deidre's off to the cage

masterspeaks will be updating while she’s away.
Be well,
deidre

Tomorrow night

Master has decided that yes, He will grant deidre’s request to be stripped down to nothing. Tonight, when she’s finished working, she will be given a series of enemas to clean her out completely. Usually it’s between 2 and 3, just enough that the water begins to run clear. Sunday will be a fast day so that once she has finished working she can go into the cage completely empty.

deidre doesn’t know if she will have the bed pans, blankets, a pillow etc. she doesn’t know if she will be allowed to eat or drink, or if she will be allowed out at all. she doesn’t know if she will be permitted to speak or to communicate in any way.

The last time Master did something similar to this was for punishment. We/we were up at the house in North Carolina. It was shortly after He had allowed her to return to Him. she had earned it as punishment for leaving.

she doesn’t remember much about it, but she was denied speech, food, water, even a name. At that point she had even had her status of slave stripped from her. she was simply a creature attempting to earn it’s way back into the Master’s home.

The cage was pushed into an out of the way corner and covered with a blanket. There was a dog bed lining the floor of it. Master cuffed her wrists and had her crawl into the cage. He locked her wrists through the walls of the cage and left. she had instructions to make an animalistic grunting sound if she need to piss or shit. When she did need to relieve herself He would take her into the shower and have her squat over the drain hole. He’d stand there and watch as she pissed, then hand her a square of toilet paper, let her wipe, and take her back to the cage.

Nights were terrible. They were long and lonely. Unlike now, the cage wasn’t even close enough to where Master slept for deidre to be able to take comfort from the sounds of His breathing as He slept. The house was out in a wooded area 20 minutes away from the closest town. Everything was quite, silent. There wasn’t a single sound to focus on or to be distracted by unless it was a sound that deidre made.

At some point deidre’s allergies kicked in. her eyes began to water and her nose ran. The first time Master let deidre out to piss she was able to grunt and sign for a tissue, but hours went by with no more opportunities to do so. It was night, Master was asleep and she didn’t think she could grunt loud enough to wake Him up from the other side of the house. she wasn’t sure that she was even worthy of another tissue. Afterall, she was being punished wasn’t she? Did she even deserve the luxury of a tissue? As the night went it became saturated with her snot. It tore into pieces. deidre was so desperate that she ended up hanging the strips on the bars of the cage to dry swapping them out whenever one was dry enough to use again.

That was when deidre thought about what she was doing and how horribly pathetic it was. How could she love a Man who would do this to her? He’d turned her into an animal. Was this really worth it? An indefinite period of time, up to a month He’d said, locked away this way. she begin to get angry, and then the anger turned to hate. she began to hate Him. she ran things over and over in her head feeding that hate until she looked again at what she was doing. she reminded herself that she had begged to be allowed to come back, to prove herself and her need to be His no matter what. What is a month compared to the rest of her life with Him, being Owned by Him? It’s nothing. The hate began to dissolve and a sense of peace settled upon her.

Now though it’s different. deidre’s asked for this because she needs it. When it comes down to it there will be no one to hate but herself. Tomorrow night she will once again be locked away for an indefinite period of time. Master will be updating here and on His own LJ, masterspeaks. she will come back changed, she’s sure, but once again feeling that she is His completely down to the deepest darkest parts of herself.

From nothing comes everything

Tonight Master and deidre sat down in the living room, He in His big leather chair, she on the floor on her kneeling pillow at His side. We/we had rented The Secretary. deidre has been hearing about this movie for the past 2 years from Callers and on occasion from other people she’s met through the internet.

Everyone raved about the spanking scene where the secretary is bent over her bosses desk reading the letter that she’s just made a typo on out loud. This is really the only part of the movie that deidre had ever heard about. No one had ever mentioned the best part. No, it’s not when she is crawling on her hands and knees down the long hallway. It’s not when she’s on her hands and knees on a straw covered desk being fit with a saddle. It’s not when He finally has her bend over His desk again, instructs her to lift her skirt and pull down her stockings and panties so that He can unleash a load of cum onto her back and ass. It’s not even when we finally get to see her naked, fully, small breasted, creamy skinned, sprawled out after being taken as His.

The best part of the entire movie happens part way through “the test” In a way it’s a battle of wills, hers against His, and hers against her own. She’s sitting there in her wedding dress after ditching her fiancé. Her hands are palm down on the desk, she’s been instructed not to take her feet from the floor, not to move until He returns. The scene is shot from behind her chair and as you watch you can see her piss herself.

Master and deidre’s relationship has evolved to the point where He trusts her absolutely in her submission. His control over her has become broad rather than specific. He feels His dominance because He is able to control deidre without direct exhibition of it every moment of the day. He controls her to the point that it’s ingrained in her. It’s second nature, or first nature if there is such a thing. she knows, most of the time, instinctively what to do, how to react, and how to behave.

