Going Home

Master, the panting dogs, K and deidre all head back down to Florida tomorrow afternoon. It'll be so good to see MoonShadow and Xavia again, as well as to load up the iPod with music. deidre realized this morning that she can actually download some of the things that she's wanted to right onto her iPod. Now she can listen to all of the recordings at Dirty Girl Radio as well as Miss Isabella's special wet dreams recording. she's been wanting to do these for a while, but it's not very slavelike to just sit down in front of the computer, hogging it so that she can listen to sexy women. Especially when Master has things to do that actually accomplish something.

K will only be there until Tuesday and then things will settle back into normality for deidre. she's missed it. After only a few days here she began to wonder what she was so excited about in the first place. When she's here she can't be deidre. she's C**** a slightly quirky, young woman dating a 53 year old man. she's constantly on guard making sure that she's speaking in 1st person, that she's calling Master by His name rather than Master and looking for little opportunities when K is in the bathroom or something to remind Master that she hasn't forgotten her place. Most of the time she's running around in nothing but a pair of knee-highs so when K comes home she has to run into the bedroom and find something normal to put on.

Considering her recent writings about domestic incarceration deidre sure has been doing a lot of socializing. she thinks she's about socialized out which means that she may be a bit more reclusive than usual not only in real life but here too.

In just a few weeks deidre will be flying north to work with isabellaval for the first time. she's so incredibly excited and can't wait to see what the two of Us/us come up with. It's going to be awesome.

It's strange that missa (AKA bella) and deidre occasionally are thinking on the exact same wavelength. Last night deidre was feeling a little bummed, thinking about how Master is her only real connection to something outside of herself and feeling the loss of a sister. When He first proposed the idea of a second slave deidre felt angry and hurt. she couldn't help but feel that maybe she wasn't good enough for Him and the last thing she wanted was another girl with whom she'd have to compete. That was just over 2 years ago. Now deidre wants a sister to share her life with, to giggle with, cry with, snuggle with, make lousy puns with and create super silly girly things that Master just wouldn't (want to) understand. she'd envisioned spending the rest of her life at Master's feet with missa right next to her. Now deidre looks at that spot, and it just feels cold and empty.

deidre keeps hanging on to this hope, as selfish as it is, that the years will go by and eventually the day will come when missa is able to commit herself again the way she really wants to, and that she'll be able to come here and once again offer herself up to Master. deidre wants more than anything for missa to save herself for Master, but this girl also knows that's not very realistic. No one should be forced to go that long without another person to complete them, to love them, take them, spank them. deidre heart is in limbo wanting both to hold onto the hope and wanting to release it, and missa along with it. Geesh. Sometimes life is hard.

Hopefully the cats are still alive when deidre gets home. she has prezzies for them, and love and snuggles. The only problem is that MoonShadow hates K. she hates Him with a passion. When K is at the beach house MS is bitch kitty from hell. Picture Linda Blair as a Siamese cat and you begin to get the idea. Poor kitty still holds a grudge from when K took her uterus and her claws.

Now, deidre's off to pack up all of the stuff We/we're taking with Us/us.

If deidre's life was a newspaper...

The headlines for 2006 would read:

January Polyamoury in America - Can it work?

February Witness to Valentines beating keeps quiet

March Polyamoury in America - Can it work? Part Deux

April Thousands of Sea Men killed without mercy in secret operation

May Brokenhearted Lover or Internet Stalker?

June Woman survives stabbing

July Couple reunited after long separation

August Ernesto threatens Florida

September Woman survives abandonment and harassment

October Public expresses mixed reactions to merger announcement

November Horrific Kitchen Accident Leads to Death

December Huge mess created from girl's impalement

Presents etc

Last year when it was time to wrap presents Master instructed deidre to take a big box from the entryway, open it and wrap what was inside. The sender was listed as the Disney Store so deidre had the feeling that it might be something for her. she objected a time or two asking if He was sure that He wanted deidre to open and then wrap ALL of the boxes in the hallway. He said yes, so she did. After she brought them out He realized what He'd done. Basically He'd had deidre wrap the giant Eeyore that He'd gotten for her. deidre still love it. It was and awesome present, she just got it a little early.

This year Master tried, He really did, but at the last moment He blew it. We/we'd brought up to Atlanta a few DVDs, some that had been recorded here and needed to be finalized, some that We/we were just going to swap out with the extensive collection that is here in Atlanta and one that was a present for deidre. Master kind of forgot that the present one was in the stack and He ended up handing it to deidre telling her to put it away with all of the others. Later on He remembered that He had gotten it for deidre, but it was pretty much too late. deidre had already seen it. Master had her wrap it anyway and told her to act surprised when she opened it. It was a copy of 'What Dreams May Come' with Robin Williams. He's one of deidre's favorite actors and that particular movie is a pretty unique one.

