems to stem from the mistaken assumption that those who do so are “only online slaves” Regardless of how the person serves (internet, phone, cam, weekend, evening or 24/7) this girl assumes that they still give the same amount of devotion. Saying that those who serve or control online or only part time are not real or are somehow less than others is just as ludicrous as saying that submissives are something less than slaves because they don’t submit fully. It’s not true. Each holds a different level of submission or dominance according to what meets the needs of the person. It doesn’t make them less real. The only thing that would make a person something less in this girl’s mind is if they chose not to express this particular parts of themselves as fully as possible.

Now, onto the actual question. Why speak in 3rd person?

kaya_s said it very well recently here when she said Third person speech in the context of a Master/slave relationship is a psychological technique designed to erase, or neutralize the sense of "I". Speaking in third creates detachment of self and as the gap between the 'I' and the 'me' deepens, the slave is forced into the position of pure object and loses his or her sense of interiority, intimacy, and privacy. The denial of these pronouns is the removal of ego.

Not only does it erase the sense of “I” and remove the focus from self but it is also a way for an Owner to take even more control. In deidre’s situation not only does He control what she wears, what and when she eats, where and when she shits, pisses, sleeps, sometimes even her breath but her speech as well. Every time she refers to herself she uses the name He gave her (deidre), or refers to her status as His (Master’s slave, Your bitch etc). The idea is that nothing is done with Him being the first thought in her mind.

Anonymous Quote

Never put off till tomorrow what your slave can do today.

Domestic Incarceration

Other than in psychology journals requiring paid access, deidre found little to no information discussing the psychological effects of social withdrawal and/or domestic incarceration as it relates to consensual slavery so she can only relate her own experiences here.

deidre has found that over the past 3 years of her enslavement she has chosen to become more and more reclusive. she uses the word "chosen" because it’s self-imposed. While Master enjoys deidre’s desire to withdraw from society, directing even more of her focus toward Him, at first it concerned Him.

He and deidre both worried initially over her emotional and psychological well being. It’s become evident though that leaving her safe zone has more immediate negative effects than staying within.

deidre’s safe zone is more of a mental place than a physical one. While she is at home, with Master, serving and pleasing as she was meant to, with little to no disturbance from the outside or "vanilla" world she is her peak comfort zone.

If she’s outside of this house, but in a place where she is free to speak in 3rd person, free to refer to Him as Master, and free to be herself she generally feels just as comfortable. At that point the outside world still has little to no affect upon deidre’s behavior.

The discomfort begins to surface when there is a possibility of interaction with someone for whom deidre must pretend to be someone else. Walking the dogs down the street or going to the grocery store becomes stressful because deidre may be forced to speak with one of the neighbors beyond the usual polite greeting. deidre has nothing to say to them. There’s no common ground.

One would think that deidre worries about revealing bits of Our/our lifestyle as danaewhispering mentioned, but that is the least of this girl's concerns and certainly isn’t a cause of her avoidance behavior. Even if deidre’s slips weren’t rare, those who matter already know or suspect even if the subject is avoided and Master doesn’t really care enough about the rest for it to matter to deidre.

Technically it’s not a social anxiety disorder because the fear is not of being rejected or judged by others. It’s simply a desire or need to restrict contact to those from whom deidre receives no benefit and those who hinder rather than foster her submission.

As stressful as it is, social exposure is easily manageable in small doses up to as much as a day or sometimes two but the reaction become more extreme the longer deidre is forced into social situations. deidre becomes extremely irritable but with no way to express it. Gradually the tension builds up in deidre until she’s ready to explode. Simple things like being touched or the sounds of someone’s eating become even more unbearable than usual.

It’s for these reasons that deidre has decided it’s better for her to impose a form of domestic incarceration upon herself. In the past year she’s been away from home for periods longer than a few hours only twice. The first was her trip to see family in California and lasted 8 days. The second was this most recent trip to Orlando for Thanksgiving. deidre has been given the option 3 or 4 other times to accompany Master to Orlando, Atlanta, San Antonio etc, but has declined due to feeling more comfortable at home, even if it’s without Master.

One would think that this isolation would lead to loneliness. In fact that is one of the main worries with people who have become isolated due to health or disability. The only time deidre feels lonely though is when Master isn’t here, never when He is even if deidre hasn’t interacted with another person for days. Loneliness is defined as a subjective experience and is not synonymous with social isolation, which represents a lack of involvement in a social network.

An article earlier this month from The Belonging Initiative states that the following elements that lead to diminishing the feeling of loneliness:

*Opportunities to compare: Loneliness is diminished when people have a chance to compare their own pasts with other people’s.

*Sense of control: Loneliness is diminished when people have a sense of control of some aspect of their environment.

*Someone to confide in: Loneliness is diminished when people have a confidante.

