Delicious Debauchery

Why I’ll never be a full lesbian…

2007-06-08T11:13:00.000-05:00

You know, it doesn’t seem to matter what I am using or what position I am in. I’ve tried it with dildos, vibes, my gear shift knob, my fingers, and miscellaneous household objects, with just about anything and every thing I can think of. I’ve done it on my hands and knees on my back, with one leg up. I’ve tried putting the base on the floor and bouncing up and down. I’ve put it up against a wall and pushed against it. It doesn’t matter. Nothing that I do makes it so that I can fuck myself hard enough to make it feel just right. Nothing can take me to that place where I am balancing between the pleasure of being fucked and the pain of having a cock battering my insides.

Of course, when I’m trying to simulate hard fucking it still feels good, but it’s that kind of feeling you get when you are almost there, but not quite. You know where you want to go but you just can’t get there. It’s frustrating as hell.

Besides, I have never actually had a toy, or object I’ve converted into a toy, that’s felt like a real cock anyway. They all just feel like random objects that fall short of the glory that is a real, hard, throbbing, piece of flesh designed for fucking.

Of course, if there’s some woman out there who’s willing to try to convert me into a full fledged lesbian anyway, I’m more than willing to submit to that kind of training. Who knows? A woman with a strap on may be able to fuck me just like I like. Of course, I’d not refuse returning the favor. It could be a mutually beneficial experiment.

Bruised and Battered

2007-04-28T11:52:00.000-05:00

For some reason I think that the depth of my pussy fluctuates. Sometimes when Master’s cock slides inside of me it is the perfect fit. The head hits in just the right spot just the right way deep inside of me and it feels incredible from the first stroke to the very last. Other times the first few moments have varying degrees of pain that gradually dissipates into the same incredible pleasure.

Last night was different. We were lying in bed together feeling restless when He decided to use me. I put my hair up and got out the leather fuck straps. The first strap binds my ankles so that they can’t spread further apart than about 8 inches. The second is for my wrists. Master uses it most often when I am on my hands and knees with my forearms stretched up above my head, but with my elbows bent so that my wrists are resting between my shoulder blades. The third is one that goes around my waist and He uses it like a set of reins, holding on and pulling me back even harder as He thrusts inside of me.

He wanted me to climb on top of Him and sink myself down onto His cock. I love being able to lean down and press my body down against His while I grind on His cock. I can breathe in His scents and feel His breath on my ear as He’s whispering things like, “Does that feel good, my little bitch?” “I love when you use my cock, slut” and as He feels me getting closer and closer to orgasm “Cum for me, cunt”

My orgasms are always insanely intense, but those when I’m riding Him are different. They’re just as mind-blowing but in a softer way. I think that my senses get overloaded. I’m taking in sounds and scents along with the feeling of being fucked and the center of pleasure is different.

Master likes to be the one who’s making me cum though. He likes to take control of that pleasure and so I ended up in my favorite position, on my elbows and knees with my ass in the air. This is how I like it the best. Hard, deep, fast, animalistic fucking where nothing exists except the pain of the leather strap digging into my flesh around my waist and the feeling of His cock taking what He wants.

He slid it inside hard and *holy shit* did it hurt! Master knows that sometimes those first strokes hurt and they aren’t always nearly as hard as they could be but the pain was more intense than I can ever remember it being. It was enough to make me cry. He was concerned, of course, but He is a Sadist and my body is His to use in any way He pleases. He began to fuck me harder, and harder until I had to bunch up part of the blanket and bite down on it to keep from screaming from the pain.

That’s when something incredible happened. I realized that I wanted it to hurt. In fact, I wanted it to hurt deep inside that way more than I wanted it to feel good. I didn’t want it to stop hurting and I wanted it to hurt more. I begged Him to please do it harder, to please fuck me like He’s trying to stab His cock strait through me. I begged Him to make me hurt, and He did. He fucked me savagely like that until He filled me with His cum.

I’m still kind of amazed at my response to all of that. It was so intense that afterward when I went to clean up I was walking funny because every time I moved my insides were screaming at me “what the fuck, bitch?” This was about 12 hours ago and I can still feel it inside, like I’ve been bruised.

Master leaves early tomorrow morning to head to Atlanta. I am hoping that the soreness inside stays while He’s away, and that the moment He comes home He’ll order me to get back onto my hands and knees so that batter my insides with His cock again.

Maintaining a positive environment

2007-04-13T14:06:00.001-05:00

My general purpose as Master’s slave is to bring Him pleasure. One of the ways that I am allowed to do this is by trying to maintain a positive environment. Emotions and how they are displayed are a large part of this.

Things such as anger, irritation, frustration etc do nothing but detract from a positive environment therefore I attempt to mask those feelings when I am experiencing them. Not to hide them, necessarily, but if there is nothing constructive that can come from them, or as long as masking them isn’t deconstructive then it’s my job to do so.

I have no orders to not experience these feelings, that would be silly. Instead I’ve taken it upon myself to keep Master’s exposure to them at a minimum.

Anger and irritation directed toward Master are never a good thing, but it does happen. I’m a very stubborn person by nature. It runs in my family. It’s not an easy trait to push aside. There are times when I am right and I know I am right, but because Master’s right by default that makes me…ahem…well you know…wrong.

I’m not allowed to argue the point. I’m not allowed to actively find evidence to support my point and present it at a later time. I’m not allowed to glare or stomp off in frustration either. I’ve learned to modify my actions so that they meet His expectations and as soon as possible I go into another room and rant and rail in my mind, or I go to the computer and type furiously about it until I feel better. Then, I delete it.

Sometimes, just sometimes, I do get enjoyment from watching when something happens that proves me right. In times like those I’m generally not allowed to say, "I told You so, Master" Well, I’m not allowed to say it out loud, but you can bet that I’m thinking it with a sense of satisfaction while I’m hiding the smug little look on my face.

Of course, it’s been a learning process. There have been times when I’ve opened my mouth before I thought about what I was going to say, or when I’ve thought about what I was going to say and just didn’t care. His usual response is to tell me to get the strap, and I’m punished, and then we talk about what’s made me so upset that I didn’t care about the consequences.

On the other hand, if I am experiencing something that is undermining my slavery, or causing harm to the mindset that Master wants me to be in, then it is my duty to find a way to bring that up to Him in respectful and properly submissive manner before it actually becomes damaging. My departure from His household in March of ’04 was a direct result of not discussing something that was eating away at me that turned out to be nothing in the end.

Isn’t it interesting that there are so many people who find it important to maintain their individuality in a relationship expecting a certain amount of change to occur in both themselves and their partner when my relationship with Master is just the opposite. He modifies me to fit into his life harmoniously, so that He doesn’t have to change, and I do so willingly and eagerly. Through repetition and consistency He’s managed to control even my instinctual reactions to certain stimulus. Maybe expecting that one day I won’t feel such things isn’t so silly afterall

* ribbit *

2007-03-30T18:40:00.000-05:00

Check it out. I have myself a new friend.

If you look closely enough you can see that he’s almost smiling in a closed mouth smirky kind of way. I discovered him on the office window this morning. I think I shall call him 'Tosh (short for MacIntosh). He and I are going to just hang out today while Master’s gone. Do you think that if I give Tosh a nice big kiss he’ll turn into my fairy princess in shining collar?

The Winery Trip

2007-03-19T13:18:00.001-05:00

Master decided that He wanted me to be plugged and to have my pussy lips locked together. It had been a while since Master had let me wear the little stainless steel plug and I was looking forward to it. It was also the first time that He used the lock to close me up.

We have a routine with the plug. It’s kept in a jewelry case. The padded bottom has spaces for my collar, my cunt clip and my plug.

When it’s time for insertion I get it out of the case and get the lube. I go to wherever Master is and kneel down before Him with mouth open and my tongue out. He squirts a big nasty gob of lube onto my tongue and then rolls the plug around in it until it's slippery. Then I bend over, reach back, spread open my ass cheeks and He inserts it. Usually He sort of bops it against my hole a time or two and then pops it in. It’s not a big plug and doesn’t hurt going in, but I can definitely feel it.

I think that He purposefully squirts 7 times more lube onto my tongue than He actually needs just because I hate the taste and feel of a bunch of nasty synthetic luby stuff on my tongue and in my mouth. I'm not allowed to spit it out or rinse afterward.

I had the feeling that KY just couldn't add anything good to the experience of wine tasting so I begged to be allowed to not use lube just this one time.

Anal play with lube is something that I never did before Master. With my previous dominant partner I was expected to make my own lube either with my pussy or with my mouth and I have no problem doing that. I like that better in fact. KY is so messy. Master granted me permission to use my mouth to wet the plug and then we went through the regular process.

The only problem with this is that I’d just brushed my teeth. Some of the toothpaste residue must’ve been transferred from my mouth to the plug and then strait into my ass because it started to burn.

To make matters even worse I was having allergies all day and every time I sneezed my ass would clench around the plug which would intensify the burning from the toothpaste for a moment. Master found that quite amusing.

The winery itself wasn’t exactly what I expected. I come from wine country, not Napa, but wine country nonetheless. I have seen acres and acres of grapevines and orchards. I have seen fancy tasting rooms and aging rooms full of barrels of wine. This was a little different. The winery itself is right smack in the middle of town. They must bring their fruit from somewhere else to be processed. I was looking forward to being able to walk outside enjoying the feel of warm fertile earth under my feet and the sunlight dappling across my skin as it filtered through the leaves of the trees.

Instead I stood at a bar and sampled a few different wines without going on a tour. I am not normally a wine drinker. I don’t like the way it tastes. I like sweet flavors and fu fu drinks. Well, I suppose some of their wines would fit into that category but there were winy wines too. I think that really anyone could find something that they liked there. Apparently you can only try a few before the tastes start to mingle and you lose the true flavors.

We tried the coco poloda, the mango mamma, the sangria, the semi-sweet black gold (blackberry wine), the blueberry blue, and the cocoa beach. In the end we came home with a bottle of the sangria and a bottle of the cocoa beach.

The coco poloda definitely tasted like pina colada. It too sweet even for my tastes.

The mango mamma had more of a traditional white wine taste with fruit overtones. I didn’t like it as much as some of the others. It wasn’t fu fu enough for me :)

The blueberry and blackberry flavored wines basically tasted like red wine with slight berry overtones. Again it wasn’t quite fu fu enough.

The sangria is a mixture of several different fruit wines. The tongue is only able to isolate one of the flavors at a time so the taste changes a little with each sip. The first taste could be watermelon or orange then the next mango etc. It seemed like the perfect way to bring home several flavors in one bottle, so we did.

And how could we possibly pass up the cocoa beach? It’s orange wine that is fermented with chocolate. It has a wonderful chocolate-orange smell and when you taste it you get both flavors mixed to begin with but are left with a cocoa flavor settling on the back of your tongue. I don’t see how anyone who likes chocolate could not like this wine. It’s like liquid candy but not overly sweet like the coco polada.

Evidently Master is such a natural sadist that even when it comes to wine He can’t help Himself. After we brought the bottles home He put them on the rack ;)

Wearing His Mark

2007-03-18T13:43:00.000-05:00

I’ve finally found the courage to once again look seriously into branding research. I’ve been afraid to. A while back I found a site that said a branding would hurt less than a tattoo. I chose to believe that and also chose to stop looking any further in fear of finding something that would contradict it.

I want it, badly. I have His collar locked around my neck. I wear His steel around my wrists and through my labia, but it's not enough. All of that can be removed. I want something that can't be. I want a permanant mark on my flesh. After the piercing experience I’ve become such a pussy though. It’s better for me to just avoid thinking about certain things until WHAM! It’s time to do it or I end up fixating on them instead of the things I should be focused on and in my mind they become a much bigger deal than they really are.

A few months ago I watched Jackass number 2. After Bam has his ass branded by a cowboy he says, "I'd rather rip my dick off and throw it in the river than to do that again. Goddamn!" That didn’t help much and it’s stuck in my mind since then.

While looking up other info so that I could write my entry in response to subbie_bunny’s interpretation of pain perception I stumbled across a site detailing the experience of 3 of slaves who had been branded on the same night. When asked how it felt they said:

Slave Pamela: "Like any burn, it hurt. Unlike most burns, it lasted longer and therefore hurt more. I don't 'fly' so I was totally in pain."
wendy: "It hurt. The noise bothered me more than the pain, though. That popping sound was rather disturbing. People commented on the smell, but i had a head cold and couldn't smell a thing. Getting pierced was worse for me."
lindsey: "Some will say that I'm nuts but I thought is was great. In the very beginning as I was lying on the table almost shaking with fear, but Master Gar held my hand tight and rubbed my back and I started to calm down. He gave that look again that just consumes me and I knew that it would be okay. When Pere first touched my skin with the red-hot iron, I felt it burn and squeezed Master Gar's hand tight and took a deep breath, but I did not move for fear of ruining the brand. For about the first couple of times that he touched my skin with the hot iron I squeezed Master Gar's hand and was breathing rather heavily. Then all of sudden it hit me, I started to focus on the pain and the fact that I was doing this for my Master and I started floating. I felt like I wasn't really even on the table. Things almost sounded muffled and I could feel Pere touch me with the hot iron over and over again but now it felt wonderful. Master Gar said I released the grip on his hand and my breathing went very shallow. At that point Pere asked him if I was okay, and his response was 'Yeah she's fine, she's just gone flying.' They tell me I was on the table for about 30 minutes, but it felt like only seconds after I hit my space. When he was done it was hard for me to sit up, Master Gar helped me and I just hugged him tightly. It took me a moment before I got off the table cuz my legs felt like rubber bands and I was a bit shaky. All I can tell you is it was a great feeling."

OK, so unless I learn how to let myself go into subspace between now and the time I am branded it’s going to hurt like hell. I’m not sure where wendy was pierced, but if her piercings were anything like mine then it was pretty much the worst pain imaginable. If it’s less than that I can handle it, even if it takes a half an hour of burning my flesh.

I do wonder about the smoke and the smell. I imagine it will be something like pork chops cooking. I wonder if I’m twisted enough that smelling my own flesh cooking will make my mouth water. wendy’s Owner describes a bit of it in His own interpration of the night the girls were branded:

A volunteer from the audience was picked to press the big shiny button on the digital camera - we recorded the event for posterity. Another volunteer, the lovely Rita of the GD staff, held her legs and I let her brace against my back, but she was not otherwise restrained. We put her on a little examination table that Pere has in his area, where there's lots of light and everything is close at hand. He made the final arrangements of his equipment and we began.
First, he sterilized and shaved the area - high on the outside of her left thigh. (Right where I can touch it with my right hand.) Then, after checking with me on the final placement, he moistened the area slightly and applied a pre-made stencil. Peeling it off left a vivid outline for him to follow. Finally, he opened the sterilized bag containing the tools - pieces of 12 gauge stainless steel wire which fit into a tool of his own design. With a usable area of about 1/2", he estimated that it would take eight to ten strikes of this wire, heated in a propane flame, to touch all of the outline.
When everything was ready, he lit the torch and adjusted it to a steady blue flame, and we began. He heated the wire to red-hot: by the time he got it to her skin and was ready to apply it, it was not glowing. As he laid down the first mark, there was a sizzling sound, which anyone who's ever burned themselves, or cooked bacon, knows quite well. She flinched: nothing on Earth could have stopped that, but she did not move. Her skin was suddenly open, it almost appeared to have been melted apart. A puff of smoke flew up, and there was another familiar sensation... the smell of burned meat.
Again the heat, with a dirty orange light where the flame burned away the bits of tissue stuck to the wire. Again the application, the shudder, the pop, the hiss, the smoke. Around the stencil he went, carefully watching the brand, lining up the strikes. As the skin opens along the brand's outline, it shifts. About halfway around, he started almost freehanding, using the stencil as a reminder of what he wanted, not as a guide. Then with the outline complete, and even, he used its angles as a reference for the final strikes down the middle. There were ten strikes in all. Ten times the iron glowed, ten times it lowered to her helpless flesh. Ten times she moaned as her love for me was burned into her very body.

As I continued my research I rediscovered Fakir’s site and the process of using an electro-cautery pencil instead of using the striking method with heated ribbons of steel. I showed a few examples to Master, including a photo of hisdevotion’s back. He asked how one goes about getting an electro-cautery pencil. Until that moment it never even occurred to me that a person outside of the medical profession could just go and buy one. Well, for less than a hundred bucks one can buy a battery operated one with various different tips.

Something wonderful happened as I scrolled through all of the options for this tool. I began reading in the descriptions that they get up to 2200 degrees Fahrenheit. Instead of the fear I expected to feel at such a number I felt the nervous flutters of excitement. If Master decides to go this direction, and have His mark of ownership burned into my skin in this fashion, I will have 2200 degrees focused on my skin, burning me, marking me bit by bit. This makes me incredibly aroused. Perhaps I have the makings of a pain slut afterall.

masks

2007-03-13T15:21:00.001-05:00

I’ve said before that my relationship with Master and the trust and honesty that is the foundation of that relationship has made me more fully myself than I ever have been before. I am more aware of the different aspects of myself and I am able to lie them all out on the table to be poked at and prodded by any stranger who happens by.

On the other hand there are those for whom I must wear certain masks. My relationship with Master might have inspired an intense honesty with myself and with Him, as well as with those who can accept us this way and those whose judgement doesn’t matter, but it’s also forced me to be more dishonest than ever to those around me, my neighbors, friends and family.

I have been asked by potential sisters, by friends and by callers about how the world sees me. What does Master let the neighbors see? His friends? My friends? My family? His family? It’s all kind of complicated.

The neighbors/His friends:
* My neighbors see a 28 year old girl who is living with a 53 year old man. They see the 2 of us happily interacting with each other. He is very active in our neighborhood community. I am not. I occasionally wave to the neighbors or have a conversation with them and most of the time they say something to the effect of, "It’s been a while. How have you been?" Most of them are nice people, but I have little desire to interact with them. They know that I am a phone sex operator and most of them are intrigued. They do not know that I am a slave but there are probably quite a few who have observed that I don’t make any decisions of importance.

My friends:
* My friends all know just about everything there is to know. Friends that I consider to be mine (as opposed to those that I know because of Master) are basically those from the internet. This includes a few people from collarme and other personals sites but the vast majority is made up of people from LiveJournal. LiveJournal is where all of my meaningful social interaction takes place, as sad as that may seem. There just aren’t a whole lot of people like me nearby and being friends with a girl who’s first priority is never friendships can be trying.

His family:
* Master’s brother, K. He is aware of the basics of the dynamics between Master and myself however it’s never discussed with him and it’s never thrown in his face. We don’t play or fuck in front of K. I’ve never been loaned to K. Master and I have discussed it and if K is anything he’s probably more submissive than dominant. K knows that I am a phone sex operator. I think he may have heard me on occasion when I am taking calls.

* The rest of Master’s family. He has one of those families that has reunions every year. The patriarch of the family is in his 90s and still kicking. I haven’t met everyone yet, but I’ve met the ones that are either closest or that Master likes the most. They have opened their arms and accepted me, making me an honorary –insert Master’s family name here- One of them told me over thanksgiving that she has never seen Master as happy as he is now and she thinks that I am to thank for that. What higher compliment can someone pay me than that?