Master was a little more successful with keeping this year's "big present" a secret. A few weeks ago an e-mail came in from Apple. Master hid the e-mail in another folder that deidre has no reason to look it. He forgot to mark it as read though so the folder showed as having one new mail in it. deidre's never been prohibited from opening any mail on the computer so she clicked on it. Before she had a chance to read it though Master walked into the room. she told Him that for some reason there was an e-mail from Apple in the Home Owner's Association Folder. That was when He forbid her to look at it.

deidre's a nosy person. she has to know everything. It's part of being a Virgo she thinks. If she knows everything then no surprises can pop up and nothing can ruin any of her carefully made plans. So that e-mail sat there, and sat there, and sat there. deidre knew it was there. she knew that all she'd have to do is open it up and peek at it. Master would never know right? If it had been anyone but Master, deidre probably would have peeked anyway. But fear of disappointing Him kept her from doing it this time. Fear of the strap might have had a little to do with it too.
deidre was allowed to unwrap the present Christmas morning. It was so much sweeter than deidre had expected a present from Master to be this year. He got deidre an iPod! Not only is it the perfect excuse for Master to get rid of deidre's naughty music and country from His iTunes Library but it's also just the right size for deidre to take along with her as she's out jogging or biking. The best part is that Master had it engraved. It says "to my pet from her Master"

deidre really quite easy to please as far as gifts go. The rest of them were little things. Master picked up a set of 3 books called "One Tank Trips" Each one has 52 little road trips that are within a few driving hours of Tampa. We/we've been talking about making day trips on deidre's days off thinking that it might be more relaxing and refreshing than her usual routine lately.
deidre may have mentioned before that K, Master's brother, is the nicest guy in the world. We/we have to be careful about what We/we say when K is around because he remembers every time something is mentioned and will utilize that information when it comes to gifts. It doesn't even have to be a special occasion. K just does things out of the blue for people. It's awesome really. He's probably the nicest most altruistic guy that deidre knows.

Anyway, while We/we were driving home from Orlando, K told Master that he wanted to see the newest 007 movie after we got to St. Pete. deidre had no interest in it but thought that while they were watching their blow 'em up action movie she could slip in and watch SawIII. Master has made it very clear that He has no desire to see any of them, I, II or III, but He doesn't mind if deidre does. Yes, she has a sick, gory, blood and violence loving side to her. she can be pretty twisted sometimes. deidre never got the chance to see SawIII but under the tree from K was a copy of I and II on DVD. Master was even suckered into watching it Christmas Day with K and deidre. It's probably not your typical Holiday Movie, but hey, one can only take so many images of snow and Santa right?

When K came down so that the three of Us/us could go to the Olivia Newton John Concert together earlier this month deidre had some special Sushi prepared for him. K does not like Sushi at all but deidre guilted him into trying some. He was pleasantly surprised. It was a very atypical type of sushi, you see, a type that probably anyone would eat without reservation. The main ingredient is Twinkies J Basically you cut them so that you end up with 4 or 5 round slices of twinkie with the cream in the middle. Next you wrap strips of green fruit roll up around the outside so that it looks like seaweed. Then you push little pieces of raisin, dried apricot, dried cranberry (or any other kind of dried fruit) into the middle where the cream is. If you arrange them onto a plate with some slivers of dried mango (to look like ginger) it makes a wonderful presentation and you have your very own Twinkie Sushi. The recipe is something that deidre found in the twinkie cookbook. K was kind enough to pick up a copy of the book for her and it was waiting for her under the tree.

There were other little things from people, See's Candies, Hams, Turkeys, Toys from Santa, an ONJ CD, other chocolates and candies that deidre can't eat. A gun that shoots a spongy reindeer ball on a string. That one's been particularly fun to shoot at the Mansion Cat, Bugs.



Of course there were Christmas movies, Christmas dinner, Christmas calls to family and friends etc. All in all it was a wonderful day. deidre is a very happy slave-girl.

New Holiday Photo Set!

stroke your prehensile spermatophore-depositing tube for deidre

Because of today's news release about catching film of a live giant squid for the first time deidre's been doing research on the fascinating creatures. she loves calamari, it's just about her favorite food, and she would be in tastebud heaven if she actually had hundreds of pounds of squid just waiting to be eaten, but the creatures themselves just seem amazing even if their taste is disregarded.

Scientists have been hoping to study these beautiful creatures for years. Giant Squid carcasses have washed up on beaches or been found in the stomachs of sperm whales, but live ones have rarely been seen by those other than fisherman. The part that really pisses deidre off is that they finally have the opportunity to bring one to the surface and what do they do? Do they tag it and release it back into the ocean? No. Do they attach a camera to it somehow to record what it does? No. They kill it! They have one for the first time and they just butcher it.

Anyway, as deidre was looking up articles she came across one in wikipedia. The following paragraph made her laugh. More specifically the italicized part of the first sentence.

The reproductive cycle of the giant squid is still a great mystery, but what has been learned so far is both bizarre and fascinating; male giant squid are equipped with a prehensile spermatophore-depositing tube, or penis, of over 3 feet (90 cm) in length, which extends from inside the animal's mantle and apparently is used to inject sperm-containing packets into the female squid's arms — how exactly the sperm then is transferred to the egg mass is a matter of much debate, but the recent recovery in Tasmania of a female specimen having a small subsidiary tendril attached to the base of each of its eight arms could be a vital clue in the solution of this enigma. The giant squid lacks the hectocotylus used for reproduction in many other cephalopods.

deidre is reading this info outloud to Master, stumbling over the words as one does when reading something for the first time and she gets to the part that says "or penis" Well, damn it! why didn't they just say "penis" in the first place? It would've been a whole lot easier and (not that she'd ever be saying this to a giant squid) it sounds so much better to say, "deidre begs to be allowed to suck Your penis" than, "deidre begs to be allowed to worship Your prehensile spermatophore-depositing tube" Somehow the first one just rolls off of the tongue so much more easily.

made it!

