deidre will be making a trip out to California and will be unavailable from Wed, June 28 through Thurs, July 6. deidre hopes that You have a happy and safe Independence Day.
New memberships will be processed upon her return. Click Here for more Info.
All recordings, photo sets and stories will remain available for Your pleasure.
This post is inspired by someone else’s story also recently shared here. Thank you for having enough courage to put it into words. deidre feels that each time one of us shares our story it will somehow help somone else who is going through what we have.
deidre has had 3 major events in her life that have helped to shape who she is. The most recent, her acquisition and ownership, she discusses just about every time she writes. However there were 2 before that. The first is below.
deidre was 16 at the time. The "love of her life" had dumped her 7 months earlier, but she still saw him every day. she hurt anew every time he didn’t meet her eyes, every time she heard our song, every time she took a breath. she’d tried one or two other relationships over the months, but they just weren’t the same.
What if she never found love again? What if she wasn’t worth loving? What if the entire world was better off without her? These were the thoughts constantly jumbling around in her mind.
On the outside, deidre still appeared happy. she’d always been good at pretending, at smiling when all she wanted to do was cry. she still laughed with her friends, went to football games, and dances, but she felt so broken and ugly.
That night she was in her bedroom. It was late. Everyone else was in bed. On the stereo was her Forrest Gump soundtrack. Track 19 from disc two, The Forrest Gump Suite, was playing over and over. It had been doing so for hours. deidre was in a zone, a self destructive almost meditative zone. she was telling herself over and over "you’re stupid" "you’re worthless" " you are unlovable" until finally she decided that she was right. There was no point anymore. All that she could remember in this life was pain, sadness, deep depression.
she wrote her note, telling everybody how much she loved them and how much she hated herself. she distributed her most valued things, her music, books, and rabbit, Mademoiselle Lapin.
Suicidal Thoughts
I watch from a distance—above
The tub
The pills
The water
The knife (just to be sure)
Nobody loves me. Why can’t they love me?
One…Two…Three
I take a drink
…Twenty-one…Twenty-two…Twenty-three
Drink some more
…Forty-one…Forty-two…Forty-three
All gone.
I can’t do this
Just do it! The knife! Use the knife!!
No.
Yes.
I see myself pick up the knife
I slit once…twice…
Goodbye.
deidre only actually slit once, and not very deep. Something about the pain brought her out of that hypnotic zone. she realized what she was doing. she’d already swallowed an entire bottle of pills, but oh god, she didn’t want to die!
If she killed herself she’d never get to the end of the story, she’d never know if she went to college and became an English teacher, she’d never be able to watch her baby sister grow up, she’d leave off in the middle, and deidre never stopped in the middle.
she got out of the tub, and woke up her mother, describing what she had done. Just the horror on her mother’s face was enough to bring deidre to tears. God, what had she done?
deidre was rushed to the hospital, her stomach pumped and the psychiatrists consulted. It seems that her attempt was more of a cry for help than anything else. she was given discharge instructions and forced to see a psychiatrist twice a week for 6 months.
What deidre realized as she was sitting there in the emergency room, stomach pump tube hanging from her mouth, sitting on her hands as instructed while the nurses read the instructions for the machine, is that nothing is worth putting the book down. This story is not predictable and needs to be seen through to the end no matter what.
Does deidre still get depressed? Yes.
Has she ever wanted to kill herself again? No.
she knows now that any hopelessness that she feels, any depression is only temporary. she may not know how many more chapters are left in the story, but she knows that the one she is in currently isn’t the last, and that reading through to the end is worth enduring the darkness.
Master’s brother is so cool. He must be the world’s nicest, most altruistic guy. Thursday was Master’s 53rd birthday so deidre and His brother, K, planned a big surprise for Him.
Thursday night deidre made Master a “wonderful” dinner of baked herb-crusted salmon, a nice crisp green salad, a loaded baked potato, rice pilaf and white wine. For dessert deidre made Master’s favorite cake, German chocolate with coconut pecan frosting from scratch accompanied by Godiva’s raspberry chocolate truffle ice cream. We/we normally eat fairly simply so it was a nice change for Master to have deidre be His little kitchen slut, slaving away all day for His meal. And honestly, deidre really enjoys cooking for Him especially when He is as pleased with His meal as He was with this one. He didn’t really want to do much, just take it easy and relax for the rest of the night.
