Cali Trip - Part 4

The drive out of the coastal mountains and along the coast of Clearlake was beautiful but once she was in the central valley she knew she was home.

The drive down I-5 is one that she has made over and over. she has favorite little places to stop like the gas station in Lodi where she one broke down on the way to a Candle Show. The old ’73 Chevy gave up right in front of pump number one. So now EVERY time deidre drives past there she fills up at pump number one. It’s silly and superstitious but she figures that chances are pretty small she will break down in that exact same spot again.

As deidre drove on she knew she was getting close to the town she grew up in not only because of the signs marking the miles, but because of the smell. deidre’s home town is a dairy town. Lots of cows means lots of cow shit. Living there you get used to it, but after being away for so long she was able to start smelling it about 45 minutes out. Mmmmm…home.

When she finally arrived at her sister’s home, the home she grew up in, it looked just the same as it did when she was last there. deidre’s mother ran out, her eyes sparkling with tears as she wrapped deidre up in her arms for the first time in over 2 years. Next came out her baby sister, J, who is no longer a baby. She’s 12 years old and just beginning to become a woman.

As deidre walked inside with her bags she saw her other sister, E. We used to be so close that the plan was to marry brothers and buy an island together. A huge house would be built in the middle of our secret island, half for her, half for deidre. We would live there and be happy forever. It never worked out. Life and personality differences got in the way.

As deidre and E grew older, we began to draw apart. deidre developed an intense jealousy of her sister and apparently E developed one of deidre as well. We went our separate ways and are only beginning to get close again now that deidre is so far away.

While the outside of the house was the same as it had always been, the inside had changed. The front of the house, where deidre’s old bedroom is, was now being rented out. E lived in the back part of the house.

That night the 4 of us talked and drank wine. We brought out boxes of old pictures and elementary school art projects. We laughed. Mom cried. It was good.

Monday deidre had a doctor’s appointment in P’ville, which is about 3 hours away. It’s also the same area as Mom’s home. We all got in the car far too early, stopped for coffee, the drove up to the Sierra foothills. deidre dropped everyone else off at mom’s then was off for a check up. deidre was given a clean bill of health, but needed to make another appt for Wed to have a little procedure done. This would add another 6 hours of driving.

We spent a few more house at mom’s house then headed back down to E’s. Monday night was the annual Tractor Pull. For some reason, deidre has been very excited about this little hick event. The tractors aren’t really all that exciting; it’s the trucks that deidre loves. deidre’s always been a pick up girl and ..oh.. all of that power! To hear the rumble of the engine, feel the vibration of the ground, and see the mud flying just gets deidre’s juices flowing. There there’s all of those black haired men with their Portuguese skin and dark eyes walking around with tight wranglers, big belt buckles and cowboy hats. OMG. It was hillbilly heaven and deidre was right there in the middle of it.

deidre has no idea who won any of the events. At some point her pussy took over, and her brain ceased to function. Too soon it was over and time to go back to E’s.

Independence day in deidre’s hometown always starts with the Main Street Parade. All of the Harley men, the town sports teams, the dairies, the car clubs, the dance companies ect each have their own spot or float in the parade and it takes about an hour. The parade gets a little longer each year, but never really changes.

Afterward everyone goes to the park in the middle of town for linguisa, the frog jump, beer, live music and all of the little programs that are put on in the gazebo in the center. It’s a lot more interesting when you’re either A) a kid or B) a beer drinker. deidre is neither and we didn’t stay long.

One of the other main reasons deidre went back to California was to bring back some of her things that had been stored at E’s house. For the next few hours deidre dug through dusty boxes sorting out what she wanted and didn’t want. she had to condense it all down into 2 duffel bags that weighed less than 50 pounds each. she was able to score about 150 CDs, some of her books, including her original copies of ‘The Story of O’ and the Beauty Series, almost an entire bag full of clothes, and another huge stack of stuffed animals which included about a dozen eeyores.

That night we went to the fireworks at the High School. They were pretty typical, but there’s something magical about them. All of those sparkles and twinkles up in the sky. No matter how old deidre gets she thinks she will always feel that sense of wonder when she sees them.

Wednesday was deidre’s last full day and the day of her follup appt with the doctor. We left early in the morning again. deidre and E rode together in the PT cruiser while mom and J followed behind in mom’s car. It made more sense for mom to head home that morning too.

