deidre's birthday part 1

This is really the second part, but she's writing about it first 'cause she can :)

After getting up and around and opening the presents, deidre got ready to go to Big Cat Rescue. We/we ended up leaving home later than planned and stopped by the library to drop off some things that were due and then began the drive over the bridge to Tampa. At one point a wrong exit was taken, deidre won’t say by whom * Master * and deidre was afraid that We/we would be late. We/we were by only about 5 minutes though and they let us in after signing a special disclosure.

deidre got to see some very beautiful animals and some others that had been treated so badly she was on the verge of tears.

One of the tigers had been kept chained to a wall to guard a stash of drugs and had spent so much time lying on the floor that she was not only underweight from lack of nutrients but had softball sized calluses on her ‘elbows’

One of the panthers had been part of a circus act where he was forced to jump through a ring of fire. Whenever the poor guy refused to do so he was clubbed over the head, which eventually led to horrible tear duct damage and a fear of humans.

Another one of these beautiful creatures was kept in a harness that was never adjusted. Eventually his flesh began to grow over the harness and it had to be cut out with a razor.

Most of the animals at Big Cat Rescue have stories like this. They’ve been neglected and abused, but there are happy stories too. Walking around watching them deidre could see a bit of her own cat’s playfulness in some of the big kitties. They’d role over and show their bellies, or meow in response to the guide’s voice or just do other goofy cat things. We/we got to hear a lion roar too. It was an incredible trumpeting sound, completely unlike the sound that comes from the MGM Lion.

Some of the animals have retired from performing early at this sanctuary so that they can live out their lives happily. As happily as an animal in a cage can be. The enclosures are large and clean, not cement like at a zoo but with vegetation growing inside so that they can live as naturally as possible. Their health and diet are monitored carefully though there is never direct contact unless necessary. The keepers do not get in the enclosures to pet them or to play with them. There are plans in place in the event of an emergency so that the cats can be evacuated quickly and safely.

The staff consists of only 4 paid people. The other 60+ people who are involved are volunteers. It’s obvious from their body language and words that these wonderful people care for the animals quite a bit.

she couldn’t take a camera with her so she has no pictures to share unless she steals them off of the website but there will be plenty of time to take pics later on because deidre will be volunteering there!

On the first Saturday of every month the facility has an orientation. deidre will be attending the one in October. Master wants her to have plenty of time to think it over before she give up half of her time off. Afterward there is an interview process to determine if the potential volunteer is sane enough to work there. Hopefully deidre will pass that test, get her little yellow shirt, and begin spending 8 hours there every other Monday. she will begin on the lowest rung of volunteers with duties that range from weeding, to shit clean up to washing off the slabs that the meat is placed on. deidre will probably never be able to donate more than 16 hours a month of her time to this wonderful place, so chances are slim that she will ever be raised to a level of higher responsibility. she’s okay with that. It’s worth it.

Master asked her on the way home why it was worth it if she is never raised above the lowest level. her answer was simple. Most people have the ability to rise above their circumstances regardless of what they are. There are almost always options for a person to work themselves out of situations. It may be difficult, and at times seem impossible, but it’s doable. These animals don’t have that ability. They’ve either been taken from the wild or were raised in captivity and have become dependant upon humans. They can’t be turned loose. They can’t be expected to survive on their own. People put these animals into these situations. deidre is only one person, but she can make a little bit of a difference in some of these animals’ lives. As silly as it may be deidre hopes that one day perhaps one of them will look at her and know her, to see her without judgment, to consider her a friend or whatever the equivalent is in kitty language.

More about presents and deidre’s very fuckable waitress to come.

Death to Ernesto!

Well, today is deidre’s 28^th birthday. she’ll be spending the day working getting properly used, fucked, spanked and beaten by her wonderful Callers. Tomorrow, as deidre may have mentioned, she is going to Big Cat Rescue on a tour of their facility and to get more information about possibly volunteering there.

Up until this morning deidre was fairly excited about all of this, however, thanks to Ernesto, deidre’s enthusiasm is curbed a little bit. Let deidre show you why….

See that line that represents the path of the hurricane? Follow it up toward Florida’s Gulf Coast. Now, see that cute little purple X? That’s deidre’s house. Oh! Look! That line just happens to be passing right through the X that marks where deidre’s happy little home is. Gee…it says it’ll be there about 8 am Thursday, just in time for Master to have left safely on His trip.

For almost 4 months deidre has been casually bringing up to Master the fact that He is leaving to go on His road trip right smack dab in the middle of the busiest time of the hurricane season. deidre has no experience with hurricanes. There hasn’t been one that directly fell on this area in 60 years. Earthquakes, Blizzards, Fires…she can handle that. she’s been in freezing weather without electricity or running water for days. she felt the Loma Prieta earthquake in 1989 and has felt several smaller ones through the years.