Somehow He found out about the surprise that K and deidre had planned, but didn’t let on to K so it wouldn’t ruins K’s fun. Earlier in the week K sent deidre a package with a Law and Order DVD and a plush Eeyore (deidre’s a big fan of both) The poor Eeyore needed an emergency ticketectomy though. Before he was mailed down, K had opened him up, inserted 2 baseball tickets and the sewn him back up. Using a Trojan Eeyore was the only way that we could think of to get the tickets here without Master knowing.
Friday night deidre took Master to Tropicana Field so that We/we could watch the Devil Rays and Braves game. Just when the game was about to start K showed up to surprise Master. Master wasn’t supposed to know that K was flying down, or that K had purchased game tickets. He pretended to be surprised, but didn’t really pull it off very well. Master is not anywhere near being “the great pretender”
The game was great. Both teams scored runs in the first inning then nothing until the very end scoring just enough to keep themselves tied into 2 extra innings when finally the Braves won. Master had decided early on to root for Tampa Bay, deidre for the Braves and of course K is for the Braves since they are his home team. It’s probably not a very slavelike thing, but it was still fun to niggle at Master saying “ha ha, you lost and we won” afterward. By the time We/we got home it was almost midnight so E/everyone went to bed.
Saturday was supposed to be a surprise too, but Master already knew most of it. We/we slept in a little and deidre made fresh banana bread muffins for breakfast. Then K got out some remote controlled pool toys that he brought for Master. They went out to the pool and played with their boats and sharks until about 2. Then it was time to get ready to go and see The Da Vinci Code. deidre doesn’t get why so many of the reviews that she read were bad. she loved this movie. Granted it’s been almost 3 years since she read the book and she’s forgotten most of it. Master and K liked it too.
The best part of the day was afterward. K asked Master what there was to do that was fun near BayWalk and Master answered “The Pier” We/we walked down there and hung out for a little while, then Master decided He was hungry and that We/we should get something to eat. He suggested one of the restaurants there. It was awesome to see the surprise on His face when We/we went in and said that We/we had reservations for 3. K and deidre couldn’t have planned it better if we had tried.
After dinner we came home and had more cake and ice cream then Master and K went out to get into the hot tub. deidre can’t go in ‘cause of her piercings, but was allowed to dangle her feet into the water for a little while before We/we all headed inside and to bed.
Today was a lazy day. It rained and there was thunder and lightening so We/we really did nothing but sit around chatting and watching the rain. K left so that he could catch his flight a little while ago so Master’s Birthday weekend is officially over.
It’s good to be back to normal, speaking in 3rd person, Calling Him “Master” and being naked. deidre will spend the rest of tonight working, trying to play catch up for the time she missed over the weekend and for the time she will miss while she’s in California and getting things ready for her trip on Wed morning.
For the last 3 – 4 months deidre’s been gradually slinking into a slump. Because it was gradual, and because of the stuff with j, deidre didn’t know how much it was affecting her. Then the day before yesterday deidre realized that she was feeling light, bouncy, goofy and giggly again. In case you were wondering, yes, that feeling did have a little bit to do with some of the off the wall posts deidre’s been posting lately.
Because deidre is a virgo, and because it’s just the way she is, she started to analyze herself trying to figure out what may have put her into this hazy slightly numbed emotional state in the first place. BINGO. Discipline. Not just discipline but the total breakdown that comes from a really intense session where deidre is pushed to her limit and then just beyond. A session where deidre goes into the “give up” stage when she lets herself go and accepts the pain rather than trying to fight it. It’s not subspace, but deidre thinks its one of the stops on the way there.
deidre hasn’t had a session like that since the one with the cane when j. was here. deidre’s never really “in the mood” for discipline. she doesn’t ever crave is like many slaves do, but still there is some deep part of her that needs it. this girl has given up trying to understand it totally. she just knows that slowly something builds up inside her until she is disciplined and it is somehow released.
deidre’s had little sessions here and there, but as she said, nothing really intense for a while….until last Monday. It wasn’t exactly discipline and Master wasn’t the one who was doing it, but the pain of the piercings ended up doing for deidre the same thing that a nice long hard session does. she had to force herself not to beg for it to stop, she had to fight the pain, and at one point she experienced the emotional relaxation that comes from giving herself over to the pain.
