Gay Porn

deidre recently had an incredibly fun call. It’s not something that she has the opportunity to do often, but she LOVES to be allowed to look at porn with Callers. This particular Caller has quite a large range of perversions, but in the call that she’s describing this time, she was allowed to hop onto the computer and pull up www.paybytheminute.com a website where one pays by the minute to watch a large variety of yummy porn.

We/we found our way over to the gay porn section, and then to the twink section. At first she didn’t know what a twink was (poor naïve and innocent deidre) but He explained that a twink is the gay male counterpart to the straight female teen/coed, a very young looking gay boy. We/we went through a scenario where He is sucked off by a sweet twink and then that boy’s mouth is filled with the Caller’s cum.

Not only did deidre get to check out naughty movies, and receive His cum, but she also had just gotten her new computer set up and so she went to use it instead of the old one in the office. The new one is in the living room set up to be used as a television (large screen). Master had pulled open the blinds earlier in the day so that anyone walking or driving by could see through the huge bay window into where deidre was sitting totally naked while looking at gay porn. deidre loves being the kinkiest person in the neighborhood!!

On this day 3 years ago, you passed away after a wonderful 87 years. It’s something we had known about for a while, unfortunately not nearly long enough. If someone had discovered it over the previous year while looking at all of those MRIs and CAT scans they might have been able to do something about it sooner. Instead they opened you up to fix an aortic aneurysm and discovered a bread-loaf-sized tumor had devoured your uterus.

You were a strong woman; in fact, deidre got her willfulness and stubbornness strait from you. It was only fair that you would give deidre something like that, after all, deidre was your birthday present born just one day after you turned 63. You made sure that deidre never forgot just how lucky you were to have received such a wonderful gift. deidre ended up pretty darn lucky too.

When deidre was young, you potty trained her, taught her to read numbers and then letters. You pretended to be the big bad mean shark who wanted to eat poor helpless little polywog deidre in the pool. You taught her the value of saving billions of canned goods just in case and how to properly treat a burn with the aloe vera from the front porch. You let her have Cocoa Puffs when mom and dad weren’t looking and her favorite little strawberry candies from the meat and cheese boxes.

You would go to far away places like Australia and Lithuania and bring back wonderful treats. You once brought back a leather jacket that made deidre feel just like Michael Jackson. Another time you brought a tight little hot pink spandex outfit. It was probably a little inappropriate for a 5th grader, but deidre looked damned cute in it. It’s also probably a good thing that deidre developed a little different sense of clothing taste.

Your favorite song was Mack the Knife, but you loved to listen to Guns and Roses or Garth Brooks with her too. It just kind of depended on your mood.

Once when deidre was old enough to know was S-E-X was, you pulled her aside and said, “Do you know that your grandfather and I have not had sex in over 10 years?” What does one say to a thing like that except to sit there with her mouth open for a minute, laugh nervously and say, “I love you, Gramma”

You loved to cook old Russian recipes that your mom had learned before coming to America. You adored knitting, crocheting, and sewing. If it hadn’t been for you deidre never would’ve finished her own wedding dress in time for the ceremony. You were always patient with deidre’s dumb guesses on your crossword puzzles.

For the first 2 years you were sick you came and lived with deidre. she’s so happy she had those years with you, but they went way too quickly. After you went through your 2nd course of chemo treatments though you were so weak that deidre was afraid, no terrified, that you would fall down some morning after deidre went to work and end up lying there for hours on the cold tile before anyone could come home to check. Eventually deidre had to ask dad to come take you up to his house so that B could keep an eye on you. It was a difficult decision to make, but was best in the end, and you never held it against deidre. You kept right on loving her even though she had to send you away.

deidre only got to see you two or three times between the time that you moved out and the time that deidre got “the call” she was at work that day. Suddenly dad’s voice was on the other end of the line telling deidre that the cancer was back. He’d just finished the 8 hour drive home from UC Davis and watched you slowly getting weaker minute by minute. You knew that you wouldn’t make it though another round of chemo treatments, so did he. You’d just given up. Dad thought that You might only make it another week. deidre promised to go up there the next day so she would be able to say good bye.

An hour later deidre gets another call. Dad again. He’s not sure that you will make it another 2 days. Your going fast.