Ece sat patiently by deidre’s side as the doctor performed the little procedure on deidre. Somehow deidre had developed a slight fear of needles. It could possibly have something to do with the piercing from last month, but she became more rational about it after the anesthesia was injected. Of course she really couldn’t feel much at that point either. It was much quicker than the last time, and the Doctor did a much neater job this time as well. When it was done they wrapped it up and deidre was free to leave.

The four of us decided to spend the rest of the afternoon in Old Sacramento looking into shops and having lunch. We ate at one of deidre’s favorite restaurants, Café New Orleans. They have the best jambalaya and key lime pie.

When the afternoon ended we all hugged each other. Mom and J went back home. deidre and E headed back to E’s house. By the time we got back it was evening. deidre would be getting up by 4 to make the drive to the San Fran Airport and E had to work the next morning. We talked for a while and then headed to bed.

4 am came way too soon. deidre took her bags out to the car, kissed her sister goodbye and began the drive to the airport. There was another pat down, this time by a very unattractive woman. Deidre had a quick lay over in Indiana, then another in Atlanta. Finally a little after midnight she landed in Tampa. Master met her at the airport, wisked her home, into bed, and at His side right where she belonged.

deidre's blushing

Master leaves tomorrow for His longest trip without deidre. It’s only 10 – 12 days, but it will seem like forever. He’s taking the dogs with Him so deidre will have no reason to even leave the house the entire time. Total, complete, domestic incarceration until He returns.

Tonight deidre will be begging for discipline, something harsh, something that will leave her marked until He returns so that every morning when she wakes up she can see His welts and bruises on her. Every evening before she goes to sleep in His empty bed she can stroke and press on her skin to feel the tenderness.

This morning deidre woke up, got out of bed, did some morning stuff then came to the computer to look at her friend’s entries on LJ. she read through 3 or 4 and then stumbled onto isabellaval’s writings for today. Guess what?!? She wrote about deidre! She said

Fell in love with adevotedslave, a submissive slavegirl named deidre, who stole my heart. I read her story and felt utterly compelled to buy her a gift off her wishlist, and so I did. Her life, so misunderstood. Her words, full of honesty and compassion. Her situation, so shocking and yet so loving. Beautiful and mindblowing. I feel a sense of attraction to her. She has a Master she loves and has eternally devoted herself to him. Yet has this desire to be with another woman, a sister slave. That, I cannot be. A slave. The thought alone reminds me of my unwillingness to follow orders. I say no a lot. I'm spoiled and Goddess-like. So many things (rimming a guy's butt, getting fisted in my ass, being given an enema, drinking a man's urine, etc.) I have too much fear to try to attempt. Not to mention I think most men are pretty nasty to begin with. My germ phobia itself would drive me crazy just thinking of my tongue in a guy's butt. I whine when I'm hot. I am demanding, at times bossy, flaunt my lifestlye. I could never give up my bank account. I'd be the worst slave ever. She, on the other hand, is every Dominant's dream. The kind of slavegirl every Master or Mistress wishes to have. Someone that will tongue dry you after a shower. Wait for permission to sleep. Perform daily tasks on this never-ending list of daily and weekly duties. She posted the list. I was shocked. She posted her punishments. Ouch. The more I read, the more fascinated I became. I wanted to make her feel appreciated. This overwhelming desire to spoil her took over the best of me. I had to send a token of love. A part of me was so very jealous of her relationship with him. His ability to love her, while at times, punishing her into this horrible state of misery. It blew me away. His punishments. Her willingness to take it. Time and time again. The give and take. The discipline and rewards. I want a love like that. I admire her bravery, her love of him that makes her want to do taboo things like that. It's beautiful and brave. It's admirable. Read her story here. It's touching

deidre’s giggly, blushing and incredibly honored.

Thank you Isabella!

Giving up the Ghost

Back on June 1st deidre wrote about the ghost that used to hang out in her bedroom. she was really looking forward to the opportunity to see if it was still there when she was staying at that same house in Cali.

Before going down to her sister’s deidre asked her father about the ghost. He said that he remembered the night that mom asked it to go away with two differences. First, he was the one who asked it to go away and second, there wasn’t just one. He remembers 2 separate entities. He never saw them again after that night though.