Now, she feels better than she has in months. It’s like a fog has been lifted, a fog that she didn’t even notice and even though it’s just a normal amount of sunnyness everything seems so much clearer, so much better, in comparison.
It’s silly and goofy but for some reason it never gets old. “Tonight We/we sleep with the fishes” deidre always says after making the bed and putting on the fishy sheets. They are damn near the tackiest sheets in the world but so bright and colorful.
When deidre first came to Master’s Household, it seemed like everything was white. All of the sheets were white, the towels, sink, tub and cabinetry in the guest bathroom were white. Everything in the kitchen was white. It wasn’t even for a really good reason. It was simply because white was easy.
Then, deidre came along, and eventually the fishy sheets, colored towels, etc did too. Perhaps one could say that deidre colors Master world? Or if white is easy, then the color that deidre brings makes everything so much more complicated? Either way, today marks the 2 year anniversary of the day that He locked this collar around His little slut’s neck and took her formally as His forever.
Our meeting was a fluke really. Not only was deidre married, and He lived 2500 miles away on the opposite coast, but His initial correspondence to deidre was intended for someone else. The worst part of it all is that deidre was what she now refers to as a player, a fake.
* gasp *
Yes, that’s right. deidre was originally just playing a game. How could this world of chains and whips, spankings and servitude, begging and pleasing exist? And what the heck is shibari, golden showers, bukkake and bastinado? All of this Master and slave stuff is just a game over the internet, something you do in chat rooms. It’s one hell of a turn on, but not for real right?.
Boy was she in for a shock. Not only is this wicked crazy life real, but she left her husband (that was part of the plan anyway), her step daughter, her family, her job, and most of her possessions to move out to Florida to become totally immersed in it. she’s done so many things she never dreamed she would, and become so much more than she thought possible. It’s all thanks to one Man’s love and patience.
Today We/we celebrate Us/us, Master. Thank You for wanting her, for keeping her, for possessing her. deidre loves You so much. It is literally hurting to think of how big that is, to feel the power of that emotion. she’s your bitch, your slut, your whore, your cunt, your slave, your little girl, your puppy, and your pet. she’s your property, she’s owned by you and she knows Master, that she’s truly nothing without you.
We/we headed over to Tampa at about 3 and found Our/our way to the tattoo place. The people were very friendly and helpful. Deidre told them what she wanted 6 12 gauge rings in her outer labia and one triangle piercing (curved barbell underneath her clit). He basically looked at deidre like she was crazy but told that the cunt lip piercings would be no problem but with a triangle piercing about 50% of the time it can cause the clit to lose feeling. THAT’s certainly not something that We/we want so We/we decided to just wait on that one. Also, getting all 6 rings done at once was not recommended, but He finally agreed.
Since He only had a few 12 gauge rings sterilized We/we decided to go out to lunch and come back in an hour. Master took deidre to one of her favorite chain restaurants, Sweet Tomatoes and we killed an hour eating fresh veggies, and homemade soups. Yum
deidre’s emotional state was fine until We/we drove back into the parking lot. she could hear her blood pounding in her ears and her heart was racing. she tried closing her eyes and focusing on her breathing a bit before she got out of the car, but then realized what she was really doing was stalling.
So she got out of the car and went inside, filled out the paperwork etc etc. When E/everyone was ready the piercer asked deidre if she minded if his “apprentice” watched. Neither Master nor deidre had any problem with that at all so the 4 of Us/us headed into the little booth.
They had deidre pull off her shorts, get up in the chair and spread herself open. The piercer, Jim, said that the part where they mark the stick points is the most time consuming. At one point, deidre is lying there, looking down between her legs at 3 men that are almost clinically examine her pussy and she realized how incredibly absurd the whole thing was. It was good to get that last laugh in before the not so fun stuff started.
After everything was marked, and Jim had gone over some aftercare info the sticking started. deidre put her arms up over her head, grabbed onto the the back of the head rest, breathed in, then out, then in, then out and the needle went through. Did it hurt? Yes. Was it the worst pain deidre’s ever felt? No (we get to that in a minute) The first 2 sticks weren’t actually that bad. The pain was a little intense but manageable.