My Family:
* My sister, E, and I used to be very close. We’re not anymore though. When I went to her house last summer I had just come from my fathers and wasn’t wearing my collar. The first night I was getting ready to go out with her and my mother and put it back on. Her reaction was that my necklace didn’t match my outfit and I should take the jewelry off. I refused explaining that Master (I used his first name) gave it to me and I hadn’t really had it off since except for when I visited dad. I think she started to get the idea at that point. She knew a little before then, but I think the image of me collared finished off any of the blank parts in her imagination of how I was living my life. I don’t think she approves. We haven’t spoken since then. I’m not sure how much my lifestyle has to do with that though.

* My mother knows the pieces and details that I think she is able to handle. She knows that I am with a man old enough to be my father, and that Master has quite a few things in common with my father. She finds that strangely amusing. Mom knows that I am a phone sex operator. She knows that I have kinky sex, that I sometimes role play weird things and that sometimes I play with rope. One of her favorites things to say when we talk is, "What have you been doing lately, just hanging around?" Then she giggles. Mom also knows that I am a phone sex operator and she likes to tease me about that too. She has no idea that my specialty is submissive phone sex or masochistic treatment at the direction of my Callers. I do not think she would be pleased if she knew that I partake in such things either in real life or over the phone.

* My Father. Sigh. I’m not going to go too deeply into what my father knows and doesn’t know or what he thinks he knows. We’ve had issues. He is the only one that I have not told I am a phone sex op. He may know, but we’ve never discussed it. He is also the only one that I have outright lied to about my life rather than simply omitting details. We are at a point now where he knows that I am happy and he is trying to accept that. He is trying to force himself to believe that even though he doesn’t see how it is possible. When we talk we never talk about the specifics of my life. We talk about the cats, his job, my other family members etc. I recently sent him a copy of the "I am From…" poem that I wrote and I think he came to understand some things about me that he hadn’t before. I think that seeing things from my point of view will help him with a deeper understanding of who I am.

So, I don’t appear to be who I really am to most people, and I wonder how they would react if saw me without my masks. I think that things would become far too complicated and frankly Master and I both are happy with as few complications as possible. I’m sure that my neighbors would see me as a broken abused woman who needs help and Master as the Sadistic Bastard who’s managed to take advantage of me. That’s probably part of the reason why I can’t stand to be around them for very long, because I can never let them know me. Relationships with them can never be any deeper than surface level and as Nathaniel Hawthorne said, "No man, for any considerable period, can wear one face to himself and another to the multitude, without finally getting bewildered as to which one is true." The last thing I want to do is exchange the me that is real for the me that is not.

The Pet - Review

2007-03-07T16:48:00.000-05:00

The Pet
Drama/Thriller
U.S. Release Date: 12/05/06
Running Length: 94 min
MPAA Classification: NR
Cast: Pierre Du Lat, Andrea Edomndson, Summer Nguyen, Steven Robert Wollenberg.
Screenplay: D Stevens
Music: Chris Walden

The story follows a young woman, Mary, who’s emotionally vulnerable due to the death of her cat. Because her boyfriend was the cause of this death she’s left him as well. She’s about to be evicted from her apartment when Phillip, the charming aristocratic benefactor, arrives in her life. Phillip is part of the Global Slave Market or GSM, an organization which trains and sells human pets, though he’s never actually owned one on a long term basis. Recently his canine companion, a setter and show dog has died. Phillip decides that instead of finding another canine companion he would instead like to take on the responsibility of a human pet of his own. When Phillip and Mary meet he’s already had his people gathering information on her and following her.

After substantially overpaying her for the flowers that she sells in an open air market he invites her to lunch. She accepts. During this time they discuss her cat and her sadness over not being able to afford the cremation that will allow her to bring her cat’s remains home from the vet’s office. Phillip offers not only to pay for the cremation but invites her to his home so that she can give her animal a beautiful and final resting place.

When the remains are ready she is taken by limo to Phillip’s estate where they complete the funeral ceremony. Over lunch he brings up the idea of a human puppy which she laughs off at first. When He tells her how much he will pay her to be a puppygirl for a weekend though, she agrees to be open to the possibility. Phillip takes Mary into his deceased show dog’s trophy room. He puts the show collar onto Mary’s neck and renames her GG. This begins her training as his pet and her downfall.

Over the weekend she is naked, sleeps in a cage, is led on a leash, taken out to play catch, and shown to others that Phillip knows through the organization. When the weekend is finished he gives her the choice to either go free and return to her life with the two of them remaining friends or to accept an even more substantial payment to sign a contract and remain as his pet for the next six months. After some hesitation GG decides to accept. There is a brief period of time where she is allowed to return home to close out her affairs before returning to Phillips estate.

** More Plot Details & Spoilers Below **

When she returns to the estate she is branded and tagged. The number on her ear tag matches the number on a disk that the owner keeps at all times. This form of marking is common in the organization. The owner’s tag is necessary if/when the pet is sold on the open market. Once GG is settled her physical training begins. Charles, one of the other trainers in the organization has bet Phillip that his own pet, Taps, would be able to beat GG in competition. GG was an avid runner and her body is in wonderful condition, but her owner wants her to be ready for the competition.

Not only does she train during these months but she grows closer to her owner. This part of the movie realistically represents some of the real aspects of a power exchange relationship. GG submits deeper and comes to have the mindset of a human pet rather than a person who is playing the role of an animal. She submits herself to him, and he cares for her. There is a true exchange of power.

Soon it is time to make the trip to Utah and the headquarters of the GSM. GG and Taps do compete in front of other members of the GSM as well as a few guests of the organization. GG comes out on top every time. Everyone present remarks on what a perfectly trained pet she is and how profitable her sale would be if she were placed on the open market. Phillip insists that she is not for sale.

At the end of the evening Phillip carelessly drops the numbered disk that is necessary for sale of a pet. It’s picked up by Charles and he begins the process of placing GG on the open market without Phillip’s knowledge.

When the sale is completed a team is sent out to retrieve the property, to abduct her from Phillip’s estate and deliver her to her new owners where she will have her organs harvested. Phillip and the team argue over what is to happen but the team decides that they do not want to be a part of anything “ify” GG is placed in her cage. When no one is standing guard however another team arrives from the GSM. They inject her with something and she loses consciousness. She is once again rescued. Phillip tries to comfort GG but she becomes non-responsive and withdrawn. Within a short period of time she dies.

The last scene of the movie shows the man who was watching Mary/GG to obtain info about her for Phillip sitting in a convertible car just as he was in the beginning of the movie. This time he’s watching and reporting on another girl that we can only imagine is Phillip’s next human pet.

**************************************************

The purpose of this movie is not to shed light onto the positives of a deep consensual power exchange relationship, but instead to open up the eyes of the world so that they can see how very real the dangers of the current open slave market is. It seems quite possible that the original intent may have had nothing to do with BDSM, consensual slavery or TPE relationships but that aspect was thrown in so that the BDSM community wouldn’t be in an uproar over slavery in general being presented in a negative light.

I do think that the writer did try to accurately portray the emotions of a girl in such a relationship however the addition of the beginning and end parts which involve an organization that buys trains and sells human pets for organ harvest purposes detracts from the story. In the end one is left with a bad feeling in general about those who do actually take part in real power exchange relationships on a day to day basis.

The acting in this movie was poor as was the overall quality. It was much like watching a sleezy pornographic film, but without the sex.

I guess the big question is whether or not I would recommend it to others. The answer to that question is no, however if you must see it I’d suggest using a rental service if possible or borrowing it from a friend. It is not worth the current purchase price on either an entertainment level or an educational level. I’m not even sure if I will be able to bring myself to watch the copy that I purchased again any time in the future.

A Picture Speaks A Thousand Words

2007-03-02T03:23:00.000-05:00

I was sorting through some of the photos that Master has taken and found this one. It's simple, but it says so much about me and the life Master allows me at His feet. First there's my tattoo which is unique to me and symbolizes many different aspects of my personal belief system. It's the only mark on my body other than those that Master gives me. He allows me to be me even as He recreates me as His. Then there are the ropes binding my wrists together much in the same way I am bound to Master as His pet, His slave, and His little girl. Lastly, beneath that simple rope binding is the hard solid unbreakable steel of the commitment that Master and I have to one another. His is to protect, cherish and guide me, to nurture me as I grow within my submission. He is my Owner, my Father, my Lover and my Teacher. Mine is to willingly give to Him those things that He cannot take, to serve Him, to please Him and to make Him happy.

Meeting Carrie

2007-02-28T13:59:00.000-05:00

It was dark. I had no idea how long I’d been in there but it seemed like forever. He told me not to leave the closet and I’d tried to be good by staying there, but I had to go to the bathroom. I pressed my ear to the door and listened. There was no sound. I reached toward the handle and started to turn it. As the door swung out I noticed that a little slip of paper had be wedged on top. If I had opened it any more quickly it would’ve fallen off and he’d know that I’d tried to leave. Frustrated, I pulled the door shut again and sat down to wait for his return.

The closet was large. From what I saw before I was plunged into darkness it looked like the space was about five feet wide and eight to ten feet deep. The house was another new construction home. Each time that I’d been brought here I had only one purpose. I was to be used as a sexual slave.

Until tonight there’d only been him. It didn’t start this way. We began as coworkers. He’s one of those people that women flock to not because he’s incredibly good looking or because he has a great body, he’s neither of those, but because he has that aura of sexuality and a commanding presence.

In various different rooms in this house I’ve sucked his cock, I’ve been fisted, I’ve been spanked. I’ve had my pussy fucked hard and filled with cum. I’ve had my ass stretched to the point where I could bend over in front of a mirror hours afterward and marvel at it still gaping open wide. Tonight would be different. Tonight it wouldn’t be just him.

Moments after he locked me into my dark little prison he left to go collect a girl. I’ve never met her, but I’ve heard a lot about her from him. She worked as his assistant for years and they’ve fucked countless times in every variation possible. He tells me that I’ll like her. I’m not so sure about that.

Thinking about what is going to happen for the first time tonight gives me butterflies in my stomach. I’ve never been with a woman before in the way that is planned for tonight. I tell myself that it will be easy. All that I have to do is duplicate what I like done to myself on her. Simply touch her in the same way I like to be touched. The only problem is that she may not like those kind of touches after all. What if I don’t like her taste? What is she doesn’t like mine? What if she is not attracted to me? I have almost thought myself out of the entire thing when I hear voices coming up the stairs and into the master bedroom.

It sounds like he’s brought her with him. The woman who will be my first is just on the other side of the door. I blink as it swings open and the light assaults my eyes. I’m so nervous I can hardly look at her. I know that she is looking at me though. She is seeing my naked body for the first time. I wonder what she thinks. Her face shows nothing but the nervousness she is feeling as well. Somehow that is comforting.

They’ve brought some alcohol with them. I’m thankful. I think that I will need quite a bit of it in order to do what I want to do so badly tonight. It looks like she’s already started. He’s encouraging the two of us to come closer, to sit near each other and talk. I can feel his hand on my body sliding softly up and down my back and ass as he does the same to her.

I’ve been attracted to women for as long as I can remember. After gym class I’d have the chance to catch peeks of older girls changing. One in particular had beautiful dark Hispanic skin with even darker areola. Her breasts where full and round, perky. They made my mouth water. I wonder if she knew how badly I wanted to just lick one of her hard nipples. I doubt she did. I was invisible at that point in my life. No one ever noticed. It made it easier to take longer glimpses at those 16 and 17 year old goddesses dressing and undressing in front of me.

Carrie was different though. By now I’d had a few drinks and had the courage to look at her body. She had short reddish brown hair, almost pixieish, and a round face. Her lips were deliciously painted with shimmery lip gloss. Her skin was dark and tanned like those girls from my youth. Her breasts were full. Even though she was in her thirties gravity hadn’t begun to affect them too much yet. Her nipples were hard. Her body has become my epitome of sensual sexual women’s body types. She was neither too skinny nor too fat. Her thighs were just thick enough to give a girl something to hold onto when buried in her pussy. Her ass was round and fleshy, but firm and smooth.

Looking at her causes a gush of wetness between my legs. I look up at him and he nods slightly. It’s time.

Carrie and I nervously walk toward the center of the room. There’s no furniture in this house yet so we lie down next to each other on the floor. I think Carrie is a little less nervous than I am. I feel her hand beginning to explore my body. She touches my cheek with one finger then trails it down my body to my breast. I feel the warmth of her hand lightly pressing against me. She moves so that she is straddling my body and cups both breasts with her hands. I can feel her hot cunt against the flesh of my belly. She’s wet.

Those butterflies begin to flutter again inside me. For a moment I am unsure, I want to run, but one look from him commands me to stay. It is what I really want after all.

Carrie is now leaning down. I watch as her breasts move closer and closer to my mouth. I turn my head to the right and let one nipple press into my open mouth. She moans as I begin to suck. My hips start to move slightly. I’m feeling electric.

