From nothing comes everything

Tonight Master and deidre sat down in the living room, He in His big leather chair, she on the floor on her kneeling pillow at His side. We/we had rented The Secretary. deidre has been hearing about this movie for the past 2 years from Callers and on occasion from other people she’s met through the internet.

Everyone raved about the spanking scene where the secretary is bent over her bosses desk reading the letter that she’s just made a typo on out loud. This is really the only part of the movie that deidre had ever heard about. No one had ever mentioned the best part. No, it’s not when she is crawling on her hands and knees down the long hallway. It’s not when she’s on her hands and knees on a straw covered desk being fit with a saddle. It’s not when He finally has her bend over His desk again, instructs her to lift her skirt and pull down her stockings and panties so that He can unleash a load of cum onto her back and ass. It’s not even when we finally get to see her naked, fully, small breasted, creamy skinned, sprawled out after being taken as His.

The best part of the entire movie happens part way through “the test” In a way it’s a battle of wills, hers against His, and hers against her own. She’s sitting there in her wedding dress after ditching her fiancé. Her hands are palm down on the desk, she’s been instructed not to take her feet from the floor, not to move until He returns. The scene is shot from behind her chair and as you watch you can see her piss herself.

Master and deidre’s relationship has evolved to the point where He trusts her absolutely in her submission. His control over her has become broad rather than specific. He feels His dominance because He is able to control deidre without direct exhibition of it every moment of the day. He controls her to the point that it’s ingrained in her. It’s second nature, or first nature if there is such a thing. she knows, most of the time, instinctively what to do, how to react, and how to behave.

For some reason seeing that particular part of The Secretary tonight brought deidre to the realization that she misses the more direct control. she misses doings because of a direct order as opposed to doing them because she know it pleases Him. she needs to be taken to a point where she feels that every part of herself is controlled by Him, or that if some part of her loses control, her bladder for instance, it is because it is His will. she wants to be denied food, drink, sex, pleasure, comfort, sleep and speech until she feels it with every fiber of her being. Not just feeling it because it’s always there, but feeling it because she is slowly sinking deeper into agony.

she is craving days of this. days of hunger and thirst. Days where she is locked cramped into a cage brought out only to be hosed off or beaten, so thirsty that she licks the sweat from her body and the tears from her face or even drinks her own piss from desperation. she wants to sink into herself, to be forced there, to become less than herself. To become less than nothing.

she knows that at first she’ll fight it. her body and her mind will rebel. she’ll hate it. Internally she’ll scream and beg and run the words through her head over and over until she’s tired of her own inner self. she’ll cry, she’ll come close, and maybe even actually do the body tossing, jerking, that young children do when they are throwing a tantrum because they are frustrated and there is nothing else to do.

she doesn’t know why she needs this or why she wants it. she doesn’t know why she didn’t realize before now that this is what has been missing, this is the reason why she’s felt herself feeling frustrated over the dumbest little insignificant things. It is though. she needs to be taken out of control have every bit of it stripped from her, she needs to hate and love in the same moment until finally He releases her.

Perhaps now, at this moment the most horrible thing that You can do, Master, is tell her no, but she doesn’t think You will and she begs You now. Please, Master, she begs you to do this to her, to strip her down to the bare nothing, and then just a little bit further no matter how miserable you see her, no matter how hard she begs or how many tears she sheds. Please do this thing and force her to that place, then bring her back slowly when it’s all over with Your love, and Your touch. Build her back up. Please make her feel all of it totally and completely without question and make the thinking stop. Take even that away from her. Take away everything so that she can be reminded when you give it back that it does all come from You, that it is all a gift. Please?