Wicca, handjobs and poetry

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Mad as Hell

You know, deidre just doesn’t get it. she’s not a political person. she knows the bare minimum about world news etc, but fuck! Why do they feel like they need to come here and fucking blow shit up. The world trade center was full of innocent people who had never done shit to any of them. It was all about the shock value. Let’s shake up those Americans. What did they get? They got a war where we go over and kill more people, so that they can come here to kill more innocent people, so that we can step up the amount of ass we are kicking there and kill more people.

When does it stop?

Piss Play Pointers

If you’ve never tasted it, be warned, it’s like drinking a very bitter hot tea (minus the tea). It may make you gag, and will probably make you shudder. deidre would recommend getting used to the taste by drinking your own. deidre has several callers that have her lick her own piss up off of the floor or drink it out of a bowl. It keeps her in practice and has helped her to get used to it.

Master will normally drink A LOT of water before He allows deidre to take His water. 6 – 8 cups or so. This dilutes it. Remember piss is all of the liquid waste from your body. It’s the crap that your body can’t use. He’ll also pee once or twice before He lets deidre start to drink it.

The first few times He allowed deidre to be down on the floor in the shower. He would push His cock into her mouth. deidre thinks that since her mouth was full of cock there was no room for the piss and it made it harder to swallow.

Master would try to control the flow of His piss letting it come out into little spurts, but it still didn’t seem to help. As hard as deidre tried some of it would still end up on her and not in her tummy. So Master modified His technique a little. deidre was allowed to begin just placing her lips at the tip of His cock, taking part of His head into her mouth as He gave her His water. This seemed to work much better. deidre stopped spilling any. We basically just turned His cock into a straw.

He’ll also have her down on her knees with her mouth open like a little birdy and piss into her mouth that way. Now that she’s had more practice swallowing with her mouth open it’s easier to do so.

Being drunk might help a little too. ;) The last time deidre remembers it being really easy was after a shared bottle of champagne.

deidre would recommend that you do not try to make yourself think it’s lemonade by refrigerating it and putting ice cubes in it. deidre doesn’t know how or why, but it just makes it worse.

deidre has probably left some things out so if you have anything to add please feel free.

Master's correction of an uppity slave

This morning, for the first time since Master allowed deidre to return to His home almost two and a half years ago, deidre was willfully disobedient. she was disrespectful, bratty and rude. Master punished her as she deserved for being such a bitch.

It started yesterday morning. deidre had just woken up and headed out to the living room to kneel down beside Master. He told her about an e-mail that came through that needed a response drafted. He asked deidre a question or two to which deidre did not know the answer. Instead of simply telling Him that she didn't know, she gave Him this long and drawn out answer. It irritated Him slightly. deidre has a tendency to make things harder than they are. But there is a reason for that.

deidre hates giving the wrong answer. she always has. Sometimes deidre can only give part of an answer because that’s all she knows. There have been times where deidre has given the answer that was simplest only later to have it blow up in her face. Now deidre's gut reaction is to give the answer that contains the most detail to avoid misunderstandings. For some reason lately Master and deidre seem to be having a lot of those. They are little things, but they pile up and work on deidre's psyche.

On with the story....Master began to direct her in the kind of response that He thought would be appropriate for this e-mail. At this point there was another misunderstanding. deidre took a deep breath and put her head down against the front of the buffet cabinet that is Master's entertainment center. This action was seen as more frustration and anger on deidre’s part. Since deidre hadn't yet had any coffee, Master told her how He was seeing her actions, told her to make coffee and to leave Him alone. One of deidre's responsibilities is to make sure that she never appears to be anything other than a devoted, eager to serve slave. Displays of anger are not a part of that presentation.

So, she left, her feelings hurt, and started on her day, making sure that she left Him alone. In a half an hour or so Master gathered up some things, and left to go to the hardware store. This ended up hurting more of deidre's feelings which mutated into actual anger. He had left without saying goodbye, without a kiss or a touch or a single word. In deidre's world this is a huge no-no. Yeah, deidre’s a slave right? Who says she gets to make the rules. No one, but what if something had happened to Him? What if He had gotten in a car accident or been mugged and shot or who knows what else? deidre's last memory of Him would be that she had pissed Him off, that perhaps the accident had been caused because He was upset etc. deidre would have to live with that for the rest of her life, knowing that she had been instrumental in her Owner's death. Maybe it’s selfish, but really no one deserves to feel that way.