I place my hands on her hips and adjust her body so that her pussy is pressed against my smooth mound. Carrie begins to grind herself against my pubic bone. I pull her harder against me. One last time I look over at him and see his pleasure before I lose myself completely in the pleasure of my newest lover.

~~~

I’ve lost track of the times that we’ve cum now. I want her to be limp and exhausted when I am done with her though. I want to taste her more. I want to drink from her, suck her dry. My fingers are inside her plunging quickly in and out, fucking her. She’s lying on her back, her breasts fall slightly to the side. I love the way they move as I pump inside her. Her back is arched and she’s making the most beautiful sounds. Sweet little moans of pleasure mixed with grunts of need. When she cums she says, “oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah” over and over. She’s getting close now. I can feel the soft hot walls of her pussy clenching around me. Her body bucks up as her hands fly to her breasts. She pinches her nipples hard as her orgasm begins. I feel her, cumming around my fingers as they continue to slide in and out, and then, unexpectedly, a gush of wetness shoots from her glorious body leaving her wetness along the inside of my arm up to my elbow. I am amazed by the beauty of her, by the incredible feeling of giving her that orgasm, of her giving it to me.

She’s begging now for a break. Carrie’s panting and pleading. I keep my fingers inside so that I can feel her aftershocks. I don’t want it to end. I can’t get enough. She’s become my newest addiction. I lick the juice of her squirt from my arm and slide my fingers from her into my mouth. I love that taste.

Outside the sun is beginning to rise. We’ve been lost in each other for the entire night. The magic begins to dissipate. We get dressed once again shy and nervous. The blush on my face doesn’t stop me from telling her how much I enjoyed the night. It turns out that she did too and that we both want to do it again. Soon.

random thoughts

2007-02-27T21:24:00.001-05:00

We have no dirt here and I miss it. Here, there's sand. The top foot or two of earth is dirty sand, not dirt, but dirty sand and under that is clean sand. Sand. Sand. Sand. I miss that rich earthy smell when gardening or weeding. I miss the feel of it after it's been in the sun and it's warm and inviting. I miss the big fat worms that would slink their way through it. I miss the thick mud splattering up on my legs when I run through it. The fact that I'm 5 minutes from the beach kind of makes up for it though.

The Heart Asks Pleasure First

2007-02-26T13:32:00.000-05:00

I'm in a zony kind of mood today. Reflective yet sensual. I have this song on the dPod and I've been playing it over and over. Can you feel it? Can you feel that passion coursing through you when it plays? Close your eyes and breathe it in deeply. Saturate yourself in it. When it stops do it again once or twice more until all that you are is the music, until the thud of the keys is the pound of your heart. Give in, even if just for a moment.

Podcast - Valentine's Day, Feeldoe and Ginsberg

2007-02-18T21:29:00.001-05:00

*free*

In this session deidre talks about Valentine’s Day, The Feeldoe and Ginsberg's "Please Master" one of her favorite erotic poems.

"I need you"

2007-02-17T10:58:00.000-05:00

Three simple little words that have so much power. It’s been a long time since deidre has heard those words. It’s been a while since deidre has felt needed.

“I need you” deidre keeps replaying them in her mind.

Hearing that this morning made this girl feel raw, made her feel incredible. It was like a drug and it’s still running through her system.

she wants to be able to tease and taunt until that need becomes overwhelming. she wants to have her hair clenched in a fist, jerked here and there, face slapped, ass beaten, until her head is pulled down into that beautiful sweet juicy cunt. she wants to be able to feel that pussy pinning her down, grinding against her, soaking her with juices as she tries desperately to ram her tongue in and out of that wonderful sweet passage, nibbling and sucking on that swollen clit. she wants to be taken harshly, just to be left tied down and helpless for the next wave of desire and need to wash over her captor until deidre’s lying there limp and breathless marinating in someone else’s juices, sticky and hot with sex. she wants to be used as a living breathing sex toy until she’s worn out but still wanting more…more…more…until there’s nothing left to give and nothing left to take.

Oh, Ye of Little Faith!

2007-02-15T15:36:00.000-05:00

Yes, it does exist!

THE BABY JESUS BUTTPLUG!!

a nudist is simply a human being without "artifical additives"

2007-02-09T15:23:00.000-05:00

Last night deidre was talking with a Caller when the subject of being dressed came up. deidre realized that she hasn’t been out of the house since going to the grocery store on the 26th of January. There hasn’t been any company that’s come over for whom deidre needed to be present and if she’s gone outside it’s been into the backyard where clothing doesn’t matter, or nighttime when clothing still doesn’t matter. That means that deidre has basically been naked for the last 14 days strait. Wow. Sometimes time goes by and deidre forgets how much time she actually spends in the nude. Then deidre thinks about how difficult it must be for Master. 14 entire strait days of naked deidre. However does He cope? ;)

a taste of deidre

2007-02-09T13:14:00.000-05:00

I am Chocolate Flavoured.

I am sweet and a little bit naughty. I am one of the few clinically proven aphrodisiacs. Sometimes I can seem a little hard, but show warmth and I soon melt.

The SpermCube

2007-02-05T15:33:00.000-05:00

deidre has a fantasy that always seemed a bit unrealistic. she would be placed in a giant Plexiglas cylinder. Man after Man would come by and jerk off, with or without deidre help, into the cylinder so that eventually deidre is literally swimming in cum. this girl thinks that part that makes it the most exciting is that deidre will be able to see all of those men cumming for her, cumming on her, cumming with her. she’ll be able to get all of those guys off herself. It’s a pretty big compliment.

So this morning she was playing around on the net when she stumbled across the SpermCube.

French artist Philippe Meste’s goal is to create the biggest boxful of sperm ever. By time the it’s completed there will be one ton of human sperm inside the box. The site spermcube.org gives information on requesting a sperm donation kit or if a sperm donation isn’t your thing you can become a shareholder. Each shareholder will receive a piece of the action when the artwork is sold.

So, if this French guy can do it, why can’t deidre? People would be more willing to send her their cum than some guy right? If deidre's calculations are right it'd only be about 33,800 loads of cum. Any volunteers?

Masochism as a Form of Pleasure

2007-02-04T02:17:00.001-05:00

deidre has received quite a few comments and e-mails in response to the recordings that she made with Miss Isabella. One of them said,

“There is no judgment here. If you really did what you described to sell recordings, I honestly do not understand the concept. If you faked some or all of it, then I would feel better. This is not a judgment, but an admission on my part that I cannot understand this as a form of pleasure unless it comes about from pleasing someone in charge. Life is tough enough. I like and respect you too much to understand this.”

This is a person that deidre respects quite a bit (yes, even the “morning after”) He’s been trying from when we first began speaking to understand deidre’s submission outside of the bedroom.

deidre has other callers as well who’ve asked her about this very same thing. They get to know deidre and begin to feel that she’s far to nice or sweet to be in a relationship with someone who exercises His sadistic nature. They feel that deidre should be spoiled and treated like a princess, except, of course when she is being fucked like a little whore.

To be honest, deidre can only handle so much of that. Yes, presents are nice. That part of being a princess deidre could handle easily however the other aspects, the pampering, the expensive clothes and makeup and jewelry, the nails and hair, the closets full of clothes, the sitting back and having a Man wrapped around deidre’s finger manipulating Him to get her to do what she wants…all of that is just…well…too similar to parts of deidre’s marriage.

The first thing that needs to be addressed is what deidre gets out of the pain or discipline. deidre’s written before that she is just about the furthest thing there is from being a physical masochist. deidre does not like pain. deidre doesn’t yet have the ability to separate the hurt from it and to feel it simply as sensation then translate that into level of sensation which in the end makes intensity level 3 of pleasure and intensity level 3 of pain equal. At least that’s how deidre imagines that it works for you lucky people who crave this kind of thing. It’s all about the level of intensity of sensation rather than the type of sensation.

Before a session deidre can feel herself gradually begin to crumble inside. If deidre has long enough to think about what Master might do to her she comes close to panicking. The closer the time is, the more terrified deidre becomes, until finally she’s there, tied down or up, or not depending upon Master’s preference at the time. this girl tries to take deep breathes. she tries to focus and to concentrate on how honored she is supposed to feel to be giving Him this kind of pleasure.

That only lasts through the first few strokes. Then deidre starts to fight it. she doesn’t struggle or beg. It’s all a mental fight, but gradually she loses that battle too. If the session is long enough there’s a point that deidre gets to where she begins to feel sorry for herself. she wonders why they hell she submits herself to this. she wonders how long it will last. she dwells on how much it hurts and how much she hates the pain.

There’s a wall that she teeters on at this point until finally something gives inside and she falls off of it and into total submission. she comes to the point where she every part of her is at His mercy, her heart, her soul, her mind, her body. It’s all there vulnerable for Him. All thoughts cease to exist. Everything and nothing at the same time. deidre doesn’t know how to explain it. What she knows is that it’s this point, this loss of control, this wiping clean of her little slave slate, that deidre must get to.

Somehow it feeds a deep need in this girl. It’s not the pain that she needs, or the realization of His Sadistic satisfaction. It’s the act of submitting every cell and fiber and thought. Once the session is over, deidre’s body is welted and bruised but her spirit is healed of even the tiniest little bits of damage that may have developed.

The second point that needs to be addressed then would be what deidre gains out of more casual sessions such as those that she takes part in over the phone and those with Miss Isabella that don’t lead to total submission as some of the longer sessions with Master do.

deidre is a pleaser. she’s been a pleaser from a very early age. she enjoys making people happy. As a slave who has no personal property, monies, or time there are very few ways to do this. deidre can’t buy presents for people whenever she wants, she can’t send cards, or make calls, she can’t go to someone’s house and cook them dinner just to say, “I love you” What she can do though is give pleasure with her words, her imagination and her body.

Any sensation that deidre feels (pain or pleasure) through whatever acts are required to make the other person happy is lessoned as the other person’s happiness increases. The pain is such a small price to pay to hear someone laugh, or moan, or cum or to hear those precious words, “good girl” or “thank you, deidre” Those little phrases make it all worth it.

Do you love deidre?

2007-02-02T11:21:00.000-05:00

Ahem...the correct answer is yes! :D

Do you remember the big production that Valentine's Day used to be in school? Goofy little cards and candies and cupcakes, a party, sending anon love to that special boy or girl etc. Well, deidre misses that, so we're going to do it with this neat little box down below. Sorry. No candy or cupcakes, but you can send love and hugs and kisses :)

Get your own valentinr

How to Get Out of a Ticket mp3

2007-01-31T18:56:00.001-05:00

deidre’s caught speeding and is forced into roadside submission by Officer Isabella Valentine to get out of a DUI and going to jail for resisting an officer. deidre is strip searched and exposed to passers by while being fucked with the officer’s billy club and flashlight

If you enjoy abnormal insertions, cuffs, dominance, forced exhibitionism, girl on girl, manipulation, submission, uniforms, public exposure and more then you’ll love this mp3!

This 12 minute 48 second mp3 is downloadable in .zip format for $19.99

The Holy Fuck mp3

2007-01-31T17:31:00.000-05:00

Virgin deidre prays to the Holy Goddess above for forgiveness of her sins and her impure sexual thoughts. deidre invokes the Holy Goddess, calling Her down to beg to be allowed to experience orgasm, to have sex. When the Holy Goddess blesses deidre with Her presence she is willing to allow the virgin deidre sexual pleasure, but only after first experiencing punishment and humiliation at her Hands. For her audacity deidre is stripped down naked before the entire congregation and bound to the cross. her hymen is sacrificed with the Golden Cross of the Holy Goddess.

Once properly chastised deidre is rewarded with The Holy Fuck, an orgasm worthy of the Holy Goddess herself. She enters into deidre to give this girl pleasure from within and without, surrounded by the orgasmic bliss of her Most Holy Goddess Isabella.

If you enjoy begging, cross fucking, girl on girl, Goddess possession, prayer, religious fetish, virgin, hymenal sacrifice, chants, orgasm, then you’ll love this fetish mp3!

This 16 minute 24 second mp3 is downloadable in .zip format for $19.99

Gender Blender - Erotic Hypnosis mp3

2007-01-29T15:19:00.000-05:00

The second time deidre is hypnotized by Miss Isabella was a lot faster and easier after the “Isabella’s Sex Slave” recording!

deidre is hypnotized to drink two drinks. The first drink is truth serum that makes deidre tell the truth no matter how sexual or personal the question is. The second drink is a “genderbending” drink that alters deidre’s perception so that she truly believes Miss Isabella is one of her Callers. deidre even begs to suck Sir Isabella’s cock and to have Her hot load of cum down this girl’s throat.

If you enjoy begging, cock worship, erotic hypnosis, female to male hypnosis, genderbending, girl on girl, orgasm triggers, transgender play, truth serum, and more then you’ll love this mp3!

This 25 minute 04 second mp3 is downloadable in .zip format for $35.00

Trip to Bloomington

2007-01-29T14:23:00.000-05:00

We all have “blonde moments” right. Usually they’re just little things here and there, but occasionally it’ll be something big. Well, deidre had a big one recently. It was on the first day of her trip to Miss Isabella’s home. deidre’s flight left Tampa at about 5 pm and was headed to the Bloomington/Normal Airport. Seeing the snow on the ground made deidre even more excited to be there.

After deidre got off of the plane she called Master to let Him know that she’d arrived ok and was on her way to meet Miss Isabella at baggage claim. The conversation went a little like this:

d: Hello, Master. Your slave made it to Bloomington.
M: So you made it there safe and sound, pet?
d: Yes Master.
M: Well I spoke with Isabella and she’s on her way to pick you up. She did mention one small thing though.
d: What’s that Master?
M: Well, it appears that you are in Bloomington, Illinois. Isabella lives in Bloomington, Indiana. You’re in the wrong state.
d: * laughs * very funny Master.
M: I’m serious, pet. You flew into the wrong airport.
d: * stunned silence *

That’s when the feeling of incredible stupidity and disbelief washed over deidre. What A Fucking Idiot!! Wow. See, deidre’s not a dumb person. she has a very high IQ but when it comes to geography and place names she sucks. Indiana and Illinois both start with the letter ‘I’ It didn’t even occur to her when she was making the reservation that there might be more than one Bloomington either.

It’s ok. Go ahead and have a good laugh. deidre did. Master did. Miss Isabella did.

deidre keeps consoling herself with the thought that other people have done this very same thing. In fact there’s a Bloomington in Minnesota too. It’s where the St Paul/Minneapolis airport is. The very kind woman at the BMI Airport informed deidre that they’ve had people accidentally fly there when their final destination was supposed to be in MN. It was only a handful of dumb idiots like deidre who did so, but it feels good to know that she’s not alone.

Fortunately Miss Isabella’s Home was only about 3 hours from the BMI Airport. She had hired a limo to come pick deidre up with and They just rerouted their trip. deidre would have to hang out in the baggage area for a few hours, but she didn’t mind. There were friendly people. At least it was warm. That is, until the security guard had to go on his rounds of the building and deidre got kicked out into the freezing cold at 1 am. Poor deidre is outside on the concrete at this point. There were no benches to sit on. The ground was covered with snow. she opened up her luggage, put on extra socks, an extra shirt, wrapped a scarf around her neck and head, zipped her aviator jacket up all the way over her face and then wrapped herself in her strawberry shortcake blanket. deidre was wearing more clothes at one time than she’d worn in the past month and she probably looked like some demented pink bum hanging out on the curb.

Up until the time her teeth started chattering she’d been doing ok. deidre has a great sense of humor and was able to laugh off the whole “going to the wrong state” thing but as she was sitting there outside freezing she began to cry. she was miserable and it was all because of a silly mistake. Life was sucking pretty hard. Luckily about that time is when Miss Isabella’s limo showed up. It was so warm inside!! deidre has never been happier to be in an enclosed heated place. Miss Isabella is her Knight in Shining Armor!

On the way back Miss Isabella and deidre had some great conversation. Of course She teased deidre quite a bit, but it was all in good fun. Miss Isabella gave deidre quite a few pointers for the industry, described some of Her experiences with phone sex, talked about the photo shoot She had planned for deidre, and allowed deidre to go into more depth about her slavery to Master which is what started the relationship months ago.

Miss Isabella had hoped to be able to do an average of 2 recordings together per day. There’s quite a bit of brainstorming that goes into each one. The first one had a few stops and starts due to deidre’s nervousness and inexperience with high quality professional recording equipment. There is over $10,000 worth of top of the line equalizers, mics, synthesizers, amps, stands and other equipment making the recordings that we did extremely high quality which is why they are downloadable mp3s rather than per minute recordings over the phone. We/we managed to do 2 hypnosis recordings, 8 fetish recordings and 1 interview where deidre discusses her life as Master’s slave and how much she enjoys being a phone sex operator. That’s a total of 11 recordings – almost twice what Miss Isabella had hoped for!

People have attempted to hypnotize deidre before, both over the phone and in person. While she will normally become very relaxed she doesn’t believe that she’s ever gone into a hypnotic trance…until last week. Miss Isabella hypnotized deidre, convincing this girl that she wanted to serve Miss Isabella above all Others in one of the sessions. deidre didn’t even fully realize what had taken place until listening to the finished recording. Evidently even this slave’s devotion can be temporarily switched with the right hypnotist. In the second session Miss Isabella used a deep induction technique and made deidre believe she’d been given a truth serum first and then a second drink that altered deidre’s perception so that she truly believe Miss Isabella was one of her Callers. deidre even begged to suck Miss Isabella’s cock and to have her hot load of cum down this girl’s throat.

The other recordings deidre remembers vividly. One of the best parts of being a phone sex operator is being able to live out people’s sexual fantasies. deidre was able to be a French maid, a virgin sacrifice, a naughty girl trying to get out of going to jail, and a humiliated student being punished by the principal while her classmates looked in. During the Boarding School Humiliation recording deidre felt a holed wooden paddle coming down hard on her bare ass for the first time ever. The remaining recordings are less roleplay oriented involving strap on sex, tickle fetishes, bondage, discipline and being gagged.

Out of the 11 recordings that we made together deidre’s favorite has got to be the Virgin Sacrifice. deidre has a really strong religious fetish. It’s “fuck you, god” kind of thing (insert lightening bolts and thunder here). It turns out that Miss Isabella has a similar kind of fetish as well. Once this one is finished it’s going to be just fucking incredible!

Not only is Miss Isabella one of NiteFlirt’s highest rated Domme’s, She’s also a web designer, artist and professional photographer. You can see her work here After a few days of recording We/we ended up with some spare time during which Miss Isabella decided to allow deidre to be photographed by her. deidre’s naked in a tub full of bubbles with her leather lined stainless steel cuffs on. Now, of course Miss Isabella had let slip that She is an ‘ass woman’ and deidre used every opportunity she had to show off her assets.

deidre was feeling pretty frisky. About half way through the shoot this girl started to tease Miss Isabella more strongly than she had been throughout the day asking her if Her pretty pussy was getting wet, if She was turned on, if She thought deidre was sexy. deidre just loves being a naughty little tease, but this time she wanted to do more than tease. deidre wanted to be allowed to make Miss Isabella cum so badly that her mouth was watering!

Few things affect deidre more than knowing that she is arousing Someone, knowing that Someone wants to use her for their pleasure. By the time deidre was kneeling at the foot of Miss Isabella’s bed this girl was slippery soaking wet. she looked up at Miss Isabella and begged for permission to be allowed to crawl onto the bed. It was granted and deidre did so nestling in between Miss Isabella’s legs. In Miss Isabella’s words, “…oh dear God almighty. I think I heard the Angels sing. I think I heard the Goddesses in heaven thundering and having orgies while I came. I screamed, I came, I conquered... and deidre's naked body between My legs was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen in My entire life. But I think what turned Me on the most, even more than the orgasms, was the look in her eyes while I was cumming, because she has this mischievious smile that says, "Ummhmmm I'm doing this to you and I love it." I will never in a million years forget that.” It was so incredibly erotic. It was so fucking hot to feel and to breathe in Miss Isabella’s scent while She was cumming and gasping. ~sigh~

The whole trip was wonderful, even if you include that screw up at the airline (deidre’s going to blame them). Miss Isabella has invited deidre back again for more recordings, sessions, and play sometime in the future. If deidre’s allowed to accept the invite she will be one very happy little slave girl.

Boarding School Humiliation mp3

2007-01-28T21:22:00.000-05:00

deidre’s been naughty again and is called into the principal’s office. Miss Valentine may have to expel deidre if doesn’t shape up soon. As fellow students peek into the office Miss Valentine gives deidre the corporal punishment she deserves. Being forced to get naked while the others watch adds to deidre’s humiliation. What this naughty student discovers in the end is that this form of humiliation is strangely erotic especially when combined with the sweet taste of Miss Valentine’s pussy.

If you like abnormal vaginal insertions, bare bottom spanking, corporal punishment, dominance, girl on girl, humiliation, hair pulling, oral sex, schoolgirl roleplay, submission, voyeurism, wooden paddles and more then you’ll love this mp3!

Disclaimer: All participants in this recording are 18 or over and no students are implied to be under the age of 18.

This 13 minute 48 second mp3 is downloadable in .zip format for $19.99

Gagged by Goddess mp3

2007-01-28T18:04:00.001-05:00