A hurricane though, that’s a different matter. She’s not concerned with the high winds. Master’s home is concrete block. It’s not likely to be blown over. The rain on it’s own isn’t a big deal either, unless you consider the pool. While there’s power though draining the pool isn’t a problem. It’s the storm surge that is most troubling. According to deidre’s research if a category 4 hurricane hits just north of us, there will be approx. 14 feet of storm surge. That’s 14 feet of extra water washing up onto the shore and eventually through the streets to Master’s home.

deidre’s lucky though. she has several different places she can go to get out of the way. she, the cats, dogs and some emergency supplies can hop into the SUV and drive 2 hours to Orlando to stay with family, or drive 9 hours up to Atlanta to stay at Master’s other house. The emergency supplies, and important paperwork are all packed. The SUV will be full of gas, and if for some reason she can’t get gas somewhere along the way, a full tank will take her as far as the Georgia border. deidre will have Master’s cell phone which is loaded with emergency numbers. she’ll have cash in case the power’s out and she can’t use the credit card. Everything is all set and prepared.

So why is she so scared?

In the end, the hurricane will probably miss us, there will be no storm surge, and no reason to pack up and go. If it keeps heading right toward us then Master’s flight out of Tampa on Wednesday will be delayed and deidre can sit back and just let Him take control.

Yeah, let’s just think positively. The damn thing will miraculously die out there in the gulf, the skies will be blue, the waters calm and all will be right with the world.

Regret

celticslave said "You have spoken of your past and how you wouldn’t change any of it. Life is not worth living if you have regrets however When was the defining moment for you on realizing that?"

"If Only. Those must be the two saddest words in the world" - Mercedes Lackey

deidre believes that it was something that happened gradually. During the first day of deidre’s 7th grade English Literature class the teacher decided to do something a little different. She had us all turn our desks away from the black board and toward the other side of the room where a television was. She popped in a tape, dimmed the lights, hit play on the remote and we were transported in the cinematic reality that is "Dead Poet’s Society"

The teacher’s point was to introduce us to Walt Whitman’s "O Captain My Captain" but the movie had a far great impact on deidre than the teacher anticipated. Not only did it inspire deidre to become an English teacher, (a dream she held onto as long as possible, but not one that worked with her marriage) but for the first time she heard the phrase "carpe diem". deidre began to think about what that meant. Seize the day. Time is short. Don’t put off the things that are important. Don’t waste time with insincerity or regret.

deidre remembers when it really hit her, and she understood everything that those 2 little words meant. she was in high school, and actually still has the piece of paper on which she wrote, "Never be ashamed of doing something you wanted to do - only be ashamed of not doing something you wanted to do." Do the things you want, do them all, savor life, become fulfilled and regret nothing. If you think you might regret passing up the chance to do something seize that chance, and ride that ride.

Of course, there are always consequences, and those consequences have evolved into what the lack of regret is really focused on. From any situation sift out the good and leave the bad behind. deidre wasn’t able to truly apply this until after her attempted suicide. As she has written, it was a life changing experience. It emphasized how precious every moment really is. deidre’s "no regrets" self policy was enforced once again after her rape. Yes, a rape is a horrible experience, but it is also an experience that changed deidre once again. she grew up a lot that night, took that growth as positive and left the rest behind her.

It isn’t just the big things that shape us. Everything has an effect, even those things that we cannot see. Past events silently mold each and every one of us into the person we are at present. It is because of that, because of the person that deidre has become, that deidre does not regret anything thing, not the rape, not the attempted suicide, not choosing to drink hot cocoa instead of coffee on some winter’s day. To regret any one of those things is to ultimately regret the person that deidre is, to wish that she was different. And honestly, deidre likes the person she has grown into.

Master's home...

....at least for a few days. His trip home started with a call from His brother who had run out of gas on his way to work. Master, hero that He is, saved the day by taking a few gallons of gas to His brother and then followed him the rest of the way to His office before setting out on the trip.

Just before the Georgia border Master pulled into a gas station to fill up and realized that one of the tires on the car was flat. He slowly drove it over to the air/water machine and tried to fill it up but the air was coming out just as fast as it was going in. Evidently there was a problem with the valve stem. Luckily there was a tire store within a few miles and they were able to fix it and get Master back on the road quickly.

Off to one side of the road flies a huge Confederate Flag. Master has been meaning to stop and find out who is responsible for flying it for years, and finally decided that this time, since there was no slave, no dogs and no cats, He would. There was no direct road to the flag, and no buildings near, so Master stopped at the closest thing, which was the state farmer’s market. A very helpful woman at the farmer’s market headquarters was able to give Master some contact info.

Master basically wanted to thank them for flying the flag and remembering all of the brave Confederate solders who fought for what they believed in, fought for their own ideas, their lands, their homes. After speaking with the state representative it looks like Master may be interested in joining.

Now that deidre thinks about it, it isn’t something that is celebrated often. You hear of Veterans of W.W.I, W.W.II, Korea, Vietnam, and the Gulf War, but deidre has not heard a single time anyone celebrating those of the Confederate Army. Is that because they didn’t win? Weren’t they fighting for what they believed in just as much as those in the revolutionary war? They didn’t believe in their cause any less than anyone else who fights on their home turf. Perhaps deidre’s exposure is limited because she wasn’t born and raised in the south, and only has lived here for less than 3 years.