Eventually He came home without a scratch and continued on with His business. deidre had hoped that He wouldn't be upset anymore and that We/we could talk about it. Finally, after hours went by, deidre made some comment about something that was on the radio. Poof. Everything was back to normal. We/we still hadn't discussed anything, but His tone was no longer one of a disciplinarian.

At some point during the day deidre had drafted the note as Master instructed her to. There was another misunderstanding that prompted a discussion on why Master seemed upset this morning. It turns out that He was under the impression that He had told deidre to come back and talk to Him when she could do so without being angry, not to just simply leave Him alone. deidre begged Him to please not ever leave the way that He did again, and explained to Him why. He told her that if she was going to behave the way she was that He would continue to leave without saying anything to her no matter what she thought. Again, this hurt deidre's feelings. Before the conversation could be finished the phone rang and deidre ended up on a 3 hour long phone sex call.

When she was done, Master was already asleep.

This morning everything seemed fine. deidre was still hurt and didn't understand why Master wouldn't promise not to leave that way again but deidre didn’t want to push the issue. she just wanted to get through most of the day without any miscommunications. We/we started working on a project together. At some point deidre needed to make a call, but the phone didn't want to work right. deidre got frustrated, closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Master saw this as another sign of anger. The phones in this house have actually been a major point of frustration for the past few weeks.

deidre’s reaction irritated Him, but He suggested that she use His cell phone instead. she got the phone, opened it and discovered that it was off. Master’s cell phone doesn’t have a button dedicated to turning it on and off. It’s designed to have some mysterious way of doing it, which deidre now knows. deidre’s only done it once or twice and couldn’t remember how to do it. So she asked. Master looked at her and said something like, “You don’t know how to turn on the cell phone?” deidre read too much into His comment and it translated as, “Hey you stupid cunt. Aren’t you smart enough to even turn on a simple cell phone?” That wasn’t His intention, but at that point it didn’t matter. All of the frustration that deidre had felt from yesterday spilled over it all combined and deidre let it all out. she started shouting at Master that this is the very reason why she can’t just give Him a simple “she doesn’t know” answer, because He gets this tone that makes her feel like some kind of fucking dumb ass stupid worthless piece of shit. This is that point when kaya’s fairy would be hiding behind something say, “oh girl, you have done it now!”

The rest is kind of a blur. He grabbed deidre’s hair in His fist, yanked it hard, told her to come with Him. He had her lie down over the ottoman. He came back and started to beat her ass and thighs with His belt. At first deidre refused to react. she wasn’t about to give Him the satisfaction, but as He continued it became more difficult to ignore. Soon she was whimpering then screaming, the screaming as loud as she possibly could. That’s when He stopped.

He told her to kneel down in front of Him. she was still angry of course and it was written across her face loud and clear. He began to explain that He didn’t want a little bitch like that in His house. He told her when she came to be His that He would never send her away, He would still never get rid of her, but that doesn’t mean that He can’t just lock her away in the cage for the next week until her behavior improves.

At some point deidre was given the chance to talk, to explain what had led up to her tantrum, which is basically what it was. We/we talked and came to some conclusions. When Master gets “that tone” it doesn’t mean He thinks she’s stupid. He knows His slave is not stupid. When He gets the other “that tone” it doesn’t mean that He is pissed at her. Usually it means He’s just frustrated, mostly it’s directed at something other than deidre, but the way she is wired, she tries to take responsibility for everything. Hearing either of those 2 tones normally makes deidre want to just hide, to shrink inside herself and not come out until everything is happy again. We/we agreed that deidre needs to make sure that if she feels that anything is wrong she needs to talk to Him. If Master sees an action as meaning one thing, when it doesn’t she needs to explain it to Him in a properly submissive manner.

For a while He just held her in His arms while she cried and apologized. He told her that she is not a bad slave, that He loves her, and that sometimes even good slaves need to be corrected.

Afterward He took deidre into the bedroom and allowed her to worship His cock with her mouth until He came into her throat, then allowed her to just cuddle up in a fetal position down between His legs for a while.