Through both her interactions with Master and the internet deidre has every single one of those. When blogging she is able to compare her own life, past, present and future, to others much more easily than she would be able to do so in person and she is confiding with anyone who chooses to read with each entry. That’s why comments, even if they don’t seem to say anything meaningful are so important to deidre. They validate and confirm. she is able to control her own writing, her work, and how pleasing she is to Master.

Once the worries about loneliness, psychological health, and emotional health are out of the way what’s left but to enjoy being a happy slave girl serving her Master, devoting herself more and more to Him in a way that really is natural? Afterall, we are defined by our interactions with others. If a slave's only interaction is with her Master/Dom/Daddy then He and He alone defines her. He reshapes her into what He wishes her to be regardless of what she once was, making her even more pleasing to Him in the end.




tags: Domestic Incarceration, Social Isolation, Leaving the comfort zone, Social avoidance, Social withdrawal

Rambling about "firsts"

deidre’s been thinking about firsts lately for some reason. Some of them easily point to the person that she is now and her current sexual preferences.

First there’s deidre’s sexuality. deidre began playing with girls at the age of 8. It was mostly innocent, if being naked together rubbing private parts can be called innocent, but deidre always found it exciting in a way she couldn’t understand at the time.

When she was 15 she got together with an ex-boyfriend (who she was secretly still in love with) and his current girlfriend and the 3 of us played a little bit. Mostly he watch while Jodi and deidre kissed and touched each other’s breasts.

That year was also the same year that deidre told her best friend that she had developed a crush on her. deidre’s friend didn’t take it too well and the relationship was never the same after that.

deidre can remember back to the first image of a naked man she saw. Believe it or not it was in a fairy tale book as an illustration accompanying “The Emperor’s New Clothes” The picture didn’t actually show any naughty bits, but deidre found herself intrigued none the less.

When she was in her early teens deidre and her sister, E, would flip back and forth to catch the brief flash of something naughty on the scrambled cable channels. deidre remembers one of those movies having a woman chained, naked, in a stone room like an old prison or castle. The woman was being whipped or flogged. The image gave deidre masturbation material for quite a while. Up until a few days ago she’d forgotten all about that.

Of course, there’s the big first. Poppin’ the cherry. deidre had mono at the time and wasn’t really into it but decided to go with it anyway. The guy was her first boyfriend but it’d been 2 years since we’d dated. There must’ve been some fumbling foreplay, but deidre doesn’t remember much about that part. What she does remember is lying there on her back with this boy on top of her rutting away, pushing his cock in and out. At some point deidre asked if she was supposed to be feeling something. Isn’t it supposed to be like it always is in those romance novels with multiple orgasms and sweat and passion? It wasn’t like that at all. Instead it was this monotonous pumping in and out and in and out. Finally deidre lost patience and told him to stop. It just wasn’t doing it for her.

A year later when deidre fucked him and his best friend he still hadn’t figured anything out. If it hadn’t been for the amazing tongue that his friend had deidre probably would’ve walked out of that second experience as well.

deidre’s already written about how she discovered the world of BDSM. It started with a pony play article which led to the internet, which led to trying (key word is trying) to explore with N, her ex, which led to exploring with a coworker, which in turn led back to the internet and finally deidre ended up with Master.

Most of these seem pretty normal. deidre doesn’t think that anyone would look at this and say, “wow, deidre. you should’ve known from the time you were young that you were meant to be a slave” deidre never played bondage games, or house where she was the little girl who got spanked, or even pretended to be a pony. deidre was pretty normal. If anything a couple events in her childhood point toward deidre being more of a Domme than anything else.

There was a boy who lived across the street from deidre when she was young. deidre thinks his name was David. deidre and E. both had a crush on David and we’d play games to try to get David to tell us who he liked best. It never worked, but deidre remembers that he and deidre would hop onto deidre’s bike, deidre in front, him behind, and ride double up and down the street. There’s not really room for more than one person on a bike seat but we made it work. deidre would squirm back in the seat and press down knowing that her ass was crushing David’s poor little penis. He’d say ow and whine about it, which would make deidre do it even harder. This girl can remember the intense pleasure she received from causing him pain. she loved it. deidre would ride faster just to make sure that David couldn’t hop off of the bike so that she could continue to squash his balls and penis.

deidre also remembers tormenting this poor girl in jr high just because she didn’t want to be best friends anymore. Evidently deidre was so mean that the girl eventually changed schools. deidre got off on making her life miserable, making her cry.

Maybe karma is getting deidre back now for all of the nasty things she did when she was a kid by making her fall in love with a Sadist but not granting her the tiniest bit of masochism.

Anyway. Now that deidre has bored everyone to death, she’s curious about what other people’s firsts were. First sex, first g on g, first kiss, first time being turned on etc.