Anyway, that’s not the point of this entry. Finally Master made it home to His naked bowing slave right where deidre happens to feel He should ALWAYS be.

On Monday deidre will be going to Big Cat Rescue and she cannot wait! she is so incredibly excited!! she hopes that the weekend just flies by and Monday comes before she knows it. The only negative at the point is that Master’s digital camera is off in Canon’s fix-it-land and deidre highly doubts that it will arrive tomorrow so that she can take it with her. Master says that we can always buy some disposable cameras, but that’s just not the same. deidre can take thousands of pics with the digi-cam and easily get rid of any she doesn’t like.

deidre finally put up her reading list, and will be keeping it updated as much as possible. she’s slowly posting some of her poetry and prose as well. Eventually she plans to have it all here, even the horrible stuff. Feel free to comment if you like, but please try to be nice. If you don’t like it, just refrain from saying anything rude. Constructive criticism is always welcome. Just remember that these are little pieces that are taken from deidre’s heart and her soul, that they are not just words written in haste, but rather expressions of intense emotion.

Island Fun

celticslave said "You have 48 hours on an island in the middle of the ocean. You are allowed to take 5 people with you. You are allowed to take 5 toys with you for play. Who would you take and what would happen with the six of you while on the island?"

Since you didn’t specify which island deidre is going to choose the one that Johnny Depp owns, while he’s there :) Since he’s already there he doesn’t exactly count as one of the 5 that deidre brings with her.

deidre’s thought about this a lot. One would think she would chose something “lifestylish” to do, but if she only has the one opportunity, and there are no conditions set other than those in the question itself deidre would bring with her 1)Master 2)A, deidre’s step daughter 3)J, deidre’s 13 year old sister 4) Her grandmother on her mother’s side 5) her grandmother on her father’s side.

Both of deidre’s grandmothers are dead, but neither of them had the chance to meet Master. Gramma S died when deidre was 8. deidre would love for not only to meet Master, but also to see the woman that her granddaughter has grown into. Gramma B died just a few years ago, but at the time deidre was miserably married to her ex husband still.

The reason for bringing A should be obvious. Not a day goes by when deidre doesn’t think of her. A is the only daughter that deidre will ever have. This girl raised her from the time she was 2 until she was 9 years old. deidre taught her to read, how to do her hair, took her to kindergarten for the first time and to school every day that she went after that. deidre was there when her eyes lit up at Christmas and spend hours the day before each birthday making elaborate cakes for A. deidre was there when she woke up in the middle of the night scared, when she scraped her knee or fell off of the horse. If deidre could have 2 more days with her telling her how much deidre loves her and that it wasn’t this girl’s decision to cease contact deidre would be happy. Even if it meant that deidre would never again hear from her or see her.

J is a beautiful young girl but because of certain events in her life has low self-esteem. She’s at that phase where girls are unsure of themselves, she’s changing, growing, becoming a woman. Mom is around much, deidre can’t be because she lives 2500 miles away, but for just 2 days deidre would like to tell J how special she is, how loved and beautiful she is.

deidre would bring with her a video camera, extra batteries, a stash of cameras, a stack of paper and some pens. Each person would have a camera so that they could take pics whenever they wanted of whomever they wanted. The video camera would be running constantly while the 6 (7 if Johnny joined in) interacted. Gramma S would have a both kids in her lap finding a way to make them laugh and to play with them even without toys. Gramma B would be sitting next to Master asking Him all kinds of questions that one would never expect to hear from a 90 year old woman. If Master answered one thing wrong Gramma B would probably kick His ass. deidre would be sitting between both of her grandmothers taking down their stories, recipes etc. All of the things that deidre heard over and over for years but never thought to retain. Death isn’t something one usually thinks about with people like grandmothers until it happens.

At night we’d sit around the campfire reminiscing, laughing, crying until things settled down and we’d stare up into the stars as we drift off to sleep.

Saying goodbye would be hard. deidre can imagine her grandmothers pulling her aside one at a time to tell her how proud of her they are, and how much the like Master. Asking one last time if deidre is sure that she is happy. Perhaps even telling her that all of those years they were looking down upon her and they will continue to do so when they go back.

It would be hard to let A go, and to know that deidre would probably never see her again, but now she would have all new memories to hold onto. We’d have 2 precious days that were plucked out of time where nothing existed but us and we could just enjoy each other.