deidre’s asleep when Miss Isabella sneaks into her room in the middle of the night and ties her to the bed with silk scarves (spread eagled and naked while she's still sleeping). When this girl finally wakes up and realizes what's been done to her, deidre’s mouth is stuffed with a pair of panties and she’s finger fucked to orgasm. After cumming, a set of clover clamps go onto deidre’s nipples and her mouth is filled with a ball gag. Miss Isabella then spanks deidre’s pussy, teasing her relentlessly, allowing her pleasure and light pain. When the gag is removed deidre is allowed to taste that pretty pussy, sucking and licking until Miss Isabella cums.

If you enjoy dominance, girl on girl, gags, light spanking, mouth bondage, oral sex, orgasm control, panties, submission and more then you’ll love this mp3!

This 13 minute 42 second mp3 is downloadable in .zip format for $19.99

degradation

2007-01-28T13:38:00.000-05:00

Maybe deidre's slight twisted (slightly? you ask) but she loves this e-mail that she just received in response to her return to NiteFlirt after her trip.

cunt!
i cannt wait to degrade you
piece of fuckkin shit
fukk hole
who the fukk do you think you are to go away?
i had jizz to spill!
fuckmeat!
piece 0f cum target!
whoremeat
fukk you cunt
suck my asshole dry!

This particular person has the most creative name calling skills deidre has seen in a long time. Yeah, for some reason it really turns this girl on.

Interview with Miss Isabella Valentine - Podcast

2007-01-28T03:01:00.000-05:00

*free*

deidre is in Miss Isabella Valentine’s studio, in the "hot seat", discussing her life as Master’s slut, as a phone whore, and the incredible connection that she has with the Dominant Man who’s captured her mind, body, soul and heart.

Isabella's Sex Slave - Erotic Hypnosis mp3

2007-01-28T02:57:00.001-05:00

deidre didn’t believe that she could be hypnotized but she was wrong. Miss Isabella puts deidre under and convinces this girl to temporarily forget about Master long enough to serve as Miss Isabella’s sex slave. What happens when deidre’s devotion shifts is an intensely erotic experience and deidre will never doubt the power of a skilled erotic hypnotist again!

If you enjoy dominance, girl on girl, hypnosis, masturbation, oral sex, orgasm control, submission and more then you’ll love this mp3!

This 32 minute 28 second Erotic Hypnosis mp3 is downloadable in .zip format for $35.00

Lesbian Tickle Bondage mp3

2007-01-27T19:18:00.000-05:00

deidre is tied up naked and tickled without mercy by Miss Isabella. No vulnerable part is left out as deidre’s feet, underarms, ribcage, knees, chin, tummy, breasts and pussy are tortured. For nearly 12 minutes deidre is tickled while begging Miss Isabella to stop!

If you enjoy begging, bondage, dominance, giggling, lesbians, panting, submission, tickling, or torture you’ll love this mp3!

This 11 minute 41 second mp3 is downloadable in .zip format for $19.99

Lesbian Strap-on mp3

2007-01-27T18:47:00.000-05:00

deidre is repeatedly denied no matter how hard she begs to be allowed to cum as she is fucked in every hole by Miss Isabella’s strap-on.

If you enjoy anal sex, boot worship, dominance, girl on girl, hair-pulling, lesbian, orgasm denial, strap-on, submission, throat fucking, or vaginal sex you will love this mp3!

This 12 minute 14 second mp3 is downloadable in .zip format for $19.99

French Maid mp3

2007-01-27T18:14:00.000-05:00

deidre is a French girl who discovers that being a maid in Le Maison de Isabella takes a little more than a short skirt and a feather duster. How far will deidre go to prove herself?

If you enjoy begging, dominance, feathers, French maids, girl on girl, lesbians, massage, oral sex, submission, or uniforms you will love this mp3!

This 17 minute 26 second mp3 is downloadable in .zip format for $19.99

Gym Discipline mp3

2007-01-27T18:04:00.000-05:00

Listen to deidre in a real time discipline/punishment session in Miss Isabella’s gym.

deidre’s restrained by bondage rope at her ankles, knees and over her back as well as locked onto the Bowflex at her wrists so that she is completely at Miss Isabella’s mercy.

deidre’s ass and thighs are flogged until red and welted as she begs for more. Once warmed deidre's flesh is warmed up Miss Isabella uses her special heart shaped crop on deidre’s ass until she’s whimpering and crying.

If you enjoy BDSM, begging, blindfolds, bondage, crops, crying, cuffs, dominance, feathers, floggers, girl on girl, rope, sensuality, submission, welts, or whimpering you will love this mp3!

This 15 minute 55 second mp3 is downloadable in .zip format for $19.99

16 hours to go

2007-01-21T23:28:00.000-05:00

In just 16 hours Master will be taking deidre to the airport so that she can fly up to meet Miss Isabella Valentine. deidre's incredibly nervous but also very excited.

If anyone needs to get in touch with deidre, the best way to do so will be by e-mailing her on NiteFlirt/Keen.

This one will return Friday morning.

If you miss her too much you can always check out her photos or recordings.

Don't have too much fun without her ;)

the imfamous g-spot

2007-01-17T14:53:00.001-05:00

You’d think that deidre would know her own body and where to find all of the important parts, even the ones inside right? Either someone installed deidre’s g-spot in her ass or against her cervix instead of where it’s supposed to be or it’s defective. It’s more like the gee- is that supposed to feel good? spot

she’s done the research. It’s supposed to be this little ridged spongy bump kind of thing inside her pussy. The bumpy thing is there, but it doesn’t feel any different to touch it, rub it, scratch it, slam a vibe against it than it does any other part of her pussy. Except of course deep against her cervix. THAT feels spectacular. And having a cock fucking her ass hard. That’s pretty amazing too.

So is the infamous g-spot orgasm just a myth or does it really exist?

A Tuesday Afternoon

2007-01-11T11:29:00.000-05:00

He asks her if she is working yet with a gleam in His eye. she says no, however she is about to begin. He instructs her first to prepare the room. He wants to play for a bit. she spreads a towel out on the bed and get out the straps from the bedside drawer. When He enters the room she is kneeling next to His bed, eager and excited with the whip beside her.

He stands before her and she reaches up to undress Him. First she removes His shoes and socks, then His belt and pants. Finally she stands to unbutton His shirt and removes it as well. she can see His body, completely nude. He is ready. His scent excites her even more.

He instructs her to get onto the bed with Him, between His legs. she knows exactly what He wants. she’s done it thousands of times before. He wants her mouth, hot and wet, wrapped around His cock. Who is she to refuse? she’s nothing more than a slave, a toy for His pleasure.

For a few moments she worships Him. she savors His manly taste, sliding up and down until her lips are slightly swollen. When He wraps His hands into her hair to pull her off her cheeks are glistening with her tearful reward for choking around every inch of His hard cock.

He pulls her up to Him and guides her lips to His. she feels His tongue assault her mouth hungrily. Then His probing cock presses against her wetness. He commands her to get onto her knees like His little bitch.

One strap is looped around both wrists. her elbows are bent and her wrists pulled back tight behind her so that her face and breasts are pressed down against the coverlet. The second strap is looped around her waist and pulled tight enough that she whimpers slightly. His only response is to tighten it even more just before thrusting His cock inside her hot slit.

He holds onto the straps like reins pulling her on and off as he impales her with his Manhood. His thrusts come hard and fast, His balls slap against her pierced labia and clit. Soon He can feel her pulsing and quivering inside. her vaginal muscles squeeze and release, milking Him. she’s thirsty for His seed.

she begins to beg to be allowed to receive the sweet gift of His cum and to be allowed to cum as He does so. The whip ends find the flesh of her ass driving away her need for release. In a few moments she is begging again. The whipping becomes harder and faster until thrusts and whip strokes are both frenzied. she is finally granted permission to be allowed to cum just as He thrusts deep and releases his semen inside her.

For a moment or two they remain as one. They are both panting. The rooms smells of fuck and sweat. Slowly she moves forward pulling off of Him. she places her mouth where her cunt was just a moment before and sucks Him clean. The taste of her own juices mingled with His excites her again.

Once He's clean she gets up to clean herself. In the bathroom she looks into the mirror at the marks left from the whip on her ass and the strap pulled tight around her waist and wrists. They remind her of what and who she is. she is His cum slut, His cunt, His whore. she is what He makes her and what He desires her to be. she is deidre and she is His.

Celebrity Butt Plugs

2007-01-09T23:48:00.000-05:00

Just how close would you like to come to a famous person? If you're using one of these celebrity butt plugs, you can get real close and intimate with your favorite star. Each of these butt plugs are uniquely molded from a combination of rubber and silicone to create a lifelike representation of a popular icon. You'll get a kick out of being able to fit these pieces up your rectum. If you choose, you could also use these pieces as just decoration for the shelf or mantelpiece. With these famous star butt plugs you'll find the world of celebrity to be more sexually engaging than you think.

Parass Hilton: 6" in height, 3" in width.

Smell Gibson: 5" in height, 4" in width.

Antiques Road Show

2007-01-08T21:21:00.001-05:00

Antiques Road Show on PBS is a show that deidre has enjoyed for a very long time. she didn't realize until tonight though that watching it can give her new ideas for things to push inside her little twat. Here's an example:

It's a poi grinder from Hawaii. It was surprisingly erotic to watch as the host of the show handled these objects. They even commented on the nice mushroom shape at the top. deidre wants one! she'd love nothing more than to keep it on a shelf with Master's other artifacts. Occasionally it could be brought down so that she could sit on it, impaled by stone, bouncing up and down or grinding as Master instructed.

If It Be Your Will

2007-01-06T16:15:00.000-05:00

If It Be Your Will by Leonard Cohen

If it be your will

That I speak no more

And my voice be still

As it was before

I will speak no more

I shall abide until

I am spoken for

If it be your will

If it be your will

That a voice be true

From this broken hill

I will sing to you

From this broken hill

All your praises they shall ring

If it be your will

To let me sing

From this broken hill

All your praises they shall ring

If it be your will

To let me sing

If it be your will

If there is a choice

Let the rivers fill

Let the hills rejoice

Let your mercy spill

On all these burning hearts in hell

If it be your will

To make us well

And draw us near

And bind us tight

All your children here

In their rags of light

In our rags of light

All dressed to kill

And end this night

If it be your will

If it be your will.

mmmmm.....

2007-01-05T17:09:00.000-05:00

While Master and K went to The Pier for New Year’s Eve, deidre stayed home and worked. she ended up getting a call a little after 8 pm that lasted strait through midnight. Before either of us wanted the time together to end it was interrupted by another call on his end. A fuck friend of his, B…., was calling. He decided to let deidre go (phone fuck vs. real fuck? The choice is kind of simple) The next afternoon deidre got the following e-mail:

"I loved spending New Years with you. I would have preferred you being in person. I fucked you around noon today. My friend B... was cast as you."

This slut loves that there’s a strong sexy man out there using another woman’s body in deidre’s place. she wonders who else is imagining fucking this girl when they’re getting it on...

If deidre was...

2007-01-03T15:10:00.000-05:00

1.- If I were a fruit I'd be...a kiwi
2.- If I were a color I'd be... deep dark purple
3.- If I were an animal I'd be... black panther
4.- If I were a domestic appliance I'd be... coffee maker
5.- If I were a book I'd be... Worm Story
6.- If I were a clothing item I'd be...a really fun looking well worn/loved sock
7.- If I were a jewel I'd be...emerald
8.- If I were an object I'd be... Master’s pocked knife
9.- If I were a car I'd be... a forest green Dodge Ram 2500 extended cab long bed with leather interior and a kick ass sound system
10.- If I were an element I'd be... water
11.- If I were a tree I'd be... a Weeping Higan Cherry Tree
12.- If I were a drink I'd be... hot chocolate with extra whipped cream
13.- If I were an ice cream flavor I'd be...Pumpkin Pie
14.- If I were a person I'd be...uh…deidre
15.- If I were a planet I'd be...Mercury
16.- If I were an insect I'd be...a lady bug
17.- If I were public transport I'd be...a trolly
18.- If I were a song I'd be...Moonlight Sonata
19.- If I were a movie I'd be... The Piano
20.- If I were a season I'd be... Autumn
21.- If I were a flower I'd be... baby’s breath
22.- If I were a job I'd be... a phone sex op
23.- If I were a cartoon I'd be... The Smurfs
24.- If I were a place I'd be... StoneHenge
25.- If I were a gift I'd be... handmade
26.- If I were a memory I'd be... a happy thought
27.- If I were a city I'd be... a small French village
28.- If I were a sense I'd be... sound
29.- If I were a game I'd be... Dark Cloud
30.- If I were a candy I'd be... Candy Corn or Jelly Bellys
31.- If I were a time of the day I'd be... Dusk
32.- If I were an invention I'd be... a realistic deidre doll?
33.- If I were a bodypart I'd be... the curve of a woman’s ass, or a man’s palm
34.- If I were a country I'd be... Wales
35.- If I were a flavor I'd be... white chocolate mint
36.- If I were a sport I'd be... swimming
37.- If I were a smell I'd be... October hay bales mixed with apple cider
38.- If I were a subject I'd be... human sexuality
39.- If I were a flag I'd be... cherished on the mantle
40.- If I were a building I'd be... a secret sound proofed underground bunker
41.- If I were a month I'd be...October
42.- If I were a perfume I'd be...Xerius
43.- If I were a gummy candy I'd be...sour gummy worm
45.- If I were a toy I'd be...a giant Eeyore!
46.- If I were a textile I'd be...raw silk or flannel
47.- If I were a shape I'd be...a small dot
48.- If I were an answer I'd be...blowing in the wind
49.- If I were a common licorice I'd be...red twist
50.- If I were a word I'd be...inexpressable

Going Home

2006-12-29T15:08:00.000-05:00

Master, the panting dogs, K and deidre all head back down to Florida tomorrow afternoon. It'll be so good to see MoonShadow and Xavia again, as well as to load up the iPod with music. deidre realized this morning that she can actually download some of the things that she's wanted to right onto her iPod. Now she can listen to all of the recordings at Dirty Girl Radio as well as Miss Isabella's special wet dreams recording. she's been wanting to do these for a while, but it's not very slavelike to just sit down in front of the computer, hogging it so that she can listen to sexy women. Especially when Master has things to do that actually accomplish something.

K will only be there until Tuesday and then things will settle back into normality for deidre. she's missed it. After only a few days here she began to wonder what she was so excited about in the first place. When she's here she can't be deidre. she's C**** a slightly quirky, young woman dating a 53 year old man. she's constantly on guard making sure that she's speaking in 1st person, that she's calling Master by His name rather than Master and looking for little opportunities when K is in the bathroom or something to remind Master that she hasn't forgotten her place. Most of the time she's running around in nothing but a pair of knee-highs so when K comes home she has to run into the bedroom and find something normal to put on.

Considering her recent writings about domestic incarceration deidre sure has been doing a lot of socializing. she thinks she's about socialized out which means that she may be a bit more reclusive than usual not only in real life but here too.

In just a few weeks deidre will be flying north to work with isabellaval for the first time. she's so incredibly excited and can't wait to see what the two of Us/us come up with. It's going to be awesome.

It's strange that missa (AKA bella) and deidre occasionally are thinking on the exact same wavelength. Last night deidre was feeling a little bummed, thinking about how Master is her only real connection to something outside of herself and feeling the loss of a sister. When He first proposed the idea of a second slave deidre felt angry and hurt. she couldn't help but feel that maybe she wasn't good enough for Him and the last thing she wanted was another girl with whom she'd have to compete. That was just over 2 years ago. Now deidre wants a sister to share her life with, to giggle with, cry with, snuggle with, make lousy puns with and create super silly girly things that Master just wouldn't (want to) understand. she'd envisioned spending the rest of her life at Master's feet with missa right next to her. Now deidre looks at that spot, and it just feels cold and empty.

deidre keeps hanging on to this hope, as selfish as it is, that the years will go by and eventually the day will come when missa is able to commit herself again the way she really wants to, and that she'll be able to come here and once again offer herself up to Master. deidre wants more than anything for missa to save herself for Master, but this girl also knows that's not very realistic. No one should be forced to go that long without another person to complete them, to love them, take them, spank them. deidre heart is in limbo wanting both to hold onto the hope and wanting to release it, and missa along with it. Geesh. Sometimes life is hard.

Hopefully the cats are still alive when deidre gets home. she has prezzies for them, and love and snuggles. The only problem is that MoonShadow hates K. she hates Him with a passion. When K is at the beach house MS is bitch kitty from hell. Picture Linda Blair as a Siamese cat and you begin to get the idea. Poor kitty still holds a grudge from when K took her uterus and her claws.

Now, deidre's off to pack up all of the stuff We/we're taking with Us/us.

If deidre's life was a newspaper...

2006-12-27T19:25:00.001-05:00

The headlines for 2006 would read:

January Polyamoury in America - Can it work?

February Witness to Valentines beating keeps quiet

March Polyamoury in America - Can it work? Part Deux

April Thousands of Sea Men killed without mercy in secret operation

May Brokenhearted Lover or Internet Stalker?

June Woman survives stabbing

July Couple reunited after long separation

August Ernesto threatens Florida

September Woman survives abandonment and harassment

October Public expresses mixed reactions to merger announcement

November Horrific Kitchen Accident Leads to Death

December Huge mess created from girl's impalement

Presents etc

2006-12-27T10:47:00.000-05:00

Last year when it was time to wrap presents Master instructed deidre to take a big box from the entryway, open it and wrap what was inside. The sender was listed as the Disney Store so deidre had the feeling that it might be something for her. she objected a time or two asking if He was sure that He wanted deidre to open and then wrap ALL of the boxes in the hallway. He said yes, so she did. After she brought them out He realized what He'd done. Basically He'd had deidre wrap the giant Eeyore that He'd gotten for her. deidre still love it. It was and awesome present, she just got it a little early.

This year Master tried, He really did, but at the last moment He blew it. We/we'd brought up to Atlanta a few DVDs, some that had been recorded here and needed to be finalized, some that We/we were just going to swap out with the extensive collection that is here in Atlanta and one that was a present for deidre. Master kind of forgot that the present one was in the stack and He ended up handing it to deidre telling her to put it away with all of the others. Later on He remembered that He had gotten it for deidre, but it was pretty much too late. deidre had already seen it. Master had her wrap it anyway and told her to act surprised when she opened it. It was a copy of 'What Dreams May Come' with Robin Williams. He's one of deidre's favorite actors and that particular movie is a pretty unique one.

Master was a little more successful with keeping this year's "big present" a secret. A few weeks ago an e-mail came in from Apple. Master hid the e-mail in another folder that deidre has no reason to look it. He forgot to mark it as read though so the folder showed as having one new mail in it. deidre's never been prohibited from opening any mail on the computer so she clicked on it. Before she had a chance to read it though Master walked into the room. she told Him that for some reason there was an e-mail from Apple in the Home Owner's Association Folder. That was when He forbid her to look at it.

deidre's a nosy person. she has to know everything. It's part of being a Virgo she thinks. If she knows everything then no surprises can pop up and nothing can ruin any of her carefully made plans. So that e-mail sat there, and sat there, and sat there. deidre knew it was there. she knew that all she'd have to do is open it up and peek at it. Master would never know right? If it had been anyone but Master, deidre probably would have peeked anyway. But fear of disappointing Him kept her from doing it this time. Fear of the strap might have had a little to do with it too.
deidre was allowed to unwrap the present Christmas morning. It was so much sweeter than deidre had expected a present from Master to be this year. He got deidre an iPod! Not only is it the perfect excuse for Master to get rid of deidre's naughty music and country from His iTunes Library but it's also just the right size for deidre to take along with her as she's out jogging or biking. The best part is that Master had it engraved. It says "to my pet from her Master"

deidre really quite easy to please as far as gifts go. The rest of them were little things. Master picked up a set of 3 books called "One Tank Trips" Each one has 52 little road trips that are within a few driving hours of Tampa. We/we've been talking about making day trips on deidre's days off thinking that it might be more relaxing and refreshing than her usual routine lately.
deidre may have mentioned before that K, Master's brother, is the nicest guy in the world. We/we have to be careful about what We/we say when K is around because he remembers every time something is mentioned and will utilize that information when it comes to gifts. It doesn't even have to be a special occasion. K just does things out of the blue for people. It's awesome really. He's probably the nicest most altruistic guy that deidre knows.

Anyway, while We/we were driving home from Orlando, K told Master that he wanted to see the newest 007 movie after we got to St. Pete. deidre had no interest in it but thought that while they were watching their blow 'em up action movie she could slip in and watch SawIII. Master has made it very clear that He has no desire to see any of them, I, II or III, but He doesn't mind if deidre does. Yes, she has a sick, gory, blood and violence loving side to her. she can be pretty twisted sometimes. deidre never got the chance to see SawIII but under the tree from K was a copy of I and II on DVD. Master was even suckered into watching it Christmas Day with K and deidre. It's probably not your typical Holiday Movie, but hey, one can only take so many images of snow and Santa right?

When K came down so that the three of Us/us could go to the Olivia Newton John Concert together earlier this month deidre had some special Sushi prepared for him. K does not like Sushi at all but deidre guilted him into trying some. He was pleasantly surprised. It was a very atypical type of sushi, you see, a type that probably anyone would eat without reservation. The main ingredient is Twinkies J Basically you cut them so that you end up with 4 or 5 round slices of twinkie with the cream in the middle. Next you wrap strips of green fruit roll up around the outside so that it looks like seaweed. Then you push little pieces of raisin, dried apricot, dried cranberry (or any other kind of dried fruit) into the middle where the cream is. If you arrange them onto a plate with some slivers of dried mango (to look like ginger) it makes a wonderful presentation and you have your very own Twinkie Sushi. The recipe is something that deidre found in the twinkie cookbook. K was kind enough to pick up a copy of the book for her and it was waiting for her under the tree.