After those first 2 though, they asked if the apprentice could take a stab at it (ha ha). He’d done some piercing before, it didn’t seem like a big deal. deidre figured it was going to hurt no matter who did it, so why not? Well…His technique was a little different, a little less refined. The needle went through more slowly and he wasn’t able to put the ring in behind the needle quite as easily. Did it hurt? Yes, Was it the worst pain deidre’s ever felt? OMG yes. deidre came very close to screaming. The only thing that stopped her from making noises any louder than a whimper was that some poor inexperienced girl might be out in the lobby waiting to have some part of herself pierced and the sound of deidre’s screaming would only make it sound worse for her.
deidre wanted so badly to be brave, to be able to just fight the pain. It’s only 6 little pokes right? But she couldn’t. she was a wimp. she cried, she moaned, she whimpered and she apologized for crying, moaning and whimpering. After the 4th one deidre needed a little break. she needed to find someway to center herself to focus on something other than the fact that she still had 2 more to go, and the end seemed like an eternity away. Master asked her if she wanted to stop and just leave. It took deidre a moment to answer Him. Yes she wanted to stop, very very badly, but He’d already paid for all 6 and there was no way in hell that deidre would be able to leave with only 4 and come back. Wild horses could not get deidre back into that chair once she left so deidre told Master that she didn’t want to stop.
Then the apprentice started on number 5. By this time deidre’s poor little pussy lips were not happy. They were revolting and protesting in the only way that they knew how, but turning up the dial on the tissue sensitivity figuring that if it hurt enough that their dumb owner would make the pain stop. Again, deidre took a deep breath, let it out and OH FUCK. Yup, still hurt even with the centering and breathing BS, but this time something new happened. After trying to get the ring to go in, he lost the hole. The needle came out and the hole closed.
This is when deidre becomes aware that she gets a special bonus. deidre gets 7 pokes for the price of 6. What a lucky slave!
Jim (the experienced one) decided to take the procedure over again but was kind enough to rub some lido- or novocaine (deidre can’t remember which) over deidre’s pussy lips to numb them just a little. The last 2 piercings were no problem. They still hurt, but once again the pain was manageable.
Closing the rings and putting in the captive beads was pretty easy, stopping the light trickle of blood from the newest one took a little time but was no big deal really and now deidre’s purty little pussy has 6 rings in it!! WOOHOO!!
deidre thinks that if all of the holes had been made by Jim it would’ve been a much easier, must less pain free experience, but in a way she’s almost glad that it was this girl who got to be the guinea pig. Maybe deidre’s a wimp, but she’s a pretty easy to work with wimp. The apprentice was a very nice guy and there’s no way for him to get experience without doing it. The poor guy could’ve ended up with some girl who is terrified of needles, freaking out, becoming more and more hysterical, and only doing it cause her Master/boyfriend/husband says she has to or He doesn’t want her anymore or something. Compared to that, deidre must’ve been easy and she thinks that with more practice (though not on her) the apprentice will make a wonderful piercer.
deidre took a few pics but it was right after We/we got home, before she was able to wash up ( she had to wait a few hours to do that ) so you can peek if you want, but there some blood and swelling.
Wanna See?
So the overall summary is that if it’s done by someone experienced the pain and the entire process is manageable. Now the lips are a little sensitive and deidre’s afraid to pee or cross her legs, but otherwise everything is fine. she can feel the weight of the rings pulling gently on her lips and Master loves the way that they look. He thanked her last night for going through so much pain for Him. He says that her suffering so that He could have a slave with piercings in her little pussy, so that soon He could hang weights from them or tie her closed is just about the best birthday present that He could have gotten.
This is gonna sound really goofy, but deidre just got off of the phone with one of her favorite callers. Why is He her favorite? Is it cause of the way He just pounds her cunt like she’s a whore? No. Is it cause of the way He uses her hair like reins as He impales her ass with His cock? Nope. Is it cause of the way He sprays His cum all over her face and down her throat? Negative. It’s cause He sounds exactly like Owen Wilson. OMFG. This guy could do anything, as long as it involved His voice and deidre would just fucking cream herself for Him (if He let her, which He hasn’t). Granted, all of the other stuff is fucking hot too, but His voice just pushes her right to the edge so quickly. she’s still panting, and dripping that cunt juice down her thighs. Wow.