Thanksgiving Plans and Recipes

Thanksgiving is almost here and deidre’s very excited. This year she’ll be heading over to Orlando as is traditional for Master, to have Thanksgiving Dinner with Master’s cousins. His brother, the nicest guy in the world, will be flying down from Atlanta, and His other cousin and her son are flying out from California as well. deidre will spend tomorrow baking the pumpkin crunch that everyone has come to love, as well as making up her cranberry relish, and possibly preparing stuff for a new salad that she’s just fallen in love with.
Cranberries are one of the reasons why deidre loves this time of year. Dad would always make up a big batch of cranberry relish, so that deidre could take a few quarts home with her. Even before He did that deidre loved the stuff in a can. Not the chunky kind, the kind that’s nice and smooth and makes that wonderful sound as it’s coming out of the can. Last year deidre attempted to make a Jell-O mold with fruit and sour cream, but it didn’t set right so she stuck it in the blender with some vodka and made a pretty yummy drink out of it.

Thanksgiving Day, before dinner, is spent browsing through the papers so that they (note: not deidre or Master) can get up at some freaking insane hour of the morning and go shopping. Now, while deidre is very female, somehow she was formed without that predisposition to shopping that most of us seem to have. deidre hates it. she hates crowds. she hates waiting in line. she hates the stupidity that runs rampant this time of year when people go into stores for shopping. It’s insanity, and deidre already has enough of that on her own without trying to add even more to it.

They usually make it back around 8 am, cook up some breakfast and then crash. About this time Master and deidre get up and have some nice quiet time together. There’s a park nearby that the dogs love, and the playground is fun. There are more real trees in their neighborhood than here so deidre gets a taste of the autumn color change.

After a few days spent lounging around, and nights spent drinking Harvey Wallbangers and Golden Cadillacs it comes time for flights to leave and for Master and His bitches to head back home. K usually come with us and flies out of Tampa after another day or two of time spent in St. Pete. This time he’s set it up so that we can go to an Olivia Newton-John concert with him. K’s a really big fan of hers. In fact he just bought a new mini cooper and named it Livie after ONJ. The only music of hers that deidre knows is the music from Greece, so hopefully it won’t be too bad.

Actually just being able to hang out with K will be fun. He and deidre have a way of kind of ganging up on Master, teasing Him and torturing Him with bad puns. Having K here for a few days will be like a warm up for when We/we are up in Atlanta with Him for Christmas and New Years. 

made by missgiter

Yesterday Morning

she had no coffee but managed to get up and get herself ready for the grocery store without it. Yes people, miracles can happen. The store was crowded, and it took everything deidre had not to start running over people that were being idiots.

deidre got everything on her list, and then realized after Master paid and We/we were in the parking lot, that she forgot to put whipping cream on the list. Freaking caffeine addiction. Luckily Master didn’t mind going back later to get it for her.

deidre was excited because she was going to be grinding up a shit load of cranberries. she had gotten a nice big thing of coffee at the store and could make some up, hot and steamy. Master left to run some secret errand that deidre’s not allowed to ask about, and so deidre put on Christmas music.

The KitchenAid was set up with the meat grinder attachment and deidre started grinding up her berries. she was sipping her coffee singing along to Harry Connick Jr when the KitchenAid started going spastic! All of the sudden deidre’s kitchen seemed like a war zone. The grinder attachment started spinning wildly so deidre grabbed a hold of it which in turn caused the base of the machine to start rotating. It was like watching a film in slow motion…the base turned toward the coffee maker…the base hit the coffee maker…the coffee maker moved toward the edge of the counter…the coffee maker, with 10 freshly brewed cups of hot coffee in the pot fell over the edge of the counter…the coffee maker crashed onto the floor…

This all took less than 30 seconds. deidre managed to turn off the KitchenAid and look around at what used to be her pretty white kitchen and dining room. There was now partially ground cranberries, coffee, coffee grounds, glass, and plastic pieces on the counter, floor, cabinets and walls. The lifeless carcass of what used to be deidre’s coffee maker was lying in the middle, beyond hope.

Needless to say, deidre was not very happy. she’s not the type of person who normally screams out curse words when upset, but if there was a time to do it, yesterday was it. Any sailor would’ve been proud to hear the expletives coming from deidre’s mouth with such force and venom. It was truly a beautiful thing, but it didn’t change the fact that deidre’s coffee maker was dead.

As deidre was cleaning up the mess she started to think that an incident like this must mean something (other than the fact that deidre shouldn’t use the KitchenAid near any other important appliance) Was it a sign? Was this going to be a horrible holiday season for deidre? Was this just the first bad thing to happen of many? Was there going to be a terrible accident in front of a Starbucks involving a cranberry truck? Or maybe while listening to The Cranberries and drinking coffee? What did it all mean?

Then deidre realized that she was just over-analyzing things again and it probably meant nothing. Now that that coffee maker was out of the way she had more counter space and the whole incident woke her up much more quickly and effectively than the entire pot of coffee could have anyway.

Now deidre is sitting here drinking coffee that the neighbors (who got her drunk last night) were kind enough to bring over. It’s good and just one more thing that deidre is thankful for.

