Thank You, Master.

deidre has come to realize that not only are there people outside of the lifestyle that are unable (unwilling?) to comprehend the path that deidre has chosen, but there are those that are part of the BDSM world that don’t as well. There are those that just don’t understand how she can give herself completely. They don’t comprehend the why. They don’t realize that as a slave she is nothing more than what He wants her to be. she is simply a reflection of Him, a projection of His desires. As His Owned property, every part of her belongs to Him. As a slave, she came to Him, offered up every piece of her soul, her heart, her mind, and her body trusting Him to give back those aspects that are necessary for His pleasure and keeping the others locked away safe.

Master:

In 19 days it will be 2 years since You officially gave deidre Your collar (again- but this time for real). deidre loves You, Master. she worships You. she needs You more than anything else. she thanks You for loving her, for cherishing her, for keeping her as Yours, even when things from the outside cause complications. Thank You for holding her both when her body is racked with sobs and with laughter. Thank You for allowing her simply to be herself, for wanting her even when it’s hard to understand exactly what she doing/thinking/feeling. she wishes she could give You as much as You have given her, Master. she has nothing that hasn’t already come from You, but she will spend the rest of her life showing You how much she loves being Yours.

j’taime

childhood hauntings

A livejournal post from yesterday reminded deidre of something from her childhood. Something a little freaky actually, though it didn’t seem freaky at all when she was young. From the time Dad and Mom bought the house until they divorced and deidre got to move into the Master bedroom (from about age 6 through age 12) deidre slept with a ghost each and every night.

No, deidre was not crazy or imagining things. she very distinctly remembers trying to figure out every way that this visitor could be rationally explained. There was no way that it was light from the street or from the neighbor’s house. It was impossible that light from Mom and Dad’s bedroom right next door could’ve been coming through the air conditioning vent. It wasn’t some trick that deidre’s sister was playing on her.

There really was this lighter patch of darkness hovering over her as she drifted off to sleep. For some reason deidre never tried to touch it, or to talk to it. It never scared her or threatened her. It never made a sound. It was just there. Night after night.

It wasn’t until years later, after deidre had moved away and gotten married that she mentioned it to anyone else. As she grew older deidre convinced herself that she had imagined it all as children do.

One evening when Mom was over for dinner we were talking about things that deidre used to do when she was young, and the subject of this make believe ghost came up. The look on Mom’s face turned into one of fear and amazement as she began to tell deidre that when we first moved into the house, she had also seen something. Evidently this being had originally been hanging out in the Master bedroom. It scared Mom pretty badly, but left when she asked it to. She actually sat up in bed one night and politely asked it to leave. Little did Mom know that it just moved right into her children’s bedroom.

Finding this out was pretty incredible for deidre. Not only had she not imagined this ghost for years and years, but someone else had seen it too. Besides how cool is it to have your very own personal ghost?

In 3 weeks deidre goes back to her hometown, back to that house. Will it still be there? If it is will it show itself to deidre once again? Will it try to communicate with this one?

Master's home

Master’s finally home! His flight from Kansas ended up being delayed long enough that He had to reschedule the connecting flight from Atlanta and so landed in Tampa 2 hours later than originally planned. By the time We/we got home We/we were both exhausted and basically just went to bed.

Yesterday was another wonderful day off though. Master allowed deidre to sleep in, and He stayed with her so that she could cuddle in His arms as she slept and soak up some of that love she’d been missing since Wednesday. We/we didn’t do anything too terribly exciting during the day. Master’s cousin’s cocker spaniel is here while they drive back from Kansas/Oklahoma. What a poor little doggy. His eye sight has been fading gradually, and as of a few months ago He is completely blind. Twice a day He gets 3 different kinds of drops in His little buggy eyes. He has some kind of ear problem as well so twice a day she also has to put this vinegar stuff in there and clean it out with a q-tip, or else they clog up with wax. The whole process is a pain in the butt, but he’s such a cute dog and so loving that it makes it worth it just to see His puny little tail wagging happily.

While Dex is here We/we can’t really be away from the house too long or He starts to howl so there were no big Memorial Day plans. deidre whipped up a quick dessert Monday morning and at noon We/we headed over to the completely vanilla block party like thing that one of the neighbors puts on every year. Master mentioned several times (only half jokingly) that He should’ve brought a paddle or whip for some of the kids there. He’d never actually do anything, but Master’s “herd of screaming-jumping-watersplashing kids” threshold is fairly low. Especially when it appears that every parent is assuming that some other parent is watching them all when in fact nobody is. The food was good, and it was good to get together with everyone from the neighborhood, but We/we only stayed about 2 hours before walking back home to the quiet and calm of Master’ home.