We/we made it to Atlanta. It's only about an 8 hour drive, but We/we hit traffic and that made it seem even longer. Both of the dogs are really great about going on trips. Maggie's getting a little older though and having difficulty hoping up into the 4Runner, and Katie has this undying need to pant. She pants the entire way. All 8 hours. Katie's side of the car is on the passenger side, so it's 8 hours of panting right in deidre's ear. Fortunatly Katies knows the dreaded "look" and if she's given it she'll stop for about 15 seconds, so deidre supposes that it could be worse.

deidre was going to wait to do this until after Christmas when she had pictures of everything, but she has no content so she'll just do it now. Before she left St Pete she took pics of the presents that she'd already received.


~~*~~

This is the set of journals that NiteFlirt sent to deidre. They are the perfect size for her purse or organizer and will work for taking notes or writing grocery lists etc. The journals that they sent last year are still pretty much unused and sitting in a file cabinet in St. Pete. deidre never does private handwritten journal writing anymore. she's sure that eventually she'll find some use for them though.

~~*~~

These are some of the recent gifts from sissy4ladyd There's the nice big dong that he sent, a mini clit vibrator (which was a 2 pack) a Leonard Cohen CD and a wonderful pendant which contains Moonstone, one of deidre's favorite stones.

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This is the Luck Elephant that slave_karirenee sent to deidre. Thank you kari!

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These little duckies came from K. The match the duckies from her birthday that have party hats and cakes, and the ones from halloween that are "dressed" as witches, kitties, vampires, frankenduckies and ghosts. deidre wants to order a few more reinduckies so that she can have Santaduck in his sleigh pulled by his jolly team. Of course she will have to paint one of their beaks read so that he can be ruducky with his beak so bright.

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This is the Coffee Maker from slavemasterd (Thank You, MasterD!) deidre's only had one morning without it so far but she already misses it. The one here in Atlanta must be a leftover prop from "Honey, I Shrunk the Coffee Pot" It's very cute but only makes 4 cups at a time, which is actually only about a cup and a half of the mug that deidre uses.

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We/we have a real tree again this year for the second year in a row! deidre can't help but feel that somehow having a fake tree is cheating. A fake tree may have perfect limbs and the exact proper number of lights attached, but it's not the same. Before deidre met Master she used to live a short drive from the El Dorado National Forest. Trees grew well there and there were several Christmas tree farms. we'd all pile up in the truck and go tromping through the forest to find the perfect tree. Then we'd cut it down and drag it up to the little booth, pay for our new little tree friend, have some cider and take it home. A. always got to have a little potted tree of her own so that she could have something to decorate for her room as well.

Tonight after K got home from work the 3 of Us/us decorated this year's tree with lights and ornaments. Thank god deidre is around. If it wasn't for her the tree would be full of Star Trek, The Simpsons and Scooby Doo ornaments. It was okay when it was 2 bachelors celebrating Christmas together, but honestly a Christmas tree really needs a bit of a feminine touch so that it can be pretty. Now there are still cheesy bachelor decorations but deidre's added ornaments from her childhood, homemade shell ornaments and a few that she has begged and pleaded with Master to buy to offset the Bird of Prey and Enterprise that just don't seem to fit the theme too well. You can't see too well in the photo, but Our/our little tree seems just perfect now!


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This is the first year that We/we've left the cats behind. The cats usually travel in the rig right along with the dogs. They're lose so that they can move about and have their own litter box so that there aren't any messes. In Master's opinion though having them along on trips is a pain in the ass. Xavia behaves very well. She finds a soft out of the way place, lies down and stays there unless she has to go potty. MoonShadow cries and cries for the first half hour. Then she calms down a little bit. She roams from the front of the rig to the back, rubbing up against the dogs, helping Master drive (He actually puts her paws up on the steering wheel) or curled up on deidre's lap sleeping. All of that is really nothing though. Master stops every 2 hours to let the dogs have a break. They stretch their legs, have some water and go to the bathroom if they need to. As soon as the vehicle starts to slow, MoonShadow gets excited. she wants out. The last time We/we traveled up here she got her wish. Master kind of forgot that MS was in the car, opened the door to let the dogs in and the cat shot right out. deidre was inside the gas station at the time, and knew when she came out from the look on Master's face that something really bad must've happened.

The gas station We/we were at was, luckily, one of those places that's kind of isolated. There weren't a bunch of other stores or parking lots around however behind the gas station was a mechanic's garage. There were about 25 cars parked out in a field of dead weeds. There were hundreds of places for MoonShadow to hide and run to. She took advantage of a lot of them. At first deidre couldn't even find her. Then finally she saw her kitty crouched under a car. deidre tried to grab her but she'd just run under another car, dashing from tire to tire. After about 10 minutes deidre was in tears. Part of her knew that Master wouldn't decide to just leave with out the cat, but there was still a part of her that thought that at some point He would just lose patience and decide that it wasn't worth it. The cars that MoonShadow was scurrying to were getting closer and closer to a high chain-link fence. On the other side of the fence was what looked like an endless wooded area that MoonShadow could slip into and never be found again. deidre, who is normally calm in any situation, was beginning to freak out even more. Finally deidre was able to get close enough to MS that she could dive for the cat, grab a leg, even if the fucker ended up breaking, and catch the little shit before she got away again. It worked. deidre hasn't felt such and incredible release of fear in a long time. she was laughing and crying at the same time, basically hysterical.