There were other little things from people, See's Candies, Hams, Turkeys, Toys from Santa, an ONJ CD, other chocolates and candies that deidre can't eat. A gun that shoots a spongy reindeer ball on a string. That one's been particularly fun to shoot at the Mansion Cat, Bugs.

Of course there were Christmas movies, Christmas dinner, Christmas calls to family and friends etc. All in all it was a wonderful day. deidre is a very happy slave-girl.

New Holiday Photo Set!

2006-12-26T00:11:00.000-05:00

stroke your prehensile spermatophore-depositing tube for deidre

2006-12-23T13:39:00.000-05:00

Because of today's news release about catching film of a live giant squid for the first time deidre's been doing research on the fascinating creatures. she loves calamari, it's just about her favorite food, and she would be in tastebud heaven if she actually had hundreds of pounds of squid just waiting to be eaten, but the creatures themselves just seem amazing even if their taste is disregarded.

Scientists have been hoping to study these beautiful creatures for years. Giant Squid carcasses have washed up on beaches or been found in the stomachs of sperm whales, but live ones have rarely been seen by those other than fisherman. The part that really pisses deidre off is that they finally have the opportunity to bring one to the surface and what do they do? Do they tag it and release it back into the ocean? No. Do they attach a camera to it somehow to record what it does? No. They kill it! They have one for the first time and they just butcher it.

Anyway, as deidre was looking up articles she came across one in wikipedia. The following paragraph made her laugh. More specifically the italicized part of the first sentence.

The reproductive cycle of the giant squid is still a great mystery, but what has been learned so far is both bizarre and fascinating; male giant squid are equipped with a prehensile spermatophore-depositing tube, or penis, of over 3 feet (90 cm) in length, which extends from inside the animal's mantle and apparently is used to inject sperm-containing packets into the female squid's arms — how exactly the sperm then is transferred to the egg mass is a matter of much debate, but the recent recovery in Tasmania of a female specimen having a small subsidiary tendril attached to the base of each of its eight arms could be a vital clue in the solution of this enigma. The giant squid lacks the hectocotylus used for reproduction in many other cephalopods.

deidre is reading this info outloud to Master, stumbling over the words as one does when reading something for the first time and she gets to the part that says "or penis" Well, damn it! why didn't they just say "penis" in the first place? It would've been a whole lot easier and (not that she'd ever be saying this to a giant squid) it sounds so much better to say, "deidre begs to be allowed to suck Your penis" than, "deidre begs to be allowed to worship Your prehensile spermatophore-depositing tube" Somehow the first one just rolls off of the tongue so much more easily.

made it!

2006-12-22T10:44:00.000-05:00

We/we made it to Atlanta. It's only about an 8 hour drive, but We/we hit traffic and that made it seem even longer. Both of the dogs are really great about going on trips. Maggie's getting a little older though and having difficulty hoping up into the 4Runner, and Katie has this undying need to pant. She pants the entire way. All 8 hours. Katie's side of the car is on the passenger side, so it's 8 hours of panting right in deidre's ear. Fortunatly Katies knows the dreaded "look" and if she's given it she'll stop for about 15 seconds, so deidre supposes that it could be worse.

deidre was going to wait to do this until after Christmas when she had pictures of everything, but she has no content so she'll just do it now. Before she left St Pete she took pics of the presents that she'd already received.

~~*~~

This is the set of journals that NiteFlirt sent to deidre. They are the perfect size for her purse or organizer and will work for taking notes or writing grocery lists etc. The journals that they sent last year are still pretty much unused and sitting in a file cabinet in St. Pete. deidre never does private handwritten journal writing anymore. she's sure that eventually she'll find some use for them though.

~~*~~

These are some of the recent gifts from sissy4ladyd There's the nice big dong that he sent, a mini clit vibrator (which was a 2 pack) a Leonard Cohen CD and a wonderful pendant which contains Moonstone, one of deidre's favorite stones.

~~*~~

This is the Luck Elephant that slave_karirenee sent to deidre. Thank you kari!

~~*~~

These little duckies came from K. The match the duckies from her birthday that have party hats and cakes, and the ones from halloween that are "dressed" as witches, kitties, vampires, frankenduckies and ghosts. deidre wants to order a few more reinduckies so that she can have Santaduck in his sleigh pulled by his jolly team. Of course she will have to paint one of their beaks read so that he can be ruducky with his beak so bright.

~~*~~

This is the Coffee Maker from slavemasterd (Thank You, MasterD!) deidre's only had one morning without it so far but she already misses it. The one here in Atlanta must be a leftover prop from "Honey, I Shrunk the Coffee Pot" It's very cute but only makes 4 cups at a time, which is actually only about a cup and a half of the mug that deidre uses.

~~*~~

We/we have a real tree again this year for the second year in a row! deidre can't help but feel that somehow having a fake tree is cheating. A fake tree may have perfect limbs and the exact proper number of lights attached, but it's not the same. Before deidre met Master she used to live a short drive from the El Dorado National Forest. Trees grew well there and there were several Christmas tree farms. we'd all pile up in the truck and go tromping through the forest to find the perfect tree. Then we'd cut it down and drag it up to the little booth, pay for our new little tree friend, have some cider and take it home. A. always got to have a little potted tree of her own so that she could have something to decorate for her room as well.

Tonight after K got home from work the 3 of Us/us decorated this year's tree with lights and ornaments. Thank god deidre is around. If it wasn't for her the tree would be full of Star Trek, The Simpsons and Scooby Doo ornaments. It was okay when it was 2 bachelors celebrating Christmas together, but honestly a Christmas tree really needs a bit of a feminine touch so that it can be pretty. Now there are still cheesy bachelor decorations but deidre's added ornaments from her childhood, homemade shell ornaments and a few that she has begged and pleaded with Master to buy to offset the Bird of Prey and Enterprise that just don't seem to fit the theme too well. You can't see too well in the photo, but Our/our little tree seems just perfect now!

~~*~~

This is the first year that We/we've left the cats behind. The cats usually travel in the rig right along with the dogs. They're lose so that they can move about and have their own litter box so that there aren't any messes. In Master's opinion though having them along on trips is a pain in the ass. Xavia behaves very well. She finds a soft out of the way place, lies down and stays there unless she has to go potty. MoonShadow cries and cries for the first half hour. Then she calms down a little bit. She roams from the front of the rig to the back, rubbing up against the dogs, helping Master drive (He actually puts her paws up on the steering wheel) or curled up on deidre's lap sleeping. All of that is really nothing though. Master stops every 2 hours to let the dogs have a break. They stretch their legs, have some water and go to the bathroom if they need to. As soon as the vehicle starts to slow, MoonShadow gets excited. she wants out. The last time We/we traveled up here she got her wish. Master kind of forgot that MS was in the car, opened the door to let the dogs in and the cat shot right out. deidre was inside the gas station at the time, and knew when she came out from the look on Master's face that something really bad must've happened.

The gas station We/we were at was, luckily, one of those places that's kind of isolated. There weren't a bunch of other stores or parking lots around however behind the gas station was a mechanic's garage. There were about 25 cars parked out in a field of dead weeds. There were hundreds of places for MoonShadow to hide and run to. She took advantage of a lot of them. At first deidre couldn't even find her. Then finally she saw her kitty crouched under a car. deidre tried to grab her but she'd just run under another car, dashing from tire to tire. After about 10 minutes deidre was in tears. Part of her knew that Master wouldn't decide to just leave with out the cat, but there was still a part of her that thought that at some point He would just lose patience and decide that it wasn't worth it. The cars that MoonShadow was scurrying to were getting closer and closer to a high chain-link fence. On the other side of the fence was what looked like an endless wooded area that MoonShadow could slip into and never be found again. deidre, who is normally calm in any situation, was beginning to freak out even more. Finally deidre was able to get close enough to MS that she could dive for the cat, grab a leg, even if the fucker ended up breaking, and catch the little shit before she got away again. It worked. deidre hasn't felt such and incredible release of fear in a long time. she was laughing and crying at the same time, basically hysterical.

Since then deidre's only been away from home once for a trip where the cats couldn't be left alone. It was back in June when she went to California to visit her family though and Master stayed home. He was there to keep them company, to feed and water them and to change the litter box so that they could have a clean potty place. This time they have no company except each other. As much as MoonShadow would like to deny it, her sister, Xavia does not like being pounced on out of the blue, she does not want to play, or be chased. In fact, deidre thinks that if cats are capable of hate then that is exactly what Xavia feels toward MoonShadow. Intense eternal feline hate. So they aren't really the best company for each other. deidre doesn't have to worry about their food, water or litterbox because a neighbor will be checking on them every other day just to make sure everything ok.

deidre guesses that the biggest problem really is that deidre misses them. she keeps walking past the bench in the foyer that MS hangs out on expecting to see her, but she's not there. The bed seems so big without Xavia stretching out to take up half (deidre literally means 1/2) of the bed. Poor kitties. Poor deidre. At least it's only another 7 days until she gets to go home knowing that MS and Xavia are both there, not having to worry for another 8 hour doggie-pant filled drive that one of them might get out or pooping when We/we've just left a place where it can be thrown away. Yeah yeah yeah...deidre knows. If the worst thing that happens to her today is that she's worried about her cats, who are well taken care of even when she's not there, then she's probably having a damn good day.

Art, Music, Gifts and MoonShadow

2006-12-17T14:24:00.000-05:00

Master’s painting is almost done and so far deidre’s surprisingly happy with it. It’s simple, but bold and really does match His home quite well. she can’t wait for it to be done so that she can give it to Him.

A friend of deidre’s sent her a gift the other day. It’s a beautiful little crystal good luck elephant. Not only was the figurine itself very pretty, but the box that it came in was wonderful. It looks almost exactly like the box that Master’s ben wa balls are in, except that it’s green and has a cute little tassel on the front. deidre really likes it quite a bit and it will go perfectly with some of the other elephant figurines that Master’s mother used to collect.

Master finally broke down and purchased a television on Black Friday. It’s a 32 inch LCD that is now hanging on the wall in the living room. When He bought the house here in Florida He specifically decided not to buy a television because He didn’t want the distraction. He’d much rather be outside working in the yard or going to the beach than sitting in the living room.

The other day We/we were watching one of the public broadcasting channels and there was a concert by a group called Tonic Sol-Fa. It consists of 4 guys from Minnesota who’s music is a cappella. It’s really quite good. They’ve been performing for about 10 years now but have just released their first national CD. If you’d like to hear some of their music you can do so here.

The new TV has also caught the attention of MoonShadow. When she was a kitten MoonShadow used to sit with deidre and we’d watch LMN or Law and Order together. So far since being reintroduced to television MoonShadow seems to like Disney’s animated representation of Gershwin’s Rhapsody in Blue and PBS shows about the wild animals of Africa. deidre loves to watch MS as it catches her attention. During a show she likes MoonShadow will slowly inch closer and closer to the TV until she is finally as close as she can get and still see it. She’ll sit there perfectly still staring up at it, watching intently. It’s pretty funny. deidre will have to take a pic or two the next time she catches MoonShadow doing it.

MoonShadow was upset because she didn’t get to send anyone holiday greetings so here’s a little something from the cutest little kitty in the whole wide world.

New Pleasures

2006-12-16T23:36:00.001-05:00

deidre has discovered the most wonderful new pleasure. There is a Gentleman that allows her to submit to Him through Niteflirt that she enjoys quite a bit. Recently He has been allowing her to spank her bottom nice and hard, over and over until both it and her hand are stinging and red. He then has her pull her hair hard forcing her forehead and then ear down to the floor with her ass high in the air. After she goes through this process several times, usually to the point where deidre is in tears, He allows her to rub her cunt and clit with her hand.

What an incredible feeling it is to have her ass still hot and red, to feel the tears running down her face onto the cool terrazzo, and to be allowed to feel the burning of her palm up against her juicy little pussy, while panting and then begging to be allowed to cum. deidre didn’t know there were so many kinds of heat. There’s the heat from exertion, from trying hard not to cum that makes her glisten with sweat. There’s the heat on her bottom and palm from the spankings. There’s the heat of her pussy nice and juicy wet, just begging for release. All of them combined together in one little place is such a simple yet intense pleasure that deidre can’t wait to be allowed to feel again.

financial slavery

2006-12-15T12:09:00.000-05:00

When she thinks of financial slave the image of pathetic guys who have to give up their money to a goddess comes to mind. Some high powered business man who, instead of paying for things for his children and wife, spend all of his money on some woman so that he can feel validated. deidre doesn’t claim to understand the fetish, or the need which drives it, completely.

As strange as it is for her to think of herself as one, deidre is (among other things) a financial slave as well. It’s in a different way of course. deidre works for Master’s household, both to give tribute to Him as well as to cover His expenses for her presence at His feet. The need that is fed by doing so is different than the one that is fed by the boys who have their phone mistresses and chose when to pay, how to pay, and who to pay.

Before someone out there says, "…but deidre you DO have a choice…" she knows that ultimately she has a choice too. she can choose to work for Him or to leave Him, therefore it’s not really a choice. Yes, you have choices too. You can continue to live, or shoot yourself in the head. It’s the same thing. This entry isn’t about arguing about levels of slavery or choice etc. What it’s really about is Christmas and gifts.

As a financial slave deidre has no money except that which Master allows her. she no longer has credit cards or bank accounts in her name. Everything that she earns goes to Him. Because of this it’s difficult to be able to give Master things for Christmas or His birthday.

Last year she took a special photo and framed it for Him. This year she’s decided to make a painting to hang over the fireplace. Now, deidre is not an artist. she can be fairly creative when it comes to her use of words, or to taking photographs, but she is not visually creative. she took a watercolor painting class back in high school and there is still a horrid painting of what is supposed to be an old barn against a sunset sky hanging in her mother’s home, but it’s hanging there only because…well, deidre doesn’t actually know why mom put it up. It’s a really bad attempt at art.

When Master was gone on His last trip He left her some money which she used to pick up some supplies for this creation of hers. she bought canvas, paint, brushes, etc. Buying the stuff was easy. Coming up with an idea of what to paint was not. deidre knew what colors she wanted to use. she was hoping to use some of the same colors that are on the couch cushions and pillows.

Mixing colors is harder than deidre would’ve thought though. Yes, she can make purple, or orange, but getting them to be just the right shade is difficult. So deidre gave up on the idea of it being perfect.

Then Master found a photo of something that He really liked in the most recent issue of National Geographic. He went online to try to order a print of it, but couldn’t find it anywhere. deidre’s decided to paint Him something similar.

she’s half way finished with it now. It’s hard to find time to work on it when Master isn’t home and deidre isn’t working so it’s taking longer than expected as well but she plans on giving it to Him before we leave for Atlanta. she really hopes that He will like it for what it is rather than enjoying it solely because it’s something that His slave made for Him.

He’s told her over and over again that she doesn’t need to give Him anything. He enjoys each and every bit of herself that she gives Him on a daily basis, but when you give yourself every day it becomes commonplace, no longer as special as it is if only given on occasion. If deidre gave only herself to Him for Christmas or His birthday in the same way that she does every other day there is nothing to mark those days as extra ordinary for Him.

Besides, if deidre really is the natural slave that she seems to be, with submission itself being more of an instinct than a conscious act, the it’s no more of a gift than breathing or pissing. It just is and she wants to be able to give more than that as a way to recognize all that He has given to her. If it wasn’t for Him deidre may have never had all of those fake layers chiseled away so that she could be who she really is with no more pretending. He’s given her herself and that is so much more valuable than anything she could ever give in return.

Phantom of Lust

2006-12-14T10:32:00.000-05:00

Hear that ladies? THE TEMPLE OF SEX. Come and worship within the temple. You shall be annointed with deidre's loooooooove juice. You shall be left weak from the awesome powers of ecstasy which flow through this body. You will scream with joy and tremble with pleasure.

LOL. Could it be any cornier?

Seriously though, you should come try it out. You need a little deidre in your diet. ;)

The Strap-on of Righteousness...

2006-12-13T11:56:00.000-05:00

As soon as Master returns this afternoon, deidre will be booking her flight to Indiana for mid-January. It’s going to be so much fun to work with Miss Isabella. deidre can’t wait!! isabellaval has already come up with some wonderful ideas for some Domme/slave recordings but suggestions are always welcome.

Some of the ideas so far include deidre being hypnotized, naughty deidre’s visit to the principal's office, and deidre meets Miss Isabella’s strap on. Actually this last one makes deidre think of k8ydid’s strap on of righteousness so maybe the strap on idea can be combined with a religious scene where deidre has the holy spirit fucked out of her as she genuflects and begs for forgiveness. deidre REALLY likes that idea. she’s also wanted to do a…ahem… “consensual” rape scene for a while. How incredibly erotic would it be if she was raped by a woman instead of a man? Or a slave auction where deidre is sold on the block to the highest bidder. What will her new owner do with her? And of course, there’s orgasm denial, or forced orgasm, face slapping, hair pulling, throat fucking. What if deidre is hyponotized away from Master, turned into Miss Isabella's personal sex slave? or if Miss Isabella turns deidre into a lesbian? OMG the possibilities are endless!!

So, the floor is open, and suggestions are more than welcome. Of course they will have to be approved by both Master and Miss Isabella, but chances are that won’t be an issue. Let's see what those naughty minds can come up with!

Peppermint Pussy

2006-12-11T17:40:00.000-05:00

Apparently when one combines deidre’s wet little pussy and her hot little asshole with nice big candy canes things get pretty messy. They melted!! Look here (NWS)

she did manage to get a few shots before her peppermint flavored juice started dripping all over the place though and has her holiday card for 2006 all ready to go.

One last thing. While the candy cane didn’t actually burn inside deidre’s ass it did give her a nice little tingle. When she’s better prepared she’s gonna have to try that again.

apology, coffee, and parties

2006-12-10T10:38:00.000-05:00

deidre must apologize. she didn’t even think about how yesterday's post would make bella feel and that was wrong. deidre loves bella very much and knows that this girl is lucky to be able to still have such a wonderful person in her life. d’s terribly sorry for hurting her even more than she was already hurting.

Between talking with Master, vomiting up all of that emotional crap onto LJ yesterday, and chatting a little with bella, deidre is feeling an amazing amount better though.

~~*~~

deidre’s had her new coffee maker for a few days now (thanks to slavemasterd) and it is an awesome little machine. deidre hasn’t yet used the timer function on it, but it has upgrades and features on it that her last one didn’t. For instance, it makes more coffee at one time which is great because deidre drinks a lot of it during the day. In Master’s eyes caffeine is a much more acceptable addiction than this girl’s former nicotine habit.

It also talks. Sort of. When the pot is done brewing it beeps 5 times to let deidre know. When the machine gets tired of being on, it beeps twice and turns itself off. It has a charcoal filter in it to filter out the chlorine and other toxins that the water company puts in it. It looks awesome with it’s stainless steel body with black accents. Hell, even Master likes it enough that He’s actually been having a cup or two here and there. Of course, He likes His with a few spoonfuls of Nestle Quick mixed in. Sometimes Master is just too cute. Shhh…don’t tell Him deidre said so though. He likes to maintain His Domly image.

~~*~~

deidre’s written about her neighbors before. There are B&G right next door. He, G, is wonderful, very handy, and incredibly smart when it comes to making, building and fixing things no matter what it is. She. B, has several mental and intelligence issues including schizophrenia and what might be the early stages of Alzheimers. She is also the neighborhood gossip. She likes to watch out her window and never misses anything. They both have a rural southern sort of accent. Not the southern belle type. It’s more of a backwoods hick type.

Then we have J&A. deidre doesn’t know a whole lot about him, J, except what she’s heard from A. Nothing that she’s heard from A about J is good and deidre hates to judge people based on anything but what she learns from the person themselves. deidre does know that both J. and A. drink. A lot. A. is the person who wouldn’t stop calling deidre at all hours of the night the last time Master was gone. They each have one of those loud New Jersey accents.

Last we have K&O who are wonderful! They’re snowbirds though so they are only here for part of the year. K&O are the people who were kind enough to bring deidre coffee the morning after the coffee machine massacre. They’re from Canada so they have that Northern/Canadian accent.

Now that deidre’s described her neighbors to you she can get into the real story she wants to tell. Wednesday afternoon B&G returned from their Thanksgiving trip to Texas. Later that afternoon Master got a call from K&O saying, “Did you know that B thinks you are throwing a party for her birthday?” Well, no. Master didn’t know this and was a little confused. Shortly after that, B&G called wanting to know what time they should be here Friday night for the party, and to let Him know that they’d invited J&A.