One more call. You may not make it through the night. Fuck. deidre leaves work and begins the 8 hour drive to Dad’s house. It still hasn’t quite hit her yet. she’s still being the responsible optimistic mom/sister/daughter/wife etc deidre’s younger sister’s house is on the way. she plans on heading there to pick E. up.

15 minutes from E’s house “I’m Already There” by Lonestar comes on. Just to hear her say "I love you" one more time. Somehow you were there in the truck with deidre sitting on the passenger seat where you’d been so many times before. And deidre knew. You’d come to say good bye. Through the music you tell this girl I’m already there. Take a look around. I’m the sunshine in your hair. I’m the shadow on the ground. I’m the whisper in the wind. I’m your imaginary friend. And I know...I’m in your prayers. I’m already there. And deidre knew. You were gone. Part of you would always be right there with her, but still, you were gone.

deidre hated you for a moment when she found out for sure. Why didn’t you wait?!? Didn’t you love her enough to hold on for just a few more hours. Wasn’t that love strong enough to keep you alive just until she could hold your hand and tell you that she loved you? Tell you how much she needs you?

That was just for a few moments though. Then the tears finally came. That brief horrible hate was washed away and deidre was left empty. There was a hole where you used to be.

And now…now…she’s thankful.

Thank you Gramma, for everything that you’ve been, everything that you still are. deidre misses you so much. You were always there, from her earliest memories, deidre knows you will be there to meet her at the end with your arms wide open welcoming her home.

Let what will be, be.

As of right now there are 2 obvious directions that deidre’s life can go in the next month. The first, is that the next week can go by with deidre eagerly anticipating jada’s departure and then the day comes when jada either disappears or stalls and deidre realizes what she’s really known (while hoping she was wrong) this entire time – jada isn’t really coming after all. At the end of the month Master will leave for Kansas and Oklahoma and deidre will be left here alone not only missing jada but Master as well for 6 days.

The other, more positive, fork in the road has jada leaving her current home sometime in the next 5 – 10 days, arriving on Master’s doorstep 2 – 3 days later, deidre and jada both get left home together to play and enjoy each other for 6 days, able to lick away each other’s tears and keep each other occupied while Master is gone. If that is the case deidre will happily, freely, joyfully admit that she has been wrong for the past month.

Either way, deidre figures that the wait, anticipation, doubt, guilt, and moodiness will be over and done with by the 22nd. Oh it will feel so damn good.

Let’s be all happy and perky and assume for a moment that jada does show up. In that case, deidre already has a wonderful little bit of playtime planned. (she’s a Virgo, she can’t help but plan stuff) Master has already given deidre permission to basically do whatever she wants, and jada seems to be excited about the prospect. Every once in a while deidre gets what might be considered a Dominant streak in her. Now it’s not exactly a case of her being a temporary Top, but just another way for her to give pleasure.

See, jada really likes to be tied up. jada also really likes to be spanked and to have the flogger used on her. deidre really likes to make jada wet…sloppy juicy dripping begging for release wet. So while Master is gone, deidre gets to tie jada up and make her totally helpless. If deidre does it just right then this girl will be able to use her hand and the flogger on jada all day long until her thighs are shiny and sticky with her juices. All of that yummy fuck juice can’t be wasted can it? Nooooo…. So of course deidre will have to use her mouth to lap it all up until jada’s sweet cunt is grinding against deidre’s face then deidre can stop, let her hang there for a while, and start again with her hand and the flogger until jada is nice and creamy again.

What if deidre’s entire diet while Master is gone consists of nothing more than jada cream, jada juice, jada cum? deidre can walk around with that musky scent in her nostrils and that sweet juice smeared like lip gloss on her mouth. she can use it to paint herself like O, wiping it off of her face and rubbing it into her nipples, areola and pussy lips.

Ahhhhh…the possibilities are endless…

What a perfect day!

deidre warns You/you in advance - this is a REALLY long entry, so You/you may want to get a cup of coffee, or tea or whatever 'cause You/you may be here for a while.

deidre just loves Mondays! It’s the one day of the week that she can count on being totally Master’s pet. she isn’t shared with anyone unless He wants her to be, she doesn’t talk to anyone unless He wants her to, she doesn’t do anything without His direct command or approval first.

