Why Speak in 3rd person?

indreamsshecame recently commented that she had “never met someone who speaks in 3rd person. you mention that it is important to you, and if you would be so kind, i would appreciate learning more about why it feels right for you.”

deidre realized that while she addressed the question of how and when she learned to do so here she’s never exactly explained the purpose behind it.

First of all, and this isn’t directed toward any person in particular, deidre would like to say that there is quite a bit of negativity in certain communities toward those who are allowed to speak this way. It seems to stem from the mistaken assumption that those who do so are “only online slaves” Regardless of how the person serves (internet, phone, cam, weekend, evening or 24/7) this girl assumes that they still give the same amount of devotion. Saying that those who serve or control online or only part time are not real or are somehow less than others is just as ludicrous as saying that submissives are something less than slaves because they don’t submit fully. It’s not true. Each holds a different level of submission or dominance according to what meets the needs of the person. It doesn’t make them less real. The only thing that would make a person something less in this girl’s mind is if they chose not to express this particular parts of themselves as fully as possible.

Now, onto the actual question. Why speak in 3rd person?

kaya_s said it very well recently here when she said Third person speech in the context of a Master/slave relationship is a psychological technique designed to erase, or neutralize the sense of "I". Speaking in third creates detachment of self and as the gap between the 'I' and the 'me' deepens, the slave is forced into the position of pure object and loses his or her sense of interiority, intimacy, and privacy. The denial of these pronouns is the removal of ego.

Not only does it erase the sense of “I” and remove the focus from self but it is also a way for an Owner to take even more control. In deidre’s situation not only does He control what she wears, what and when she eats, where and when she shits, pisses, sleeps, sometimes even her breath but her speech as well. Every time she refers to herself she uses the name He gave her (deidre), or refers to her status as His (Master’s slave, Your bitch etc). The idea is that nothing is done with Him being the first thought in her mind.

Anonymous Quote

Never put off till tomorrow what your slave can do today.

Domestic Incarceration

Other than in psychology journals requiring paid access, deidre found little to no information discussing the psychological effects of social withdrawal and/or domestic incarceration as it relates to consensual slavery so she can only relate her own experiences here.

deidre has found that over the past 3 years of her enslavement she has chosen to become more and more reclusive. she uses the word "chosen" because it’s self-imposed. While Master enjoys deidre’s desire to withdraw from society, directing even more of her focus toward Him, at first it concerned Him.

He and deidre both worried initially over her emotional and psychological well being. It’s become evident though that leaving her safe zone has more immediate negative effects than staying within.

deidre’s safe zone is more of a mental place than a physical one. While she is at home, with Master, serving and pleasing as she was meant to, with little to no disturbance from the outside or "vanilla" world she is her peak comfort zone.

If she’s outside of this house, but in a place where she is free to speak in 3rd person, free to refer to Him as Master, and free to be herself she generally feels just as comfortable. At that point the outside world still has little to no affect upon deidre’s behavior.

The discomfort begins to surface when there is a possibility of interaction with someone for whom deidre must pretend to be someone else. Walking the dogs down the street or going to the grocery store becomes stressful because deidre may be forced to speak with one of the neighbors beyond the usual polite greeting. deidre has nothing to say to them. There’s no common ground.

One would think that deidre worries about revealing bits of Our/our lifestyle as danaewhispering mentioned, but that is the least of this girl's concerns and certainly isn’t a cause of her avoidance behavior. Even if deidre’s slips weren’t rare, those who matter already know or suspect even if the subject is avoided and Master doesn’t really care enough about the rest for it to matter to deidre.

Technically it’s not a social anxiety disorder because the fear is not of being rejected or judged by others. It’s simply a desire or need to restrict contact to those from whom deidre receives no benefit and those who hinder rather than foster her submission.

As stressful as it is, social exposure is easily manageable in small doses up to as much as a day or sometimes two but the reaction become more extreme the longer deidre is forced into social situations. deidre becomes extremely irritable but with no way to express it. Gradually the tension builds up in deidre until she’s ready to explode. Simple things like being touched or the sounds of someone’s eating become even more unbearable than usual.

It’s for these reasons that deidre has decided it’s better for her to impose a form of domestic incarceration upon herself. In the past year she’s been away from home for periods longer than a few hours only twice. The first was her trip to see family in California and lasted 8 days. The second was this most recent trip to Orlando for Thanksgiving. deidre has been given the option 3 or 4 other times to accompany Master to Orlando, Atlanta, San Antonio etc, but has declined due to feeling more comfortable at home, even if it’s without Master.

One would think that this isolation would lead to loneliness. In fact that is one of the main worries with people who have become isolated due to health or disability. The only time deidre feels lonely though is when Master isn’t here, never when He is even if deidre hasn’t interacted with another person for days. Loneliness is defined as a subjective experience and is not synonymous with social isolation, which represents a lack of involvement in a social network.