Charles Dickens' David Copperfield

Thus I began my new life, in a new name, and with everything new about me. Now that the state of doubt was over, I felt...like one in a dream…The remembrance of that life is fraught with so much pain to me, with so much mental suffering and want of hope, that I have never had the courage even to examine how long I was doomed to lead it. Whether it lasted for a year, or more, or less, I do not know. I only know that it was, and ceased to be…and there I leave it.

the first time deidre took it in the mouth

deidre fiercely tore open its prison walls. she was surprised when it slid out into her hand, but she quickly adapted to the feel of it in her hand. she held it gently, careful that it didn't melt under her touch before she could really enjoy it. deidre held it to her nose and inhaled deeply, permanently storing its unique scent in her memory.

this girl gently ran her tongue across the ever-so-subtle ridge before taking it deeply into her mouth. she took it in her mouth as far as it would go. It took all of deidre's strength to resist the urge to swallow it whole! her tongue worked on its sweet shell until she could finally start to taste its slightly salty filling...

The quickness took this girl by surprise, and she moaned in approval, even though she hoped it would have lasted longer. deidre held the last few morsels on her tongue, savoring the taste before swallowing it all. she smiled, already looking forward to the next time..............

Thank goodness Reese's peanut butter cups are sold in packages of two!

(What were *you* thinking?)

...wings made of wishes...

deidre’s been blessed in making some wonderful, deep and lasting friendships with a select few of her Callers. These men are the kind of people that deidre can see in her life, not just as phone fucks, but as in person, real relationships. One of those wonderful people called deidre today.

He’s the kind of guy who cares for deidre just as she is. He loves her giggly side, her shy side, her loud side, her sexual sides (both hard fucking and soft and sensual lovemaking). He especially enjoys the lesbian who shares deidre’s body with the horny slut that could never live without cock.

As we were chatting today deidre was struck by how incredible the relationship is. we were talking just like 2 old friends, which, basically, we are. It started off with politics, then ran on to the CMAs, our similar experiences in stepping barefooted in shit (his just happened while deidre was on the phone with him), onto raw cocks and then…then he did something wonderful.

Next he told deidre the real reason he called today. He wanted to give her a song. He sat down at the piano, and while deidre listened he played and sang it just for her. It was beautiful. He told deidre afterward that it’s a song that has been very close to his heart for a number of years, but that it seemed to fit us at the moment. It’s called Rainbow Sleeves, written by Tom Waits:

You used to dream yourself away each night
To places that you’ve never been
On wings made of wishes that you whispered to yourself
Back when every night the moon and you would sweep away
To places that you knew you would never get the blues

Now whiskey gives you wings to carry each one of your dreams
And the moon does not belong to you
But I believe that your heart keeps young dreams
Well, I’ve been told to keep from ever growing old
And a heart that has been broken will be stronger when it mends

Don’t let the blues stop singing
Darling, you only got a broken wing
Hey, you just hang on to my rainbow
Hang on to my rainbow
Hang on to my rainbow sleeves

Thank you, T. deidre loves you. You're stronger than you think you are, and you have a very special place in this little girl’s heart.

random thoughts on voting and slavery

Master controls every aspect of this girl’s life on some level. He controls where she goes. He dictates what she wears. He decides if, when, and what she eats or drinks. He is in charge of if and where she shits and pisses. He enjoys this control, it’s one of the main reasons that He sought a slave.

As His slave, His property, a thing which He owns, He also controls her voting process. He is the one who will or will not permit her to vote, and who will decide if she will double the strength of His own vote by having her vote exactly the same way that He does, or allow her to vote her own mind.

Does being a part of a relationship where another controls that privilege basically undermine the entire point? Does it take that hard won privilege and throw it back into the faces of those who fought for it? Does it spit in the face of democracy?

Or does it do something different? The fact that we start out with the choice, then choose to give it away…the very fact that we have the right to choose to give it away, isn’t that something incredibly special? Isn’t that the kind of decision that we should be able to trust our Owners with?

corsets, movies, tangents

Master’s back home + deidre’s corset is here = deidre’s a very happy slave

Master returned on Saturday evening. deidre greeted Him by bowing down in the foyer as she normally does. This time though, instead of being nude, she was wearing her lovely new corset!

deidre did manage to take a few photos of herself. The first is just deidre in the corset, the second shows a glimpse of her rings. 

 

she hasn’t written much about the rings lately, but they are pretty much healed as far as she can tell. Every once in a while she sits down wrong and one of them tweaks or two of them pinch together. if deidre is sitting for too long the rings become slightly embedded in her flesh and leave a little imprint, almost like grass does to one’s legs after sitting in it for a while. When deidre masturbates they clink together softly and Master enjoys the feel of them on His skin when deidre is massaging Him, sitting in His lap, or if His hands brush against her on accident. It’s like a sweet little surprise for Him. deidre thinks that He’s not quite used to them being there yet.

Last night deidre and Master had a bit of a movie night. We/we started out watching Pump Up the Volume. Master had never seen it, and it had been 10 years or so since deidre had.