It’d be hard to say goodbye to J too, but deidre knows we will see each other and talk with each other again. Even though there are so many miles between us, J is just a phone call away.

anal sex - tips & experiences

slave_karirenee asked "Is there anything that you can do to make it less painful? Is there anything that can do to prepare yourself before doing sex? And finally, is there anything that you can do to mentally prepare yourself? Because I think most of it, is that I have a mental block, for some reason. "

The first time it happened was when she was 18. she was at her future mother-in-law’s house. N. had cooked deidre a lovely meal things had wound down and we were sitting in the fireplace room. We started kissing and making out and eventually were naked. deidre got down on the floor and bent over an ottoman so that we could fuck doggie style (deidre’s favorite position) Everything was fine until N’s cock slipped out of deidre’s cunt and slammed hard all the way into her ass.

deidre thought she was going to die. It hurt so badly that she ended up curling into a fetal position and laying there crying until the pain went away. For the next 7 years, while she still loved being fucked from behind, there was always this little thought rattling around that it just may happen again. N. only tried once more to use deidre’s ass and it was a failure. He was so worried about causing deidre pain that his cock never even made it all of the way in.

deidre’s next experiences with anal sex were with B, the Dom she was fucking before her divorce and before she met Master. One night we were in his car, deidre was on her back with her ass resting on the center console, her back on the seat and her head and neck bend up against the passenger side door. B was fingering her cunt pretty vigorously and had her cum three or four times. When she was done he told her that during the first orgasm he had slipped a finger into her ass and had been fucking both holes at the same time. seidre never even noticed the finger going in. she didn’t realize that he had slipped it in until he told her.

After that he would use her ass whenever he wanted. He’d slide his cock inside deidre’s cunt, fuck her for a few strokes so it was slick with her pussy juice and then force it up inside her ass. He had quite a thick cock and liked to use it as an ass-stretching tool. He’d push himself all the way in and the rotate his hips causing deidre even more pain than his dick alone would have.

deidre distinctly remembers one time when she had her hands bound behind her back, nipple clamps on her nipples with her chest down on the floor as he fucked her ass from behind. Every time he thrust it forced deidre’s clamped nipples to rub against the floor, eventually, without the use of her hands to keep her in one place she slid so far that her head was banging up against the wall. It was one of the most painful sex experiences deidre has had.

The last time that deidre had anal sex where it hurt badly was on the night of her collaring, as part of the ceremony. After placing the collar around her neck, Master dribbled some lube onto her tongue and instructed her to lube His cock. He then had her get down onto her hands and knees and began to fuck her hard. There was no prep time, no time for deidre to relax, at this point she still was terrified of anal sex. Master used his cock as a tool to hurt her, to take her violently until she was crying and whimpering. It seemed to take forever but finally He left His seed inside her.

After that night Master worked with deidre on making anal sex more enjoyable. He would insert small butt plugs into her to stretch her just a little before hand, or allow her to slide a finger up inside to open herself up a little. He’d make sure that both his cock and deidre’s asshole were well lubed and that deidre relaxed a little before sliding it in. Sometimes He would just slide it in and hold it there while deidre rubbed her clit and made herself cum, other times she was allowed to masturbate while He fucked her ass slowly. Eventually deidre got to the point where Master could fuck her ass very hard and she would be able to cum without any other stimulation whatsoever.



Here are deidre’s anal tips

First, relaxation is very important. The inside of your asshole is like a little tube with two separate muscles surrounding it. The external sphincter muscle is under your control, the internal one is not. If you can get yourself into the right state of mind the sphincter will not clench down just before hand making it harder to penetrate and more painful.

Secondly, lubrication is also very important. Use as much as you are comfortable with. If you need to get a towel to place under you, go for it. Lube up both the cock and your ass, inside and outside.

Masturbation can be very helpful as well. If you play with yourself it will help to take your mind off of what is happening and will combine the pleasure of cumming with any initial discomfort with having something slide into your ass.

Practice is also a good idea. Get to know your asshole. Place a mirror on the floor and crouch over to see just what it looks like. Try using a lubed finger or even something like a baby carrot to start out with. Just relax and slide it in slowly. You can test your sphincter relaxation by tightening and loosening around the object. In this way you will be able to know what your body feels like when it’s relaxing and more easily put yourself into that state just before anal sex.

After the finger/carrot stage, move to a small anal plug or dildo/vibe. Again lube it and your anus well, take your time and relax. Try fucking yourself at different speeds and in different positions to see what feels the best.

Lastly you will be ready for a large dildo or cock. Just beforehand, lube a finger and slide it in. It will open you slightly for the larger object. Get into the chosen position, remember to relax, and begin to experience a wonderful new aspect of your sexuality.

Is Piss Play Safe?

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Over the line?

Question from SlavemasterD ~ Does your slavery include your Master's right to order you to have sex with people of his choosing or is that over the line?

Yes, MasterD. deidre’s slavery includes His right to order her to have sex with anyone or anything. deidre has no limits with Him. If He ordered her to eat shit, she would. If He ordered her to stand still as He cut off the big toe on her left foot, she would (do her best). If He ordered her to walk out of the house and down the street to the grocery store naked knowing that she would probably get thrown in jail, she would. You can add more extreme things to this list if You wish. Pick anything at all, no matter how outlandish, the answer is yes. deidre’s job is simply to obey.