Now everything really is all better. Well, except deidre’s butt. It has some nice red marks and welts across it to remind deidre to contain herself.

Right now...

Right now there is a wonderful orange tone to the light outside. The sun is setting and up above the storm clouds, dark and angry are rolling in. Below the dark clouds are light, fluffy, tendrils of clouds just going along their way here and there. The contrast is beautiful. It’s becoming quite blustery. Pine needles and an occasional leaf or feather is dancing in the wind. Spiraling, falling, rising oblivious to the clouds.

It makes deidre think of life. Some are the little pieces dancing through the air. Some are the happy clouds floating above oblivious. Others are like the storm clouds, dark and affecting everything around them. Still more of us are like the trees. We’ve found our place. We’re deep rooted and strong. We know our place and we are happy to be there watching and waiting while everyone else flits by.

Sometimes the rain comes down and dampens us from the storm clouds, occasionally the little pieces become caught in our branches. They stay for a while, then move on. Still we, in our groves stay right where we are, content, reaching higher toward the sky.

deidre’s glad to be a part of the grove with others near her, others like her who understand her and accept her for what she is. Others who are reaching above and growing just as she it. Thank you all.

Saturday's Discipline

deidre’s discipline from Saturday night was a little different than normal, in some ways more extreme, but in others not. He did not leave a single mark on her, but, yes, it hurt terribly and deidre made quite the little mess.

she begged Him in the early evening for permission to be allowed to receive discipline from Him. He granted her permission. As the sky grew darker He asked deidre to make a drink for Him, and suggested that she might to have one as well. deidre made 2 vodka oranges for Us/us and knelt down at His side. He was reading in His big leather chair. It’s one of Our/our favorite ways to pass time. Each of Us/us with whatever book We/we happen to be reading at the time. Tonight deidre didn’t have a book. she simply rested her head on the arm of His chair, feeling His hand stroke her hair.

Occasionally she was called upon to take a phone sex call, to please others even as she’s pleasing Master. When finished she would return to her place on her kneeling pillow at her Owner’s side. After a while He decided that He would like deidre to have another drink. He was still sipping His own. deidre reminded Him that she normally doesn’t drink anything before a session. He hates to be interrupted while disciplining her so that she can go potty, but He wanted her to have another drink regardless. This made her think that perhaps it wouldn’t be a long session. One should never assume with Master though. Usually the slave ends up being wrong.

After midnight, once deidre was done working, she put away all of the sex paraphernalia that was spread over the bed. Usually she gets out quite a few toys, vibes, butt plugs, paddles, canes, crops, etc and they needed to all be put away neatly in the bondage closet. she could hear Master in the workshop futzing with things. She thought He was just passing the time until the bedroom was ready. deidre finished by stripping the sheets on the bed and remaking it, and lying out the rope in case He wished to tie her down to the bed. The chains are always hanging from the ceiling and ready for use.

When finished she went to Him, knelt down, and begged for permission to be allowed to be disciplined. He instructed her to lie face down on the bed with one of the blindfolds on. she listened as He opened the bondage closet and pulled out a few items, setting them on the bed. He sat down next to her and began to stroke her body. His hands caressed down her spine, over her ass. His fingers grazed her damp cunt gently. It’s the first time He’s felt the rings in her pussy in a sexual way. she winced slightly.

deidre was instructed to get off of the bed and led into the workshop. Now she knew that He would not be using the ropes on the bed, or the chains hanging from the ceiling. Though she couldn’t see anything, she knew that tonight’s discipline would be given while the winch suspended her.

He led her to the place beneath it. For some reason there was Visqueen spread out on the floor. she felt the cool plastic under her bare feet. He put the suspension cuffs, the only ones with soft fur on the inside, onto her wrists and stretched them above her head. her wrists were locked onto the long spreader bar hanging from the winch. deidre heard the winch being operated and she was slowly stretched, then lifted off of the floor until she was completely off of the ground.

He didn’t speak for a few moments. deidre knew that He was looking at His slave’s naked body, stretched and hanging, vulnerable before Him. she felt His warm hand against her right breast, fondling and squeezing hard enough to make her whimper. Master leaned His mouth close to her ear and began to explain how He would use her tonight.