An article earlier this month from The Belonging Initiative states that the following elements that lead to diminishing the feeling of loneliness:

*Opportunities to compare: Loneliness is diminished when people have a chance to compare their own pasts with other people’s.

*Sense of control: Loneliness is diminished when people have a sense of control of some aspect of their environment.

*Someone to confide in: Loneliness is diminished when people have a confidante.

Through both her interactions with Master and the internet deidre has every single one of those. When blogging she is able to compare her own life, past, present and future, to others much more easily than she would be able to do so in person and she is confiding with anyone who chooses to read with each entry. That’s why comments, even if they don’t seem to say anything meaningful are so important to deidre. They validate and confirm. she is able to control her own writing, her work, and how pleasing she is to Master.

Once the worries about loneliness, psychological health, and emotional health are out of the way what’s left but to enjoy being a happy slave girl serving her Master, devoting herself more and more to Him in a way that really is natural? Afterall, we are defined by our interactions with others. If a slave's only interaction is with her Master/Dom/Daddy then He and He alone defines her. He reshapes her into what He wishes her to be regardless of what she once was, making her even more pleasing to Him in the end.




tags: Domestic Incarceration, Social Isolation, Leaving the comfort zone, Social avoidance, Social withdrawal

Rambling about "firsts"

deidre’s been thinking about firsts lately for some reason. Some of them easily point to the person that she is now and her current sexual preferences.

First there’s deidre’s sexuality. deidre began playing with girls at the age of 8. It was mostly innocent, if being naked together rubbing private parts can be called innocent, but deidre always found it exciting in a way she couldn’t understand at the time.

When she was 15 she got together with an ex-boyfriend (who she was secretly still in love with) and his current girlfriend and the 3 of us played a little bit. Mostly he watch while Jodi and deidre kissed and touched each other’s breasts.

That year was also the same year that deidre told her best friend that she had developed a crush on her. deidre’s friend didn’t take it too well and the relationship was never the same after that.

deidre can remember back to the first image of a naked man she saw. Believe it or not it was in a fairy tale book as an illustration accompanying “The Emperor’s New Clothes” The picture didn’t actually show any naughty bits, but deidre found herself intrigued none the less.

When she was in her early teens deidre and her sister, E, would flip back and forth to catch the brief flash of something naughty on the scrambled cable channels. deidre remembers one of those movies having a woman chained, naked, in a stone room like an old prison or castle. The woman was being whipped or flogged. The image gave deidre masturbation material for quite a while. Up until a few days ago she’d forgotten all about that.

Of course, there’s the big first. Poppin’ the cherry. deidre had mono at the time and wasn’t really into it but decided to go with it anyway. The guy was her first boyfriend but it’d been 2 years since we’d dated. There must’ve been some fumbling foreplay, but deidre doesn’t remember much about that part. What she does remember is lying there on her back with this boy on top of her rutting away, pushing his cock in and out. At some point deidre asked if she was supposed to be feeling something. Isn’t it supposed to be like it always is in those romance novels with multiple orgasms and sweat and passion? It wasn’t like that at all. Instead it was this monotonous pumping in and out and in and out. Finally deidre lost patience and told him to stop. It just wasn’t doing it for her.

A year later when deidre fucked him and his best friend he still hadn’t figured anything out. If it hadn’t been for the amazing tongue that his friend had deidre probably would’ve walked out of that second experience as well.

deidre’s already written about how she discovered the world of BDSM. It started with a pony play article which led to the internet, which led to trying (key word is trying) to explore with N, her ex, which led to exploring with a coworker, which in turn led back to the internet and finally deidre ended up with Master.

Most of these seem pretty normal. deidre doesn’t think that anyone would look at this and say, “wow, deidre. you should’ve known from the time you were young that you were meant to be a slave” deidre never played bondage games, or house where she was the little girl who got spanked, or even pretended to be a pony. deidre was pretty normal. If anything a couple events in her childhood point toward deidre being more of a Domme than anything else.

There was a boy who lived across the street from deidre when she was young. deidre thinks his name was David. deidre and E. both had a crush on David and we’d play games to try to get David to tell us who he liked best. It never worked, but deidre remembers that he and deidre would hop onto deidre’s bike, deidre in front, him behind, and ride double up and down the street. There’s not really room for more than one person on a bike seat but we made it work. deidre would squirm back in the seat and press down knowing that her ass was crushing David’s poor little penis. He’d say ow and whine about it, which would make deidre do it even harder. This girl can remember the intense pleasure she received from causing him pain. she loved it. deidre would ride faster just to make sure that David couldn’t hop off of the bike so that she could continue to squash his balls and penis.

deidre also remembers tormenting this poor girl in jr high just because she didn’t want to be best friends anymore. Evidently deidre was so mean that the girl eventually changed schools. deidre got off on making her life miserable, making her cry.