Since then deidre's only been away from home once for a trip where the cats couldn't be left alone. It was back in June when she went to California to visit her family though and Master stayed home. He was there to keep them company, to feed and water them and to change the litter box so that they could have a clean potty place. This time they have no company except each other. As much as MoonShadow would like to deny it, her sister, Xavia does not like being pounced on out of the blue, she does not want to play, or be chased. In fact, deidre thinks that if cats are capable of hate then that is exactly what Xavia feels toward MoonShadow. Intense eternal feline hate. So they aren't really the best company for each other. deidre doesn't have to worry about their food, water or litterbox because a neighbor will be checking on them every other day just to make sure everything ok.

deidre guesses that the biggest problem really is that deidre misses them. she keeps walking past the bench in the foyer that MS hangs out on expecting to see her, but she's not there. The bed seems so big without Xavia stretching out to take up half (deidre literally means 1/2) of the bed. Poor kitties. Poor deidre. At least it's only another 7 days until she gets to go home knowing that MS and Xavia are both there, not having to worry for another 8 hour doggie-pant filled drive that one of them might get out or pooping when We/we've just left a place where it can be thrown away. Yeah yeah yeah...deidre knows. If the worst thing that happens to her today is that she's worried about her cats, who are well taken care of even when she's not there, then she's probably having a damn good day.

Art, Music, Gifts and MoonShadow

Master’s painting is almost done and so far deidre’s surprisingly happy with it. It’s simple, but bold and really does match His home quite well. she can’t wait for it to be done so that she can give it to Him.

A friend of deidre’s sent her a gift the other day. It’s a beautiful little crystal good luck elephant. Not only was the figurine itself very pretty, but the box that it came in was wonderful. It looks almost exactly like the box that Master’s ben wa balls are in, except that it’s green and has a cute little tassel on the front. deidre really likes it quite a bit and it will go perfectly with some of the other elephant figurines that Master’s mother used to collect.

Master finally broke down and purchased a television on Black Friday. It’s a 32 inch LCD that is now hanging on the wall in the living room. When He bought the house here in Florida He specifically decided not to buy a television because He didn’t want the distraction. He’d much rather be outside working in the yard or going to the beach than sitting in the living room.

The other day We/we were watching one of the public broadcasting channels and there was a concert by a group called Tonic Sol-Fa. It consists of 4 guys from Minnesota who’s music is a cappella. It’s really quite good. They’ve been performing for about 10 years now but have just released their first national CD. If you’d like to hear some of their music you can do so here.

The new TV has also caught the attention of MoonShadow. When she was a kitten MoonShadow used to sit with deidre and we’d watch LMN or Law and Order together. So far since being reintroduced to television MoonShadow seems to like Disney’s animated representation of Gershwin’s Rhapsody in Blue and PBS shows about the wild animals of Africa. deidre loves to watch MS as it catches her attention. During a show she likes MoonShadow will slowly inch closer and closer to the TV until she is finally as close as she can get and still see it. She’ll sit there perfectly still staring up at it, watching intently. It’s pretty funny. deidre will have to take a pic or two the next time she catches MoonShadow doing it.

MoonShadow was upset because she didn’t get to send anyone holiday greetings so here’s a little something from the cutest little kitty in the whole wide world.

New Pleasures

deidre has discovered the most wonderful new pleasure. There is a Gentleman that allows her to submit to Him through Niteflirt that she enjoys quite a bit. Recently He has been allowing her to spank her bottom nice and hard, over and over until both it and her hand are stinging and red. He then has her pull her hair hard forcing her forehead and then ear down to the floor with her ass high in the air. After she goes through this process several times, usually to the point where deidre is in tears, He allows her to rub her cunt and clit with her hand.

What an incredible feeling it is to have her ass still hot and red, to feel the tears running down her face onto the cool terrazzo, and to be allowed to feel the burning of her palm up against her juicy little pussy, while panting and then begging to be allowed to cum. deidre didn’t know there were so many kinds of heat. There’s the heat from exertion, from trying hard not to cum that makes her glisten with sweat. There’s the heat on her bottom and palm from the spankings. There’s the heat of her pussy nice and juicy wet, just begging for release. All of them combined together in one little place is such a simple yet intense pleasure that deidre can’t wait to be allowed to feel again.

financial slavery

When she thinks of financial slave the image of pathetic guys who have to give up their money to a goddess comes to mind. Some high powered business man who, instead of paying for things for his children and wife, spend all of his money on some woman so that he can feel validated. deidre doesn’t claim to understand the fetish, or the need which drives it, completely.


As strange as it is for her to think of herself as one, deidre is (among other things) a financial slave as well. It’s in a different way of course. deidre works for Master’s household, both to give tribute to Him as well as to cover His expenses for her presence at His feet. The need that is fed by doing so is different than the one that is fed by the boys who have their phone mistresses and chose when to pay, how to pay, and who to pay.


Before someone out there says, "…but deidre you DO have a choice…" she knows that ultimately she has a choice too. she can choose to work for Him or to leave Him, therefore it’s not really a choice. Yes, you have choices too. You can continue to live, or shoot yourself in the head. It’s the same thing. This entry isn’t about arguing about levels of slavery or choice etc. What it’s really about is Christmas and gifts.


As a financial slave deidre has no money except that which Master allows her. she no longer has credit cards or bank accounts in her name. Everything that she earns goes to Him. Because of this it’s difficult to be able to give Master things for Christmas or His birthday.


Last year she took a special photo and framed it for Him. This year she’s decided to make a painting to hang over the fireplace. Now, deidre is not an artist. she can be fairly creative when it comes to her use of words, or to taking photographs, but she is not visually creative. she took a watercolor painting class back in high school and there is still a horrid painting of what is supposed to be an old barn against a sunset sky hanging in her mother’s home, but it’s hanging there only because…well, deidre doesn’t actually know why mom put it up. It’s a really bad attempt at art.