Unfortunately, because the front part of the house where deidre’s old room is located is being rented out, she was unable to investigate. deidre did try to coax them into the back part of the house. At night after everyone was asleep deidre would sit in bed with her eyes closed telepathically calling to anything that might be near. It didn’t work. deidre wasn’t really surprised. Either they are no longer there, or they aren’t interested in hanging out with deidre any more.

Something to ponder...

This girl was thinking today (no smart ass comments please), and she realized that while deidre is very submissive, her sister is quite Dominant. Master’s brother seems to be the submissive type, and, of course, Master is Dominant. So here’s the question. Do most siblings who identify as one or the other have brothers or sisters who identify opposingly? Additionally, If you are Dominant to the 9th degree, do you have a sibling who is submissive to the 9th degree?

Cali Trip - Part 3

Friday night Dad and B took deidre to a coffee shop hang out of theirs. When deidre was in high school she and her stepmother used to go to a little coffee shop in Turlock where they would have live bands. One band in particular, Canterbury, was a favorite of deidre’s They played Christian rock, but their lead singer was so hot it that deidre was willing to overlook their choice in music. Actually the music was pretty good too, but not nearly as good as the sounds that the lead singer and deidre made as he was taking her in her fantasies.

By bringing deidre to a coffee shop on Friday night B was trying to recreate that experience. The difference was that the music was jazz, and none of the band members were attractive. The coffee was great though and we drank cup after cup as we shouted to each other over the music.

That night we sat around the campfire again and told jokes with one of the men who has been helping dad work on the house. Evidently the campfire in the front yard most nights makes dad appear to be a squatter and he meets lots of people who are between homes. His latest helper, W, was a very nice person who had fallen on hard times after having his driver’s license taken away due to some seizures. It’s hard to get work as an electrician when you can’t drive. Dad pays him a small amount per hour plus meals to give him a hand. Tonight he was eating the rest of our Cornish game hen as we told jokes and laughed around the fire.

deidre has a few favorite jokes. The first is the string joke. It’s dumb, but deidre loves it. The second is the UCDavis joke which you can’t tell as a joke or it’s ruined. If you really want to know any of these just ask and deidre will type them out. Dad, however, has added one to this list, not because deidre likes it, but because she made it up when she was a kid. Every time we get together with new people dad has to tell this dumb joke and completely embarrass deidre beyond belief. He decided to do that Friday night. This joke deidre will not re-tell. It’s dumb and pointless and makes no sense like most knock knock jokes created by 5 year olds don’t. she will drink her own piss, suck cock until snot comes from her nose, scream out that she is a fucking whore, plaster the internet with naked pictures of herself, get down on hands and knees and snort like a piggie, but she will not mortify herself by retelling this “joke”. When she couldn’t stay awake any more deidre went upstairs, crawled into bed and shivered until she fell asleep.

Saturday was the day of Dad’s non-house warming 4th of July party. deidre spent the first part of the day running back and forth to the grocery store picking up this and that until dad finally realized that he had everything that he needed. During the previous 3 days he had smoked a shit load of chicken thighs and drumsticks for the 90 or so people that had RSVPd but still needed to prepare the condiments, veggies, burgers, calamari and abalone.

deidre and her step brother (who had arrived at about 6:30 that morning from Portland) were put on lettuce/tomato/onion duty and started slicing away. He’d been in prison for a while, released about 8 months ago, and so had a lot of catching up to do on deidre’s life. deidre told him about her marriage, divorce, stepdaughter etc and we started to talk about this girl’s belief system. she’s never gone through the dedication ceremony but is basically Wiccan in all but name. deidre always tells people who ask that she doesn’t actually call herself a Witch, but a Witch in training.

We began to talk about the Wiccan Rede, “An Ye Harm None, Do What Ye Will” which brought us to why he is a vegetarian. He hates to cause harm or suffering to anyone, including animals. At that moment the knife deidre was using to cut the tomato cut completely through the tip of her left pinky finger. It didn’t hurt, surprisingly, but when she brought her hand up the tip of the finger was missing. The damn thing wouldn’t stop bleeding and deidre couldn’t seem to stop giggling. Not only was it fascinating to see the meat on her finger, but it was hilarious that it had happened during that topic of conversation. After she bandaged herself up, and threw away the missing piece, she went back to cutting veggies and was MUCH more careful.