For some reason seeing that particular part of The Secretary tonight brought deidre to the realization that she misses the more direct control. she misses doings because of a direct order as opposed to doing them because she know it pleases Him. she needs to be taken to a point where she feels that every part of herself is controlled by Him, or that if some part of her loses control, her bladder for instance, it is because it is His will. she wants to be denied food, drink, sex, pleasure, comfort, sleep and speech until she feels it with every fiber of her being. Not just feeling it because it’s always there, but feeling it because she is slowly sinking deeper into agony.

she is craving days of this. days of hunger and thirst. Days where she is locked cramped into a cage brought out only to be hosed off or beaten, so thirsty that she licks the sweat from her body and the tears from her face or even drinks her own piss from desperation. she wants to sink into herself, to be forced there, to become less than herself. To become less than nothing.

she knows that at first she’ll fight it. her body and her mind will rebel. she’ll hate it. Internally she’ll scream and beg and run the words through her head over and over until she’s tired of her own inner self. she’ll cry, she’ll come close, and maybe even actually do the body tossing, jerking, that young children do when they are throwing a tantrum because they are frustrated and there is nothing else to do.

she doesn’t know why she needs this or why she wants it. she doesn’t know why she didn’t realize before now that this is what has been missing, this is the reason why she’s felt herself feeling frustrated over the dumbest little insignificant things. It is though. she needs to be taken out of control have every bit of it stripped from her, she needs to hate and love in the same moment until finally He releases her.

Perhaps now, at this moment the most horrible thing that You can do, Master, is tell her no, but she doesn’t think You will and she begs You now. Please, Master, she begs you to do this to her, to strip her down to the bare nothing, and then just a little bit further no matter how miserable you see her, no matter how hard she begs or how many tears she sheds. Please do this thing and force her to that place, then bring her back slowly when it’s all over with Your love, and Your touch. Build her back up. Please make her feel all of it totally and completely without question and make the thinking stop. Take even that away from her. Take away everything so that she can be reminded when you give it back that it does all come from You, that it is all a gift. Please?

Teacher's Pet

deidre found this the other day 



And she realized that it’s been a very long time since she’s been able to do a student teacher role-play. Of course one of deidre’s biggest turnons is when an older man in authority takes advantage of her. It can be a daddy, uncle, teacher, principle, or just a stranger who happens to find a cute girl shopping at the mall. Sometimes they are fairly mild and “consensual” other times it’s flat out rape and deidre is violently forced against her will to submit. she doesn’t always make it out alive. Sometimes deidre is tasked with luring in others and helping. It doesn’t really seem to matter what happens as long as that submission is there. deidre gets so incredibly turned on while role-playing these little fantasies.

What came to mind when seeing this photo was one of the more mild fantasies. deidre’s a student who’s been slacking a little on her work lately. One day the professor holds her back after class to talk with her about her performance lately. At this point there is no way that deidre can raise her grade to passing even if she got perfect scores on every assignment given for the rest of the semester. Of course, deidre’s crushed. she didn’t think she was doing that poorly. she’d just been distracted.

she begs and pleads with the professor to be able to do some extra credit or make up work but he just won’t allow it. Until he happens to notice the curve of her ass cheeks under deidre’s skirt as she is pacing back and forth. He decides that maybe there is something that she can do for extra credit. With every load of cum she gets him to blow into her mouth he will raise her grade one point. Every load in her pussy gets her 2 points and every time he fucks that sweet tight little ass until he cums he’ll give her 3 points.

After a bit of deliberation she agrees. she’s never taken it in the ass, and is scared but she’s afraid that the semester is too far gone for any of the other options to work. deidre really needs an A in this class.

He bends her over the desk and kicks her legs open so that she is spread wide. deidre’s skirt is flipped up over her back and her firm ass cheeks are framed by her tiny pair of g-string panties. He doesn’t even take the time to pull them down, just moving them to the side so her puckered hole is exposed instead.

deidre’s eyes are clenched tight and her entire body tenses as she hears his pants unzip. Then she feels the flesh of his cock against her body, cradled between her ass cheeks. The head presses against her slit and slides in for just a moment as he spits down onto her asshole, wetting it. He presses it against that hole, grabs onto her hips and begins to slide His hard cock into her virgin ass.

His cock head pops inside, stretching her as he slowly slides the rest inside savoring the feel of her tightness. Her whimpers of pain are ignored as he begins to thrust in and out of her, gradually picking up speed until he’s pounding her into the desk. Finally she hears him groan as he shoots his seed into her.

When he’s finished he pulls out slowly and looks down at deidre’s gaping hole and the trickle of his cum dribbling down toward her cunt. He repositions her panties and pulls her skirt down telling her that she will return for more Tuesday after class and that she is dismissed.

Maybe deidre should just stick with her day job.