Off on a side note for a minute. How horrible is it that deidre can actually say that she hasn’t done something in 10 years? Most of the time deidre doesn’t really think about her own age. she’s only 28 after all, but occasionally something pops up, or deidre says something, and it reminds her that yes, she is a “grown up” now. Man, having those 2 little words apply to yourself sucks.

As deidre was saying, she hadn’t seen the movie in quite a while. When she was a teenager it was cool. she was just like the high schoolers in the movie, wanting to assert her individuality while at the same time longing to fit in with everyone else. Now that she looks back on it though she can’t related to it in the same way. The best parts of the movie are the music, and, of course, Christian Slater. Yum. The voice, the eyebrows, the little nuances, the half naked Christian Slater man-boy laying out on the grass. Wow.

Um…anyway. Obviously there some things that a girl never grows out of. Being in lust with Christian Slater must be one of those things.

The second movie We/we watched was The Island, thanks to k8ydid’s recommendation. It was really good. deidre was surprised. It’s a movie that she’d never heard of until a week or two ago, and it had no previews (which is usually a bad sign) but it reminded deidre a lot of a research paper that she did when she was in High School. The movie took deidre’s idea a few steps further, and it was a little different, but if deidre had thought out her plan more it could’ve easily evolved into something similar to The Island.

One of the actors in the movie was Steve Buscemi. deidre doesn’t know what it is about him, but she would love to fuck him. He’s not attractive and deidre’s not turned on by him physically. He has a really great singing voice, which may be part of it, but deidre thinks that it all started with the movie ConAir. 

There’s a scene, after the plane crashes in the middle of the desert where Steve Buscemi’s character ends up talking with a little girl. deidre hasn’t seen the movie in a while but if she remembers correctly it’s implied (or could be stated out right) that his character is a child molester. Something about those moments where we don’t really know what’s going to happen between him and the girl struck deidre right in her libido.

Now, she’s not saying that child molestation is a good thing. Not at all. In reality deidre thinks that every single one of those Mother Fuckers ought to be slowly tortured with blunt instruments until…oops…no more ball and no more penis. Someday deidre will go into her own personal experiences involving the sick fucks. There is something in deidre’s own fantasy mind, though, that becomes excited at that loss of power, or abuse of trust, or just the wrongness of it all.

she used to watch LMN specifically for this reason. she’d lie back after watching a molestation/rape scene or something and cum over and over thinking about it, putting herself in that situation. Imagining herself slammed up against a wall and forced by a stranger, clothes torn, face slapped, hair pulled, called every “dirty” name in the book, and then taken hard, fucked, raped by someone who has no right to even touch her in that kind of way.

It used to make her feel guilty. One of he first times it happened was when she was 15 or so and reading The Clan of the Cave Bear. Reading the rape scene made deidre hot, wet and excited. At that point deidre was still a virgin, though she’d been playing with herself for about 7 years. she hadn’t ever even kissed a boy or touched him, “down there”. she was pretty innocent. her own rape (another story which deidre will probably write about in the future) wouldn’t take place for another year, but the thought of it was exciting. Even after she was raped the thought of being forced in a consensual kind of way turned her on.

It’s a fantasy that’s grown from a simple violent rape to something involving abduction in a dark parking lot, being kept chained in a dark wet cave while man after man uses her, leaving her weak and dripping cum when their finished. Perhaps even being locked somewhere a cabin in the middle of nowhere or an abandoned train car, just waiting to be used. Perhaps after weeks, months, or years, she’s released, perhaps not. The fantasy changes depending upon deidre’s mood, but the underlying feeling of helplessness is always there.

Well, THAT was not where deidre expected to go. It’s Monday, her day off, and she has quite a few things to do so she should probably stop sitting here in front of the computer, getting herself all hot and bothered.

The Demon Neighbors of deidre's Street

deidre is being stalked and harassed by her crazy neighbors! Crazy neighbor number 1, A, started calling just a few hours after Master left for Atlanta. deidre talked with her the first 2 times, but her calls lasted over an hour each. If deidre’s on the phone with A, she can’t be available for phone sex calls. deidre made this fairly clear to A. There’s only one line into this house because most other calls take place with Master’s cell phone.

After Alice’s third call, which was at three o’clock in the morning, deidre decided that she was going to set up the NiteFlirt Call Monitor so that it would notify her of any incoming calls and screen the rest. deidre now has 26 messages on her machine. 26 times she’s been called, and that doesn’t include the calls after the first few days when A calls, lets it ring 3 times and hangs up before the machine kicks on.

deidre’s trying to work here people!! Go away.

Yesterday, crazy neighbor number 2, B, started in. B’s husband has left to go up to his property in Northern Florida and B is lonely. So, the way it probably happened is that B called A and they chatted about deidre not answering the phone. Hmmm…is deidre avoiding A? Perhaps B should try calling and see what happens. So, now deidre is getting calls throughout the day from both A and B and nobody is leaving messages. They are driving her crazy.