Tonight He would torture her, not with the whip or clamps or the cane but by tickling her. He had her drink because His plan was to tickle her until she lost control. That’s what the Visqueen was for. He wanted to humiliate her in a new way, to force her to lose control of her bladder.

He began with light caresses over her entire body, touching, inserting, waking up every nerve ending. Then the tickling began. Over the past year or so deidre has taken several calls from those with Tickle fetishes. Master has learned a lot of ways to torture her this way simply from what she relayed to Him about the calls. He used the feather duster, single feathers, His fingertips, blush and eye shadow brushes, even the electric tooth brush driving her crazy. she tried to fight it at first. Being tickled for long periods of time isn’t nearly as fun as it may seem. Eventually, though, she had to just give in.

she screamed and begged and pleaded for Him to stop. He continued. Even when she was covered with sweat and the blindfold was soaked through He continued. Occasionally He’d leave her hanging, but never for long. He’d return to His torment of His slave before she had a chance to get back down to a normal level. He tickled her feet, her thighs, her ass, her ass hole, her cunt, and her underarms. Eventually there was no inch of skin that couldn’t be tickled. Even the surface of her tongue betrayed her.

deidre didn’t know how long it had been when she began to feel her bladder needing release. she tried to ignore it’s pleas just as Master was ignoring her own. she thought that if she could hold out long enough He might finish before she was at the point where she could no long control it. He was merciless.

deidre began to beg to please be allowed to go. she crossed her legs below her to try to keep it in. He simply grabbed some of the cheaper cuffs, locked them on her ankles and attached a spreader bar. deidre continued to beg. she didn’t quite believe that He would actually want her to piss right there on the floor, Visqueen or no.

Then it happened. It was just a trickle at first, but once the dam had been opened there was no holding back. It rushed forth from her body and down onto the floor. She could hear the stream hit the plastic and began to cry. she was mortified. Yes, it was what Master wanted, but still, deidre hadn’t pissed herself since she was a child. Hot urine burned her piercings, poured down her legs, she could feel it washing over her toes.

When she was finished, crying and covered in sweat and piss He let her down into the puddle. He removed the blindfold and ankle bar. she saw that He had placed something under the outside edges of the plastic to form a little reservoir. There was a pool of her urine in the middle. He instructed her to get down onto her knees and clean up her mess with her mouth. This was the easy part. While her piss is bitter and hot, she is used to the taste. she licked and slurped up all of it.

He led her out the back door, onto the grass and hosed her off. Now she was shivering, humiliated and exhausted. When He was satisfied with her cleanliness He led her into His bathroom, turned on the hot water and let her wash herself while He watched. she got out, dried off and thanked Him over and over for using her in a new way.

He led her back to the bedroom where the session had started, sat down and told her to worship His cock until He came. That night in bed, He held her in His arms and told her what a good girl she was. He told her to go to sleep knowing that He was pleased and that He loves His perfect pet. The next morning He left for Atlanta.

deidre's throbbing pussy

deidre did receive discipline from Master Saturday night. she’ll write about it soon. For some reason when He’s gone deidre just doesn’t feel very inspired. There’s a big gaping hole inside her that His presence normally fills.

It’s been almost a month since deidre got her piercings. she hasn’t been able to do much of her regular exercising over the past weeks because the flesh is still a little sensitive down there. Bike riding was out and with all of the bacteria that could be present in a pool it’s become off limits. Today deidre thought she’d go for a little bike ride though.

This was a bad idea. she was doing just fine until she came to an intersection where she had to stop. deidre’s bike is a boy’s bike so it has that damn bar up high. she hopped off of the seat and her little pussy landed hard on that bar. It hurt like hell. deidre turned around and rode the rest of the way in a standing position so that she didn’t have to sit on the seat. When she got home she was bleeding. It was just a little, but still. Ouch. It’s throbbing right now still. No more bike riding for this little girl.

Cali Trip - Part 4

The drive out of the coastal mountains and along the coast of Clearlake was beautiful but once she was in the central valley she knew she was home.

The drive down I-5 is one that she has made over and over. she has favorite little places to stop like the gas station in Lodi where she one broke down on the way to a Candle Show. The old ’73 Chevy gave up right in front of pump number one. So now EVERY time deidre drives past there she fills up at pump number one. It’s silly and superstitious but she figures that chances are pretty small she will break down in that exact same spot again.