When Master was gone on His last trip He left her some money which she used to pick up some supplies for this creation of hers. she bought canvas, paint, brushes, etc. Buying the stuff was easy. Coming up with an idea of what to paint was not. deidre knew what colors she wanted to use. she was hoping to use some of the same colors that are on the couch cushions and pillows.



Mixing colors is harder than deidre would’ve thought though. Yes, she can make purple, or orange, but getting them to be just the right shade is difficult. So deidre gave up on the idea of it being perfect.

Then Master found a photo of something that He really liked in the most recent issue of National Geographic. He went online to try to order a print of it, but couldn’t find it anywhere. deidre’s decided to paint Him something similar.

she’s half way finished with it now. It’s hard to find time to work on it when Master isn’t home and deidre isn’t working so it’s taking longer than expected as well but she plans on giving it to Him before we leave for Atlanta. she really hopes that He will like it for what it is rather than enjoying it solely because it’s something that His slave made for Him.

He’s told her over and over again that she doesn’t need to give Him anything. He enjoys each and every bit of herself that she gives Him on a daily basis, but when you give yourself every day it becomes commonplace, no longer as special as it is if only given on occasion. If deidre gave only herself to Him for Christmas or His birthday in the same way that she does every other day there is nothing to mark those days as extra ordinary for Him.

Besides, if deidre really is the natural slave that she seems to be, with submission itself being more of an instinct than a conscious act, the it’s no more of a gift than breathing or pissing. It just is and she wants to be able to give more than that as a way to recognize all that He has given to her. If it wasn’t for Him deidre may have never had all of those fake layers chiseled away so that she could be who she really is with no more pretending. He’s given her herself and that is so much more valuable than anything she could ever give in return.

Phantom of Lust

Hear that ladies? THE TEMPLE OF SEX. Come and worship within the temple. You shall be annointed with deidre's loooooooove juice. You shall be left weak from the awesome powers of ecstasy which flow through this body. You will scream with joy and tremble with pleasure.

LOL. Could it be any cornier?

Seriously though, you should come try it out. You need a little deidre in your diet. ;)

The Strap-on of Righteousness...

As soon as Master returns this afternoon, deidre will be booking her flight to Indiana for mid-January. It’s going to be so much fun to work with Miss Isabella. deidre can’t wait!! isabellaval has already come up with some wonderful ideas for some Domme/slave recordings but suggestions are always welcome.

Some of the ideas so far include deidre being hypnotized, naughty deidre’s visit to the principal's office, and deidre meets Miss Isabella’s strap on. Actually this last one makes deidre think of k8ydid’s strap on of righteousness so maybe the strap on idea can be combined with a religious scene where deidre has the holy spirit fucked out of her as she genuflects and begs for forgiveness. deidre REALLY likes that idea. she’s also wanted to do a…ahem… “consensual” rape scene for a while. How incredibly erotic would it be if she was raped by a woman instead of a man? Or a slave auction where deidre is sold on the block to the highest bidder. What will her new owner do with her? And of course, there’s orgasm denial, or forced orgasm, face slapping, hair pulling, throat fucking. What if deidre is hyponotized away from Master, turned into Miss Isabella's personal sex slave? or if Miss Isabella turns deidre into a lesbian? OMG the possibilities are endless!!

So, the floor is open, and suggestions are more than welcome. Of course they will have to be approved by both Master and Miss Isabella, but chances are that won’t be an issue. Let's see what those naughty minds can come up with!

Peppermint Pussy

Apparently when one combines deidre’s wet little pussy and her hot little asshole with nice big candy canes things get pretty messy. They melted!! Look here (NWS)

she did manage to get a few shots before her peppermint flavored juice started dripping all over the place though and has her holiday card for 2006 all ready to go.

One last thing. While the candy cane didn’t actually burn inside deidre’s ass it did give her a nice little tingle. When she’s better prepared she’s gonna have to try that again.

apology, coffee, and parties

deidre must apologize. she didn’t even think about how yesterday's post would make bella feel and that was wrong. deidre loves bella very much and knows that this girl is lucky to be able to still have such a wonderful person in her life. d’s terribly sorry for hurting her even more than she was already hurting.

Between talking with Master, vomiting up all of that emotional crap onto LJ yesterday, and chatting a little with bella, deidre is feeling an amazing amount better though.


~~*~~


deidre’s had her new coffee maker for a few days now (thanks to slavemasterd) and it is an awesome little machine. deidre hasn’t yet used the timer function on it, but it has upgrades and features on it that her last one didn’t. For instance, it makes more coffee at one time which is great because deidre drinks a lot of it during the day. In Master’s eyes caffeine is a much more acceptable addiction than this girl’s former nicotine habit.

It also talks. Sort of. When the pot is done brewing it beeps 5 times to let deidre know. When the machine gets tired of being on, it beeps twice and turns itself off. It has a charcoal filter in it to filter out the chlorine and other toxins that the water company puts in it. It looks awesome with it’s stainless steel body with black accents. Hell, even Master likes it enough that He’s actually been having a cup or two here and there. Of course, He likes His with a few spoonfuls of Nestle Quick mixed in. Sometimes Master is just too cute. Shhh…don’t tell Him deidre said so though. He likes to maintain His Domly image.


~~*~~


deidre’s written about her neighbors before. There are B&G right next door. He, G, is wonderful, very handy, and incredibly smart when it comes to making, building and fixing things no matter what it is. She. B, has several mental and intelligence issues including schizophrenia and what might be the early stages of Alzheimers. She is also the neighborhood gossip. She likes to watch out her window and never misses anything. They both have a rural southern sort of accent. Not the southern belle type. It’s more of a backwoods hick type.