This morning B decided to come knock on the door. It actually took her over 5 minutes to realize no one was going to answer. Then she had the audacity to peek in through the front door, which is made of large stained glass windows. She was actually peeking into Master’s house!

What is up with these people? It’s not like they can possibly be worried that something is wrong with deidre. she’s left and come back once or twice, she’s taken the garbage can out to the curb, she’s walked the dog regularly. They are just pestering her to the point where deidre doesn’t even want to go outside because she’s afraid that they are going to accost her.

deidre has nothing in common with these women except that we all happen to live on the same street. They are both in their 60's, maybe 70's. A is an alcoholic who likes to scream at her husband. B literally does have some psychological issues. The two of them are the neighborhood gossips. Nothing happens, no one leaves or says anything outside of their homes without one of these 2 women somehow knowing about it, then they tell each other and pick-a-little talk-a-little.

The weird thing is that neither of these ladies behaves as if there is anything more than neighborly friendliness between us when Master is here, but the moment He leaves deidre suddenly becomes their best friend.

OK guess the rant is done. Hopefully Master will be returning tomorrow and deidre will be going with Him on His next few trips so she doesn’t have to worry about A or B until probably January…that is if she manages to survive the next 24 hours with nothing between herself and the two demon neighbors of deidre’s street but these measly walls.

In other news ~ powdered hazelnut creamer is *almost* as good as the liquid kind and it's much less tempting to just drink it all down without the coffee.

Tomorrow begins a 2000 mile journey. It will take 2 days. 2 days of darkness. Awaiting the end of the journey. Upon arrival there will be release. After years of longing the desire will finally be fulfilled. deidre will feel her wrapped tightly around her. deidre will be able to touch her, caress her, hold her, use her. Thursday is the long awaited day when training will begin. On Thursday deidre’s corset arrives.

Halloween Silliness

It's almost here!!!!

she won't really be doing anything other than working. Master's gone up to Atlanta to be Mr Pumpkin without her, which is ok, because travelling without 2 dogs and 2 cats for 9 hours at a time is always a plus in Master's book, and the last time We/we all went up MoonShadow decided to be a brat and jumped out of the car, deidre spent 20 minutes at maximum freak out level, but she finally caught MoonShadow and We/we went on Our/our merry way. So, deidre hasn't been away from the house since last January except for her trip to California. she's pretty okay with that. she's comfortable here as long as Crazy Neighbor #1 and Crazy Neighbor #2 leave her alone.

So, deidre's been listening to her favorite Halloween song all morning. It is, of course, Danny Elfman's Demo version of "This is Halloween" There's a dark version by Marilyn Manson, and a lighter version by Panic! at the Disco but Danny Elfman's is, in deidre's opinion, the best.

Wanna listen? 

Imagine, if you will, deidre at home, naked as usual, bopping to this song, doing all of the crazy voices including her "manly" voice (which isn't so manly) everytime the deep voice in the recording says, "THIS IS HALLOWEEN, HALLOWEEN, HALLOWEEN!!" she scruches down her eyebrows and bobs her head up and down. Pretty goofy huh? But it's so much fun. It always makes Master chuckle. The best part about this song is that it's the stripped down, raw version of what was ultimately used in the movie with vocals and sythesizer stuff by Danny Elfman.

OK enough silliness for now. deidre's gonna go listen some more.

Butt Shot!

What a great idea

missrubykisses

! If 

isabellaval 

is being tortured by ass, it would only be fair for us to help right? Here's deidre's contribution:
 

 

It's this girl's favorite butt shot of herself.  Maybe we can totally fill up Miss Isabella's friend's page with pics of ass.  Of course deidre could be working her way toward a spanking.  ~sigh~  It's so hard to be a slave.

deidre’s fantasized for quite a while about being used by a Domme. The fantasies are never really sadistic, perhaps involving being hung from the chains and flogged and teased, or being jerked down into a hands and knees position and forced to suck a strap on and then be fucked with it nice and hard. Even having two dominant hands in her hair pulling her face down onto that beautiful pussy, grinding her face against that wetness and then allowed to lick and suck Her through orgasm after orgasm with no climax whatsoever for deidre.

Along these lines, deidre received an e-mail this morning from
isabellaval inviting deidre to Her studio to do some recordings together. They’d involve an Egyptian slavegirl, the principal’s office, the naughty maid etc. The possibilities are endless!! Maybe deidre could even be hypnotized into a Domme state herself. Sort of like “Forced Domination – Miss Isabella is so skilled in hypnosis that She can even convince a lifestyle slave to take charge” Or something like that.

It would all be so incredibly erotic. Miss Isabella is absolutely beautiful. deidre just finished watching a few of Her video samples and She just has gorgeous eyes and hair, and Her voice…..no wonder She has so many boys that are drawn to Her. How could they not be totally helpless to that voice?

Anyway. deidre is really hoping that after the holidays Master might allow her to do something like this with Miss Isabella. deidre would be gone for at least a few days, away from phones and Masterless, but she has the feeling that Miss Isabella would take good care of her.