As deidre drove on she knew she was getting close to the town she grew up in not only because of the signs marking the miles, but because of the smell. deidre’s home town is a dairy town. Lots of cows means lots of cow shit. Living there you get used to it, but after being away for so long she was able to start smelling it about 45 minutes out. Mmmmm…home.

When she finally arrived at her sister’s home, the home she grew up in, it looked just the same as it did when she was last there. deidre’s mother ran out, her eyes sparkling with tears as she wrapped deidre up in her arms for the first time in over 2 years. Next came out her baby sister, J, who is no longer a baby. She’s 12 years old and just beginning to become a woman.

As deidre walked inside with her bags she saw her other sister, E. We used to be so close that the plan was to marry brothers and buy an island together. A huge house would be built in the middle of our secret island, half for her, half for deidre. We would live there and be happy forever. It never worked out. Life and personality differences got in the way.

As deidre and E grew older, we began to draw apart. deidre developed an intense jealousy of her sister and apparently E developed one of deidre as well. We went our separate ways and are only beginning to get close again now that deidre is so far away.

While the outside of the house was the same as it had always been, the inside had changed. The front of the house, where deidre’s old bedroom is, was now being rented out. E lived in the back part of the house.

That night the 4 of us talked and drank wine. We brought out boxes of old pictures and elementary school art projects. We laughed. Mom cried. It was good.

Monday deidre had a doctor’s appointment in P’ville, which is about 3 hours away. It’s also the same area as Mom’s home. We all got in the car far too early, stopped for coffee, the drove up to the Sierra foothills. deidre dropped everyone else off at mom’s then was off for a check up. deidre was given a clean bill of health, but needed to make another appt for Wed to have a little procedure done. This would add another 6 hours of driving.

We spent a few more house at mom’s house then headed back down to E’s. Monday night was the annual Tractor Pull. For some reason, deidre has been very excited about this little hick event. The tractors aren’t really all that exciting; it’s the trucks that deidre loves. deidre’s always been a pick up girl and ..oh.. all of that power! To hear the rumble of the engine, feel the vibration of the ground, and see the mud flying just gets deidre’s juices flowing. There there’s all of those black haired men with their Portuguese skin and dark eyes walking around with tight wranglers, big belt buckles and cowboy hats. OMG. It was hillbilly heaven and deidre was right there in the middle of it.

deidre has no idea who won any of the events. At some point her pussy took over, and her brain ceased to function. Too soon it was over and time to go back to E’s.

Independence day in deidre’s hometown always starts with the Main Street Parade. All of the Harley men, the town sports teams, the dairies, the car clubs, the dance companies ect each have their own spot or float in the parade and it takes about an hour. The parade gets a little longer each year, but never really changes.

Afterward everyone goes to the park in the middle of town for linguisa, the frog jump, beer, live music and all of the little programs that are put on in the gazebo in the center. It’s a lot more interesting when you’re either A) a kid or B) a beer drinker. deidre is neither and we didn’t stay long.

One of the other main reasons deidre went back to California was to bring back some of her things that had been stored at E’s house. For the next few hours deidre dug through dusty boxes sorting out what she wanted and didn’t want. she had to condense it all down into 2 duffel bags that weighed less than 50 pounds each. she was able to score about 150 CDs, some of her books, including her original copies of ‘The Story of O’ and the Beauty Series, almost an entire bag full of clothes, and another huge stack of stuffed animals which included about a dozen eeyores.

That night we went to the fireworks at the High School. They were pretty typical, but there’s something magical about them. All of those sparkles and twinkles up in the sky. No matter how old deidre gets she thinks she will always feel that sense of wonder when she sees them.

Wednesday was deidre’s last full day and the day of her follup appt with the doctor. We left early in the morning again. deidre and E rode together in the PT cruiser while mom and J followed behind in mom’s car. It made more sense for mom to head home that morning too.

Ece sat patiently by deidre’s side as the doctor performed the little procedure on deidre. Somehow deidre had developed a slight fear of needles. It could possibly have something to do with the piercing from last month, but she became more rational about it after the anesthesia was injected. Of course she really couldn’t feel much at that point either. It was much quicker than the last time, and the Doctor did a much neater job this time as well. When it was done they wrapped it up and deidre was free to leave.