Sir:
Since she has no other way to contact You to thank You for allowing her to serve You, and she knows that You occasionally read her little diary, she will simply write Your note here.
she’s missed You very much, Sir, and it gave her an immense amount of pleasure to give herself to You once again. she was honored to be allowed to have Your voice wash over her as she filled her little ass with the plug, then her cunt with the dildo and finally her mouth with the ball gag. Then, Sir, to be allowed to cum with You, to imagine Your sweet seed as it spurted forth onto her gagged face, as her drool dripped down onto the floor and to once again be Your pet… Thank You. Know that you are never far from her thoughts, Sir.
Your pet,
deidre
deidre hasn’t written much of anything important lately. There just doesn’t seem to be a whole lot going on that’s interesting on a day-to-day basis. deidre’s life is back to “normal” settling back down to how it is when she is not on the phone, on IM, e-mailing etc with a sister slave.
Master’s birthday is only 8 days away. deidre has a special surprise for Him that will basically take up the entire weekend. deidre’s time on phone will probably be pretty limited too because she will be being vanilla. This year He just wants a normal home made German chocolate cake. No pirate ships or anything. It leaves deidre feeling kind of disappointed, but it is His birthday. He is the Master. He does get to pick the boring factor of His own cake ;)
Shortly after Master’s birthday celebration is over, on the 28th, deidre leaves for California. It will be her 1st time alone and away from home since “the time that shall not be named” That 38-day period of time when she was away from Him after leaving in March of ‘04. deidre’s actually kind of scared. she will be away from Master, her life, her love, her purpose for 8 days. she can just drive somewhere when she wants to, buy something when she wants to, eat, piss, shit etc whenever she wants to. Of course she will be held accountable for any bad decisions that she might make while she’s gone and she’s sure that Master will be speaking with her several times a day while she’s away…but it’s just not the same.
she really wishes that He could come with her, even if only for the 2nd half of the trip while deidre is in the town she grew up in. she has the really strange desire to point out her schools, the park the pool, the place where she got her first kiss, lost her virginity, first public fucking etc. But what would He do in a little dinky town like that? 4th of July festivities include a tractor pull, frog jump contest, some fireworks and a bunch of people getting fucked up at one of the town’s 2 fine drinking establishments. LOL…it’ll be good to be back in her former home. If deidre can figure out how she will probably make a voice post or two while she’s in Cali.
Tomorrow Master is taking deidre to a tattoo shop in Tampa that looks perfect. We/we’re not actually going to have them done tomorrow. We/we’re just going to look around and talk with the piercer, set a price etc. From their website they look like they know what they are doing and have a clean facility.
Sometime this week Master has to take a sperm sample over to the doctor’s office to test for little swimmers. If there are none deidre gets to finally get fucked in her little cunt again. It feels like it’s been forever! He’s used her ass and her mouth, but as selfish as it sounds, it just isn’t the same as being forced down onto her hands and knees like His good little bitch and being fucked nice and hard, begging to climax, milking His cock until He fills her up with His seed. mmmmmm…. deidre can’t wait.
Because of this sample though, and the need for all of those little swimmers to be gone, Master has been on super sex mode over the last week. He’s been using deidre just like she’s nothing but a sheath for His cock. Just a face to pump into to rid himself of that extra sperm. It’s not something that He’s done very often…just made her a hole, His hole, taking His pleasure from her almost clinically. On one hand deidre can’t help but think, but she’s not a hole, she’s a person, she’s a sexual being…On the other hand, she absolutely loves it. There’s something so humiliating and degrading about the way He just tells her to get on her knees and “open up slut”. Then He makes His deposit. the deed is done and We/we each go one with whatever We/we were doing before.
Ronald Reagan - divorced the mother of two of his children to marry Nancy Reagan, who bore him a daughter only 7 months after the marriage.
Bob Dole - divorced the mother of his child, who had nursed him through the long recovery from his war wounds.
Newt Gingrich - divorced his wife who was dying of cancer.