After all of us had eaten dinner, gone back for seconds and had dessert we settled in to watch the fireworks. They started at about 9:40 when it was dark and were beautiful. One of the people there was a 19 year old girl with Cerebral Palsy. She was such a sweetheart and sort of latched on to deidre. It was so much fun to lie on the grass next to her and hear her reactions as each firework exploded in the sky. Things like that are always better when you can experience them with a child, see the wonder through their eyes, letting their youth bring out the child in you. Everyone went home by midnight. We did a little bit of clean up and got to bed late again.

Sunday morning was deidre’s last morning with dad. He hadn’t actually had time to cook up the calamari and abalone the night before so he sautéed it for Sunday morning breakfast. Calamari is one of deidre’s favorite foods and it was a special treat to be able to have some prepared this way. Dad even left the tentacles in for her ☺ Everyone else had pancakes. It made deidre feel special that he cooked them up just for her, but then again, she will always be his little girl.

At about noon deidre said good bye to dad, her step mother and step brother and drove away to begin the 6 hour drive to her sister’s house.

To be continued…

Cali Trip - Part 2

Once getting out of San Fran the drive was easy. deidre got out the CD’s that she had recorded, turned the volume up and sang at the top of her lungs along with Adam Sandler, Tenacious D, Jewel, James Blunt, Prince, Eminem and all of the other music that closer to the bottom of Master’s list of favorites than the top. she’d called everyone to let them know she had made it in once piece and was in an adventurous mood ready to take on anything that Hwy 101 could throw her way.

When she made it to her dad’s house at about 3 am she was shown to her bed, hugged and tucked it. she wanted to fall asleep right away. The next day would be starting much earlier than she wanted it to.

One of the reasons deidre chose this particular time to travel back home to California was because her father was planning on combining an open house along with his annual 4th of July party. There was just one problem though. The house wasn’t finished it. At this point the foundation had been poured, the studs and walls had been erected the roof was on and so was the siding. There was nothing else though. No flooring, no insulation, no hot water, no toilet etc. deidre was sleeping on the second story of this unfinished home. Under 2 thick blankets the 50 degree cold sill seeped in. deidre spent the first 15 – 20 minutes of each night shivering before falling into sleep.

deidre’s first full day with her dad started with coffee -thank god- He had a meeting first thing in the morning and then came by in his work truck to pick up deidre and take her to the main park at which he works. He introduced deidre to a few of the people that he works with and then took her to the water treatment plant that is his responsibility to maintain. He showed her how to mix the chemicals and take readings of different levels in the water so that it can be labeled safe to drink.

Then we drove out to one of the other parks that he works at where there is a working lighthouse. On the way there deidre took some wonderful pics 

 It’s so pretty out there with the ocean nearby, the smell of salt water, the mountains over yonder and the space in between flat and plain like. deidre could easily imagine building a small cabin and living out the rest of her life in that spot.

Dad’s property consists of a small wellhouse/shed, a large garage with washroom and the house itself. Until the house is finished Dad, B, and their 2 Newfoundland are living in a 36-foot trailer. When it comes to socializing there just isn’t room so dad has a campfire ring in the front yard (yes, the front yard) and the 5 of us (dad, B, Hero the dog and Blessing the dog) sat around the fire each night talking. That first night we were up until about 2 am.

It was just like summers as a kid when deidre and her sister would spend 2 months camping in whatever park dad was working at at the time. Every night we had a fire and slept in a tent. Each day we would run around getting filthy and covered in dirt, sap, sand, and whatever other messy thing we could get into while dad was working.

Staying at dad’s house was a bit like that. deidre never got fully clean. Within a half an hour after getting out of the shower she would be dirty again. There was nothing to do but accept it and have fun anyway.

Friday was a little more relaxed. deidre woke up, got dressed, went down stairs and was reminded that today was the day that she promised she would go to the soup kitchen with B. deidre’s never actually been to a soup kitchen and it sounded like a wonderful opportunity to help out the community. We got there about 10 after picking up one of B’s friends and her son. Lunch would be served at noon but there was quite a bit of prep work to be done first. deidre helped to brew coffee, set out the bread, set up silverware and the juice table etc. Noon came very quickly.

deidre didn’t quite know what to expect. Here in Saint Pete the homeless people that deidre has been exposed to stand out on the street corner all day asking for money. deidre is always tempted to get a stack of job applications from the nearby area and hand them out as she drives by instead of money. she didn’t expect that the people at this soup kitchen would be like that, those people on the street corners here make far too much money to ever go to a soup kitchen.