Master decided that today would be another day where deidre gets to drink His piss throughout the day as well. Every couple of hours He’d have her go outside on the grass and kneel down so that her mouth was at the level of His cock. It’d been a while since deidre has tasted His water (the last time she was drunk) and it made her shudder quite a bit as she swallowed down every drop the first time. After that she was more used to it and was able to have a more appropriate reaction to the blessing of Master’s piss.

After dinner He took deidre into the bedroom and allowed her to worship His cock with her ass. First He had her suck Him a bit until His cock was both hard and wet from her mouth, then He had her climb up on top of Him, straddle Him, and push herself down so that His cock filled her asshole completely. He squeezed her nipples and breasts hard enough to make her cry as she rode His sweet cock then filled her with His seed. Afterward He had deidre lie down in a fetal position between His legs with her head resting upon one of His thighs as He dozed off.

After He woke up from His after sex slumber, Master decided to allow deidre to watch a movie with Him. Unfortunately We/we managed to pick what must have been one of Tom Hank’s worst movies ever called Mazes and Monsters. deidre thinks it was one of His first movies. Wow, was it bad. The ONLY good part of it was Tom Hanks.

After the movie Master took His little bitch to bed and held her again while He told her how much He had missed her while He was away. It sure is good to have Him home again.

Anniversary piercings

Master comes home tomorrow after being gone since Wednesday. Its funny. Once He leaves deidre always has this 6 10 hour period where she feels kind of excited because she has the whole house all to herself, and then all of the sudden the loneliness kicks in and she feels that emptiness that is always there when Hes absent. Theres nobody to bow to, nobody to beg for permission to be allowed to eat, drink, go potty, get on the furniture etc, yet deidre does it anyway. she used to feel a bit silly bowing and begging in an empty house, and giving herself permission, but now its comforting. Of course, its not nearly as nice as being able to kneel before Him to kiss His hand and tell Him how much she loves Him or being allowed to come up behind Him while He is in His chair or at the table to stroke His hair and give Him a hug, but deidre thinks she getting a little better each time He goes.

she had this wonderful idea last night. The anniversary of her collaring is coming up on the 22nd of next month. (Yay deidre!) Its also Masters birthday. For quite a while He has been planning to have deidres labia and clit hood pierced, but waiting for the right time Master hates for deidres pussy to be unavailable. Hed never want to compromise the healing time for her little cunt so fucking will be out for who knows how long, and all of the pounding deidres little slit gets during a regular days work would essentially do the same thing. Since deidre will be away for 8 days in California shortly after Masters birthday, though, it will be perfect timing. By the time she returns to His house shell be halfway done with the healing process and it wont be any more of an inconvenience to Master than her absence would be anyway. It comes with the added bonus of being a special reminder of Him and her slavery the entire time she is away.

The branding will probably have to wait. The original plan was to do all 7 piercings and the brand at the same time so that, again, Master is not inconvenienced in any way, but He doesnt yet have the branding equipment, and He wants to be 100% prepared so that it turns out perfectly and doesnt end up causing any problems. deidre thinks that Masters plan now is to do the brandings for both deidre and her future sister slave at the same time. Possibly in conjunction with the sistering ceremony.

A Day of Anal

Greystroke’s Question # 3

Let’s see. If deidre is allowed an entire day devoted only to her sister’s ass it would be wonderful! Let’s assume that this sister feels much the same way that deidre did about anal play when deidre came to Master. We’ll call her x to make it easier. x will have been fucked in her ass before simply as if it were only another hole (which it is) with no desire for her to ever feel pleasure that way. she’ll never have had anyone use her tongue on her ass, and be quite skittish about things ass related in general.

deidre knows exactly how x feels, she’s been there before after all, so first thing in the morning deidre will draw a hot bubble bath for her sister. The two of us will get in together and relax for a few moments before we start to talk about how this command from Master makes x feel a bit uncomfortable, in fact it makes her feel downright humiliated, but she’d never deny Him. her face is burning bright red and her eyes are down as she almost whispers her shame. Deidre kisses her on her forehead, tilts her chin up to kiss her nose and finally places her lips to her sisters lightly. X raises her eyes to deidre’s and deidre tells her that it’s ok, that it will all be alright. Just remember this is for His pleasure. His pleasure will become yours.

deidre begins to wash x’s body, allowing her to lie back and relax as the bath puff glides over x’s skin. Her nipples harden and x moans slightly as deidre caresses every part of her slowly, washing away her shame until she glistens. deidre’s cupped hands gently spill warm water down onto x to rinse away the body wash. she smells of citrus and ginger.

deidre slips in behind x, with deidre’s back resting up against the tub, her legs spread. X is sitting up just in front of her. All that separates x from the heat of deidre’s cunt is a few inches of fragrant water. X tilts her head back and deidre begins to wet her hair with fresh water from the spout and then to wash her hair with blackberry shampoo. deidre massages the suds into x’s scalp until she is moaning with pleasure, and then once again rinses her.