Dick Armey - House Majority Leader - divorced
Sen. Phil Gramm of Texas - divorced
Gov. John Engler of Michigan - divorced
Gov. Pete Wilson of California - divorced
George Will - divorced
Sen. Lauch Faircloth - divorced
Rush Limbaugh - Rush and his current wife Marta have six marriages and four divorces between them.
Rep. Bob Barr of Georgia - Barr, not yet 50 years old, has been married three times. Barr had the audacity to author and push the "Defense of Marriage Act." The current joke making the rounds on Capitol Hill is "Bob Barr...WHICH marriage are you defending?!?
Sen. Alfonse D'Amato of New York - divorced
Sen. John Warner of Virginia - divorced (once married to Liz Taylor.)
Gov. George Allen of Virginia - divorced
Henry Kissinger - divorced
Rep. Helen Chenoweth of Idaho - divorced
Sen. John McCain of Arizona - divorced
Rep. John Kasich of Ohio - divorced
Rep. Susan Molinari of New York - Republican National Convention Keynote Speaker - divorced
So homosexuals are going to destroy the institution of marriage? Wait a minute, it seems the Christian Heterosexual Republicans are doing a fine job without anyone's help!
In doing piercing research deidre came across this:
Q. Do you have to be hard to get a penis piercing?
a. No but it helps because it is easier to hang onto.
It's probably meant to be helpful and informative, and is probably true, but each time deidre reads it the images get funnier for some reason and she laughs just a little harder.
None of the local tat/piercing places have decided that they’d like to answer deidre’s e-mails, even with the big bold "Response Within 24 Hours" note on the contact pages. So, last night, half asleep, and obviously out of her mind, deidre suggested to Master that it might be more convenient if He did the piercings of her labia Himself (the clit hood piercing is something that both of Us/us feel should be done by someone with experience). Obviously deidre hasn’t learned not to make suggestions that involve things like forceps and needles while she’s horizontal, or when it’s like 4 in the morning. Master thought that it was a wonderful idea, and has tasked deidre with finding the appropriate supplies for Him. He keeps talking about it, describing the process...talking about clamping the flesh with the forceps...forcing the needle through... meanwhile deidre is sitting there getting more and more scared. Fortunately He granted her permission to drink…heavily…beforehand. Yes, she knows, alcohol thins the blood, but there’s no way she’ll be able to be anything that resembles calm otherwise. Just thinking about it now is making deidre dizzy. Maybe deidre should just start with the tequila now and keep on until the 22nd.
deidre loves when Daddy comes home from His business trips and plays with her. This time she was bowing at the doorway as He taught her and she realized that someone else had come through the door with Him. she feels a strange hand on her ass and Daddy explains that He’s brought deidre’s cousin Darin over so that We/we can both teach him to play.
deidre holds her leash up and gives it to Daddy so He can lead her and Darin to the playroom. He leads her to the whipping post and straps her down while Darin stares wide eyed with excitement and fear. Daddy gives deidre a kiss on the cheek, tells her it’s okay, then begins to paddle her bottom, just 10 to start with.
Darin’s eyes are still wide as He walks over and places one of His palms against each of deidre’s warm and red ass cheeks. deidre can tell that Darin is very excited from the way his cock is starting to strain against His pants. Daddy tells him that it’s okay to touch and this girl feels him slide a finger into her hot little pussy. After he slides in a second finger and coats it with deidre’s juices Darin slides them out and lets this girl taste herself.
Daddy decided that it’s time for more spankings, but this time He wants Darin to help. Each of them have a paddle now and start to take turns. First there are 10 spanks from each on her bottom, Daddy on the right, Darin on the left. Then They start to spank up and down the backs of her thighs from her knees up to her bottom, taking turns, until both Daddy and Darin are nice and hard.
Daddy unstraps deidre from the whipping post telling her to get onto her hands and knees so that she can kiss Darin’s cock, then begin to show Him what good little sluts do with their mouths. Soon Darin is pumping in and out, then shooting His seed deep into deidre’s throat.
Next it’s Daddy’s turn, and one of deidre’s favorite parts of Daddy’s return. she’s allowed to worship Daddy’s feet and toes, cleaning them with her mouth, sucking and kissing each toe as if it was a little cock, licking up and down the tops and souls of His feet until they are nice and clean again. Darin decided to put a nice big dildo up inside deidre’s cunt as she begins to worship Daddy’s balls, then lick and tongue fuck His ass, then finally Daddy’s magnificent cock.