Master's out in the sun reading the paper by the pool. There's a breeze blowing and the windows are open. deidre's inside in a bluesy kinda mood so she's had the stereo blasting for the last hour or so. George Thorogood's "I Drink Alone" comes on and deidre goes outside to beg Master for some help putting furniture back after mopping. He tells her it will be just a moment, then asks if Xavia is ok. He thought He heard her inside screeching. deidre explained that no, it was deidre singing. He gave her a look and a smirk and said to her, with a funny sound in His voice like He's trying to keep from laughing, "It sounded good"

Lately there seem to be a lot of thought provoking statements and questions being posted in relation to submission. It seems a little unfair to go into a big long drawn out response in someone else’s blog so deidre is doing it here.

First of all, in deidre’s opinion, the difference between a submissive and a slave is simple. As she wrote in response to bella_de_vil it is the word ‘no’. If a person can say the word no and expect it to mean anything, then that person is not a slave, unless of course that person has been * given * the privilege of doing so. If the person says no simply as a way to receive punishment then that person is essentially topping from below, trying to control the relationship, which boils down to a lack of honesty and openness. THAT’s a big no-no in a M/s relationship.

This post isn’t here to say that submissives are better than slaves or vice versa. One cannot be a slave without also being submissive. Different people have different needs and desires. To each, his or her own as long as the person is being honest about who or what they are to themselves and to the other(s) in the relationship. In the end they are just titles, just words.

That being said, deidre will go ahead and label herself anyway. she is a slave. The last real independent choice she made was long before Master put His collar around her neck. Any "choices" since then have either been eliminated or been made with Master’s guidance or His preferences or needs in mind. No "choice" has been made that would be against what He wants.

deidre says that she has no limits because she will not refuse her owner anything. His limits become her own, they change, they grow, they shift, but hers are always His. Anyone who gives themselves over as a slave without knowing this in advance is a fool. In 5 years when suddenly the Owner develops an interest in something that you said you’d never do, cutting, prostitution, water sports, bestiality, age-play etc what do you do? Do you say no, take off the collar and leave? Then you aren’t a slave, and you aren’t putting your Owners wants and needs before your own. The thought of leaving just doesn’t occur. Even if it does, as someone said in response to kaya’s post, the thought of leaving and the guilt and disappointment involved in such an action are worse than moving that boundary line.

Along with that giving up of boundaries comes a certain responsibility to the slave as well. Our owners don’t always know what we are thinking and feeling. Sometimes it doesn’t matter, but there are times when it does. Times when it is appropriate to say or signal that something is wrong. We have a responsibility to inform them when damage might be done just as we would if the water heater breaks or the computer is making a funny sound.

Slaves are property and because we must be pleasing in every way possible we must not allow ourselves to be put into a state that diminishes our ability to serve if that is not our Owner’s desire. This isn’t saying no, it’s equivalent to the engine warning light coming on in your car. It can be ignored, and possibly lead to the car being ruined, or it can be used as a sign to ensure that the care continues to run as well as possible for as long as possible.

We may happen to think and have the ability to express our feelings, but we are still property, we are owned, and we are valuable to our owners because we function well and meet their needs. If we refuse to adapt when their needs change we loose value. deidre spent far too long being a worthless wife to ever want to be a slave in less than mint condition.

deidre's first movie!

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Well, why not?

“I think that life is simpler than we tend to think. We look for answers and more answers. But there are no answers. Things happen in life, good things and bad. People say why did it happen to me? Well, why not? Some people win the lottery, and others die in a car crash. It happens, and there is nothing we can do about it. The universe doesn’t care what happens to you.”

- Nando Parrado survivor of 1972 airplane crash in the Andes Mountains on which the book and movie Alive was based

Breaking up is hard to do....

With all of the potential sister slaves that deidre and Master have been through We/we’ve run across quite a few methods of terminating the connection. These include the most common which involved the potential sister just disappearing to the less common ‘never show up at the airport’ method and pretty much everything in between. This most recent termination was actually one of the most honest, kind, and when it boils down to it wonderful ones so far. Of course, deidre happened to really like a, but it’s so refreshing to see people behaving like the adults we are supposed to be. Here’s part of what a. said in her note:

I like you... and I know I would fall in love with you VERY quickly and easily... but my feelings for Master Lee are not at all the same. He deserves someone who thinks of him non-stop... and can’t wait to see or hear from him... I found myself thinking that way about you... but not him. I didn’t think it was fair to keep talking/pursuing this relationship.... he deserves more then what I think I can give him. If I came to visit or relocate.. it would have been for you... a slave should feel more then that for her Master... so I wanted to be up front before any more feelings/time was invested on your part. Both of you have been through too much for me not to be 110% there with you BOTH.... not just one.

This would pretty much be deidre’s best break up ever. Why can’t everyone be more like this?

A Few Rhetorical Questions

Can a slave really see another pet serving their Owner and feel anything less than happy that He is pleased? Does it matter who puts the smile on His face or spring in His step as long as it is there? How can the presence another, kneeling at His feet, increasing the perfection of His household, inspire anything but deeper love for both the Master and the other slave?