When we step out of the tub deidre pulls the big fluffy white towel off of the towel rack and begins to dry x’s body from head to toe. X sits down and deidre begins to comb the snarls from her wet hair gently, part it in the middle and braid it into the little girl braids that Master adores her in.

deidre leads x to the bedroom and has her lie down, face up on the bed, and get comfortable. deidre will crawl up on the bed next to x, lying on her side, facing x. deidre starts with a kiss, a teasing kiss where her lips hardly touch x’s lips, a kiss of nothing more than breath, slowly trailing these breathing kisses across x’s face, to her forehead, her nose, her cheeks, her chin, her neck, over to each ear, and then begin to trail the kisses down x’s body, hovering just a little longer over each nipple until they are engorged with blood. No part of deidre will actually touch x as she takes in x’s scent from her cunt and then breathes it back onto her. After deidre’s breath has tickled the very last toe she begins to kiss her way back up, this time with long slow sucking kisses, taking time to taste every part of x’s body until she is once again kissing x’s mouth, this time hard, passionate, sucking the breath from x until she is panting, until every nerve is crying out.

Once again deidre kisses her way down to x’s nipples, using her fingers and mouth until x is writhing, stopping only to move down to x’s dripping wet and hot cunt. x parts her legs as deidre begins to tease with her tongue licking up and down her slit, tasting her juices, savoring them, using her tongue to scoop them out of that sweet fuck hole. X’s body tenses, quivers, she screams out over and over and the collapses in that after orgasm nirvana.

One finger slides up inside, swirling, then curving to bring out that creamy treat. It’s painted onto x’s mouth like lip gloss, dipped inside again and applied onto her areola and hard nipples. deidre’s mouth closes around x’s clit again to bring her to 2…3…4 orgasms; to force x’s mind to be overcome by the pleasure so that while deidre’s tongue continues to tease x’s clit her finger can begin to slowly explore x’s sensitive hole.

That one finger, coated in more fuck juice, circles slowly around the opening, presses against it lightly, then circles again until finally just the tip presses inside. deidre holds her finger there, just slightly invading the tight ring of x’s asshole as she begins to once again bring x to orgasm. At that moment when x is bucking and screaming with pleasure deidre slides her finger in all the way and begins to fuck her gently.

to be continued...

a flaw?

Sometimes it is so difficult to obey, or rather to keep herself from disobeying. Every once in a while there is something that deidre is compelled to do and she wants to so badly that she finds herself trying to find ways to get around it, ways to tweak the meaning of the order so that she can do it anyway and claim ignorance, “but Master, deidre thought You meant….” Then she feels like such a horrible slave for thinking those things, for being willfully disobedient in thought, even if not in action. Does it count if one thinks it then doesn’t act upon it? Isn’t one mark of a well trained slave being totally controlled, completely submissive to Him in every way possible including every thought? Do other slaves do this or is deidre just flawed?

Moving On...

The ‘jada chapter’ in deidre’s life is now over so deidre will be moving onto the next chapter in her life, whatever that may be. she's just glad that she has Master here at her side to always keep her body, soul and heart safe.

Tomorrow is one of deidre’s favorite days of the year besides the anniversary of her collaring, Halloween, Christmas and Master’s birthday. It’s Free Museum Day when 9 of the museums about town are open to anyone who is a resident of Pinellas County with no admission. Last year we went to the Dali Museum, the Museum of Fine Arts and the St. Petersburg Museum of History which were all pretty typical. We/we also attempted to go to Great Explorations the Children's Museum, but it was packed so We/we just checked out the gift shop instead.

This year We/we’ll go to Great Explorations the Children's Museum first thing, and since Sunken Gardens is right next door We/we will probably walk through it. Then We/we’ll head over to the Florida Craftsman Gallery and to Creative Clay, which is a wonderful gallery making the arts accessible to members of the community regardless of age, gender, ability or race. Much of the artwork in this gallery was created by developmentally disabled persons and is very beautifully made. If there’s time We/we’ll have the opportunity to go to the Saturday morning market as well.

Sometime Sunday Master’s cousin is coming over for the night so deidre won’t be able to work much. she will have fun getting to prepare a meal for company though and has already started looking through the cook books. she’s thinking that something grilled might be nice, or her herb crusted grouper that seems to be such a big hit. That night We/we’ll get to hang out in the hot tub for a few hours and just relax.