Then we have J&A. deidre doesn’t know a whole lot about him, J, except what she’s heard from A. Nothing that she’s heard from A about J is good and deidre hates to judge people based on anything but what she learns from the person themselves. deidre does know that both J. and A. drink. A lot. A. is the person who wouldn’t stop calling deidre at all hours of the night the last time Master was gone. They each have one of those loud New Jersey accents.

Last we have K&O who are wonderful! They’re snowbirds though so they are only here for part of the year. K&O are the people who were kind enough to bring deidre coffee the morning after the coffee machine massacre. They’re from Canada so they have that Northern/Canadian accent.

Now that deidre’s described her neighbors to you she can get into the real story she wants to tell. Wednesday afternoon B&G returned from their Thanksgiving trip to Texas. Later that afternoon Master got a call from K&O saying, “Did you know that B thinks you are throwing a party for her birthday?” Well, no. Master didn’t know this and was a little confused. Shortly after that, B&G called wanting to know what time they should be here Friday night for the party, and to let Him know that they’d invited J&A.

So now, both sets of deidre’s crazy neighbors are coming over for a party that neither deidre nor Master knew was being thrown in His home. Master can’t back out of it because then He looks like some kind of asshole so He made sure that K&O would be coming too to sort of balance out the number of those who are sane.

Yesterday morning We/we went to the grocery store to pick up a cake, some snack making supplies, the card, balloons etc necessary for a party. We/we left to go there just a few moments after deidre finished writing that post from yesterday. Normally a trip to the grocery store sucks, but apparently somewhere around aisle 4 deidre started to focus on how much she loves party planning and started to feel better. By the time she was in the baking aisle she was feeling almost 100% again. What really helped the most was picking out the balloons.

deidre found the best balloons ever! They are supposed to be worms, but before they are blown up they look a bit like long skinny ribbed-for-her-pleasure condoms. deidre had to buy them, and yes, they are awesome. Evidently it doesn’t take a whole lot to make deidre happy.

Back to the story. Once We/we were home deidre started setting up meat trays, cheese trays, veggie trays, making up dips and drinks, lighting candles and blowing up balloons. By the time 5:30 came around everything was ready.

The food was good, the drinks were good, the company was…well…it was company. J&A drank almost an entire bottle of alcohol just between the two of them. A actually walked into one of the big sliding glass doors. They were loud an obnoxious like they always are. Everyone told funny stories about their pets. deidre’s cats by the way couldn’t stand either set of crazy neighbors, but loved the Canadians, so it’s not just deidre being mean.

In the end B enjoyed the party that Master was suckered into having for her. Finally by about 9:30 everyone was gone. The fridge is full of yummy stuff and Our/our life returns to normal. Master swears that He is never, ever doing anything again for B. There will be no more parties, no dinners, nothing. You know what? That is more than ok with deidre.


~~*~~


This coming Monday deidre will only be taking part of the day off instead of the entire day like normal. One of her other finds at the store yesterday were giant candy canes. They’re nice and thick and about 10 inches long without the crook. deidre picked up 3 of them so that she can have some Holiday photos taken with them pushed deep inside her little ass and cunt. If they turn out deidre will post a few. she’s warning you now though to only look if you won’t find the site of deidre’s smooth shaven pierced pussy full of fat sticks of pepperminty goodness offensive ;)

Another unslavelike memory from deidre's past...

deidre’s just discovered a surprising reason why she enjoys her job so much! Control. Yes deidre said control. Power. During some of the calls that deidre enjoys it’s deidre who has the control. Men come to deidre to bring to life their fantasies and she does it. she gets off guys every day with nothing more than her words and imagination. Man after man comes to her for pleasure, to orgasm, to squirt their big hot load into her mouth, ass or pussy, while they listen to deidre’s voice describing exactly how she’d tease them, taunt them and then fuck them. It’s an awesome, incredible feeling.

In fact, while she was thinking about this new realization she remembered back to her freshman year of high school. she had this boy named Jon that she’d tease. He turned her on, but she could never figure out why. He wasn’t attractive. He wasn't sexy. Just looking at him wouldn’t really do it for any woman. What he was, was the male equivalent of skank. He was lewd and disgusting, but it turned deidre on an incredible amount. If she’d known how to orgasm back then she knows of at least one time while in Mrs R’s English class in 7th grade that she would’ve just from the site of this boy’s leg. He made deidre feel wet and dirty at the same time. Not kinky good dirty either. It was a feeling of disgust with herself for being turned on by him. The kind of dirty that makes you want to take a steamy hot shower and scour your skin until it’s raw.

Even though Jon was older and more experienced deidre was able to have this wonderful power over him - over his cock - and she loved it. she remembers inviting him over one time to her house. We went into deidre’s bedroom, which at the time was in the center of the house with no windows. When the doors were closed it was pitch black.

He was wearing those cotton bike shorts, not spandex, but tight. They were black. deidre remembers telling him that she was thinking about fucking him, but only if he could really convince her to. Maybe if his cock got nice and hard for her she would make him feel really nice. deidre pressed her body up against his and reached down to his hard on and began to rub it through his shorts. It was throbbing. He was grinding his cock up against her hand begging, actually pleading with deidre to fuck him, to suck him, to do anything to please relieve him of that load. This went on for a good 15 minutes or so.

deidre can still remember flicking on the lights and informing him with a nasty fucking grin on her face that he would have to go because her father was going to be home any minute. deidre had never intended on fucking him. she certainly wasn’t going to fuck him after that pathetic display. she only brought him there to punish him. For what? you ask. deidre has no idea. Probably just because he happened to have a penis. deidre didn’t need any more reason than that. It was fun and deidre could.