What she saw made her very sad. There were families coming in. Little girls and boys with their mothers and fathers who didn’t choose this life. Teenagers who couldn’t meet your eyes because they were embarrassed to have greasy hair and dirty clothes, ashamed that they had to accept food from strangers rather than starve. Almost every single person there thanked us after being served and when they returned their dirty plates. 74 people showed up. Out of those 74 only 2 seemed to be your “typical” homeless person on either drugs or alcohol.

It kind of makes you think doesn’t it?

Cali Trip - Part 1

she woke early that morning; there were still things that needed to be done before she left, but the time went too quickly. Soon it was time to carry the luggage to the 4Runner, to say good-bye to the cats and dogs and for the slave to scramble into her seat at her Master’s side for what easily could be the last car ride together.

Well, probably not, but that is what it felt like. 8 days away from your Owner isn’t all that much less than an eternity really. Especially when you consider that deidre is basically domestically incarcerated, pleasantly kept in her Owner’s presence 24/7. He’s an addiction. deidre needs Him to function normally and here she is voluntarily withdrawing herself from her drug.

Before We/we left deidre had gone into the bedroom to get the key to her wristlets and collar for Master. First He removed her right wristlet, the one that j had been wearing while We/we were awaiting her return, then He took off her collar. During the drive deidre kept feeling her neck. It felt so small and naked without His steel locked on it.

she was glad though that He had given her a key to take with her and that as soon as she left her Father’s house she could lock them back on where they belonged. she was also happy that He allowed her to wear the last wristlet on her left wrist like a bracelet or watch.

deidre’s dad does not understand the little bit of her life that he knows. He certainly wouldn’t understand the whole of it. Being kinky in the bedroom is one thing, living it as a lifestyle is different and is unacceptable in his eyes. He is blander than vanilla. He is plain and he is a father who wants only the best for his oldest daughter. deidre doesn’t blame him. she doesn’t want to push that protective side anymore than she has to.

By the time we were to the area where deidre had to go on her own she was almost in tears. She only controlled herself because she didn’t want Master to remember her that way while she was gone. He held her for a few moments. He kissed her long and hard, as if He too wanted to make up for all of the kisses He wouldn’t be able to take from deidre while she was away. He told her that He loves her. Then He told her to go. And she went.

Going through security is always fun. she’s done it several times with both wristlets and collar on. They always give her the same look when she explains that the “jewelry” is locked on and she can’t remove it. They don’t believe, but take her aside anyway. That is usually deidre’s favorite part…the pat down. she has all kinds of fantasies that revolve around it and this day she had a beautiful woman touching her without emotion as if she was just another piece of meat to inspect. deidre’s remembers the feel of the inside her this Goddesses wrist as it lightly brushed up against her hard nipple, making it even harder, and that flush of heat and wetness from that unexpected surprise. deidre wasn’t suspicious enough to take to a private room for a more intimate inspection though. she will just have to ensure that she’s more so the next time she flies.
deidre is a very friendly person, but when it comes to things like getting her hair cut, being in the dentist office or waiting at the airport, deidre likes to be quite. she absolutely hates pointless chit chat. It’s a waste of time, especially when you have a really good book right there in your hand and the lady next to you will not shut up so that you can read it. While she waited deidre learned everything she could possibly want to know about this woman’s son, who is a wiz with computers and computer games. Then finally deidre’s prayers were answered and it was time to board. Thank you, Goddess.

deidre’s first flight was to Atlanta where she would board another plane to San Fran. The pilot must’ve been either new or drunk because the take off was one of the worst deidre has ever experienced. The plane was actually swerving on the runway and bounced twice. After that everything was smooth until the landing.