Is it possible for deidre to make a choice to not do something. Sure. Of course it is. deidre has a conscience, she has fears and dislikes. Is it probable that deidre will make a choice not to do something. No. Master has His reasons for everything that He instructs her to do. deidre may not know or understand them, but they are reasons nonetheless.

deidre also has a slight advantage because she knows that Master takes His responsibility seriously and isn’t likely to order her to murder someone, or do something to deidre that will damage her just because He can. He’s not on a power trip, and doesn’t need to test deidre’s devotion. After all what is the point of having a slave if she is in prison or is wounded or ill and cannot serve?

Pony Boy

Oh man was this call fun. There’s a little bit of background to it. deidre is a slave who serves her Master by creating tapes to use for Blackmail. This particular client has lapsed a little bit and needs to be taught a little lesson. deidre’s been threatening him for months with sending tapes of him as a pony being fucked in the ass to his boss and several others at his place of employment.

(this is where the call starts) Just to insure that he realizes the seriousness of the situation deidre shows up one day at His house wearing a full latex body suit and her bright purple strap on. His wife is home, but she has no idea of who this girl is. deidre forces him to take off his pants in front of her and get onto his hands and knees like a good little bitch. She looks at his wife while squatting over him, then begins to ride him like a pony, her heels digging into his ribs that strap on rubbing against his lower back as she crops him yelling "Heehaw, Giddyup" forcing her little pony boy to neigh for her in front off his wife.

After he has completely humiliated himself she gets down and kneels down behind him to begin to fuck his ass with her strap on, hard, fast and deep. His cock is throbbing. His wife is standing there against the wall wide eyed, not quite believing what is happening when deidre asks her "You think he’s not my little bitch? You don’t believe he could possibly get off from this? You just keep on watching honey" deidre reaches down to begin to stroke his cock asking him who he belongs to, whose bitch he is, until he spunks onto his wife’s freshly cleaned floor.

Rrrraaaarrrrr!

The subjects of animal welfare, and the prevention of animal neglect and abuse are ones that are very close to deidre’s heart.

It began when she was in high school. she’d just moved up to the Sierra foothills. In the news were stories of people who had been hiking, or on their horse ranches and were attacked or killed by mountain lions. Generally the creature was simply trying to protect a cub or to defend it’s territory. Afterward, these animals would be hunted and killed. Now, deidre understands that once an animal like that gets the taste for human blood there is no way to fix it. she’s not saying that she knows what the solution is, just that there should be one.

What she is saying is that the reason that these attacks are happening is because the land that the animals can live on without human contact is quickly being taken over and turned into subdivisions, shopping centers and office buildings. There’s nowhere left for them to go. They are forced to adapt to the changes around them, and to defend what little is left for them.

When she was a senior she had an assignment for her economics class while we were learning about sole proprietorships, partnerships, corporations etc. The idea was to set up an imaginary corporation in the same way that a real one would need to be. Board members would need to be selected, office/business space leased, purchased or built, articles of incorporation written up etc.

Of course, deidre was the girl that always had to do things a little differently. Instead of a corporation, deidre decided to beg her teacher to be able to do a non-profit organization. Knowing the teacher, deidre made sure that she was wearing the lowest cut tight little top she could find and a very short little skirt. He had a thing for her legs. Eventually he said yes.

deidre got to work researching the requirements for a large animal rescue facility, buying up hundreds of acres, setting up imaginary equipment and writing up her own bylaws. By the time she was done she knew just about everything that a 16 year old could about caring for abandoned and abused large cats and if financed properly would have actually set it up after graduation.

Yesterday, thanks to everyone’s suggestions, deidre started putting together a short list of things that she would like to do for her birthday. They needed to be things that are close, not outrageously expensive and something that Master would enjoy as well. Some of these things include going to the aquarium as Daddy’s little girl, spending a day downtown going through the museums and antique stores, taking out the sailboat that Master built and having our own private picnic on a little island out in the Gulf and finally, the one that deidre really wants to do, go to Big Cat Rescue, a sanctuary over in Tampa. Theme restaurants, the theater and the symphony were also on the list but there are no local places like Medieval Times and deidre’s birthday falls on a weekend when there is nothing at the theater and the symphony is not playing.

So she was hunting around on the internet researching some of her options, writing down times of operation and admission prices etc, when she came to the website for the big cat sanctuary. Not only can a girl go there to see the animals but she can volunteer too! One of the things that deidre was looking forward to once a sister is here is having a little less time working, which makes more time for other things. she’s been considering spending her days off doing this anyway, she just didn’t know what she wanted to volunteer for. It would have to be book, music or animal related.

First you have to go on a regular tour, and then go through a volunteer orientation. At the end of the orientation is an interview with the volunteer committee. After that one gets their newbie shirt and starts within a week. There is a minimum of 16 hours per month to start with. deidre’s planning on talking with some people there when (if) she goes for her birthday to see if the required hours can be set by the volunteer or if deidre would have to make a whole new work schedule for herself in order to do this. Ideally she could go twice a month, every other Monday, working 8 hours each time. This could be the beginning (rebirth?) of deidre’s newest obsession and something that she can see herself being a part of for years to come.

