...wings made of wishes...

deidre’s been blessed in making some wonderful, deep and lasting friendships with a select few of her Callers. These men are the kind of people that deidre can see in her life, not just as phone fucks, but as in person, real relationships. One of those wonderful people called deidre today.

He’s the kind of guy who cares for deidre just as she is. He loves her giggly side, her shy side, her loud side, her sexual sides (both hard fucking and soft and sensual lovemaking). He especially enjoys the lesbian who shares deidre’s body with the horny slut that could never live without cock.

As we were chatting today deidre was struck by how incredible the relationship is. we were talking just like 2 old friends, which, basically, we are. It started off with politics, then ran on to the CMAs, our similar experiences in stepping barefooted in shit (his just happened while deidre was on the phone with him), onto raw cocks and then…then he did something wonderful.

Next he told deidre the real reason he called today. He wanted to give her a song. He sat down at the piano, and while deidre listened he played and sang it just for her. It was beautiful. He told deidre afterward that it’s a song that has been very close to his heart for a number of years, but that it seemed to fit us at the moment. It’s called Rainbow Sleeves, written by Tom Waits:

You used to dream yourself away each night
To places that you’ve never been
On wings made of wishes that you whispered to yourself
Back when every night the moon and you would sweep away
To places that you knew you would never get the blues

Now whiskey gives you wings to carry each one of your dreams
And the moon does not belong to you
But I believe that your heart keeps young dreams
Well, I’ve been told to keep from ever growing old
And a heart that has been broken will be stronger when it mends

Don’t let the blues stop singing
Darling, you only got a broken wing
Hey, you just hang on to my rainbow
Hang on to my rainbow
Hang on to my rainbow sleeves

Thank you, T. deidre loves you. You're stronger than you think you are, and you have a very special place in this little girl’s heart.

random thoughts on voting and slavery

Master controls every aspect of this girl’s life on some level. He controls where she goes. He dictates what she wears. He decides if, when, and what she eats or drinks. He is in charge of if and where she shits and pisses. He enjoys this control, it’s one of the main reasons that He sought a slave.

As His slave, His property, a thing which He owns, He also controls her voting process. He is the one who will or will not permit her to vote, and who will decide if she will double the strength of His own vote by having her vote exactly the same way that He does, or allow her to vote her own mind.

Does being a part of a relationship where another controls that privilege basically undermine the entire point? Does it take that hard won privilege and throw it back into the faces of those who fought for it? Does it spit in the face of democracy?

Or does it do something different? The fact that we start out with the choice, then choose to give it away…the very fact that we have the right to choose to give it away, isn’t that something incredibly special? Isn’t that the kind of decision that we should be able to trust our Owners with?

corsets, movies, tangents

Master’s back home + deidre’s corset is here = deidre’s a very happy slave

Master returned on Saturday evening. deidre greeted Him by bowing down in the foyer as she normally does. This time though, instead of being nude, she was wearing her lovely new corset!

deidre did manage to take a few photos of herself. The first is just deidre in the corset, the second shows a glimpse of her rings. 

 

she hasn’t written much about the rings lately, but they are pretty much healed as far as she can tell. Every once in a while she sits down wrong and one of them tweaks or two of them pinch together. if deidre is sitting for too long the rings become slightly embedded in her flesh and leave a little imprint, almost like grass does to one’s legs after sitting in it for a while. When deidre masturbates they clink together softly and Master enjoys the feel of them on His skin when deidre is massaging Him, sitting in His lap, or if His hands brush against her on accident. It’s like a sweet little surprise for Him. deidre thinks that He’s not quite used to them being there yet.

Last night deidre and Master had a bit of a movie night. We/we started out watching Pump Up the Volume. Master had never seen it, and it had been 10 years or so since deidre had.

Off on a side note for a minute. How horrible is it that deidre can actually say that she hasn’t done something in 10 years? Most of the time deidre doesn’t really think about her own age. she’s only 28 after all, but occasionally something pops up, or deidre says something, and it reminds her that yes, she is a “grown up” now. Man, having those 2 little words apply to yourself sucks.