Maybe karma is getting deidre back now for all of the nasty things she did when she was a kid by making her fall in love with a Sadist but not granting her the tiniest bit of masochism.

Anyway. Now that deidre has bored everyone to death, she’s curious about what other people’s firsts were. First sex, first g on g, first kiss, first time being turned on etc.

Thanksgiving Plans and Recipes

Thanksgiving is almost here and deidre’s very excited. This year she’ll be heading over to Orlando as is traditional for Master, to have Thanksgiving Dinner with Master’s cousins. His brother, the nicest guy in the world, will be flying down from Atlanta, and His other cousin and her son are flying out from California as well. deidre will spend tomorrow baking the pumpkin crunch that everyone has come to love, as well as making up her cranberry relish, and possibly preparing stuff for a new salad that she’s just fallen in love with.
Cranberries are one of the reasons why deidre loves this time of year. Dad would always make up a big batch of cranberry relish, so that deidre could take a few quarts home with her. Even before He did that deidre loved the stuff in a can. Not the chunky kind, the kind that’s nice and smooth and makes that wonderful sound as it’s coming out of the can. Last year deidre attempted to make a Jell-O mold with fruit and sour cream, but it didn’t set right so she stuck it in the blender with some vodka and made a pretty yummy drink out of it.

Thanksgiving Day, before dinner, is spent browsing through the papers so that they (note: not deidre or Master) can get up at some freaking insane hour of the morning and go shopping. Now, while deidre is very female, somehow she was formed without that predisposition to shopping that most of us seem to have. deidre hates it. she hates crowds. she hates waiting in line. she hates the stupidity that runs rampant this time of year when people go into stores for shopping. It’s insanity, and deidre already has enough of that on her own without trying to add even more to it.

They usually make it back around 8 am, cook up some breakfast and then crash. About this time Master and deidre get up and have some nice quiet time together. There’s a park nearby that the dogs love, and the playground is fun. There are more real trees in their neighborhood than here so deidre gets a taste of the autumn color change.

After a few days spent lounging around, and nights spent drinking Harvey Wallbangers and Golden Cadillacs it comes time for flights to leave and for Master and His bitches to head back home. K usually come with us and flies out of Tampa after another day or two of time spent in St. Pete. This time he’s set it up so that we can go to an Olivia Newton-John concert with him. K’s a really big fan of hers. In fact he just bought a new mini cooper and named it Livie after ONJ. The only music of hers that deidre knows is the music from Greece, so hopefully it won’t be too bad.

Actually just being able to hang out with K will be fun. He and deidre have a way of kind of ganging up on Master, teasing Him and torturing Him with bad puns. Having K here for a few days will be like a warm up for when We/we are up in Atlanta with Him for Christmas and New Years. 

made by missgiter

Yesterday Morning

she had no coffee but managed to get up and get herself ready for the grocery store without it. Yes people, miracles can happen. The store was crowded, and it took everything deidre had not to start running over people that were being idiots.

deidre got everything on her list, and then realized after Master paid and We/we were in the parking lot, that she forgot to put whipping cream on the list. Freaking caffeine addiction. Luckily Master didn’t mind going back later to get it for her.

deidre was excited because she was going to be grinding up a shit load of cranberries. she had gotten a nice big thing of coffee at the store and could make some up, hot and steamy. Master left to run some secret errand that deidre’s not allowed to ask about, and so deidre put on Christmas music.

The KitchenAid was set up with the meat grinder attachment and deidre started grinding up her berries. she was sipping her coffee singing along to Harry Connick Jr when the KitchenAid started going spastic! All of the sudden deidre’s kitchen seemed like a war zone. The grinder attachment started spinning wildly so deidre grabbed a hold of it which in turn caused the base of the machine to start rotating. It was like watching a film in slow motion…the base turned toward the coffee maker…the base hit the coffee maker…the coffee maker moved toward the edge of the counter…the coffee maker, with 10 freshly brewed cups of hot coffee in the pot fell over the edge of the counter…the coffee maker crashed onto the floor…

This all took less than 30 seconds. deidre managed to turn off the KitchenAid and look around at what used to be her pretty white kitchen and dining room. There was now partially ground cranberries, coffee, coffee grounds, glass, and plastic pieces on the counter, floor, cabinets and walls. The lifeless carcass of what used to be deidre’s coffee maker was lying in the middle, beyond hope.

Needless to say, deidre was not very happy. she’s not the type of person who normally screams out curse words when upset, but if there was a time to do it, yesterday was it. Any sailor would’ve been proud to hear the expletives coming from deidre’s mouth with such force and venom. It was truly a beautiful thing, but it didn’t change the fact that deidre’s coffee maker was dead.