Monday will be deidre’s last day off before Master leaves for His trip to Kansas and Oklahoma. He’ll only be gone for 5 days, but deidre tends to miss Him when He’s only gone for a few house so We/we’ll see how it works out. deidre gets to drive Master to the airport Wednesday afternoon and will be driving home by herself. It’ll be the furthest she’s driven alone since before He collared her. The rest of the time He’s with her and He’s doing the driving. Guess it’ll be prep for next month’s trip to California when deidre will be by herself doing all of the driving for 8 days.

deidre is very much looking forward to that trip. she will get to see most of her family, meet a Caller or two and visit her home town where she grew up. she’s pretty sure that none of her classmates ever guessed that shy, quiet little deidre who was always either in the theater practicing for an upcoming play or in the library reading poetry would turn out to be such a little whore. It’s too bad that deidre will not be able to go to her 10 – year class reunion, but she has the feeling that quite a few of her old classmates will be there when she is over the holiday.

Thanks to E/everyone for all of the kind words, and well wishes during the last few weeks. deidre’s poor little attitude was pretty pessimistic, but she is now back to her old self and ready for the search to begin again.

Gay Porn

deidre recently had an incredibly fun call. It’s not something that she has the opportunity to do often, but she LOVES to be allowed to look at porn with Callers. This particular Caller has quite a large range of perversions, but in the call that she’s describing this time, she was allowed to hop onto the computer and pull up www.paybytheminute.com a website where one pays by the minute to watch a large variety of yummy porn.

We/we found our way over to the gay porn section, and then to the twink section. At first she didn’t know what a twink was (poor naïve and innocent deidre) but He explained that a twink is the gay male counterpart to the straight female teen/coed, a very young looking gay boy. We/we went through a scenario where He is sucked off by a sweet twink and then that boy’s mouth is filled with the Caller’s cum.

Not only did deidre get to check out naughty movies, and receive His cum, but she also had just gotten her new computer set up and so she went to use it instead of the old one in the office. The new one is in the living room set up to be used as a television (large screen). Master had pulled open the blinds earlier in the day so that anyone walking or driving by could see through the huge bay window into where deidre was sitting totally naked while looking at gay porn. deidre loves being the kinkiest person in the neighborhood!!

On this day 3 years ago, you passed away after a wonderful 87 years. It’s something we had known about for a while, unfortunately not nearly long enough. If someone had discovered it over the previous year while looking at all of those MRIs and CAT scans they might have been able to do something about it sooner. Instead they opened you up to fix an aortic aneurysm and discovered a bread-loaf-sized tumor had devoured your uterus.

You were a strong woman; in fact, deidre got her willfulness and stubbornness strait from you. It was only fair that you would give deidre something like that, after all, deidre was your birthday present born just one day after you turned 63. You made sure that deidre never forgot just how lucky you were to have received such a wonderful gift. deidre ended up pretty darn lucky too.

When deidre was young, you potty trained her, taught her to read numbers and then letters. You pretended to be the big bad mean shark who wanted to eat poor helpless little polywog deidre in the pool. You taught her the value of saving billions of canned goods just in case and how to properly treat a burn with the aloe vera from the front porch. You let her have Cocoa Puffs when mom and dad weren’t looking and her favorite little strawberry candies from the meat and cheese boxes.

You would go to far away places like Australia and Lithuania and bring back wonderful treats. You once brought back a leather jacket that made deidre feel just like Michael Jackson. Another time you brought a tight little hot pink spandex outfit. It was probably a little inappropriate for a 5th grader, but deidre looked damned cute in it. It’s also probably a good thing that deidre developed a little different sense of clothing taste.

Your favorite song was Mack the Knife, but you loved to listen to Guns and Roses or Garth Brooks with her too. It just kind of depended on your mood.

Once when deidre was old enough to know was S-E-X was, you pulled her aside and said, “Do you know that your grandfather and I have not had sex in over 10 years?” What does one say to a thing like that except to sit there with her mouth open for a minute, laugh nervously and say, “I love you, Gramma”

You loved to cook old Russian recipes that your mom had learned before coming to America. You adored knitting, crocheting, and sewing. If it hadn’t been for you deidre never would’ve finished her own wedding dress in time for the ceremony. You were always patient with deidre’s dumb guesses on your crossword puzzles.