Mondays usually start with deidre being allowed to sleep in a little in Master’s arms with her bottom snuggled up against His sweet cock, one of His hands resting under or near her cheek so that she can kiss it occasionally. she fits so perfectly there and it always reminds her that she was indeed created just for Him, made to serve Him. He is her life’s purpose.

Then We/we get up, He does some stuff on the puter, checking e-mails and the stock market while deidre is feeding her daily caffeine addiction and preparing His breakfast. While Master is eating, deidre plans out the day, where We/we need to go and what We/we need to do. The rest of the day is usually planned by deidre with His approval.

It’s become tradition with Us/us to go to the library Monday before We/we do anything else constructive. deidre scoops up the books and whatnot that We/we’re finished with and We/we head over one of the local libraries.

If deidre’s allowed to, she can spend hours in any place that has books. she loves to go to a bookstore and browse through the discount section since it has such a huge variety, the occult section, the kid’s section, the poetry section, the general fiction section and when she’s has extra time she’ll just start to browse random sections. It’s like a treasure hunt, except that you never quite know what is going to be inside that chest until you find it.

While deidre loves the smell of new books, even better than that is the smell (usually) of used books. Used books have so much more character to them. All of that new page crispness has been loved off of them, the pages are yellowed with age and each one has it’s own distinctive smell, telling it’s own story long before one ever begins to read.

deidre used to want to set up her own used bookstore. It would be 2 stories tall with normal well-loved used books, coffee, etc on the ground floor.

The 2nd story would be a lot different. It’d be the center, the heart of the store, and deidre’s baby. Upstairs, along the walls, is where all of the rare books would be stored and displayed for buyers. Throughout the room would be couches, chairs, beanbags, stools etc and at the far side of the room would be a small stage area with a mike. Every night would have a different theme. One would be poetry night, another music night, another guest speaker night etc. deidre’s little store would become much like the salons used to be in France, a center of creativity and a place to grow and nurture discussion and ideas. Well, that would be the plan anyway.

THAT was way off subject. Anyway. deidre loves the library and that is how We/we started yesterday with a trip there to pick up some lit and music.

Then We/we did the boring but obligatory trip to the grocery store, which has also become a tradition. First We/we feed the mind, then the body.

After coming home deidre gets to basically work on tackling her on going list of Monday to dos. Yesterday included finishing the weeding in the flower garden and putting out the rest of the cypress mulch. This means that deidre gets to do one of her favorite things, play in the dirt. It doesn’t sound very ladylike, but deidre’s never claimed to be much of a lady, and tends to be quite earthy. Master came and helped dig up and re-plant some that had gotten way bigger than deidre anticipated and in the back ground deidre got to listen to country music, of which she is a big fan. she’s slowly corrupting…ahem…converting Master into one too although she doesn’t think that He would admit it publicly.

Once that was finished, deidre kind of set aside her list and was allowed to play a bit. We/we started out in the pool, which is up to about 85 degrees and feels so good. Then deidre came inside and made up a huge salad with artichoke hearts, kidney beans, wax beans, aspergras, broccoli, carrots and sugar snap peas. she set the table with Master’s food, silverware and drink, set up her little stool on the floor next to Him, and knelt down to wait for Him. We/we ate together with Classical music playing in the background.

It was so wonderful to just be with Him, to kneel next to Him and feel Him there, knowing that deidre could reach out to touch Him at any time. Actually she’s been feeling quite clingy and glaumy lately and isn’t sure why. It may have something to do with Master’s trip to Kansas and Oklahoma at the end of this month, or with the possibility of jada’s arrival next week, deidre won’t have Him all to herself anymore and she’s trying to soak up some of that now.

After dinner Master allowed deidre to get her kneeling pillow and put it next to His chair so that We/we could watch a movie together. Tonight He allowed deidre to pick, and she decided on The Village, which neither of Us/us had seen before. What a great movie! M. Night Shyamalan is incredible in the way that He keeps You guessing until the very end. In fact if You take the first half of His movies and watch them without the end they’d seem almost boring, but the twists and turns in the second half more than make up for the first. Wow.

By this time the hot tub was up to about a hundred and it was dark so deidre got poured 2 glasses of Master’s favorite Pinot Grigio and We/we went outside to enjoy the night. Normally, deidre can drink a good amount before it starts to affect her, but tonight it didn’t work that way. It could’ve been because she hasn’t had anything to drink since the last time jada was here, or because she’d had nothing more than salad and lettuce for the past 3 days or so, but it affected her right away. To be honest, deidre ended up drunk and horny.