All of the talk about the girls that are going to kindergarten for the first time reminds deidre of A’s first day. she’d been going to preschool at least 2 days a week since shortly after her second birthday. deidre thought it was important for her to have interactions with other kiddos her age. There weren’t too many kids near our home. It was all horse ranch property. A made some great friends.

Too soon it was time for her to go to "big girl school" though. On one hand it was a blessing, no more paying $18/day, but on the other hand, as bella said, it meant that A was starting to grow up. A was so excited to pick out her backpack and lunch bag, and her new outfit for the first day of school. These are the kinds of things that deidre will never forget. A’s eyes were wide with excitement, and she just couldn’t sit still.

deidre really hopes that one day her ex-husband grows up and lets deidre back into A’s life.

Master will be leaving again on Sunday for a quick trip up to Atlanta. He’ll be gone for 3 or 4 days, then come home for 3 or 4 days and then He leaves again for His bro’s birthday trip and will be gone another 12. Compared to kaya’s Master’s absence, this is nothing. Master’s trips seem to be getting longer and longer though. Maybe in the end Master needs 2 slaves not to be sisters but because He can install one at His home in Atlanta, spend half of His time there, and the other half here with deidre. Hell, if He’s going to go that far He may as well just search for 3. That way there can be 2 in each home, we can keep each other company when He’s gone and be doubly pleasing when He’s with us.

The photo shoot that deidre had back on the 7th was a lot of fun. It was for a Damsel in Distress site with a photographer that she met at last year’s FetishCon. There were several different "kidnapping" scenes in which deidre was tied down to a chair or table and left struggling. she was "pushed" into the pool with a weight tied to her ankles, she was "blown up" a few times by different bombs, there was even a scene with a knife, and one with a noose. Overall deidre has more than 800 photos to sort through and hopes that she can work with the photographer again. It was just a blast!

deidre’s been sleeping terribly lately. she started taking and antibiotic on Sunday that made her feel sort of foggy to begin with, then it turned into this terrible throbbing headache, and now she thinks that it is keeping her awake. It could be something else, but she’s blaming the pills for now. she got up this morning after only about 4 hours of sporadic sleep and needed coffee…badly. She went out to the kitchen, put the water into the maker, put in the filter ect and got it started. A little while later she went back to get her first cup and realized that she had forgotten to put the grounds into the filter. Usually deidre is pretty non-functional before coffee, but this morning was just pathetic.

deidre doesn’t know if it will be a valuable resource to anyone, but soon she’s going to be adding a "Reading List’ link. deidre goes through a lot of books (good thing for libraries!). Someone out there might be interested in what she’s reading.

If you can’t tell, deidre is running out of things to write about (in general, not just in this post) and it will be worse when Master is away. A few months ago deidre invited anyone to ask anything that they might want to know, up to 6 questions. She answered them one at a time as thoroughly as possible. Now she’s inviting you all to do it again, or to do it for the first time. Ask about anything except personal contact information. Please give deidre something to do when Master’s away that is worth being posted.

~deidre~

Playing Games

deidre has recently been chatting with a “Domme” from New York who kept insisting that she wanted to see deidre on cam. Since this was a woman who would eventually be here to use deidre in person this wasn’t a big deal but our first conversation was only a couple of days ago.

deidre understands someone’s desire to verify that a person is real. It’s pretty hard to make yourself look like a sweet young slave if you are a 60 year old horny balding overweight man on cam. But after a 2 minute ‘yes deidre is real’ cam showing this woman wanted to see deidre naked being disciplined. She kept insisting that she was now deidre’s co-owner (after 2 days?) and that Master said she could do anything that she wanted blah blah blah.

So deidre set up a couple of tests, one of which were references (which the “Domme” volunteered) through e-mail. When the first reference came back – surprise - surprise - the IP address was exactly the same as the Domme’s. This woman attempted to make a few excuses about how the computer must still be registered in NYC, but it’s pretty much impossible for 2 computers to have the same IP address unless they are right there at the same internet port using the same ISP. There was no way that it was a coincidence. So deidre drilled her until finally the bitch admitted that it was her boyfriend who had sent the e-mail from her computer. Not only had she lied about the reference, and the source of the reference but the entire thing was composed by her in the first place. Dishonesty is not something that deidre needs in her life so she basically said goodbye.

Anyway. The point is that sometimes you can do something to figure out who the fakes are. There are certain signs.