After a 4 hour layover in Atlanta deidre was on her way west. This flight was much better. Like a goofy tourist deidre even took some shots through the window of the plane. Flying over the tops of clouds always reminds deidre of the Cloud-men in James and the Giant Peach who make hailstones, snow and rainbows. She can’t help but peek down hoping to catch a glimpse of them.

deidre landed in San Fran at about 9 pm, got her luggage and went to the rental car office where they gave her a PT Cruiser instead of the car she had booked. deidre is NOT a fan of PT Cruisers, but what was she doing to do? she was tired and wanted to go to bed, but there was still a 3 – 4 hour drive to her dad’s house.

To be continued…

she's baaaaaaack!

deidre made it back! Yay! she’s working on getting caught up on e-mails, journal comments, other’s entries, phones and house work but soon she will be able to write about all of the fun she had in California.

~d~

While the slave is away...

deidre will be making a trip out to California and will be unavailable from Wed, June 28 through Thurs, July 6. deidre hopes that You have a happy and safe Independence Day.

New memberships will be processed upon her return. Click Here for more Info.


All recordings, photo sets and stories will remain available for Your pleasure.

If You'd like to get Your deidre fix she will be leaving voice posts on her LiveJournal page.

Yours in pleasure and pain,
deidre

May 1995

This post is inspired by someone else’s story also recently shared here. Thank you for having enough courage to put it into words. deidre feels that each time one of us shares our story it will somehow help somone else who is going through what we have.

deidre has had 3 major events in her life that have helped to shape who she is. The most recent, her acquisition and ownership, she discusses just about every time she writes. However there were 2 before that. The first is below.

deidre was 16 at the time. The "love of her life" had dumped her 7 months earlier, but she still saw him every day. she hurt anew every time he didn’t meet her eyes, every time she heard our song, every time she took a breath. she’d tried one or two other relationships over the months, but they just weren’t the same.

What if she never found love again? What if she wasn’t worth loving? What if the entire world was better off without her? These were the thoughts constantly jumbling around in her mind.

On the outside, deidre still appeared happy. she’d always been good at pretending, at smiling when all she wanted to do was cry. she still laughed with her friends, went to football games, and dances, but she felt so broken and ugly.

That night she was in her bedroom. It was late. Everyone else was in bed. On the stereo was her Forrest Gump soundtrack. Track 19 from disc two, The Forrest Gump Suite, was playing over and over. It had been doing so for hours. deidre was in a zone, a self destructive almost meditative zone. she was telling herself over and over "you’re stupid" "you’re worthless" " you are unlovable" until finally she decided that she was right. There was no point anymore. All that she could remember in this life was pain, sadness, deep depression.

she wrote her note, telling everybody how much she loved them and how much she hated herself. she distributed her most valued things, her music, books, and rabbit, Mademoiselle Lapin.

Suicidal Thoughts

I watch from a distance—above

The tub

The pills

The water

The knife (just to be sure)

Nobody loves me. Why can’t they love me?

One…Two…Three

I take a drink

…Twenty-one…Twenty-two…Twenty-three

Drink some more

…Forty-one…Forty-two…Forty-three

All gone.

I can’t do this

Just do it! The knife! Use the knife!!

No.

Yes.

I see myself pick up the knife

I slit once…twice…

Goodbye.

deidre only actually slit once, and not very deep. Something about the pain brought her out of that hypnotic zone. she realized what she was doing. she’d already swallowed an entire bottle of pills, but oh god, she didn’t want to die!

If she killed herself she’d never get to the end of the story, she’d never know if she went to college and became an English teacher, she’d never be able to watch her baby sister grow up, she’d leave off in the middle, and deidre never stopped in the middle.

she got out of the tub, and woke up her mother, describing what she had done. Just the horror on her mother’s face was enough to bring deidre to tears. God, what had she done?

deidre was rushed to the hospital, her stomach pumped and the psychiatrists consulted. It seems that her attempt was more of a cry for help than anything else. she was given discharge instructions and forced to see a psychiatrist twice a week for 6 months.

What deidre realized as she was sitting there in the emergency room, stomach pump tube hanging from her mouth, sitting on her hands as instructed while the nurses read the instructions for the machine, is that nothing is worth putting the book down. This story is not predictable and needs to be seen through to the end no matter what.

Does deidre still get depressed? Yes.

Has she ever wanted to kill herself again? No.

she knows now that any hopelessness that she feels, any depression is only temporary. she may not know how many more chapters are left in the story, but she knows that the one she is in currently isn’t the last, and that reading through to the end is worth enduring the darkness.