Regret

celticslave said "You have spoken of your past and how you wouldn’t change any of it. Life is not worth living if you have regrets however When was the defining moment for you on realizing that?"

"If Only. Those must be the two saddest words in the world" - Mercedes Lackey

deidre believes that it was something that happened gradually. During the first day of deidre’s 7th grade English Literature class the teacher decided to do something a little different. She had us all turn our desks away from the black board and toward the other side of the room where a television was. She popped in a tape, dimmed the lights, hit play on the remote and we were transported in the cinematic reality that is "Dead Poet’s Society"

The teacher’s point was to introduce us to Walt Whitman’s "O Captain My Captain" but the movie had a far great impact on deidre than the teacher anticipated. Not only did it inspire deidre to become an English teacher, (a dream she held onto as long as possible, but not one that worked with her marriage) but for the first time she heard the phrase "carpe diem". deidre began to think about what that meant. Seize the day. Time is short. Don’t put off the things that are important. Don’t waste time with insincerity or regret.

deidre remembers when it really hit her, and she understood everything that those 2 little words meant. she was in high school, and actually still has the piece of paper on which she wrote, "Never be ashamed of doing something you wanted to do - only be ashamed of not doing something you wanted to do." Do the things you want, do them all, savor life, become fulfilled and regret nothing. If you think you might regret passing up the chance to do something seize that chance, and ride that ride.

Of course, there are always consequences, and those consequences have evolved into what the lack of regret is really focused on. From any situation sift out the good and leave the bad behind. deidre wasn’t able to truly apply this until after her attempted suicide. As she has written, it was a life changing experience. It emphasized how precious every moment really is. deidre’s "no regrets" self policy was enforced once again after her rape. Yes, a rape is a horrible experience, but it is also an experience that changed deidre once again. she grew up a lot that night, took that growth as positive and left the rest behind her.

It isn’t just the big things that shape us. Everything has an effect, even those things that we cannot see. Past events silently mold each and every one of us into the person we are at present. It is because of that, because of the person that deidre has become, that deidre does not regret anything thing, not the rape, not the attempted suicide, not choosing to drink hot cocoa instead of coffee on some winter’s day. To regret any one of those things is to ultimately regret the person that deidre is, to wish that she was different. And honestly, deidre likes the person she has grown into.