Of course this kind of behavior is exactly what lead to deidre being raped later on, but you know those young whiperschnapers, they never think ahead or consider the consequences of their actions. ;)

As strange as it sounds, what really caused deidre to focus on this subject was the lovely isabellaval. deidre was allowed to speak with Her last night on the phone about the recording/modeling meet that is being planned for (hopefully) sometime in January. At some point the discussion turned sexual…* gasp * deidre? in a sexual conversation? NO!! …while discussing deidre’s phone sex experiences and how she loves to incorporate other PSOs and girls she knows into the calls deidre was reminded of how much she loves knowing that she’s exciting someone. Now, deidre has no idea of what will happen once she’s actually in Miss Isabella’s lair, maybe nothing sexual at all, ultimately that’s up to Miss Isabella, however, deidre does think it would be an incredible honor to be allowed to give Her even the smallest amount of pleasure. Even slaves are allowed to fantasize right?

Why Speak in 3rd person?

indreamsshecame recently commented that she had “never met someone who speaks in 3rd person. you mention that it is important to you, and if you would be so kind, i would appreciate learning more about why it feels right for you.”

deidre realized that while she addressed the question of how and when she learned to do so here she’s never exactly explained the purpose behind it.

First of all, and this isn’t directed toward any person in particular, deidre would like to say that there is quite a bit of negativity in certain communities toward those who are allowed to speak this way. It seems to stem from the mistaken assumption that those who do so are “only online slaves” Regardless of how the person serves (internet, phone, cam, weekend, evening or 24/7) this girl assumes that they still give the same amount of devotion. Saying that those who serve or control online or only part time are not real or are somehow less than others is just as ludicrous as saying that submissives are something less than slaves because they don’t submit fully. It’s not true. Each holds a different level of submission or dominance according to what meets the needs of the person. It doesn’t make them less real. The only thing that would make a person something less in this girl’s mind is if they chose not to express this particular parts of themselves as fully as possible.

Now, onto the actual question. Why speak in 3rd person?

kaya_s said it very well recently here when she said Third person speech in the context of a Master/slave relationship is a psychological technique designed to erase, or neutralize the sense of "I". Speaking in third creates detachment of self and as the gap between the 'I' and the 'me' deepens, the slave is forced into the position of pure object and loses his or her sense of interiority, intimacy, and privacy. The denial of these pronouns is the removal of ego.

Not only does it erase the sense of “I” and remove the focus from self but it is also a way for an Owner to take even more control. In deidre’s situation not only does He control what she wears, what and when she eats, where and when she shits, pisses, sleeps, sometimes even her breath but her speech as well. Every time she refers to herself she uses the name He gave her (deidre), or refers to her status as His (Master’s slave, Your bitch etc). The idea is that nothing is done with Him being the first thought in her mind.

Anonymous Quote

Never put off till tomorrow what your slave can do today.

Domestic Incarceration

Other than in psychology journals requiring paid access, deidre found little to no information discussing the psychological effects of social withdrawal and/or domestic incarceration as it relates to consensual slavery so she can only relate her own experiences here.

deidre has found that over the past 3 years of her enslavement she has chosen to become more and more reclusive. she uses the word "chosen" because it’s self-imposed. While Master enjoys deidre’s desire to withdraw from society, directing even more of her focus toward Him, at first it concerned Him.

He and deidre both worried initially over her emotional and psychological well being. It’s become evident though that leaving her safe zone has more immediate negative effects than staying within.

deidre’s safe zone is more of a mental place than a physical one. While she is at home, with Master, serving and pleasing as she was meant to, with little to no disturbance from the outside or "vanilla" world she is her peak comfort zone.

If she’s outside of this house, but in a place where she is free to speak in 3rd person, free to refer to Him as Master, and free to be herself she generally feels just as comfortable. At that point the outside world still has little to no affect upon deidre’s behavior.

The discomfort begins to surface when there is a possibility of interaction with someone for whom deidre must pretend to be someone else. Walking the dogs down the street or going to the grocery store becomes stressful because deidre may be forced to speak with one of the neighbors beyond the usual polite greeting. deidre has nothing to say to them. There’s no common ground.

One would think that deidre worries about revealing bits of Our/our lifestyle as danaewhispering mentioned, but that is the least of this girl's concerns and certainly isn’t a cause of her avoidance behavior. Even if deidre’s slips weren’t rare, those who matter already know or suspect even if the subject is avoided and Master doesn’t really care enough about the rest for it to matter to deidre.

Technically it’s not a social anxiety disorder because the fear is not of being rejected or judged by others. It’s simply a desire or need to restrict contact to those from whom deidre receives no benefit and those who hinder rather than foster her submission.

As stressful as it is, social exposure is easily manageable in small doses up to as much as a day or sometimes two but the reaction become more extreme the longer deidre is forced into social situations. deidre becomes extremely irritable but with no way to express it. Gradually the tension builds up in deidre until she’s ready to explode. Simple things like being touched or the sounds of someone’s eating become even more unbearable than usual.

It’s for these reasons that deidre has decided it’s better for her to impose a form of domestic incarceration upon herself. In the past year she’s been away from home for periods longer than a few hours only twice. The first was her trip to see family in California and lasted 8 days. The second was this most recent trip to Orlando for Thanksgiving. deidre has been given the option 3 or 4 other times to accompany Master to Orlando, Atlanta, San Antonio etc, but has declined due to feeling more comfortable at home, even if it’s without Master.