As deidre was cleaning up the mess she started to think that an incident like this must mean something (other than the fact that deidre shouldn’t use the KitchenAid near any other important appliance) Was it a sign? Was this going to be a horrible holiday season for deidre? Was this just the first bad thing to happen of many? Was there going to be a terrible accident in front of a Starbucks involving a cranberry truck? Or maybe while listening to The Cranberries and drinking coffee? What did it all mean?

Then deidre realized that she was just over-analyzing things again and it probably meant nothing. Now that that coffee maker was out of the way she had more counter space and the whole incident woke her up much more quickly and effectively than the entire pot of coffee could have anyway.

Now deidre is sitting here drinking coffee that the neighbors (who got her drunk last night) were kind enough to bring over. It’s good and just one more thing that deidre is thankful for.

Charles Dickens' David Copperfield

Thus I began my new life, in a new name, and with everything new about me. Now that the state of doubt was over, I felt...like one in a dream…The remembrance of that life is fraught with so much pain to me, with so much mental suffering and want of hope, that I have never had the courage even to examine how long I was doomed to lead it. Whether it lasted for a year, or more, or less, I do not know. I only know that it was, and ceased to be…and there I leave it.

the first time deidre took it in the mouth

deidre fiercely tore open its prison walls. she was surprised when it slid out into her hand, but she quickly adapted to the feel of it in her hand. she held it gently, careful that it didn't melt under her touch before she could really enjoy it. deidre held it to her nose and inhaled deeply, permanently storing its unique scent in her memory.

this girl gently ran her tongue across the ever-so-subtle ridge before taking it deeply into her mouth. she took it in her mouth as far as it would go. It took all of deidre's strength to resist the urge to swallow it whole! her tongue worked on its sweet shell until she could finally start to taste its slightly salty filling...

The quickness took this girl by surprise, and she moaned in approval, even though she hoped it would have lasted longer. deidre held the last few morsels on her tongue, savoring the taste before swallowing it all. she smiled, already looking forward to the next time..............

Thank goodness Reese's peanut butter cups are sold in packages of two!

(What were *you* thinking?)

...wings made of wishes...

deidre’s been blessed in making some wonderful, deep and lasting friendships with a select few of her Callers. These men are the kind of people that deidre can see in her life, not just as phone fucks, but as in person, real relationships. One of those wonderful people called deidre today.

He’s the kind of guy who cares for deidre just as she is. He loves her giggly side, her shy side, her loud side, her sexual sides (both hard fucking and soft and sensual lovemaking). He especially enjoys the lesbian who shares deidre’s body with the horny slut that could never live without cock.

As we were chatting today deidre was struck by how incredible the relationship is. we were talking just like 2 old friends, which, basically, we are. It started off with politics, then ran on to the CMAs, our similar experiences in stepping barefooted in shit (his just happened while deidre was on the phone with him), onto raw cocks and then…then he did something wonderful.

Next he told deidre the real reason he called today. He wanted to give her a song. He sat down at the piano, and while deidre listened he played and sang it just for her. It was beautiful. He told deidre afterward that it’s a song that has been very close to his heart for a number of years, but that it seemed to fit us at the moment. It’s called Rainbow Sleeves, written by Tom Waits:

You used to dream yourself away each night
To places that you’ve never been
On wings made of wishes that you whispered to yourself
Back when every night the moon and you would sweep away
To places that you knew you would never get the blues

Now whiskey gives you wings to carry each one of your dreams
And the moon does not belong to you
But I believe that your heart keeps young dreams
Well, I’ve been told to keep from ever growing old
And a heart that has been broken will be stronger when it mends

Don’t let the blues stop singing
Darling, you only got a broken wing
Hey, you just hang on to my rainbow
Hang on to my rainbow
Hang on to my rainbow sleeves

Thank you, T. deidre loves you. You're stronger than you think you are, and you have a very special place in this little girl’s heart.

random thoughts on voting and slavery

Master controls every aspect of this girl’s life on some level. He controls where she goes. He dictates what she wears. He decides if, when, and what she eats or drinks. He is in charge of if and where she shits and pisses. He enjoys this control, it’s one of the main reasons that He sought a slave.

As His slave, His property, a thing which He owns, He also controls her voting process. He is the one who will or will not permit her to vote, and who will decide if she will double the strength of His own vote by having her vote exactly the same way that He does, or allow her to vote her own mind.

Does being a part of a relationship where another controls that privilege basically undermine the entire point? Does it take that hard won privilege and throw it back into the faces of those who fought for it? Does it spit in the face of democracy?

Or does it do something different? The fact that we start out with the choice, then choose to give it away…the very fact that we have the right to choose to give it away, isn’t that something incredibly special? Isn’t that the kind of decision that we should be able to trust our Owners with?