Bruised and Battered

For some reason I think that the depth of my pussy fluctuates. Sometimes when Master’s cock slides inside of me it is the perfect fit. The head hits in just the right spot just the right way deep inside of me and it feels incredible from the first stroke to the very last. Other times the first few moments have varying degrees of pain that gradually dissipates into the same incredible pleasure.

Last night was different. We were lying in bed together feeling restless when He decided to use me. I put my hair up and got out the leather fuck straps. The first strap binds my ankles so that they can’t spread further apart than about 8 inches. The second is for my wrists. Master uses it most often when I am on my hands and knees with my forearms stretched up above my head, but with my elbows bent so that my wrists are resting between my shoulder blades. The third is one that goes around my waist and He uses it like a set of reins, holding on and pulling me back even harder as He thrusts inside of me.

He wanted me to climb on top of Him and sink myself down onto His cock. I love being able to lean down and press my body down against His while I grind on His cock. I can breathe in His scents and feel His breath on my ear as He’s whispering things like, “Does that feel good, my little bitch?” “I love when you use my cock, slut” and as He feels me getting closer and closer to orgasm “Cum for me, cunt”

My orgasms are always insanely intense, but those when I’m riding Him are different. They’re just as mind-blowing but in a softer way. I think that my senses get overloaded. I’m taking in sounds and scents along with the feeling of being fucked and the center of pleasure is different.

Master likes to be the one who’s making me cum though. He likes to take control of that pleasure and so I ended up in my favorite position, on my elbows and knees with my ass in the air. This is how I like it the best. Hard, deep, fast, animalistic fucking where nothing exists except the pain of the leather strap digging into my flesh around my waist and the feeling of His cock taking what He wants.

He slid it inside hard and *holy shit* did it hurt! Master knows that sometimes those first strokes hurt and they aren’t always nearly as hard as they could be but the pain was more intense than I can ever remember it being. It was enough to make me cry. He was concerned, of course, but He is a Sadist and my body is His to use in any way He pleases. He began to fuck me harder, and harder until I had to bunch up part of the blanket and bite down on it to keep from screaming from the pain.

That’s when something incredible happened. I realized that I wanted it to hurt. In fact, I wanted it to hurt deep inside that way more than I wanted it to feel good. I didn’t want it to stop hurting and I wanted it to hurt more. I begged Him to please do it harder, to please fuck me like He’s trying to stab His cock strait through me. I begged Him to make me hurt, and He did. He fucked me savagely like that until He filled me with His cum.

I’m still kind of amazed at my response to all of that. It was so intense that afterward when I went to clean up I was walking funny because every time I moved my insides were screaming at me “what the fuck, bitch?” This was about 12 hours ago and I can still feel it inside, like I’ve been bruised.

Master leaves early tomorrow morning to head to Atlanta. I am hoping that the soreness inside stays while He’s away, and that the moment He comes home He’ll order me to get back onto my hands and knees so that batter my insides with His cock again.

Maintaining a positive environment

My general purpose as Master’s slave is to bring Him pleasure. One of the ways that I am allowed to do this is by trying to maintain a positive environment. Emotions and how they are displayed are a large part of this.

Things such as anger, irritation, frustration etc do nothing but detract from a positive environment therefore I attempt to mask those feelings when I am experiencing them. Not to hide them, necessarily, but if there is nothing constructive that can come from them, or as long as masking them isn’t deconstructive then it’s my job to do so.

I have no orders to not experience these feelings, that would be silly. Instead I’ve taken it upon myself to keep Master’s exposure to them at a minimum.

Anger and irritation directed toward Master are never a good thing, but it does happen. I’m a very stubborn person by nature. It runs in my family. It’s not an easy trait to push aside. There are times when I am right and I know I am right, but because Master’s right by default that makes me…ahem…well you know…wrong.

I’m not allowed to argue the point. I’m not allowed to actively find evidence to support my point and present it at a later time. I’m not allowed to glare or stomp off in frustration either. I’ve learned to modify my actions so that they meet His expectations and as soon as possible I go into another room and rant and rail in my mind, or I go to the computer and type furiously about it until I feel better. Then, I delete it.

Sometimes, just sometimes, I do get enjoyment from watching when something happens that proves me right. In times like those I’m generally not allowed to say, "I told You so, Master" Well, I’m not allowed to say it out loud, but you can bet that I’m thinking it with a sense of satisfaction while I’m hiding the smug little look on my face.

Of course, it’s been a learning process. There have been times when I’ve opened my mouth before I thought about what I was going to say, or when I’ve thought about what I was going to say and just didn’t care. His usual response is to tell me to get the strap, and I’m punished, and then we talk about what’s made me so upset that I didn’t care about the consequences.

On the other hand, if I am experiencing something that is undermining my slavery, or causing harm to the mindset that Master wants me to be in, then it is my duty to find a way to bring that up to Him in respectful and properly submissive manner before it actually becomes damaging. My departure from His household in March of ’04 was a direct result of not discussing something that was eating away at me that turned out to be nothing in the end.

Isn’t it interesting that there are so many people who find it important to maintain their individuality in a relationship expecting a certain amount of change to occur in both themselves and their partner when my relationship with Master is just the opposite. He modifies me to fit into his life harmoniously, so that He doesn’t have to change, and I do so willingly and eagerly. Through repetition and consistency He’s managed to control even my instinctual reactions to certain stimulus. Maybe expecting that one day I won’t feel such things isn’t so silly afterall