As deidre was saying, she hadn’t seen the movie in quite a while. When she was a teenager it was cool. she was just like the high schoolers in the movie, wanting to assert her individuality while at the same time longing to fit in with everyone else. Now that she looks back on it though she can’t related to it in the same way. The best parts of the movie are the music, and, of course, Christian Slater. Yum. The voice, the eyebrows, the little nuances, the half naked Christian Slater man-boy laying out on the grass. Wow.

Um…anyway. Obviously there some things that a girl never grows out of. Being in lust with Christian Slater must be one of those things.

The second movie We/we watched was The Island, thanks to k8ydid’s recommendation. It was really good. deidre was surprised. It’s a movie that she’d never heard of until a week or two ago, and it had no previews (which is usually a bad sign) but it reminded deidre a lot of a research paper that she did when she was in High School. The movie took deidre’s idea a few steps further, and it was a little different, but if deidre had thought out her plan more it could’ve easily evolved into something similar to The Island.

One of the actors in the movie was Steve Buscemi. deidre doesn’t know what it is about him, but she would love to fuck him. He’s not attractive and deidre’s not turned on by him physically. He has a really great singing voice, which may be part of it, but deidre thinks that it all started with the movie ConAir. 

There’s a scene, after the plane crashes in the middle of the desert where Steve Buscemi’s character ends up talking with a little girl. deidre hasn’t seen the movie in a while but if she remembers correctly it’s implied (or could be stated out right) that his character is a child molester. Something about those moments where we don’t really know what’s going to happen between him and the girl struck deidre right in her libido.

Now, she’s not saying that child molestation is a good thing. Not at all. In reality deidre thinks that every single one of those Mother Fuckers ought to be slowly tortured with blunt instruments until…oops…no more ball and no more penis. Someday deidre will go into her own personal experiences involving the sick fucks. There is something in deidre’s own fantasy mind, though, that becomes excited at that loss of power, or abuse of trust, or just the wrongness of it all.

she used to watch LMN specifically for this reason. she’d lie back after watching a molestation/rape scene or something and cum over and over thinking about it, putting herself in that situation. Imagining herself slammed up against a wall and forced by a stranger, clothes torn, face slapped, hair pulled, called every “dirty” name in the book, and then taken hard, fucked, raped by someone who has no right to even touch her in that kind of way.

It used to make her feel guilty. One of he first times it happened was when she was 15 or so and reading The Clan of the Cave Bear. Reading the rape scene made deidre hot, wet and excited. At that point deidre was still a virgin, though she’d been playing with herself for about 7 years. she hadn’t ever even kissed a boy or touched him, “down there”. she was pretty innocent. her own rape (another story which deidre will probably write about in the future) wouldn’t take place for another year, but the thought of it was exciting. Even after she was raped the thought of being forced in a consensual kind of way turned her on.

It’s a fantasy that’s grown from a simple violent rape to something involving abduction in a dark parking lot, being kept chained in a dark wet cave while man after man uses her, leaving her weak and dripping cum when their finished. Perhaps even being locked somewhere a cabin in the middle of nowhere or an abandoned train car, just waiting to be used. Perhaps after weeks, months, or years, she’s released, perhaps not. The fantasy changes depending upon deidre’s mood, but the underlying feeling of helplessness is always there.

Well, THAT was not where deidre expected to go. It’s Monday, her day off, and she has quite a few things to do so she should probably stop sitting here in front of the computer, getting herself all hot and bothered.

The Demon Neighbors of deidre's Street

deidre is being stalked and harassed by her crazy neighbors! Crazy neighbor number 1, A, started calling just a few hours after Master left for Atlanta. deidre talked with her the first 2 times, but her calls lasted over an hour each. If deidre’s on the phone with A, she can’t be available for phone sex calls. deidre made this fairly clear to A. There’s only one line into this house because most other calls take place with Master’s cell phone.

After Alice’s third call, which was at three o’clock in the morning, deidre decided that she was going to set up the NiteFlirt Call Monitor so that it would notify her of any incoming calls and screen the rest. deidre now has 26 messages on her machine. 26 times she’s been called, and that doesn’t include the calls after the first few days when A calls, lets it ring 3 times and hangs up before the machine kicks on.

deidre’s trying to work here people!! Go away.