Canon in D

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thank you - humiliation ideas??

Even deidre can only come up with so many ways to say thank you before she begins to repeat herself. she’s going to go ahead and respond in bulk instead of individually. So, to E/everyone who pointed out that giving her all is always good enough she says, “Thank You/you!!!” deidre is always harder on herself than she should be. Even Master gave her “the look” after reading her post wondering what the hell she was being so hard on herself for.

Having people around who are willing to tell her the way things really are, people who support her when she doesn’t meet her own expectations, people who participate in her silliness and even make her feel good for being herself mean a lot to deidre. Chances are pretty darned good that if you are reading this you are one of those people.

Now, on to something else. Humiliation. It’s something that is pretty difficult to make this girl feel in the conventional ways. she has callers who enjoy humiliating a girl, and deidre can play along, but what they want is for her to be demeaned by drinking her piss, sucking the taste of her ass off of a dildo, drinking out of the toilet, puking, crawling around on all fours snorting like a piggie etc.

None of it works. It hasn’t since deidre had this terrible call about a year and a half ago. she went into details then, and won’t now, cause it’s pretty terrible, but it basically messed her up for several days.

deidre can, and probably has, fantasized about every conceivable subject, fantasy, kink whatever, and she gets off on it because she knows that it leads to whomever cumming. That’s the whole problem. How can doing something that eventually leads to that ultimate evidence of their pleasure (cum) ever be humiliating?

deidre’s done a few things that have been humiliating, but they are unconventional. Singing or playing her guitar are pretty humiliating and she has no idea how those things can possibly lead to pleasure, but apparently they have for at least 2 people.

The fact that she was so full of piss that she puked it up around Master’s cock was pretty humiliating. Like a good girl though she didn’t spill and (ew) swallowed it back down. The humiliating part wasn’t the piss drinking, it was doing something so inappropriate while His cock was in her mouth.

she’s had to spread her legs and hold her ass open while Master tried to dig out the little plug that her butt swallowed. she’s expelled enemas within his hearing. No matter how hard you pray, there is no beat that is appropriate to squirt that stuff out to when Enya is playing. It doesn’t cover the sound, and certainly doesn’t cover the stench. Eventually you get used to it. she’s even had to release enemas for Callers and then stick her face into the water of the toilet, pull her face out long enough to force herself to puke into it and stick her face back into the shit and puke.

she’s sent pics of her bloody cunt, cum filled cunt, shitty ass, ass while shitting, cum on face, blood on body, spanked ass-tits-thighs etc, crying, hurt, welted and so on. she’s been called cunt, whore, bitch….etc name it, it’s probably been used.

There is pretty much nothing that she can think of that will force her to feel humiliation (other than singing and guitar playing) Any ideas out there? What works with you? What you think might work with deidre?

deidre feels like a failure. Not only did she let her imagination get the best of her and plan this entire ordeal promising herself and everyone else a long stretch of isolation, discipline, hunger, thirst etc ending only after she’d reached a place of enlightenment – or something along those lines - but she didn’t even get close to that. she didn’t even last a day.

**edited**
Thank You/you all for pointing out that just because the path was different than she expected doesn't mean that the journey or destination were any less valuable.

she had envisioned 5 or 6 days at the least locked in the cage. she would receive water after the end of the 2nd day, she envisioned not being allowed to eat at all (remember the rule of 3 that tells of the body’s limits. 3 minutes without air, 3 days without water, 3 weeks without food.) she would be locked away until she didn’t know what day it was or how long she’d been there. she’d be brought out for occasional discipline for His enjoyment, perhaps to worship His cock, or be forced to prepare Him meals when she herself could not eat.

5 or 6 days wasn’t realistic though and Master knew that. He knew that keeping her locked away for that long would eventually lead to things happening that would damage deidre’s psyche and would change her, as she stated in one of her entries. The thing is that Master didn’t want her changed. He likes her the way she is.

By yesterday afternoon deidre knew that the experience wasn’t having the desired effect and probably wouldn’t even if drawn out for days, but she couldn’t admit that. Master must’ve seen that and led the discussion so that she could beg for harsher treatment. She thinks that is when He decided that He would force her to beg for mercy before the evening was through. He told her as much, and deidre remembers thinking to herself that she wouldn’t no matter what. If nothing else she wanted to be able to last longer than she did when she was being punished back before being recollared. she wanted to be able to push it further.

she could only take so much pain though. It might have been different if she was doing it only for Master’s pleasure, but she wasn’t. she was doing it for herself and it’s so much harder for her to be strong for her own reasons. Knowing that she was in incredible agony and all she had to do was beg for it to stop, just a short little sentence and it would be done. There was no fear of disappointing Him, only disappointing herself.

she held out as long as she could hoping that somehow He would see that she didn’t want the pain anymore and just decide that she was done. That way she wouldn’t have to admit defeat. He could command her to stop, her pride be damned, but it didn’t work that way and she had to swallow that pride anyway.