So now, both sets of deidre’s crazy neighbors are coming over for a party that neither deidre nor Master knew was being thrown in His home. Master can’t back out of it because then He looks like some kind of asshole so He made sure that K&O would be coming too to sort of balance out the number of those who are sane.

Yesterday morning We/we went to the grocery store to pick up a cake, some snack making supplies, the card, balloons etc necessary for a party. We/we left to go there just a few moments after deidre finished writing that post from yesterday. Normally a trip to the grocery store sucks, but apparently somewhere around aisle 4 deidre started to focus on how much she loves party planning and started to feel better. By the time she was in the baking aisle she was feeling almost 100% again. What really helped the most was picking out the balloons.

deidre found the best balloons ever! They are supposed to be worms, but before they are blown up they look a bit like long skinny ribbed-for-her-pleasure condoms. deidre had to buy them, and yes, they are awesome. Evidently it doesn’t take a whole lot to make deidre happy.

Back to the story. Once We/we were home deidre started setting up meat trays, cheese trays, veggie trays, making up dips and drinks, lighting candles and blowing up balloons. By the time 5:30 came around everything was ready.

The food was good, the drinks were good, the company was…well…it was company. J&A drank almost an entire bottle of alcohol just between the two of them. A actually walked into one of the big sliding glass doors. They were loud an obnoxious like they always are. Everyone told funny stories about their pets. deidre’s cats by the way couldn’t stand either set of crazy neighbors, but loved the Canadians, so it’s not just deidre being mean.

In the end B enjoyed the party that Master was suckered into having for her. Finally by about 9:30 everyone was gone. The fridge is full of yummy stuff and Our/our life returns to normal. Master swears that He is never, ever doing anything again for B. There will be no more parties, no dinners, nothing. You know what? That is more than ok with deidre.

~~*~~

This coming Monday deidre will only be taking part of the day off instead of the entire day like normal. One of her other finds at the store yesterday were giant candy canes. They’re nice and thick and about 10 inches long without the crook. deidre picked up 3 of them so that she can have some Holiday photos taken with them pushed deep inside her little ass and cunt. If they turn out deidre will post a few. she’s warning you now though to only look if you won’t find the site of deidre’s smooth shaven pierced pussy full of fat sticks of pepperminty goodness offensive ;)

Another unslavelike memory from deidre's past...

2006-12-06T10:42:00.000-05:00

deidre’s just discovered a surprising reason why she enjoys her job so much! Control. Yes deidre said control. Power. During some of the calls that deidre enjoys it’s deidre who has the control. Men come to deidre to bring to life their fantasies and she does it. she gets off guys every day with nothing more than her words and imagination. Man after man comes to her for pleasure, to orgasm, to squirt their big hot load into her mouth, ass or pussy, while they listen to deidre’s voice describing exactly how she’d tease them, taunt them and then fuck them. It’s an awesome, incredible feeling.

In fact, while she was thinking about this new realization she remembered back to her freshman year of high school. she had this boy named Jon that she’d tease. He turned her on, but she could never figure out why. He wasn’t attractive. He wasn't sexy. Just looking at him wouldn’t really do it for any woman. What he was, was the male equivalent of skank. He was lewd and disgusting, but it turned deidre on an incredible amount. If she’d known how to orgasm back then she knows of at least one time while in Mrs R’s English class in 7th grade that she would’ve just from the site of this boy’s leg. He made deidre feel wet and dirty at the same time. Not kinky good dirty either. It was a feeling of disgust with herself for being turned on by him. The kind of dirty that makes you want to take a steamy hot shower and scour your skin until it’s raw.

Even though Jon was older and more experienced deidre was able to have this wonderful power over him - over his cock - and she loved it. she remembers inviting him over one time to her house. We went into deidre’s bedroom, which at the time was in the center of the house with no windows. When the doors were closed it was pitch black.

He was wearing those cotton bike shorts, not spandex, but tight. They were black. deidre remembers telling him that she was thinking about fucking him, but only if he could really convince her to. Maybe if his cock got nice and hard for her she would make him feel really nice. deidre pressed her body up against his and reached down to his hard on and began to rub it through his shorts. It was throbbing. He was grinding his cock up against her hand begging, actually pleading with deidre to fuck him, to suck him, to do anything to please relieve him of that load. This went on for a good 15 minutes or so.

deidre can still remember flicking on the lights and informing him with a nasty fucking grin on her face that he would have to go because her father was going to be home any minute. deidre had never intended on fucking him. she certainly wasn’t going to fuck him after that pathetic display. she only brought him there to punish him. For what? you ask. deidre has no idea. Probably just because he happened to have a penis. deidre didn’t need any more reason than that. It was fun and deidre could.

Of course this kind of behavior is exactly what lead to deidre being raped later on, but you know those young whiperschnapers, they never think ahead or consider the consequences of their actions. ;)

As strange as it sounds, what really caused deidre to focus on this subject was the lovely isabellaval. deidre was allowed to speak with Her last night on the phone about the recording/modeling meet that is being planned for (hopefully) sometime in January. At some point the discussion turned sexual…* gasp * deidre? in a sexual conversation? NO!! …while discussing deidre’s phone sex experiences and how she loves to incorporate other PSOs and girls she knows into the calls deidre was reminded of how much she loves knowing that she’s exciting someone. Now, deidre has no idea of what will happen once she’s actually in Miss Isabella’s lair, maybe nothing sexual at all, ultimately that’s up to Miss Isabella, however, deidre does think it would be an incredible honor to be allowed to give Her even the smallest amount of pleasure. Even slaves are allowed to fantasize right?

Why Speak in 3rd person?

2006-12-05T10:44:00.000-05:00

indreamsshecame recently commented that she had “never met someone who speaks in 3rd person. you mention that it is important to you, and if you would be so kind, i would appreciate learning more about why it feels right for you.”

deidre realized that while she addressed the question of how and when she learned to do so here she’s never exactly explained the purpose behind it.

First of all, and this isn’t directed toward any person in particular, deidre would like to say that there is quite a bit of negativity in certain communities toward those who are allowed to speak this way. It seems to stem from the mistaken assumption that those who do so are “only online slaves” Regardless of how the person serves (internet, phone, cam, weekend, evening or 24/7) this girl assumes that they still give the same amount of devotion. Saying that those who serve or control online or only part time are not real or are somehow less than others is just as ludicrous as saying that submissives are something less than slaves because they don’t submit fully. It’s not true. Each holds a different level of submission or dominance according to what meets the needs of the person. It doesn’t make them less real. The only thing that would make a person something less in this girl’s mind is if they chose not to express this particular parts of themselves as fully as possible.

Now, onto the actual question. Why speak in 3rd person?

kaya_s said it very well recently here when she said Third person speech in the context of a Master/slave relationship is a psychological technique designed to erase, or neutralize the sense of "I". Speaking in third creates detachment of self and as the gap between the 'I' and the 'me' deepens, the slave is forced into the position of pure object and loses his or her sense of interiority, intimacy, and privacy. The denial of these pronouns is the removal of ego.

Not only does it erase the sense of “I” and remove the focus from self but it is also a way for an Owner to take even more control. In deidre’s situation not only does He control what she wears, what and when she eats, where and when she shits, pisses, sleeps, sometimes even her breath but her speech as well. Every time she refers to herself she uses the name He gave her (deidre), or refers to her status as His (Master’s slave, Your bitch etc). The idea is that nothing is done with Him being the first thought in her mind.

Anonymous Quote

2006-12-02T10:47:00.000-05:00

Never put off till tomorrow what your slave can do today.

Domestic Incarceration

2006-12-02T10:46:00.000-05:00

Other than in psychology journals requiring paid access, deidre found little to no information discussing the psychological effects of social withdrawal and/or domestic incarceration as it relates to consensual slavery so she can only relate her own experiences here.

deidre has found that over the past 3 years of her enslavement she has chosen to become more and more reclusive. she uses the word "chosen" because it’s self-imposed. While Master enjoys deidre’s desire to withdraw from society, directing even more of her focus toward Him, at first it concerned Him.

He and deidre both worried initially over her emotional and psychological well being. It’s become evident though that leaving her safe zone has more immediate negative effects than staying within.

deidre’s safe zone is more of a mental place than a physical one. While she is at home, with Master, serving and pleasing as she was meant to, with little to no disturbance from the outside or "vanilla" world she is her peak comfort zone.

If she’s outside of this house, but in a place where she is free to speak in 3rd person, free to refer to Him as Master, and free to be herself she generally feels just as comfortable. At that point the outside world still has little to no affect upon deidre’s behavior.

The discomfort begins to surface when there is a possibility of interaction with someone for whom deidre must pretend to be someone else. Walking the dogs down the street or going to the grocery store becomes stressful because deidre may be forced to speak with one of the neighbors beyond the usual polite greeting. deidre has nothing to say to them. There’s no common ground.

One would think that deidre worries about revealing bits of Our/our lifestyle as danaewhispering mentioned, but that is the least of this girl's concerns and certainly isn’t a cause of her avoidance behavior. Even if deidre’s slips weren’t rare, those who matter already know or suspect even if the subject is avoided and Master doesn’t really care enough about the rest for it to matter to deidre.

Technically it’s not a social anxiety disorder because the fear is not of being rejected or judged by others. It’s simply a desire or need to restrict contact to those from whom deidre receives no benefit and those who hinder rather than foster her submission.

As stressful as it is, social exposure is easily manageable in small doses up to as much as a day or sometimes two but the reaction become more extreme the longer deidre is forced into social situations. deidre becomes extremely irritable but with no way to express it. Gradually the tension builds up in deidre until she’s ready to explode. Simple things like being touched or the sounds of someone’s eating become even more unbearable than usual.

It’s for these reasons that deidre has decided it’s better for her to impose a form of domestic incarceration upon herself. In the past year she’s been away from home for periods longer than a few hours only twice. The first was her trip to see family in California and lasted 8 days. The second was this most recent trip to Orlando for Thanksgiving. deidre has been given the option 3 or 4 other times to accompany Master to Orlando, Atlanta, San Antonio etc, but has declined due to feeling more comfortable at home, even if it’s without Master.

One would think that this isolation would lead to loneliness. In fact that is one of the main worries with people who have become isolated due to health or disability. The only time deidre feels lonely though is when Master isn’t here, never when He is even if deidre hasn’t interacted with another person for days. Loneliness is defined as a subjective experience and is not synonymous with social isolation, which represents a lack of involvement in a social network.

An article earlier this month from The Belonging Initiative states that the following elements that lead to diminishing the feeling of loneliness:

*Opportunities to compare: Loneliness is diminished when people have a chance to compare their own pasts with other people’s.

*Sense of control: Loneliness is diminished when people have a sense of control of some aspect of their environment.

*Someone to confide in: Loneliness is diminished when people have a confidante.

Through both her interactions with Master and the internet deidre has every single one of those. When blogging she is able to compare her own life, past, present and future, to others much more easily than she would be able to do so in person and she is confiding with anyone who chooses to read with each entry. That’s why comments, even if they don’t seem to say anything meaningful are so important to deidre. They validate and confirm. she is able to control her own writing, her work, and how pleasing she is to Master.

Once the worries about loneliness, psychological health, and emotional health are out of the way what’s left but to enjoy being a happy slave girl serving her Master, devoting herself more and more to Him in a way that really is natural? Afterall, we are defined by our interactions with others. If a slave's only interaction is with her Master/Dom/Daddy then He and He alone defines her. He reshapes her into what He wishes her to be regardless of what she once was, making her even more pleasing to Him in the end.

tags: Domestic Incarceration, Social Isolation, Leaving the comfort zone, Social avoidance, Social withdrawal

Rambling about "firsts"

2006-12-01T10:48:00.000-05:00

deidre’s been thinking about firsts lately for some reason. Some of them easily point to the person that she is now and her current sexual preferences.

First there’s deidre’s sexuality. deidre began playing with girls at the age of 8. It was mostly innocent, if being naked together rubbing private parts can be called innocent, but deidre always found it exciting in a way she couldn’t understand at the time.

When she was 15 she got together with an ex-boyfriend (who she was secretly still in love with) and his current girlfriend and the 3 of us played a little bit. Mostly he watch while Jodi and deidre kissed and touched each other’s breasts.

That year was also the same year that deidre told her best friend that she had developed a crush on her. deidre’s friend didn’t take it too well and the relationship was never the same after that.

deidre can remember back to the first image of a naked man she saw. Believe it or not it was in a fairy tale book as an illustration accompanying “The Emperor’s New Clothes” The picture didn’t actually show any naughty bits, but deidre found herself intrigued none the less.

When she was in her early teens deidre and her sister, E, would flip back and forth to catch the brief flash of something naughty on the scrambled cable channels. deidre remembers one of those movies having a woman chained, naked, in a stone room like an old prison or castle. The woman was being whipped or flogged. The image gave deidre masturbation material for quite a while. Up until a few days ago she’d forgotten all about that.

Of course, there’s the big first. Poppin’ the cherry. deidre had mono at the time and wasn’t really into it but decided to go with it anyway. The guy was her first boyfriend but it’d been 2 years since we’d dated. There must’ve been some fumbling foreplay, but deidre doesn’t remember much about that part. What she does remember is lying there on her back with this boy on top of her rutting away, pushing his cock in and out. At some point deidre asked if she was supposed to be feeling something. Isn’t it supposed to be like it always is in those romance novels with multiple orgasms and sweat and passion? It wasn’t like that at all. Instead it was this monotonous pumping in and out and in and out. Finally deidre lost patience and told him to stop. It just wasn’t doing it for her.

A year later when deidre fucked him and his best friend he still hadn’t figured anything out. If it hadn’t been for the amazing tongue that his friend had deidre probably would’ve walked out of that second experience as well.

deidre’s already written about how she discovered the world of BDSM. It started with a pony play article which led to the internet, which led to trying (key word is trying) to explore with N, her ex, which led to exploring with a coworker, which in turn led back to the internet and finally deidre ended up with Master.

Most of these seem pretty normal. deidre doesn’t think that anyone would look at this and say, “wow, deidre. you should’ve known from the time you were young that you were meant to be a slave” deidre never played bondage games, or house where she was the little girl who got spanked, or even pretended to be a pony. deidre was pretty normal. If anything a couple events in her childhood point toward deidre being more of a Domme than anything else.

There was a boy who lived across the street from deidre when she was young. deidre thinks his name was David. deidre and E. both had a crush on David and we’d play games to try to get David to tell us who he liked best. It never worked, but deidre remembers that he and deidre would hop onto deidre’s bike, deidre in front, him behind, and ride double up and down the street. There’s not really room for more than one person on a bike seat but we made it work. deidre would squirm back in the seat and press down knowing that her ass was crushing David’s poor little penis. He’d say ow and whine about it, which would make deidre do it even harder. This girl can remember the intense pleasure she received from causing him pain. she loved it. deidre would ride faster just to make sure that David couldn’t hop off of the bike so that she could continue to squash his balls and penis.

deidre also remembers tormenting this poor girl in jr high just because she didn’t want to be best friends anymore. Evidently deidre was so mean that the girl eventually changed schools. deidre got off on making her life miserable, making her cry.

Maybe karma is getting deidre back now for all of the nasty things she did when she was a kid by making her fall in love with a Sadist but not granting her the tiniest bit of masochism.

Anyway. Now that deidre has bored everyone to death, she’s curious about what other people’s firsts were. First sex, first g on g, first kiss, first time being turned on etc.

Thanksgiving Plans and Recipes

2006-11-19T10:51:00.000-05:00

Thanksgiving is almost here and deidre’s very excited. This year she’ll be heading over to Orlando as is traditional for Master, to have Thanksgiving Dinner with Master’s cousins. His brother, the nicest guy in the world, will be flying down from Atlanta, and His other cousin and her son are flying out from California as well. deidre will spend tomorrow baking the pumpkin crunch that everyone has come to love, as well as making up her cranberry relish, and possibly preparing stuff for a new salad that she’s just fallen in love with.
Cranberries are one of the reasons why deidre loves this time of year. Dad would always make up a big batch of cranberry relish, so that deidre could take a few quarts home with her. Even before He did that deidre loved the stuff in a can. Not the chunky kind, the kind that’s nice and smooth and makes that wonderful sound as it’s coming out of the can. Last year deidre attempted to make a Jell-O mold with fruit and sour cream, but it didn’t set right so she stuck it in the blender with some vodka and made a pretty yummy drink out of it.

Thanksgiving Day, before dinner, is spent browsing through the papers so that they (note: not deidre or Master) can get up at some freaking insane hour of the morning and go shopping. Now, while deidre is very female, somehow she was formed without that predisposition to shopping that most of us seem to have. deidre hates it. she hates crowds. she hates waiting in line. she hates the stupidity that runs rampant this time of year when people go into stores for shopping. It’s insanity, and deidre already has enough of that on her own without trying to add even more to it.

They usually make it back around 8 am, cook up some breakfast and then crash. About this time Master and deidre get up and have some nice quiet time together. There’s a park nearby that the dogs love, and the playground is fun. There are more real trees in their neighborhood than here so deidre gets a taste of the autumn color change.

After a few days spent lounging around, and nights spent drinking Harvey Wallbangers and Golden Cadillacs it comes time for flights to leave and for Master and His bitches to head back home. K usually come with us and flies out of Tampa after another day or two of time spent in St. Pete. This time he’s set it up so that we can go to an Olivia Newton-John concert with him. K’s a really big fan of hers. In fact he just bought a new mini cooper and named it Livie after ONJ. The only music of hers that deidre knows is the music from Greece, so hopefully it won’t be too bad.

Actually just being able to hang out with K will be fun. He and deidre have a way of kind of ganging up on Master, teasing Him and torturing Him with bad puns. Having K here for a few days will be like a warm up for when We/we are up in Atlanta with Him for Christmas and New Years.

made by missgiter

Yesterday Morning

2006-11-17T10:50:00.000-05:00

she had no coffee but managed to get up and get herself ready for the grocery store without it. Yes people, miracles can happen. The store was crowded, and it took everything deidre had not to start running over people that were being idiots.

deidre got everything on her list, and then realized after Master paid and We/we were in the parking lot, that she forgot to put whipping cream on the list. Freaking caffeine addiction. Luckily Master didn’t mind going back later to get it for her.

deidre was excited because she was going to be grinding up a shit load of cranberries. she had gotten a nice big thing of coffee at the store and could make some up, hot and steamy. Master left to run some secret errand that deidre’s not allowed to ask about, and so deidre put on Christmas music.

The KitchenAid was set up with the meat grinder attachment and deidre started grinding up her berries. she was sipping her coffee singing along to Harry Connick Jr when the KitchenAid started going spastic! All of the sudden deidre’s kitchen seemed like a war zone. The grinder attachment started spinning wildly so deidre grabbed a hold of it which in turn caused the base of the machine to start rotating. It was like watching a film in slow motion…the base turned toward the coffee maker…the base hit the coffee maker…the coffee maker moved toward the edge of the counter…the coffee maker, with 10 freshly brewed cups of hot coffee in the pot fell over the edge of the counter…the coffee maker crashed onto the floor…

This all took less than 30 seconds. deidre managed to turn off the KitchenAid and look around at what used to be her pretty white kitchen and dining room. There was now partially ground cranberries, coffee, coffee grounds, glass, and plastic pieces on the counter, floor, cabinets and walls. The lifeless carcass of what used to be deidre’s coffee maker was lying in the middle, beyond hope.

Needless to say, deidre was not very happy. she’s not the type of person who normally screams out curse words when upset, but if there was a time to do it, yesterday was it. Any sailor would’ve been proud to hear the expletives coming from deidre’s mouth with such force and venom. It was truly a beautiful thing, but it didn’t change the fact that deidre’s coffee maker was dead.

As deidre was cleaning up the mess she started to think that an incident like this must mean something (other than the fact that deidre shouldn’t use the KitchenAid near any other important appliance) Was it a sign? Was this going to be a horrible holiday season for deidre? Was this just the first bad thing to happen of many? Was there going to be a terrible accident in front of a Starbucks involving a cranberry truck? Or maybe while listening to The Cranberries and drinking coffee? What did it all mean?