For the first 2 years you were sick you came and lived with deidre. she’s so happy she had those years with you, but they went way too quickly. After you went through your 2nd course of chemo treatments though you were so weak that deidre was afraid, no terrified, that you would fall down some morning after deidre went to work and end up lying there for hours on the cold tile before anyone could come home to check. Eventually deidre had to ask dad to come take you up to his house so that B could keep an eye on you. It was a difficult decision to make, but was best in the end, and you never held it against deidre. You kept right on loving her even though she had to send you away.

deidre only got to see you two or three times between the time that you moved out and the time that deidre got “the call” she was at work that day. Suddenly dad’s voice was on the other end of the line telling deidre that the cancer was back. He’d just finished the 8 hour drive home from UC Davis and watched you slowly getting weaker minute by minute. You knew that you wouldn’t make it though another round of chemo treatments, so did he. You’d just given up. Dad thought that You might only make it another week. deidre promised to go up there the next day so she would be able to say good bye.

An hour later deidre gets another call. Dad again. He’s not sure that you will make it another 2 days. Your going fast.

One more call. You may not make it through the night. Fuck. deidre leaves work and begins the 8 hour drive to Dad’s house. It still hasn’t quite hit her yet. she’s still being the responsible optimistic mom/sister/daughter/wife etc deidre’s younger sister’s house is on the way. she plans on heading there to pick E. up.

15 minutes from E’s house “I’m Already There” by Lonestar comes on. Just to hear her say "I love you" one more time. Somehow you were there in the truck with deidre sitting on the passenger seat where you’d been so many times before. And deidre knew. You’d come to say good bye. Through the music you tell this girl I’m already there. Take a look around. I’m the sunshine in your hair. I’m the shadow on the ground. I’m the whisper in the wind. I’m your imaginary friend. And I know...I’m in your prayers. I’m already there. And deidre knew. You were gone. Part of you would always be right there with her, but still, you were gone.

deidre hated you for a moment when she found out for sure. Why didn’t you wait?!? Didn’t you love her enough to hold on for just a few more hours. Wasn’t that love strong enough to keep you alive just until she could hold your hand and tell you that she loved you? Tell you how much she needs you?

That was just for a few moments though. Then the tears finally came. That brief horrible hate was washed away and deidre was left empty. There was a hole where you used to be.

And now…now…she’s thankful.

Thank you Gramma, for everything that you’ve been, everything that you still are. deidre misses you so much. You were always there, from her earliest memories, deidre knows you will be there to meet her at the end with your arms wide open welcoming her home.

Let what will be, be.

As of right now there are 2 obvious directions that deidre’s life can go in the next month. The first, is that the next week can go by with deidre eagerly anticipating jada’s departure and then the day comes when jada either disappears or stalls and deidre realizes what she’s really known (while hoping she was wrong) this entire time – jada isn’t really coming after all. At the end of the month Master will leave for Kansas and Oklahoma and deidre will be left here alone not only missing jada but Master as well for 6 days.

The other, more positive, fork in the road has jada leaving her current home sometime in the next 5 – 10 days, arriving on Master’s doorstep 2 – 3 days later, deidre and jada both get left home together to play and enjoy each other for 6 days, able to lick away each other’s tears and keep each other occupied while Master is gone. If that is the case deidre will happily, freely, joyfully admit that she has been wrong for the past month.

Either way, deidre figures that the wait, anticipation, doubt, guilt, and moodiness will be over and done with by the 22nd. Oh it will feel so damn good.

Let’s be all happy and perky and assume for a moment that jada does show up. In that case, deidre already has a wonderful little bit of playtime planned. (she’s a Virgo, she can’t help but plan stuff) Master has already given deidre permission to basically do whatever she wants, and jada seems to be excited about the prospect. Every once in a while deidre gets what might be considered a Dominant streak in her. Now it’s not exactly a case of her being a temporary Top, but just another way for her to give pleasure.

See, jada really likes to be tied up. jada also really likes to be spanked and to have the flogger used on her. deidre really likes to make jada wet…sloppy juicy dripping begging for release wet. So while Master is gone, deidre gets to tie jada up and make her totally helpless. If deidre does it just right then this girl will be able to use her hand and the flogger on jada all day long until her thighs are shiny and sticky with her juices. All of that yummy fuck juice can’t be wasted can it? Nooooo…. So of course deidre will have to use her mouth to lap it all up until jada’s sweet cunt is grinding against deidre’s face then deidre can stop, let her hang there for a while, and start again with her hand and the flogger until jada is nice and creamy again.

What if deidre’s entire diet while Master is gone consists of nothing more than jada cream, jada juice, jada cum? deidre can walk around with that musky scent in her nostrils and that sweet juice smeared like lip gloss on her mouth. she can use it to paint herself like O, wiping it off of her face and rubbing it into her nipples, areola and pussy lips.

Ahhhhh…the possibilities are endless…