Now she feels that she has let down not only herself, but those of you who read what she writes and expected more of her. she’s sorry for not being stronger, and for letting her imagination get carried away in public and not being able to deliver what she promised, for being so weak.

she did however get what she needed. she reached that place much more quickly than she thought she would, not just the point where it was too much but the point where she was pushed over an edge and then brought back slowly in Master's arms while she "went away" for a bit. That need in her has been fed and deidre feels so much better because of it.

On another note, according to a comment on Master’s LJ there was a discussion somewhere out there on the net (if someone cares to share deidre would enjoy reading it) where people were discussing the safety aspects of this kind of treatment.

First of all, Master knows that a slave who is damaged, injured, sick, etc cannot serve nearly as well as one who is whole, uninjured and well. It would completely defeat His purpose of having a slave if He caused her any of the above.

Second, Master loves deidre very much. While He enjoys hearing her sounds of pain when He is the direct cause of it He has no desire to be an indirect cause of harm to her in other fashions. He wouldn’t starve her. If this had gone on longer He would’ve forced her to eat. He wouldn’t allow her to become dehydrated, or to be kept in the cage so long that something irreversible would happen to her muscles or joints. deidre has had Master’s piss enough times that both of Us/us know the effects, which are nothing more severe than really upset taste buds.

Both Master and deidre thank those of You/you who were concerned. There very well may be submissives and slaves and certainly other “normal” people who are locked away, starved and beaten without mercy causing untold amounts of damage to their bodies and spirits, but deidre is not one of those people. Not only is deidre not dumb enough to be in a situation such as that, but Master cares for her very much and would never do such a horrible thing to any person for whom He has responsibility.

deidre's off to the cage

masterspeaks will be updating while she’s away.
Be well,
deidre

Tomorrow night

Master has decided that yes, He will grant deidre’s request to be stripped down to nothing. Tonight, when she’s finished working, she will be given a series of enemas to clean her out completely. Usually it’s between 2 and 3, just enough that the water begins to run clear. Sunday will be a fast day so that once she has finished working she can go into the cage completely empty.

deidre doesn’t know if she will have the bed pans, blankets, a pillow etc. she doesn’t know if she will be allowed to eat or drink, or if she will be allowed out at all. she doesn’t know if she will be permitted to speak or to communicate in any way.

The last time Master did something similar to this was for punishment. We/we were up at the house in North Carolina. It was shortly after He had allowed her to return to Him. she had earned it as punishment for leaving.

she doesn’t remember much about it, but she was denied speech, food, water, even a name. At that point she had even had her status of slave stripped from her. she was simply a creature attempting to earn it’s way back into the Master’s home.

The cage was pushed into an out of the way corner and covered with a blanket. There was a dog bed lining the floor of it. Master cuffed her wrists and had her crawl into the cage. He locked her wrists through the walls of the cage and left. she had instructions to make an animalistic grunting sound if she need to piss or shit. When she did need to relieve herself He would take her into the shower and have her squat over the drain hole. He’d stand there and watch as she pissed, then hand her a square of toilet paper, let her wipe, and take her back to the cage.

Nights were terrible. They were long and lonely. Unlike now, the cage wasn’t even close enough to where Master slept for deidre to be able to take comfort from the sounds of His breathing as He slept. The house was out in a wooded area 20 minutes away from the closest town. Everything was quite, silent. There wasn’t a single sound to focus on or to be distracted by unless it was a sound that deidre made.

At some point deidre’s allergies kicked in. her eyes began to water and her nose ran. The first time Master let deidre out to piss she was able to grunt and sign for a tissue, but hours went by with no more opportunities to do so. It was night, Master was asleep and she didn’t think she could grunt loud enough to wake Him up from the other side of the house. she wasn’t sure that she was even worthy of another tissue. Afterall, she was being punished wasn’t she? Did she even deserve the luxury of a tissue? As the night went it became saturated with her snot. It tore into pieces. deidre was so desperate that she ended up hanging the strips on the bars of the cage to dry swapping them out whenever one was dry enough to use again.

That was when deidre thought about what she was doing and how horribly pathetic it was. How could she love a Man who would do this to her? He’d turned her into an animal. Was this really worth it? An indefinite period of time, up to a month He’d said, locked away this way. she begin to get angry, and then the anger turned to hate. she began to hate Him. she ran things over and over in her head feeding that hate until she looked again at what she was doing. she reminded herself that she had begged to be allowed to come back, to prove herself and her need to be His no matter what. What is a month compared to the rest of her life with Him, being Owned by Him? It’s nothing. The hate began to dissolve and a sense of peace settled upon her.

Now though it’s different. deidre’s asked for this because she needs it. When it comes down to it there will be no one to hate but herself. Tomorrow night she will once again be locked away for an indefinite period of time. Master will be updating here and on His own LJ, masterspeaks. she will come back changed, she’s sure, but once again feeling that she is His completely down to the deepest darkest parts of herself.