One would think that this isolation would lead to loneliness. In fact that is one of the main worries with people who have become isolated due to health or disability. The only time deidre feels lonely though is when Master isn’t here, never when He is even if deidre hasn’t interacted with another person for days. Loneliness is defined as a subjective experience and is not synonymous with social isolation, which represents a lack of involvement in a social network.

An article earlier this month from The Belonging Initiative states that the following elements that lead to diminishing the feeling of loneliness:

*Opportunities to compare: Loneliness is diminished when people have a chance to compare their own pasts with other people’s.

*Sense of control: Loneliness is diminished when people have a sense of control of some aspect of their environment.

*Someone to confide in: Loneliness is diminished when people have a confidante.

Through both her interactions with Master and the internet deidre has every single one of those. When blogging she is able to compare her own life, past, present and future, to others much more easily than she would be able to do so in person and she is confiding with anyone who chooses to read with each entry. That’s why comments, even if they don’t seem to say anything meaningful are so important to deidre. They validate and confirm. she is able to control her own writing, her work, and how pleasing she is to Master.

Once the worries about loneliness, psychological health, and emotional health are out of the way what’s left but to enjoy being a happy slave girl serving her Master, devoting herself more and more to Him in a way that really is natural? Afterall, we are defined by our interactions with others. If a slave's only interaction is with her Master/Dom/Daddy then He and He alone defines her. He reshapes her into what He wishes her to be regardless of what she once was, making her even more pleasing to Him in the end.




tags: Domestic Incarceration, Social Isolation, Leaving the comfort zone, Social avoidance, Social withdrawal

Rambling about "firsts"

deidre’s been thinking about firsts lately for some reason. Some of them easily point to the person that she is now and her current sexual preferences.

First there’s deidre’s sexuality. deidre began playing with girls at the age of 8. It was mostly innocent, if being naked together rubbing private parts can be called innocent, but deidre always found it exciting in a way she couldn’t understand at the time.

When she was 15 she got together with an ex-boyfriend (who she was secretly still in love with) and his current girlfriend and the 3 of us played a little bit. Mostly he watch while Jodi and deidre kissed and touched each other’s breasts.

That year was also the same year that deidre told her best friend that she had developed a crush on her. deidre’s friend didn’t take it too well and the relationship was never the same after that.

deidre can remember back to the first image of a naked man she saw. Believe it or not it was in a fairy tale book as an illustration accompanying “The Emperor’s New Clothes” The picture didn’t actually show any naughty bits, but deidre found herself intrigued none the less.

When she was in her early teens deidre and her sister, E, would flip back and forth to catch the brief flash of something naughty on the scrambled cable channels. deidre remembers one of those movies having a woman chained, naked, in a stone room like an old prison or castle. The woman was being whipped or flogged. The image gave deidre masturbation material for quite a while. Up until a few days ago she’d forgotten all about that.

Of course, there’s the big first. Poppin’ the cherry. deidre had mono at the time and wasn’t really into it but decided to go with it anyway. The guy was her first boyfriend but it’d been 2 years since we’d dated. There must’ve been some fumbling foreplay, but deidre doesn’t remember much about that part. What she does remember is lying there on her back with this boy on top of her rutting away, pushing his cock in and out. At some point deidre asked if she was supposed to be feeling something. Isn’t it supposed to be like it always is in those romance novels with multiple orgasms and sweat and passion? It wasn’t like that at all. Instead it was this monotonous pumping in and out and in and out. Finally deidre lost patience and told him to stop. It just wasn’t doing it for her.

A year later when deidre fucked him and his best friend he still hadn’t figured anything out. If it hadn’t been for the amazing tongue that his friend had deidre probably would’ve walked out of that second experience as well.

deidre’s already written about how she discovered the world of BDSM. It started with a pony play article which led to the internet, which led to trying (key word is trying) to explore with N, her ex, which led to exploring with a coworker, which in turn led back to the internet and finally deidre ended up with Master.

Most of these seem pretty normal. deidre doesn’t think that anyone would look at this and say, “wow, deidre. you should’ve known from the time you were young that you were meant to be a slave” deidre never played bondage games, or house where she was the little girl who got spanked, or even pretended to be a pony. deidre was pretty normal. If anything a couple events in her childhood point toward deidre being more of a Domme than anything else.

There was a boy who lived across the street from deidre when she was young. deidre thinks his name was David. deidre and E. both had a crush on David and we’d play games to try to get David to tell us who he liked best. It never worked, but deidre remembers that he and deidre would hop onto deidre’s bike, deidre in front, him behind, and ride double up and down the street. There’s not really room for more than one person on a bike seat but we made it work. deidre would squirm back in the seat and press down knowing that her ass was crushing David’s poor little penis. He’d say ow and whine about it, which would make deidre do it even harder. This girl can remember the intense pleasure she received from causing him pain. she loved it. deidre would ride faster just to make sure that David couldn’t hop off of the bike so that she could continue to squash his balls and penis.

deidre also remembers tormenting this poor girl in jr high just because she didn’t want to be best friends anymore. Evidently deidre was so mean that the girl eventually changed schools. deidre got off on making her life miserable, making her cry.

Maybe karma is getting deidre back now for all of the nasty things she did when she was a kid by making her fall in love with a Sadist but not granting her the tiniest bit of masochism.

Anyway. Now that deidre has bored everyone to death, she’s curious about what other people’s firsts were. First sex, first g on g, first kiss, first time being turned on etc.