Yesterday, crazy neighbor number 2, B, started in. B’s husband has left to go up to his property in Northern Florida and B is lonely. So, the way it probably happened is that B called A and they chatted about deidre not answering the phone. Hmmm…is deidre avoiding A? Perhaps B should try calling and see what happens. So, now deidre is getting calls throughout the day from both A and B and nobody is leaving messages. They are driving her crazy.

This morning B decided to come knock on the door. It actually took her over 5 minutes to realize no one was going to answer. Then she had the audacity to peek in through the front door, which is made of large stained glass windows. She was actually peeking into Master’s house!

What is up with these people? It’s not like they can possibly be worried that something is wrong with deidre. she’s left and come back once or twice, she’s taken the garbage can out to the curb, she’s walked the dog regularly. They are just pestering her to the point where deidre doesn’t even want to go outside because she’s afraid that they are going to accost her.

deidre has nothing in common with these women except that we all happen to live on the same street. They are both in their 60's, maybe 70's. A is an alcoholic who likes to scream at her husband. B literally does have some psychological issues. The two of them are the neighborhood gossips. Nothing happens, no one leaves or says anything outside of their homes without one of these 2 women somehow knowing about it, then they tell each other and pick-a-little talk-a-little.

The weird thing is that neither of these ladies behaves as if there is anything more than neighborly friendliness between us when Master is here, but the moment He leaves deidre suddenly becomes their best friend.

OK guess the rant is done. Hopefully Master will be returning tomorrow and deidre will be going with Him on His next few trips so she doesn’t have to worry about A or B until probably January…that is if she manages to survive the next 24 hours with nothing between herself and the two demon neighbors of deidre’s street but these measly walls.

In other news ~ powdered hazelnut creamer is *almost* as good as the liquid kind and it's much less tempting to just drink it all down without the coffee.

Tomorrow begins a 2000 mile journey. It will take 2 days. 2 days of darkness. Awaiting the end of the journey. Upon arrival there will be release. After years of longing the desire will finally be fulfilled. deidre will feel her wrapped tightly around her. deidre will be able to touch her, caress her, hold her, use her. Thursday is the long awaited day when training will begin. On Thursday deidre’s corset arrives.

Halloween Silliness

It's almost here!!!!

she won't really be doing anything other than working. Master's gone up to Atlanta to be Mr Pumpkin without her, which is ok, because travelling without 2 dogs and 2 cats for 9 hours at a time is always a plus in Master's book, and the last time We/we all went up MoonShadow decided to be a brat and jumped out of the car, deidre spent 20 minutes at maximum freak out level, but she finally caught MoonShadow and We/we went on Our/our merry way. So, deidre hasn't been away from the house since last January except for her trip to California. she's pretty okay with that. she's comfortable here as long as Crazy Neighbor #1 and Crazy Neighbor #2 leave her alone.

So, deidre's been listening to her favorite Halloween song all morning. It is, of course, Danny Elfman's Demo version of "This is Halloween" There's a dark version by Marilyn Manson, and a lighter version by Panic! at the Disco but Danny Elfman's is, in deidre's opinion, the best.

Wanna listen? 

Imagine, if you will, deidre at home, naked as usual, bopping to this song, doing all of the crazy voices including her "manly" voice (which isn't so manly) everytime the deep voice in the recording says, "THIS IS HALLOWEEN, HALLOWEEN, HALLOWEEN!!" she scruches down her eyebrows and bobs her head up and down. Pretty goofy huh? But it's so much fun. It always makes Master chuckle. The best part about this song is that it's the stripped down, raw version of what was ultimately used in the movie with vocals and sythesizer stuff by Danny Elfman.

OK enough silliness for now. deidre's gonna go listen some more.

Butt Shot!

