Saturday, October 14, 2006

Tomorrow night

Master has decided that yes, He will grant deidre’s request to be stripped down to nothing. Tonight, when she’s finished working, she will be given a series of enemas to clean her out completely. Usually it’s between 2 and 3, just enough that the water begins to run clear. Sunday will be a fast day so that once she has finished working she can go into the cage completely empty.

deidre doesn’t know if she will have the bed pans, blankets, a pillow etc. she doesn’t know if she will be allowed to eat or drink, or if she will be allowed out at all. she doesn’t know if she will be permitted to speak or to communicate in any way.

The last time Master did something similar to this was for punishment. We/we were up at the house in North Carolina. It was shortly after He had allowed her to return to Him. she had earned it as punishment for leaving.

she doesn’t remember much about it, but she was denied speech, food, water, even a name. At that point she had even had her status of slave stripped from her. she was simply a creature attempting to earn it’s way back into the Master’s home.

The cage was pushed into an out of the way corner and covered with a blanket. There was a dog bed lining the floor of it. Master cuffed her wrists and had her crawl into the cage. He locked her wrists through the walls of the cage and left. she had instructions to make an animalistic grunting sound if she need to piss or shit. When she did need to relieve herself He would take her into the shower and have her squat over the drain hole. He’d stand there and watch as she pissed, then hand her a square of toilet paper, let her wipe, and take her back to the cage.

Nights were terrible. They were long and lonely. Unlike now, the cage wasn’t even close enough to where Master slept for deidre to be able to take comfort from the sounds of His breathing as He slept. The house was out in a wooded area 20 minutes away from the closest town. Everything was quite, silent. There wasn’t a single sound to focus on or to be distracted by unless it was a sound that deidre made.

At some point deidre’s allergies kicked in. her eyes began to water and her nose ran. The first time Master let deidre out to piss she was able to grunt and sign for a tissue, but hours went by with no more opportunities to do so. It was night, Master was asleep and she didn’t think she could grunt loud enough to wake Him up from the other side of the house. she wasn’t sure that she was even worthy of another tissue. Afterall, she was being punished wasn’t she? Did she even deserve the luxury of a tissue? As the night went it became saturated with her snot. It tore into pieces. deidre was so desperate that she ended up hanging the strips on the bars of the cage to dry swapping them out whenever one was dry enough to use again.

That was when deidre thought about what she was doing and how horribly pathetic it was. How could she love a Man who would do this to her? He’d turned her into an animal. Was this really worth it? An indefinite period of time, up to a month He’d said, locked away this way. she begin to get angry, and then the anger turned to hate. she began to hate Him. she ran things over and over in her head feeding that hate until she looked again at what she was doing. she reminded herself that she had begged to be allowed to come back, to prove herself and her need to be His no matter what. What is a month compared to the rest of her life with Him, being Owned by Him? It’s nothing. The hate began to dissolve and a sense of peace settled upon her.

Now though it’s different. deidre’s asked for this because she needs it. When it comes down to it there will be no one to hate but herself. Tomorrow night she will once again be locked away for an indefinite period of time. Master will be updating here and on His own LJ, masterspeaks. she will come back changed, she’s sure, but once again feeling that she is His completely down to the deepest darkest parts of herself.

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