Then deidre realized that she was just over-analyzing things again and it probably meant nothing. Now that that coffee maker was out of the way she had more counter space and the whole incident woke her up much more quickly and effectively than the entire pot of coffee could have anyway.

Now deidre is sitting here drinking coffee that the neighbors (who got her drunk last night) were kind enough to bring over. It’s good and just one more thing that deidre is thankful for.

Charles Dickens' David Copperfield

2006-11-15T11:02:00.000-05:00

Thus I began my new life, in a new name, and with everything new about me. Now that the state of doubt was over, I felt...like one in a dream…The remembrance of that life is fraught with so much pain to me, with so much mental suffering and want of hope, that I have never had the courage even to examine how long I was doomed to lead it. Whether it lasted for a year, or more, or less, I do not know. I only know that it was, and ceased to be…and there I leave it.

the first time deidre took it in the mouth

2006-11-11T11:03:00.000-05:00

deidre fiercely tore open its prison walls. she was surprised when it slid out into her hand, but she quickly adapted to the feel of it in her hand. she held it gently, careful that it didn't melt under her touch before she could really enjoy it. deidre held it to her nose and inhaled deeply, permanently storing its unique scent in her memory.

this girl gently ran her tongue across the ever-so-subtle ridge before taking it deeply into her mouth. she took it in her mouth as far as it would go. It took all of deidre's strength to resist the urge to swallow it whole! her tongue worked on its sweet shell until she could finally start to taste its slightly salty filling...

The quickness took this girl by surprise, and she moaned in approval, even though she hoped it would have lasted longer. deidre held the last few morsels on her tongue, savoring the taste before swallowing it all. she smiled, already looking forward to the next time..............

Thank goodness Reese's peanut butter cups are sold in packages of two!

(What were *you* thinking?)

...wings made of wishes...

2006-11-08T11:05:00.000-05:00

deidre’s been blessed in making some wonderful, deep and lasting friendships with a select few of her Callers. These men are the kind of people that deidre can see in her life, not just as phone fucks, but as in person, real relationships. One of those wonderful people called deidre today.

He’s the kind of guy who cares for deidre just as she is. He loves her giggly side, her shy side, her loud side, her sexual sides (both hard fucking and soft and sensual lovemaking). He especially enjoys the lesbian who shares deidre’s body with the horny slut that could never live without cock.

As we were chatting today deidre was struck by how incredible the relationship is. we were talking just like 2 old friends, which, basically, we are. It started off with politics, then ran on to the CMAs, our similar experiences in stepping barefooted in shit (his just happened while deidre was on the phone with him), onto raw cocks and then…then he did something wonderful.

Next he told deidre the real reason he called today. He wanted to give her a song. He sat down at the piano, and while deidre listened he played and sang it just for her. It was beautiful. He told deidre afterward that it’s a song that has been very close to his heart for a number of years, but that it seemed to fit us at the moment. It’s called Rainbow Sleeves, written by Tom Waits:

You used to dream yourself away each night
To places that you’ve never been
On wings made of wishes that you whispered to yourself
Back when every night the moon and you would sweep away
To places that you knew you would never get the blues

Now whiskey gives you wings to carry each one of your dreams
And the moon does not belong to you
But I believe that your heart keeps young dreams
Well, I’ve been told to keep from ever growing old
And a heart that has been broken will be stronger when it mends

Don’t let the blues stop singing
Darling, you only got a broken wing
Hey, you just hang on to my rainbow
Hang on to my rainbow
Hang on to my rainbow sleeves

Thank you, T. deidre loves you. You're stronger than you think you are, and you have a very special place in this little girl’s heart.

random thoughts on voting and slavery

2006-11-07T11:06:00.000-05:00

Master controls every aspect of this girl’s life on some level. He controls where she goes. He dictates what she wears. He decides if, when, and what she eats or drinks. He is in charge of if and where she shits and pisses. He enjoys this control, it’s one of the main reasons that He sought a slave.

As His slave, His property, a thing which He owns, He also controls her voting process. He is the one who will or will not permit her to vote, and who will decide if she will double the strength of His own vote by having her vote exactly the same way that He does, or allow her to vote her own mind.

Does being a part of a relationship where another controls that privilege basically undermine the entire point? Does it take that hard won privilege and throw it back into the faces of those who fought for it? Does it spit in the face of democracy?

Or does it do something different? The fact that we start out with the choice, then choose to give it away…the very fact that we have the right to choose to give it away, isn’t that something incredibly special? Isn’t that the kind of decision that we should be able to trust our Owners with?

corsets, movies, tangents

2006-11-06T11:10:00.000-05:00

Master’s back home + deidre’s corset is here = deidre’s a very happy slave

Master returned on Saturday evening. deidre greeted Him by bowing down in the foyer as she normally does. This time though, instead of being nude, she was wearing her lovely new corset!

deidre did manage to take a few photos of herself. The first is just deidre in the corset, the second shows a glimpse of her rings.

she hasn’t written much about the rings lately, but they are pretty much healed as far as she can tell. Every once in a while she sits down wrong and one of them tweaks or two of them pinch together. if deidre is sitting for too long the rings become slightly embedded in her flesh and leave a little imprint, almost like grass does to one’s legs after sitting in it for a while. When deidre masturbates they clink together softly and Master enjoys the feel of them on His skin when deidre is massaging Him, sitting in His lap, or if His hands brush against her on accident. It’s like a sweet little surprise for Him. deidre thinks that He’s not quite used to them being there yet.

Last night deidre and Master had a bit of a movie night. We/we started out watching Pump Up the Volume. Master had never seen it, and it had been 10 years or so since deidre had.

Off on a side note for a minute. How horrible is it that deidre can actually say that she hasn’t done something in 10 years? Most of the time deidre doesn’t really think about her own age. she’s only 28 after all, but occasionally something pops up, or deidre says something, and it reminds her that yes, she is a “grown up” now. Man, having those 2 little words apply to yourself sucks.

As deidre was saying, she hadn’t seen the movie in quite a while. When she was a teenager it was cool. she was just like the high schoolers in the movie, wanting to assert her individuality while at the same time longing to fit in with everyone else. Now that she looks back on it though she can’t related to it in the same way. The best parts of the movie are the music, and, of course, Christian Slater. Yum. The voice, the eyebrows, the little nuances, the half naked Christian Slater man-boy laying out on the grass. Wow.

Um…anyway. Obviously there some things that a girl never grows out of. Being in lust with Christian Slater must be one of those things.

The second movie We/we watched was The Island, thanks to k8ydid’s recommendation. It was really good. deidre was surprised. It’s a movie that she’d never heard of until a week or two ago, and it had no previews (which is usually a bad sign) but it reminded deidre a lot of a research paper that she did when she was in High School. The movie took deidre’s idea a few steps further, and it was a little different, but if deidre had thought out her plan more it could’ve easily evolved into something similar to The Island.

One of the actors in the movie was Steve Buscemi. deidre doesn’t know what it is about him, but she would love to fuck him. He’s not attractive and deidre’s not turned on by him physically. He has a really great singing voice, which may be part of it, but deidre thinks that it all started with the movie ConAir.

There’s a scene, after the plane crashes in the middle of the desert where Steve Buscemi’s character ends up talking with a little girl. deidre hasn’t seen the movie in a while but if she remembers correctly it’s implied (or could be stated out right) that his character is a child molester. Something about those moments where we don’t really know what’s going to happen between him and the girl struck deidre right in her libido.

Now, she’s not saying that child molestation is a good thing. Not at all. In reality deidre thinks that every single one of those Mother Fuckers ought to be slowly tortured with blunt instruments until…oops…no more ball and no more penis. Someday deidre will go into her own personal experiences involving the sick fucks. There is something in deidre’s own fantasy mind, though, that becomes excited at that loss of power, or abuse of trust, or just the wrongness of it all.

she used to watch LMN specifically for this reason. she’d lie back after watching a molestation/rape scene or something and cum over and over thinking about it, putting herself in that situation. Imagining herself slammed up against a wall and forced by a stranger, clothes torn, face slapped, hair pulled, called every “dirty” name in the book, and then taken hard, fucked, raped by someone who has no right to even touch her in that kind of way.

It used to make her feel guilty. One of he first times it happened was when she was 15 or so and reading The Clan of the Cave Bear. Reading the rape scene made deidre hot, wet and excited. At that point deidre was still a virgin, though she’d been playing with herself for about 7 years. she hadn’t ever even kissed a boy or touched him, “down there”. she was pretty innocent. her own rape (another story which deidre will probably write about in the future) wouldn’t take place for another year, but the thought of it was exciting. Even after she was raped the thought of being forced in a consensual kind of way turned her on.

It’s a fantasy that’s grown from a simple violent rape to something involving abduction in a dark parking lot, being kept chained in a dark wet cave while man after man uses her, leaving her weak and dripping cum when their finished. Perhaps even being locked somewhere a cabin in the middle of nowhere or an abandoned train car, just waiting to be used. Perhaps after weeks, months, or years, she’s released, perhaps not. The fantasy changes depending upon deidre’s mood, but the underlying feeling of helplessness is always there.

Well, THAT was not where deidre expected to go. It’s Monday, her day off, and she has quite a few things to do so she should probably stop sitting here in front of the computer, getting herself all hot and bothered.

The Demon Neighbors of deidre's Street

2006-11-03T11:07:00.000-05:00

deidre is being stalked and harassed by her crazy neighbors! Crazy neighbor number 1, A, started calling just a few hours after Master left for Atlanta. deidre talked with her the first 2 times, but her calls lasted over an hour each. If deidre’s on the phone with A, she can’t be available for phone sex calls. deidre made this fairly clear to A. There’s only one line into this house because most other calls take place with Master’s cell phone.

After Alice’s third call, which was at three o’clock in the morning, deidre decided that she was going to set up the NiteFlirt Call Monitor so that it would notify her of any incoming calls and screen the rest. deidre now has 26 messages on her machine. 26 times she’s been called, and that doesn’t include the calls after the first few days when A calls, lets it ring 3 times and hangs up before the machine kicks on.

deidre’s trying to work here people!! Go away.

Yesterday, crazy neighbor number 2, B, started in. B’s husband has left to go up to his property in Northern Florida and B is lonely. So, the way it probably happened is that B called A and they chatted about deidre not answering the phone. Hmmm…is deidre avoiding A? Perhaps B should try calling and see what happens. So, now deidre is getting calls throughout the day from both A and B and nobody is leaving messages. They are driving her crazy.

This morning B decided to come knock on the door. It actually took her over 5 minutes to realize no one was going to answer. Then she had the audacity to peek in through the front door, which is made of large stained glass windows. She was actually peeking into Master’s house!

What is up with these people? It’s not like they can possibly be worried that something is wrong with deidre. she’s left and come back once or twice, she’s taken the garbage can out to the curb, she’s walked the dog regularly. They are just pestering her to the point where deidre doesn’t even want to go outside because she’s afraid that they are going to accost her.

deidre has nothing in common with these women except that we all happen to live on the same street. They are both in their 60's, maybe 70's. A is an alcoholic who likes to scream at her husband. B literally does have some psychological issues. The two of them are the neighborhood gossips. Nothing happens, no one leaves or says anything outside of their homes without one of these 2 women somehow knowing about it, then they tell each other and pick-a-little talk-a-little.

The weird thing is that neither of these ladies behaves as if there is anything more than neighborly friendliness between us when Master is here, but the moment He leaves deidre suddenly becomes their best friend.

OK guess the rant is done. Hopefully Master will be returning tomorrow and deidre will be going with Him on His next few trips so she doesn’t have to worry about A or B until probably January…that is if she manages to survive the next 24 hours with nothing between herself and the two demon neighbors of deidre’s street but these measly walls.

In other news ~ powdered hazelnut creamer is *almost* as good as the liquid kind and it's much less tempting to just drink it all down without the coffee.

2006-10-30T11:12:00.000-05:00

Tomorrow begins a 2000 mile journey. It will take 2 days. 2 days of darkness. Awaiting the end of the journey. Upon arrival there will be release. After years of longing the desire will finally be fulfilled. deidre will feel her wrapped tightly around her. deidre will be able to touch her, caress her, hold her, use her. Thursday is the long awaited day when training will begin. On Thursday deidre’s corset arrives.

Halloween Silliness

2006-10-28T10:14:00.000-05:00

It's almost here!!!!

she won't really be doing anything other than working. Master's gone up to Atlanta to be Mr Pumpkin without her, which is ok, because travelling without 2 dogs and 2 cats for 9 hours at a time is always a plus in Master's book, and the last time We/we all went up MoonShadow decided to be a brat and jumped out of the car, deidre spent 20 minutes at maximum freak out level, but she finally caught MoonShadow and We/we went on Our/our merry way. So, deidre hasn't been away from the house since last January except for her trip to California. she's pretty okay with that. she's comfortable here as long as Crazy Neighbor #1 and Crazy Neighbor #2 leave her alone.

So, deidre's been listening to her favorite Halloween song all morning. It is, of course, Danny Elfman's Demo version of "This is Halloween" There's a dark version by Marilyn Manson, and a lighter version by Panic! at the Disco but Danny Elfman's is, in deidre's opinion, the best.

Wanna listen?

Imagine, if you will, deidre at home, naked as usual, bopping to this song, doing all of the crazy voices including her "manly" voice (which isn't so manly) everytime the deep voice in the recording says, "THIS IS HALLOWEEN, HALLOWEEN, HALLOWEEN!!" she scruches down her eyebrows and bobs her head up and down. Pretty goofy huh? But it's so much fun. It always makes Master chuckle. The best part about this song is that it's the stripped down, raw version of what was ultimately used in the movie with vocals and sythesizer stuff by Danny Elfman.

OK enough silliness for now. deidre's gonna go listen some more.

Butt Shot!

2006-10-24T10:17:00.000-05:00

What a great idea

missrubykisses

! If

isabellaval

is being tortured by ass, it would only be fair for us to help right? Here's deidre's contribution:

It's this girl's favorite butt shot of herself. Maybe we can totally fill up Miss Isabella's friend's page with pics of ass. Of course deidre could be working her way toward a spanking. ~sigh~ It's so hard to be a slave.

2006-10-22T10:21:00.000-05:00

deidre’s fantasized for quite a while about being used by a Domme. The fantasies are never really sadistic, perhaps involving being hung from the chains and flogged and teased, or being jerked down into a hands and knees position and forced to suck a strap on and then be fucked with it nice and hard. Even having two dominant hands in her hair pulling her face down onto that beautiful pussy, grinding her face against that wetness and then allowed to lick and suck Her through orgasm after orgasm with no climax whatsoever for deidre.

Along these lines, deidre received an e-mail this morning from
isabellaval inviting deidre to Her studio to do some recordings together. They’d involve an Egyptian slavegirl, the principal’s office, the naughty maid etc. The possibilities are endless!! Maybe deidre could even be hypnotized into a Domme state herself. Sort of like “Forced Domination – Miss Isabella is so skilled in hypnosis that She can even convince a lifestyle slave to take charge” Or something like that.

It would all be so incredibly erotic. Miss Isabella is absolutely beautiful. deidre just finished watching a few of Her video samples and She just has gorgeous eyes and hair, and Her voice…..no wonder She has so many boys that are drawn to Her. How could they not be totally helpless to that voice?

Anyway. deidre is really hoping that after the holidays Master might allow her to do something like this with Miss Isabella. deidre would be gone for at least a few days, away from phones and Masterless, but she has the feeling that Miss Isabella would take good care of her.

Canon in D

2006-10-22T10:19:00.000-05:00

deidre was cruising through a music site and found the most wonderful CD! It’s 21 variations on Pachelbel’s ‘Canon in D’ which is one of deidre’s favorite songs of all time. she has 3 different versions in her iTunes. One is soft, relaxing and pastoral. Another, the one she likes the most is intense and sexual. It’s almost as if there are 2 separate parts of the song, the masculine, deep, strong side, and then the more feminine, sweet, tempting side. Both are played at the same time in a musical and sexual dance of pleasure. The third is the version from the movie Ordinary People which, to be quite honest, she hasn’t heard yet. This last version just happened to come on a CD that stacie recently sent her so that she could also have Orff’s ‘Adagio for Strings’ in her library. If you’ve never heard that one you should give it a listen. It’s the instrumental piece from Platoon and very emotionally touching, even if you’ve never seen the movie (which deidre hasn’t)

Since it appears that deidre is going to be discussing her favorite pieces of classical music, she should also mention Samuel Barber’s ‘Carmina Burana’. deidre heard it for the first time at Fetish Con last year in conjunction with a presentation that CyberNet (the people who do Hogtied.com and FuckingMachines.com) was giving. It was a series of short videos and photos that flashed across the scene while ‘Carmina Burana’ played in the background. The photos got more and more intense, women bound, fucked, stretched, filled, tortured. deidre focused on the looks on their faces and it became so intense that she actually had to walk way. Every time she hears the song now, at least the part entitled ‘O Fortuna’ she thinks of girls tortured for pleasure.

Then there’s Beethoven and his ‘Moonlight Sonata’, the first classical piece of music deidre ever feel in love with, and fell in lust with the sexy player of the piano that first night she heard it. He just happened to be her date to her winter formal. We were going as friends but after hearing that song played by his gorgeous hands and watching the way his fingertips caressed the keys, deidre couldn’t help but want him all for herself.

But back to ‘Canon in D’. This wonderful little CD has 21 additional versions played on a synthesizer ranging from Techno to Folk to New Age. It’s obvious that someone just took the song, plugged the notes into their keyboard and started playing, but deidre loves it! You can listen to the different versions here if you like. deidre thinks that her 2 favorites are ‘Entering the Presence’ and ‘Babushka’s BBQ’ but she likes ‘Return of the Starfish’ too. They’re just so much fun to listen to! deidre’s decided she simply must have them all, even the goofy ones.

thank you - humiliation ideas??

2006-10-18T10:23:00.000-05:00

Even deidre can only come up with so many ways to say thank you before she begins to repeat herself. she’s going to go ahead and respond in bulk instead of individually. So, to E/everyone who pointed out that giving her all is always good enough she says, “Thank You/you!!!” deidre is always harder on herself than she should be. Even Master gave her “the look” after reading her post wondering what the hell she was being so hard on herself for.

Having people around who are willing to tell her the way things really are, people who support her when she doesn’t meet her own expectations, people who participate in her silliness and even make her feel good for being herself mean a lot to deidre. Chances are pretty darned good that if you are reading this you are one of those people.

Now, on to something else. Humiliation. It’s something that is pretty difficult to make this girl feel in the conventional ways. she has callers who enjoy humiliating a girl, and deidre can play along, but what they want is for her to be demeaned by drinking her piss, sucking the taste of her ass off of a dildo, drinking out of the toilet, puking, crawling around on all fours snorting like a piggie etc.

None of it works. It hasn’t since deidre had this terrible call about a year and a half ago. she went into details then, and won’t now, cause it’s pretty terrible, but it basically messed her up for several days.

deidre can, and probably has, fantasized about every conceivable subject, fantasy, kink whatever, and she gets off on it because she knows that it leads to whomever cumming. That’s the whole problem. How can doing something that eventually leads to that ultimate evidence of their pleasure (cum) ever be humiliating?

deidre’s done a few things that have been humiliating, but they are unconventional. Singing or playing her guitar are pretty humiliating and she has no idea how those things can possibly lead to pleasure, but apparently they have for at least 2 people.

The fact that she was so full of piss that she puked it up around Master’s cock was pretty humiliating. Like a good girl though she didn’t spill and (ew) swallowed it back down. The humiliating part wasn’t the piss drinking, it was doing something so inappropriate while His cock was in her mouth.

she’s had to spread her legs and hold her ass open while Master tried to dig out the little plug that her butt swallowed. she’s expelled enemas within his hearing. No matter how hard you pray, there is no beat that is appropriate to squirt that stuff out to when Enya is playing. It doesn’t cover the sound, and certainly doesn’t cover the stench. Eventually you get used to it. she’s even had to release enemas for Callers and then stick her face into the water of the toilet, pull her face out long enough to force herself to puke into it and stick her face back into the shit and puke.

she’s sent pics of her bloody cunt, cum filled cunt, shitty ass, ass while shitting, cum on face, blood on body, spanked ass-tits-thighs etc, crying, hurt, welted and so on. she’s been called cunt, whore, bitch….etc name it, it’s probably been used.

There is pretty much nothing that she can think of that will force her to feel humiliation (other than singing and guitar playing) Any ideas out there? What works with you? What you think might work with deidre?

2006-10-17T10:25:00.000-05:00