* Inconsistent stories – In building a relationship honestly is very important.
* Insistence of nude photos, or nude cam use from the beginning – Anyone who is really looking for a lifetime commitment can be patient enough to wait a little while before moving onto this step.
* Photos are only polished model type photos. No casual shots. – Sometimes this might not mean anything but chances are good that the photos were stolen from somewhere.
* Their e-mail address/chat name is new – If the username is new (yahoo shows you the creation date on profiles) then it may have been created as part of their game. This alone is certainly not an indicator, but coupled with some of the other points might cause one to wonder.
* If the relationship doesn’t move to phone in a few weeks – Unless the person is in another country and it’s not economical, there should be no reason why the connection cannot be taken to the next level.
* Chat is only erotic cyber-sex – No real partner who wants the relationship to grow is going to be interested in only sex.
* If things are set up to meet and the person refuses to give you personal information so that they can be “checked out”. - A person who has been honest with you all along should have no problem giving you their address, telephone number, full name and possibly SS# so that you can run a check on them.
* If the person is Dom and refuses you the ability to make safe calls. - Something is fishy if this is the case. If it’s your first visit this is a vital part of establishing trust and ensuring that your loved ones know you are alright.
* If the person never shows up at the airport (had this one happen). – Well obviously this is a pretty good indicator.
* If the person refuses to tell the people they are closest to that they are moving when the time comes (had this one too). – Either the person hasn’t made up their mind yet or they have already decided that they aren’t going to. Again, if a person can’t be honest what is the point?

There must be other signs, and she’s pretty sure that over the last 2 years she’s experienced them all. The search for a sister can sometimes be frustrating, but deidre knows that the perfect girl is out there somewhere just waiting to be taken as Master’s.

Wicca, handjobs and poetry

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Mad as Hell

You know, deidre just doesn’t get it. she’s not a political person. she knows the bare minimum about world news etc, but fuck! Why do they feel like they need to come here and fucking blow shit up. The world trade center was full of innocent people who had never done shit to any of them. It was all about the shock value. Let’s shake up those Americans. What did they get? They got a war where we go over and kill more people, so that they can come here to kill more innocent people, so that we can step up the amount of ass we are kicking there and kill more people.

When does it stop?

Piss Play Pointers

If you’ve never tasted it, be warned, it’s like drinking a very bitter hot tea (minus the tea). It may make you gag, and will probably make you shudder. deidre would recommend getting used to the taste by drinking your own. deidre has several callers that have her lick her own piss up off of the floor or drink it out of a bowl. It keeps her in practice and has helped her to get used to it.

Master will normally drink A LOT of water before He allows deidre to take His water. 6 – 8 cups or so. This dilutes it. Remember piss is all of the liquid waste from your body. It’s the crap that your body can’t use. He’ll also pee once or twice before He lets deidre start to drink it.

The first few times He allowed deidre to be down on the floor in the shower. He would push His cock into her mouth. deidre thinks that since her mouth was full of cock there was no room for the piss and it made it harder to swallow.

Master would try to control the flow of His piss letting it come out into little spurts, but it still didn’t seem to help. As hard as deidre tried some of it would still end up on her and not in her tummy. So Master modified His technique a little. deidre was allowed to begin just placing her lips at the tip of His cock, taking part of His head into her mouth as He gave her His water. This seemed to work much better. deidre stopped spilling any. We basically just turned His cock into a straw.

He’ll also have her down on her knees with her mouth open like a little birdy and piss into her mouth that way. Now that she’s had more practice swallowing with her mouth open it’s easier to do so.

Being drunk might help a little too. ;) The last time deidre remembers it being really easy was after a shared bottle of champagne.

deidre would recommend that you do not try to make yourself think it’s lemonade by refrigerating it and putting ice cubes in it. deidre doesn’t know how or why, but it just makes it worse.

deidre has probably left some things out so if you have anything to add please feel free.

Master's correction of an uppity slave

This morning, for the first time since Master allowed deidre to return to His home almost two and a half years ago, deidre was willfully disobedient. she was disrespectful, bratty and rude. Master punished her as she deserved for being such a bitch.

It started yesterday morning. deidre had just woken up and headed out to the living room to kneel down beside Master. He told her about an e-mail that came through that needed a response drafted. He asked deidre a question or two to which deidre did not know the answer. Instead of simply telling Him that she didn't know, she gave Him this long and drawn out answer. It irritated Him slightly. deidre has a tendency to make things harder than they are. But there is a reason for that.

deidre hates giving the wrong answer. she always has. Sometimes deidre can only give part of an answer because that’s all she knows. There have been times where deidre has given the answer that was simplest only later to have it blow up in her face. Now deidre's gut reaction is to give the answer that contains the most detail to avoid misunderstandings. For some reason lately Master and deidre seem to be having a lot of those. They are little things, but they pile up and work on deidre's psyche.

On with the story....Master began to direct her in the kind of response that He thought would be appropriate for this e-mail. At this point there was another misunderstanding. deidre took a deep breath and put her head down against the front of the buffet cabinet that is Master's entertainment center. This action was seen as more frustration and anger on deidre’s part. Since deidre hadn't yet had any coffee, Master told her how He was seeing her actions, told her to make coffee and to leave Him alone. One of deidre's responsibilities is to make sure that she never appears to be anything other than a devoted, eager to serve slave. Displays of anger are not a part of that presentation.