Those of You who have played with deidre on the phone probably would never have guessed it, but deidre is very shy sexually in person without the aid of a direct order or alcohol. Last night, it was the alcohol. Master allowed deidre to straddle Him where He was sitting in the spa and begin to rub her pussy up against His cock until it was hard. she started to kiss His neck and nibble on His ears and then to tongue fuck Master’s ear. It’s something that He absolutely loves, to feel deidre’s tongue pushing deep into His ear while her breathe blows warm over the outside, occasionally pulling out to nibble or suck again and going back to fucking. she loves to hear His sweet groans of pleasure and feel His hands rubbing up and down her body as He says, “That’s it, My little bitch”

While kissing Master deidre realized that Master had had enough wine that soon He would need to relieve Himself. Where better to release the golden water than strait down deidre throat and over her body? So she begged, and He granted her permission. 3 times while in the spa He had her climb out onto the grass and sit down with her ass on her heels, legs spread, mouth open at the level of His cock. He filled her mouth with His piss while she swallowed drinking it all down, guiding it so that it washed down onto her breasts, over her belly and onto her pussy, before draining the last of it into her throat and allowing her to get back into the hot tub with Him.

With the help of the wine deidre had another wonderful inspiration. she’s been reading ravenna_amorosa's most recent entries and begged Master for a caging session soon. He decided that there’s no time like the present and told her to get out of the hot tub and get the bed ready for a pre caging discipline session. she dried off, went in, got out the leather binding straps, the flogger, a crop and one of Master’s belts and lit some candles.

He came in, had her kneel down on the edge of the bed, slipped the loop on one end of the longest strap around her ankles tying them together. He instructed her to crawl into the middle of the bed and stay on all fours. The leather strap was pulled up under her and He wrapped the other loop around both wrists and had her put her head down on the mattress so that her ass and cunt were up in the air ready to be spanked, flogged etc.

He started with the belt doubled up bringing it down on both cheeks, then on just one so the very end of it smacked up against her pussy, then up and down her thighs and back to her pussy again until deidre was crying and whimpering. Then He moved to the flogger starting lightly enough that it actually felt good compared to the strap, then harder and harder until deidre was once again crying.

He never got to the crop, unbinding her and having her get between His legs to suck and stroke that sweet cock instead. Just when she thought He was about to have her beg for His seed, He told her to stop instead. He had her lie back on the bed so that her legs were spread open wide with her pussy about a foot away from His cock. Master told her to hand Him the belt from the foot of the bed, and to begin to masturbate. she put her left hand on her collar, her right down her to cunt to begin to grind her clit between her fingers in the way that makes her beg to cum the quickest. This time though she was instructed to beg for the belt on her pussy instead of begging permission to cum. He brought the belt down on her sensitive clit and swollen cunt lips until the tears were rolling down her face once more. Again He had her play with herself until the point of begging to cum, and used the belt on her until she could hardly control whether or not she held her legs open for Him. Of course, she’d never disobey Him by pulling her knees together, but she wanted to. The pain got more intense with each stroke. He did this 2 or 3 more times before allowing her to beg to cum and giving permission.

While she was still weak from being brought so close to orgasm over and over only to feel Master’s belt strike her again and again, He had her kneel down between His legs and continue to use her mouth on His cock until He thrust it in deep and filled her throat with His seed. deidre sucked every drop from Him and was allowed to curl up in a fetal position with His cock still in her mouth, her head resting on His thigh for a few minutes before it was time to get into the cage.

Because deidre had had so much wine and piss to drink He allowed her to have the bed urinal in the cage along with the blanket. The only condition was that she could not leave any urine in the container. If she had to use it, she must drink it. she crawled in and got settled while He locked the door behind her, then turned out the light, closed the closet doors and walked away.

To be honest, deidre hates the cage. she hates being locked away from Him, sleeping just 10 feet away from Him but unable to touch Him, unable to feel Him when He rolls over in His sleep to touch her, unable to give Him His nightly prayer, or to be right there in case He needs something. He knows this and was kind enough to ask her several times if she was sure she wanted to do it. How could she back out knowing that He loves seeing her locked away like that?