What a great idea

missrubykisses

! If 

isabellaval 

is being tortured by ass, it would only be fair for us to help right? Here's deidre's contribution:
 

 

It's this girl's favorite butt shot of herself.  Maybe we can totally fill up Miss Isabella's friend's page with pics of ass.  Of course deidre could be working her way toward a spanking.  ~sigh~  It's so hard to be a slave.

deidre’s fantasized for quite a while about being used by a Domme. The fantasies are never really sadistic, perhaps involving being hung from the chains and flogged and teased, or being jerked down into a hands and knees position and forced to suck a strap on and then be fucked with it nice and hard. Even having two dominant hands in her hair pulling her face down onto that beautiful pussy, grinding her face against that wetness and then allowed to lick and suck Her through orgasm after orgasm with no climax whatsoever for deidre.

Along these lines, deidre received an e-mail this morning from
isabellaval inviting deidre to Her studio to do some recordings together. They’d involve an Egyptian slavegirl, the principal’s office, the naughty maid etc. The possibilities are endless!! Maybe deidre could even be hypnotized into a Domme state herself. Sort of like “Forced Domination – Miss Isabella is so skilled in hypnosis that She can even convince a lifestyle slave to take charge” Or something like that.

It would all be so incredibly erotic. Miss Isabella is absolutely beautiful. deidre just finished watching a few of Her video samples and She just has gorgeous eyes and hair, and Her voice…..no wonder She has so many boys that are drawn to Her. How could they not be totally helpless to that voice?

Anyway. deidre is really hoping that after the holidays Master might allow her to do something like this with Miss Isabella. deidre would be gone for at least a few days, away from phones and Masterless, but she has the feeling that Miss Isabella would take good care of her.

Canon in D

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thank you - humiliation ideas??

Even deidre can only come up with so many ways to say thank you before she begins to repeat herself. she’s going to go ahead and respond in bulk instead of individually. So, to E/everyone who pointed out that giving her all is always good enough she says, “Thank You/you!!!” deidre is always harder on herself than she should be. Even Master gave her “the look” after reading her post wondering what the hell she was being so hard on herself for.

Having people around who are willing to tell her the way things really are, people who support her when she doesn’t meet her own expectations, people who participate in her silliness and even make her feel good for being herself mean a lot to deidre. Chances are pretty darned good that if you are reading this you are one of those people.

Now, on to something else. Humiliation. It’s something that is pretty difficult to make this girl feel in the conventional ways. she has callers who enjoy humiliating a girl, and deidre can play along, but what they want is for her to be demeaned by drinking her piss, sucking the taste of her ass off of a dildo, drinking out of the toilet, puking, crawling around on all fours snorting like a piggie etc.

None of it works. It hasn’t since deidre had this terrible call about a year and a half ago. she went into details then, and won’t now, cause it’s pretty terrible, but it basically messed her up for several days.

deidre can, and probably has, fantasized about every conceivable subject, fantasy, kink whatever, and she gets off on it because she knows that it leads to whomever cumming. That’s the whole problem. How can doing something that eventually leads to that ultimate evidence of their pleasure (cum) ever be humiliating?

deidre’s done a few things that have been humiliating, but they are unconventional. Singing or playing her guitar are pretty humiliating and she has no idea how those things can possibly lead to pleasure, but apparently they have for at least 2 people.

The fact that she was so full of piss that she puked it up around Master’s cock was pretty humiliating. Like a good girl though she didn’t spill and (ew) swallowed it back down. The humiliating part wasn’t the piss drinking, it was doing something so inappropriate while His cock was in her mouth.

she’s had to spread her legs and hold her ass open while Master tried to dig out the little plug that her butt swallowed. she’s expelled enemas within his hearing. No matter how hard you pray, there is no beat that is appropriate to squirt that stuff out to when Enya is playing. It doesn’t cover the sound, and certainly doesn’t cover the stench. Eventually you get used to it. she’s even had to release enemas for Callers and then stick her face into the water of the toilet, pull her face out long enough to force herself to puke into it and stick her face back into the shit and puke.

she’s sent pics of her bloody cunt, cum filled cunt, shitty ass, ass while shitting, cum on face, blood on body, spanked ass-tits-thighs etc, crying, hurt, welted and so on. she’s been called cunt, whore, bitch….etc name it, it’s probably been used.

There is pretty much nothing that she can think of that will force her to feel humiliation (other than singing and guitar playing) Any ideas out there? What works with you? What you think might work with deidre?