The four of us decided to spend the rest of the afternoon in Old Sacramento looking into shops and having lunch. We ate at one of deidre’s favorite restaurants, Café New Orleans. They have the best jambalaya and key lime pie.

When the afternoon ended we all hugged each other. Mom and J went back home. deidre and E headed back to E’s house. By the time we got back it was evening. deidre would be getting up by 4 to make the drive to the San Fran Airport and E had to work the next morning. We talked for a while and then headed to bed.

4 am came way too soon. deidre took her bags out to the car, kissed her sister goodbye and began the drive to the airport. There was another pat down, this time by a very unattractive woman. Deidre had a quick lay over in Indiana, then another in Atlanta. Finally a little after midnight she landed in Tampa. Master met her at the airport, wisked her home, into bed, and at His side right where she belonged.

deidre's blushing

Master leaves tomorrow for His longest trip without deidre. It’s only 10 – 12 days, but it will seem like forever. He’s taking the dogs with Him so deidre will have no reason to even leave the house the entire time. Total, complete, domestic incarceration until He returns.

Tonight deidre will be begging for discipline, something harsh, something that will leave her marked until He returns so that every morning when she wakes up she can see His welts and bruises on her. Every evening before she goes to sleep in His empty bed she can stroke and press on her skin to feel the tenderness.

This morning deidre woke up, got out of bed, did some morning stuff then came to the computer to look at her friend’s entries on LJ. she read through 3 or 4 and then stumbled onto isabellaval’s writings for today. Guess what?!? She wrote about deidre! She said

Fell in love with adevotedslave, a submissive slavegirl named deidre, who stole my heart. I read her story and felt utterly compelled to buy her a gift off her wishlist, and so I did. Her life, so misunderstood. Her words, full of honesty and compassion. Her situation, so shocking and yet so loving. Beautiful and mindblowing. I feel a sense of attraction to her. She has a Master she loves and has eternally devoted herself to him. Yet has this desire to be with another woman, a sister slave. That, I cannot be. A slave. The thought alone reminds me of my unwillingness to follow orders. I say no a lot. I'm spoiled and Goddess-like. So many things (rimming a guy's butt, getting fisted in my ass, being given an enema, drinking a man's urine, etc.) I have too much fear to try to attempt. Not to mention I think most men are pretty nasty to begin with. My germ phobia itself would drive me crazy just thinking of my tongue in a guy's butt. I whine when I'm hot. I am demanding, at times bossy, flaunt my lifestlye. I could never give up my bank account. I'd be the worst slave ever. She, on the other hand, is every Dominant's dream. The kind of slavegirl every Master or Mistress wishes to have. Someone that will tongue dry you after a shower. Wait for permission to sleep. Perform daily tasks on this never-ending list of daily and weekly duties. She posted the list. I was shocked. She posted her punishments. Ouch. The more I read, the more fascinated I became. I wanted to make her feel appreciated. This overwhelming desire to spoil her took over the best of me. I had to send a token of love. A part of me was so very jealous of her relationship with him. His ability to love her, while at times, punishing her into this horrible state of misery. It blew me away. His punishments. Her willingness to take it. Time and time again. The give and take. The discipline and rewards. I want a love like that. I admire her bravery, her love of him that makes her want to do taboo things like that. It's beautiful and brave. It's admirable. Read her story here. It's touching

deidre’s giggly, blushing and incredibly honored.

Thank you Isabella!

Giving up the Ghost

Back on June 1st deidre wrote about the ghost that used to hang out in her bedroom. she was really looking forward to the opportunity to see if it was still there when she was staying at that same house in Cali.

Before going down to her sister’s deidre asked her father about the ghost. He said that he remembered the night that mom asked it to go away with two differences. First, he was the one who asked it to go away and second, there wasn’t just one. He remembers 2 separate entities. He never saw them again after that night though.

Unfortunately, because the front part of the house where deidre’s old room is located is being rented out, she was unable to investigate. deidre did try to coax them into the back part of the house. At night after everyone was asleep deidre would sit in bed with her eyes closed telepathically calling to anything that might be near. It didn’t work. deidre wasn’t really surprised. Either they are no longer there, or they aren’t interested in hanging out with deidre any more.