He left her there until early this morning. she did get some sleep, but not much. she basically tossed and turned until Master let her out, bent her over the bed and took her tight little ass with His cock. He was rougher than normal, and it hurt at first when the ring of muscle at the opening was forced to stretch around Him, but it didn’t take long before His hard thrusting started to feel wonderful and deidre was once again begging to cum. He denied her again, but instructed her to begin to beg Him for His seed in her ass and when she felt Him begin to lose His cum inside her she could have an orgasm of her own to milk His cum completely out of His cock.

Afterward He pulled out of her and had her get into bed next to Him. He wrapped His arms around her pulling her sticky sweaty body close to His and allowed deidre to fall asleep in His arms again.

Yeah, Mondays are great

It’s now less than 4 months until deidre’s next birthday when she turns 28. 28!!! OMG. That number seems so big, and way too close to 30. deidre feels too young to be turning 28. 28 is like ‘mom’ age, in fact deidre can remember when her mom was 28. deidre is terrified that when she hits 30 she’s going to flip out just like her mom did. Is age paranoia hereditary?

It IS just a number right?!? It’s not the gray hair, or the wrinkles or the gravity starting to actually work that freak her out, it’s that invisible divider line that separates the first 29.99999 years from the next ___ years. It’s the fact that deidre will be past the stage of growing up, and into the stage of getting older. she’ll be no longer heading away from infancy but toward death.

Wait a minute. 30. Now that deidre looks at it a little differently, it’s really just another few years toward her sexual peak. she’s been waiting to see what the hell a peak is like when she already spends all day playing with herself, fucking her little holes, leaving cunt juice marks over the towel protecting the bed, moping up her pussy puddles from the floor (usually with her tongue – terrazzo is wonderful!) and THEN, when E/everyone else is done with her, Master gets to have His treats too. OK, lots of times He has her first thing, or in the middle, but somehow nights are always there waiting so that deidre can be His and only His once again.

Looking at it that way 30 doesn’t seem so bad, and 35 seems even better!

rambling again

This may come out making less sense rather than more, but deidre can’t help it at the moment. her thoughts are sort of just gushing out.

It’s amazing when deidre is exposed to someone, in this case she’s never met them personally…she’s never seen them…but before the world this person lays out their life for all to see in such wonderful vivid detail that at first it causes Envy…then deidre sits back and thinks to herself, “but you silly girl, you have all that she describes, only on a lesser scale” and Awe moves in to push out Envy so that all this girl thank think is “wow”
Then Awe is somehow mutated into Inspiration.

* ding *

All at once deidre realizes that it isn’t the tangible material things that gave birth to Envy and Awe. Those things don’t matter. deidre can still give it all to Master without those things. Not only can deidre do it, but she does do it every day.

Just as Master is her prince-charming-dream-come-true allowing her to live out an amazing fairy tale right here in the middle of Florida, deidre is His fairy-slave-princess come true as well. His “perfect pet” and “most cherished possession”. Sometimes deidre forgets and is overwhelmed by the “you’re not good enough” thoughts when all along Master is trying to drive home to her the fact that yes, she is good enough or else she wouldn’t be here.

Thank you ravenna_amorosa, for being such an inspiration!

The significance of the name 'deidre'

"Where did the name Deidre come from? Did you chose it, or have any say in it? Do you like the name? And could you please explain why your name was changed? I don't really understand that. Thanks!"

deidre is an Irish name meaning melancholy. It’s a variant of the older name Deirdre. In Celtic legend a druid prophesied at her birth that she would bring great misfortunes. Deirdre, chosen to be the wife of Conchobar, king of Ulster, fell in love with Naoise, the son of Usnach, and fled with him and his two brothers to Scotland. After a long idyllic stay there, they were enticed into returning to Ireland by Conchobar, who then treacherously killed the sons of Usnach. Deirdre, her heart broken, died on her lover's grave. This legend was very popular with the writers of the Irish literary renaissance, notably Yeats (one of this girl’s favorites), Synge, and James Stephens.

About 10 years ago deidre began studying Paganism/Wicca. One thing that was recommended was that a ceremonial or magickal name be created in 3 parts that corresponded numerologically with her non-magickal name. she doesn’t remember why she was supposed to pick 3 words to combine together to create this name, but she chose Deirdre, silver and moon to start. she was unable to come up with the right combination and so tried Deirdre, moon and rose. It still didn’t seem to work so she played with the spelling of Deirdre a little and came up with Deidre moon rose as her magickal name.