So, she left, her feelings hurt, and started on her day, making sure that she left Him alone. In a half an hour or so Master gathered up some things, and left to go to the hardware store. This ended up hurting more of deidre's feelings which mutated into actual anger. He had left without saying goodbye, without a kiss or a touch or a single word. In deidre's world this is a huge no-no. Yeah, deidre’s a slave right? Who says she gets to make the rules. No one, but what if something had happened to Him? What if He had gotten in a car accident or been mugged and shot or who knows what else? deidre's last memory of Him would be that she had pissed Him off, that perhaps the accident had been caused because He was upset etc. deidre would have to live with that for the rest of her life, knowing that she had been instrumental in her Owner's death. Maybe it’s selfish, but really no one deserves to feel that way.

Eventually He came home without a scratch and continued on with His business. deidre had hoped that He wouldn't be upset anymore and that We/we could talk about it. Finally, after hours went by, deidre made some comment about something that was on the radio. Poof. Everything was back to normal. We/we still hadn't discussed anything, but His tone was no longer one of a disciplinarian.

At some point during the day deidre had drafted the note as Master instructed her to. There was another misunderstanding that prompted a discussion on why Master seemed upset this morning. It turns out that He was under the impression that He had told deidre to come back and talk to Him when she could do so without being angry, not to just simply leave Him alone. deidre begged Him to please not ever leave the way that He did again, and explained to Him why. He told her that if she was going to behave the way she was that He would continue to leave without saying anything to her no matter what she thought. Again, this hurt deidre's feelings. Before the conversation could be finished the phone rang and deidre ended up on a 3 hour long phone sex call.

When she was done, Master was already asleep.

This morning everything seemed fine. deidre was still hurt and didn't understand why Master wouldn't promise not to leave that way again but deidre didn’t want to push the issue. she just wanted to get through most of the day without any miscommunications. We/we started working on a project together. At some point deidre needed to make a call, but the phone didn't want to work right. deidre got frustrated, closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Master saw this as another sign of anger. The phones in this house have actually been a major point of frustration for the past few weeks.

deidre’s reaction irritated Him, but He suggested that she use His cell phone instead. she got the phone, opened it and discovered that it was off. Master’s cell phone doesn’t have a button dedicated to turning it on and off. It’s designed to have some mysterious way of doing it, which deidre now knows. deidre’s only done it once or twice and couldn’t remember how to do it. So she asked. Master looked at her and said something like, “You don’t know how to turn on the cell phone?” deidre read too much into His comment and it translated as, “Hey you stupid cunt. Aren’t you smart enough to even turn on a simple cell phone?” That wasn’t His intention, but at that point it didn’t matter. All of the frustration that deidre had felt from yesterday spilled over it all combined and deidre let it all out. she started shouting at Master that this is the very reason why she can’t just give Him a simple “she doesn’t know” answer, because He gets this tone that makes her feel like some kind of fucking dumb ass stupid worthless piece of shit. This is that point when kaya’s fairy would be hiding behind something say, “oh girl, you have done it now!”

The rest is kind of a blur. He grabbed deidre’s hair in His fist, yanked it hard, told her to come with Him. He had her lie down over the ottoman. He came back and started to beat her ass and thighs with His belt. At first deidre refused to react. she wasn’t about to give Him the satisfaction, but as He continued it became more difficult to ignore. Soon she was whimpering then screaming, the screaming as loud as she possibly could. That’s when He stopped.

He told her to kneel down in front of Him. she was still angry of course and it was written across her face loud and clear. He began to explain that He didn’t want a little bitch like that in His house. He told her when she came to be His that He would never send her away, He would still never get rid of her, but that doesn’t mean that He can’t just lock her away in the cage for the next week until her behavior improves.

At some point deidre was given the chance to talk, to explain what had led up to her tantrum, which is basically what it was. We/we talked and came to some conclusions. When Master gets “that tone” it doesn’t mean He thinks she’s stupid. He knows His slave is not stupid. When He gets the other “that tone” it doesn’t mean that He is pissed at her. Usually it means He’s just frustrated, mostly it’s directed at something other than deidre, but the way she is wired, she tries to take responsibility for everything. Hearing either of those 2 tones normally makes deidre want to just hide, to shrink inside herself and not come out until everything is happy again. We/we agreed that deidre needs to make sure that if she feels that anything is wrong she needs to talk to Him. If Master sees an action as meaning one thing, when it doesn’t she needs to explain it to Him in a properly submissive manner.

For a while He just held her in His arms while she cried and apologized. He told her that she is not a bad slave, that He loves her, and that sometimes even good slaves need to be corrected.

Afterward He took deidre into the bedroom and allowed her to worship His cock with her mouth until He came into her throat, then allowed her to just cuddle up in a fetal position down between His legs for a while.

Now everything really is all better. Well, except deidre’s butt. It has some nice red marks and welts across it to remind deidre to contain herself.