While deidre is concentrating on Daddy’s pleasure, Darin slides the dildo out of her pussy and replaces it with His cock. He begins to fuck her hard from behind, using her hips to pull him on and off of His cock until Daddy hears him starting to groan. Daddy tells Darin to pull out and shoot his load into deidre’s hand instead so she can lap it up like a kitten drinking milk. Once she’s done, she continues to suck Daddy’s cock until He, too, is groaning. He pulls out of her, and shoots His seed onto her face and into her mouth, allowing her to suck those last drops from Him and telling her that she’s Daddy’s good girl.
deidre was playing around on MySpace this morning and discovered this song on a new friend's page. It actually made her cry. Who says slaves can't be hopeless romantics?
James Blunt - Goodbye My Lover Lyrics
Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.
So I took what's mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.
You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I've kissed your lips and held your head.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
I am a dreamer but when I wake,
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
I'd be the father of your child.
I'd spend a lifetime with you.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts but now we're fine,
And I love you, I swear that's true.
I cannot live without you.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I'm asleep.
And I will bear my soul in time,
When I'm kneeling at your feet.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.
listen here
deidre has come to realize that not only are there people outside of the lifestyle that are unable (unwilling?) to comprehend the path that deidre has chosen, but there are those that are part of the BDSM world that don’t as well. There are those that just don’t understand how she can give herself completely. They don’t comprehend the why. They don’t realize that as a slave she is nothing more than what He wants her to be. she is simply a reflection of Him, a projection of His desires. As His Owned property, every part of her belongs to Him. As a slave, she came to Him, offered up every piece of her soul, her heart, her mind, and her body trusting Him to give back those aspects that are necessary for His pleasure and keeping the others locked away safe.
Master:
In 19 days it will be 2 years since You officially gave deidre Your collar (again- but this time for real). deidre loves You, Master. she worships You. she needs You more than anything else. she thanks You for loving her, for cherishing her, for keeping her as Yours, even when things from the outside cause complications. Thank You for holding her both when her body is racked with sobs and with laughter. Thank You for allowing her simply to be herself, for wanting her even when it’s hard to understand exactly what she doing/thinking/feeling. she wishes she could give You as much as You have given her, Master. she has nothing that hasn’t already come from You, but she will spend the rest of her life showing You how much she loves being Yours.
j’taime
A livejournal post from yesterday reminded deidre of something from her childhood. Something a little freaky actually, though it didn’t seem freaky at all when she was young. From the time Dad and Mom bought the house until they divorced and deidre got to move into the Master bedroom (from about age 6 through age 12) deidre slept with a ghost each and every night.
No, deidre was not crazy or imagining things. she very distinctly remembers trying to figure out every way that this visitor could be rationally explained. There was no way that it was light from the street or from the neighbor’s house. It was impossible that light from Mom and Dad’s bedroom right next door could’ve been coming through the air conditioning vent. It wasn’t some trick that deidre’s sister was playing on her.
There really was this lighter patch of darkness hovering over her as she drifted off to sleep. For some reason deidre never tried to touch it, or to talk to it. It never scared her or threatened her. It never made a sound. It was just there. Night after night.
It wasn’t until years later, after deidre had moved away and gotten married that she mentioned it to anyone else. As she grew older deidre convinced herself that she had imagined it all as children do.
One evening when Mom was over for dinner we were talking about things that deidre used to do when she was young, and the subject of this make believe ghost came up. The look on Mom’s face turned into one of fear and amazement as she began to tell deidre that when we first moved into the house, she had also seen something. Evidently this being had originally been hanging out in the Master bedroom. It scared Mom pretty badly, but left when she asked it to. She actually sat up in bed one night and politely asked it to leave. Little did Mom know that it just moved right into her children’s bedroom.
Finding this out was pretty incredible for deidre. Not only had she not imagined this ghost for years and years, but someone else had seen it too. Besides how cool is it to have your very own personal ghost?
In 3 weeks deidre goes back to her hometown, back to that house. Will it still be there? If it is will it show itself to deidre once again? Will it try to communicate with this one?