When Master came along He began to mention a slave name. It would be a new and better name to go along with her new and better life. The first one that came to mind was deidre (note the lowercase ‘d’), from her magickal name. After thinking about it for a while, Master decided that He liked it. Since then it has been this girl’s name, and eventually it will become her legal name as well

Thank You!!

SlaveMasterD ~ Thank You so much for Your wonderful gift and contribution to deidre's corset fund. You've helped her a great deal toward her goal and she will be sure to send You lots of photos of her waist training progress once she finally has the corset.

Love or Ownership?

“If you could choose only one, would you rather be loved or owned?”

This question is so hard to answer. She would love to be able to say that being owned is the more important, she is a slave after all, but she would be lying. So much of what she does for Master, the watersports, the enemas, being available for Him whenever even when she feels grumpy or when it’s 3 o’clock in the morning (and she’s still grumpy), especially discipline, would be near impossible for her if she didn’t know that Master loved her and that she loves Him.

Sometimes, usually when she is hanging from the chains, or tied down to the bed, she feels so scared that she can’t help but sit there between strokes of the * fill in appropriate instrument of discipline here * and think why do you let Him do this to you? Why do you subject yourself to this pain? It’s always only momentary, and it happens just before that moment of mental surrender, a moment of breaking maybe, but then she answers herself “It’s because He loves you, and because you love Him and that love is worth more than anything else in the world”

deidre has thought about it, and she doesn’t honestly know if she could do it for anybody else. If something ever happens to Him, and she has to be without Him, she couldn’t ever trust anyone else again enough to give herself over so completely. she lived without being owned for almost 25 years, she could do it for another 25 years or longer if she had to.

The wonderful thing though, is that deidre doesn’t have to choose. she has both now in the most perfect balance.

Collar and Cuffs

“Your collar and cuffs are so beautiful! Does your master ever remove them, are they comfortable to wear, do you ever forget you're wearing them?”

Thank you! deidre loves that they are not typical and can be worn in public as an almost industrial style of jewelry. Although many people mistake them as Eternity Collar creations, the collar, wristlets and anklets all came from DomWolf.com

The collar has only been removed once since she became His slave. One night deidre had WAY too much to drink, came home and ended up worshiping the porcelain goddess for most of the night. Master was kind enough to remove it to relieve the feeling of being choked by it. He did put it back on first thing in the morning after she woke up.

Only one of the wristlets has been removed since He gave them to her. Before jada was released from her last visit deidre was allowed to loan her one to take back with her. Now jada has it on her right wrist as a sort of friendship/sister bracelet accompanying her temporary collar.

The anklets were only on for a day or so. Deidre doesn’t know if they were ordered too small or if the design is flawed, but the hinges are positioned so that they are at the front and back of the ankle. The ones over her Achilles tendon rubbed so much that she was left with raw spots and barely able to limp around the house with the anklets on. Master was kind enough to remove them and has only had her wear them once or twice since.

deidre has been asked to remove the collar and wristlets at places like the airport and courthouse, but once she shows them that she can’t because they’re locked on they simply use the wand on her instead. Just in case, she always carries a spare key in her organizer.

The collar is extremely comfortable, but she never really forgets that it is there. she is constantly fidgeting with the collar, rubbing it or making sure that it is adjusted so the hinges are on the right and left of her neck. Master also has her hold onto it with her left hand when she is masturbating for His pleasure.

The wristlets are very comfortable as well. They are constantly sliding up and down her wrists and arm depending upon what she is doing, and even after wearing them for so long she ends up knocking them up against the wall all of the time when turning around the corner. The only time they are uncomfortable is when she is spanking her ass with her hand for a Caller. With every spank the steel bangs up against the top of her hand. If she is instructed to spank enough it will leave a little bruise. Master uses the wristlets at night when He binds her, clipping them together in front.

deidre has had them for so long that being without them would make her feel less than whole. Even being without the right one while jada is wearing it gives her that same feeling, but she feels better knowing that her sister is taking good care of it and that once jada is collared and has her own set of wristlets, deidre will have her other one back with part of her sister’s being imprinted onto it.