It's gonna be a bright (bright) bright (bright) sun-shiny day

For the last 3 – 4 months deidre’s been gradually slinking into a slump. Because it was gradual, and because of the stuff with j, deidre didn’t know how much it was affecting her. Then the day before yesterday deidre realized that she was feeling light, bouncy, goofy and giggly again. In case you were wondering, yes, that feeling did have a little bit to do with some of the off the wall posts deidre’s been posting lately.

Because deidre is a virgo, and because it’s just the way she is, she started to analyze herself trying to figure out what may have put her into this hazy slightly numbed emotional state in the first place. BINGO. Discipline. Not just discipline but the total breakdown that comes from a really intense session where deidre is pushed to her limit and then just beyond. A session where deidre goes into the “give up” stage when she lets herself go and accepts the pain rather than trying to fight it. It’s not subspace, but deidre thinks its one of the stops on the way there.

deidre hasn’t had a session like that since the one with the cane when j. was here. deidre’s never really “in the mood” for discipline. she doesn’t ever crave is like many slaves do, but still there is some deep part of her that needs it. this girl has given up trying to understand it totally. she just knows that slowly something builds up inside her until she is disciplined and it is somehow released.

deidre’s had little sessions here and there, but as she said, nothing really intense for a while….until last Monday. It wasn’t exactly discipline and Master wasn’t the one who was doing it, but the pain of the piercings ended up doing for deidre the same thing that a nice long hard session does. she had to force herself not to beg for it to stop, she had to fight the pain, and at one point she experienced the emotional relaxation that comes from giving herself over to the pain.

Now, she feels better than she has in months. It’s like a fog has been lifted, a fog that she didn’t even notice and even though it’s just a normal amount of sunnyness everything seems so much clearer, so much better, in comparison.