deidre feels like a failure. Not only did she let her imagination get the best of her and plan this entire ordeal promising herself and everyone else a long stretch of isolation, discipline, hunger, thirst etc ending only after she’d reached a place of enlightenment – or something along those lines - but she didn’t even get close to that. she didn’t even last a day.

**edited**
Thank You/you all for pointing out that just because the path was different than she expected doesn't mean that the journey or destination were any less valuable.

she had envisioned 5 or 6 days at the least locked in the cage. she would receive water after the end of the 2nd day, she envisioned not being allowed to eat at all (remember the rule of 3 that tells of the body’s limits. 3 minutes without air, 3 days without water, 3 weeks without food.) she would be locked away until she didn’t know what day it was or how long she’d been there. she’d be brought out for occasional discipline for His enjoyment, perhaps to worship His cock, or be forced to prepare Him meals when she herself could not eat.

5 or 6 days wasn’t realistic though and Master knew that. He knew that keeping her locked away for that long would eventually lead to things happening that would damage deidre’s psyche and would change her, as she stated in one of her entries. The thing is that Master didn’t want her changed. He likes her the way she is.

By yesterday afternoon deidre knew that the experience wasn’t having the desired effect and probably wouldn’t even if drawn out for days, but she couldn’t admit that. Master must’ve seen that and led the discussion so that she could beg for harsher treatment. She thinks that is when He decided that He would force her to beg for mercy before the evening was through. He told her as much, and deidre remembers thinking to herself that she wouldn’t no matter what. If nothing else she wanted to be able to last longer than she did when she was being punished back before being recollared. she wanted to be able to push it further.

she could only take so much pain though. It might have been different if she was doing it only for Master’s pleasure, but she wasn’t. she was doing it for herself and it’s so much harder for her to be strong for her own reasons. Knowing that she was in incredible agony and all she had to do was beg for it to stop, just a short little sentence and it would be done. There was no fear of disappointing Him, only disappointing herself.

she held out as long as she could hoping that somehow He would see that she didn’t want the pain anymore and just decide that she was done. That way she wouldn’t have to admit defeat. He could command her to stop, her pride be damned, but it didn’t work that way and she had to swallow that pride anyway.

Now she feels that she has let down not only herself, but those of you who read what she writes and expected more of her. she’s sorry for not being stronger, and for letting her imagination get carried away in public and not being able to deliver what she promised, for being so weak.

she did however get what she needed. she reached that place much more quickly than she thought she would, not just the point where it was too much but the point where she was pushed over an edge and then brought back slowly in Master's arms while she "went away" for a bit. That need in her has been fed and deidre feels so much better because of it.

On another note, according to a comment on Master’s LJ there was a discussion somewhere out there on the net (if someone cares to share deidre would enjoy reading it) where people were discussing the safety aspects of this kind of treatment.

First of all, Master knows that a slave who is damaged, injured, sick, etc cannot serve nearly as well as one who is whole, uninjured and well. It would completely defeat His purpose of having a slave if He caused her any of the above.

Second, Master loves deidre very much. While He enjoys hearing her sounds of pain when He is the direct cause of it He has no desire to be an indirect cause of harm to her in other fashions. He wouldn’t starve her. If this had gone on longer He would’ve forced her to eat. He wouldn’t allow her to become dehydrated, or to be kept in the cage so long that something irreversible would happen to her muscles or joints. deidre has had Master’s piss enough times that both of Us/us know the effects, which are nothing more severe than really upset taste buds.

Both Master and deidre thank those of You/you who were concerned. There very well may be submissives and slaves and certainly other “normal” people who are locked away, starved and beaten without mercy causing untold amounts of damage to their bodies and spirits, but deidre is not one of those people. Not only is deidre not dumb enough to be in a situation such as that, but Master cares for her very much and would never do such a horrible thing to any person for whom He has responsibility.

deidre's off to the cage

2006-10-16T10:27:00.000-05:00

masterspeaks will be updating while she’s away.
Be well,
deidre

Tomorrow night

2006-10-14T10:28:00.000-05:00

Master has decided that yes, He will grant deidre’s request to be stripped down to nothing. Tonight, when she’s finished working, she will be given a series of enemas to clean her out completely. Usually it’s between 2 and 3, just enough that the water begins to run clear. Sunday will be a fast day so that once she has finished working she can go into the cage completely empty.

deidre doesn’t know if she will have the bed pans, blankets, a pillow etc. she doesn’t know if she will be allowed to eat or drink, or if she will be allowed out at all. she doesn’t know if she will be permitted to speak or to communicate in any way.

The last time Master did something similar to this was for punishment. We/we were up at the house in North Carolina. It was shortly after He had allowed her to return to Him. she had earned it as punishment for leaving.

she doesn’t remember much about it, but she was denied speech, food, water, even a name. At that point she had even had her status of slave stripped from her. she was simply a creature attempting to earn it’s way back into the Master’s home.

The cage was pushed into an out of the way corner and covered with a blanket. There was a dog bed lining the floor of it. Master cuffed her wrists and had her crawl into the cage. He locked her wrists through the walls of the cage and left. she had instructions to make an animalistic grunting sound if she need to piss or shit. When she did need to relieve herself He would take her into the shower and have her squat over the drain hole. He’d stand there and watch as she pissed, then hand her a square of toilet paper, let her wipe, and take her back to the cage.

Nights were terrible. They were long and lonely. Unlike now, the cage wasn’t even close enough to where Master slept for deidre to be able to take comfort from the sounds of His breathing as He slept. The house was out in a wooded area 20 minutes away from the closest town. Everything was quite, silent. There wasn’t a single sound to focus on or to be distracted by unless it was a sound that deidre made.

At some point deidre’s allergies kicked in. her eyes began to water and her nose ran. The first time Master let deidre out to piss she was able to grunt and sign for a tissue, but hours went by with no more opportunities to do so. It was night, Master was asleep and she didn’t think she could grunt loud enough to wake Him up from the other side of the house. she wasn’t sure that she was even worthy of another tissue. Afterall, she was being punished wasn’t she? Did she even deserve the luxury of a tissue? As the night went it became saturated with her snot. It tore into pieces. deidre was so desperate that she ended up hanging the strips on the bars of the cage to dry swapping them out whenever one was dry enough to use again.

That was when deidre thought about what she was doing and how horribly pathetic it was. How could she love a Man who would do this to her? He’d turned her into an animal. Was this really worth it? An indefinite period of time, up to a month He’d said, locked away this way. she begin to get angry, and then the anger turned to hate. she began to hate Him. she ran things over and over in her head feeding that hate until she looked again at what she was doing. she reminded herself that she had begged to be allowed to come back, to prove herself and her need to be His no matter what. What is a month compared to the rest of her life with Him, being Owned by Him? It’s nothing. The hate began to dissolve and a sense of peace settled upon her.

Now though it’s different. deidre’s asked for this because she needs it. When it comes down to it there will be no one to hate but herself. Tomorrow night she will once again be locked away for an indefinite period of time. Master will be updating here and on His own LJ, masterspeaks. she will come back changed, she’s sure, but once again feeling that she is His completely down to the deepest darkest parts of herself.

From nothing comes everything

2006-10-13T10:31:00.000-05:00

Tonight Master and deidre sat down in the living room, He in His big leather chair, she on the floor on her kneeling pillow at His side. We/we had rented The Secretary. deidre has been hearing about this movie for the past 2 years from Callers and on occasion from other people she’s met through the internet.

Everyone raved about the spanking scene where the secretary is bent over her bosses desk reading the letter that she’s just made a typo on out loud. This is really the only part of the movie that deidre had ever heard about. No one had ever mentioned the best part. No, it’s not when she is crawling on her hands and knees down the long hallway. It’s not when she’s on her hands and knees on a straw covered desk being fit with a saddle. It’s not when He finally has her bend over His desk again, instructs her to lift her skirt and pull down her stockings and panties so that He can unleash a load of cum onto her back and ass. It’s not even when we finally get to see her naked, fully, small breasted, creamy skinned, sprawled out after being taken as His.

The best part of the entire movie happens part way through “the test” In a way it’s a battle of wills, hers against His, and hers against her own. She’s sitting there in her wedding dress after ditching her fiancé. Her hands are palm down on the desk, she’s been instructed not to take her feet from the floor, not to move until He returns. The scene is shot from behind her chair and as you watch you can see her piss herself.

Master and deidre’s relationship has evolved to the point where He trusts her absolutely in her submission. His control over her has become broad rather than specific. He feels His dominance because He is able to control deidre without direct exhibition of it every moment of the day. He controls her to the point that it’s ingrained in her. It’s second nature, or first nature if there is such a thing. she knows, most of the time, instinctively what to do, how to react, and how to behave.

For some reason seeing that particular part of The Secretary tonight brought deidre to the realization that she misses the more direct control. she misses doings because of a direct order as opposed to doing them because she know it pleases Him. she needs to be taken to a point where she feels that every part of herself is controlled by Him, or that if some part of her loses control, her bladder for instance, it is because it is His will. she wants to be denied food, drink, sex, pleasure, comfort, sleep and speech until she feels it with every fiber of her being. Not just feeling it because it’s always there, but feeling it because she is slowly sinking deeper into agony.

she is craving days of this. days of hunger and thirst. Days where she is locked cramped into a cage brought out only to be hosed off or beaten, so thirsty that she licks the sweat from her body and the tears from her face or even drinks her own piss from desperation. she wants to sink into herself, to be forced there, to become less than herself. To become less than nothing.

she knows that at first she’ll fight it. her body and her mind will rebel. she’ll hate it. Internally she’ll scream and beg and run the words through her head over and over until she’s tired of her own inner self. she’ll cry, she’ll come close, and maybe even actually do the body tossing, jerking, that young children do when they are throwing a tantrum because they are frustrated and there is nothing else to do.

she doesn’t know why she needs this or why she wants it. she doesn’t know why she didn’t realize before now that this is what has been missing, this is the reason why she’s felt herself feeling frustrated over the dumbest little insignificant things. It is though. she needs to be taken out of control have every bit of it stripped from her, she needs to hate and love in the same moment until finally He releases her.

Perhaps now, at this moment the most horrible thing that You can do, Master, is tell her no, but she doesn’t think You will and she begs You now. Please, Master, she begs you to do this to her, to strip her down to the bare nothing, and then just a little bit further no matter how miserable you see her, no matter how hard she begs or how many tears she sheds. Please do this thing and force her to that place, then bring her back slowly when it’s all over with Your love, and Your touch. Build her back up. Please make her feel all of it totally and completely without question and make the thinking stop. Take even that away from her. Take away everything so that she can be reminded when you give it back that it does all come from You, that it is all a gift. Please?

Teacher's Pet

2006-10-12T10:37:00.000-05:00

deidre found this the other day

And she realized that it’s been a very long time since she’s been able to do a student teacher role-play. Of course one of deidre’s biggest turnons is when an older man in authority takes advantage of her. It can be a daddy, uncle, teacher, principle, or just a stranger who happens to find a cute girl shopping at the mall. Sometimes they are fairly mild and “consensual” other times it’s flat out rape and deidre is violently forced against her will to submit. she doesn’t always make it out alive. Sometimes deidre is tasked with luring in others and helping. It doesn’t really seem to matter what happens as long as that submission is there. deidre gets so incredibly turned on while role-playing these little fantasies.

What came to mind when seeing this photo was one of the more mild fantasies. deidre’s a student who’s been slacking a little on her work lately. One day the professor holds her back after class to talk with her about her performance lately. At this point there is no way that deidre can raise her grade to passing even if she got perfect scores on every assignment given for the rest of the semester. Of course, deidre’s crushed. she didn’t think she was doing that poorly. she’d just been distracted.

she begs and pleads with the professor to be able to do some extra credit or make up work but he just won’t allow it. Until he happens to notice the curve of her ass cheeks under deidre’s skirt as she is pacing back and forth. He decides that maybe there is something that she can do for extra credit. With every load of cum she gets him to blow into her mouth he will raise her grade one point. Every load in her pussy gets her 2 points and every time he fucks that sweet tight little ass until he cums he’ll give her 3 points.

After a bit of deliberation she agrees. she’s never taken it in the ass, and is scared but she’s afraid that the semester is too far gone for any of the other options to work. deidre really needs an A in this class.

He bends her over the desk and kicks her legs open so that she is spread wide. deidre’s skirt is flipped up over her back and her firm ass cheeks are framed by her tiny pair of g-string panties. He doesn’t even take the time to pull them down, just moving them to the side so her puckered hole is exposed instead.

deidre’s eyes are clenched tight and her entire body tenses as she hears his pants unzip. Then she feels the flesh of his cock against her body, cradled between her ass cheeks. The head presses against her slit and slides in for just a moment as he spits down onto her asshole, wetting it. He presses it against that hole, grabs onto her hips and begins to slide His hard cock into her virgin ass.

His cock head pops inside, stretching her as he slowly slides the rest inside savoring the feel of her tightness. Her whimpers of pain are ignored as he begins to thrust in and out of her, gradually picking up speed until he’s pounding her into the desk. Finally she hears him groan as he shoots his seed into her.

When he’s finished he pulls out slowly and looks down at deidre’s gaping hole and the trickle of his cum dribbling down toward her cunt. He repositions her panties and pulls her skirt down telling her that she will return for more Tuesday after class and that she is dismissed.

Maybe deidre should just stick with her day job.

2006-10-10T10:30:00.000-05:00

Master's out in the sun reading the paper by the pool. There's a breeze blowing and the windows are open. deidre's inside in a bluesy kinda mood so she's had the stereo blasting for the last hour or so. George Thorogood's "I Drink Alone" comes on and deidre goes outside to beg Master for some help putting furniture back after mopping. He tells her it will be just a moment, then asks if Xavia is ok. He thought He heard her inside screeching. deidre explained that no, it was deidre singing. He gave her a look and a smirk and said to her, with a funny sound in His voice like He's trying to keep from laughing, "It sounded good"

2006-10-09T10:33:00.000-05:00

Lately there seem to be a lot of thought provoking statements and questions being posted in relation to submission. It seems a little unfair to go into a big long drawn out response in someone else’s blog so deidre is doing it here.

First of all, in deidre’s opinion, the difference between a submissive and a slave is simple. As she wrote in response to bella_de_vil it is the word ‘no’. If a person can say the word no and expect it to mean anything, then that person is not a slave, unless of course that person has been * given * the privilege of doing so. If the person says no simply as a way to receive punishment then that person is essentially topping from below, trying to control the relationship, which boils down to a lack of honesty and openness. THAT’s a big no-no in a M/s relationship.

This post isn’t here to say that submissives are better than slaves or vice versa. One cannot be a slave without also being submissive. Different people have different needs and desires. To each, his or her own as long as the person is being honest about who or what they are to themselves and to the other(s) in the relationship. In the end they are just titles, just words.

That being said, deidre will go ahead and label herself anyway. she is a slave. The last real independent choice she made was long before Master put His collar around her neck. Any "choices" since then have either been eliminated or been made with Master’s guidance or His preferences or needs in mind. No "choice" has been made that would be against what He wants.

deidre says that she has no limits because she will not refuse her owner anything. His limits become her own, they change, they grow, they shift, but hers are always His. Anyone who gives themselves over as a slave without knowing this in advance is a fool. In 5 years when suddenly the Owner develops an interest in something that you said you’d never do, cutting, prostitution, water sports, bestiality, age-play etc what do you do? Do you say no, take off the collar and leave? Then you aren’t a slave, and you aren’t putting your Owners wants and needs before your own. The thought of leaving just doesn’t occur. Even if it does, as someone said in response to kaya’s post, the thought of leaving and the guilt and disappointment involved in such an action are worse than moving that boundary line.

Along with that giving up of boundaries comes a certain responsibility to the slave as well. Our owners don’t always know what we are thinking and feeling. Sometimes it doesn’t matter, but there are times when it does. Times when it is appropriate to say or signal that something is wrong. We have a responsibility to inform them when damage might be done just as we would if the water heater breaks or the computer is making a funny sound.

Slaves are property and because we must be pleasing in every way possible we must not allow ourselves to be put into a state that diminishes our ability to serve if that is not our Owner’s desire. This isn’t saying no, it’s equivalent to the engine warning light coming on in your car. It can be ignored, and possibly lead to the car being ruined, or it can be used as a sign to ensure that the care continues to run as well as possible for as long as possible.

We may happen to think and have the ability to express our feelings, but we are still property, we are owned, and we are valuable to our owners because we function well and meet their needs. If we refuse to adapt when their needs change we loose value. deidre spent far too long being a worthless wife to ever want to be a slave in less than mint condition.

deidre's first movie!

2006-10-04T10:35:00.000-05:00

deidre made her first for sale movie yesterday. she’s been putting it off because she was nervous and underneath it all deidre is incredibly shy. she sent out a note last night letting everyone know that it was available and has already had quite a few people check it out.

NiteFlirt only allows attachments of files to about 40M and this video is way more than that so deidre spent most of yesterday trying to figure out how to get the little movie to her customers in a high quality format. Finally deidre called her Web Site Company and they informed her that in order to upload a file of that size to the server she has to teach herself ftp. AHHHHH!!!

It took deidre months to teach herself html and now she has to learn ftp too? It turned out to be much easier than she thought. All she had to do was download a program and it connected to her computer and the server at the same time so she just basically copied a file from one place to another, got the link, and bingo! There it was, ready to go.

It’s not ideal. It’s just a link, really, and the movie takes a while to load, but it’s full screen on most screens, and pretty large on others. The sound itsgood, the color is good, and it’s much higher quality than the other ‘just for fun’ movies that she’s made.

Yes, this is where deidre pimps it. You can purchase the link through NiteFlirt here. http://www.niteflirt.com/Mail/Action.aspx?mailId=45497&cd=Ak%2bXvCVXqWPrKduGcQbNjg%3d%3d

Well, why not?

2006-09-30T10:39:00.000-05:00

“I think that life is simpler than we tend to think. We look for answers and more answers. But there are no answers. Things happen in life, good things and bad. People say why did it happen to me? Well, why not? Some people win the lottery, and others die in a car crash. It happens, and there is nothing we can do about it. The universe doesn’t care what happens to you.”

- Nando Parrado survivor of 1972 airplane crash in the Andes Mountains on which the book and movie Alive was based

Breaking up is hard to do....

2006-09-27T10:41:00.000-05:00

With all of the potential sister slaves that deidre and Master have been through We/we’ve run across quite a few methods of terminating the connection. These include the most common which involved the potential sister just disappearing to the less common ‘never show up at the airport’ method and pretty much everything in between. This most recent termination was actually one of the most honest, kind, and when it boils down to it wonderful ones so far. Of course, deidre happened to really like a, but it’s so refreshing to see people behaving like the adults we are supposed to be. Here’s part of what a. said in her note:

I like you... and I know I would fall in love with you VERY quickly and easily... but my feelings for Master Lee are not at all the same. He deserves someone who thinks of him non-stop... and can’t wait to see or hear from him... I found myself thinking that way about you... but not him. I didn’t think it was fair to keep talking/pursuing this relationship.... he deserves more then what I think I can give him. If I came to visit or relocate.. it would have been for you... a slave should feel more then that for her Master... so I wanted to be up front before any more feelings/time was invested on your part. Both of you have been through too much for me not to be 110% there with you BOTH.... not just one.

This would pretty much be deidre’s best break up ever. Why can’t everyone be more like this?

A Few Rhetorical Questions

2006-09-27T10:40:00.000-05:00

Can a slave really see another pet serving their Owner and feel anything less than happy that He is pleased? Does it matter who puts the smile on His face or spring in His step as long as it is there? How can the presence another, kneeling at His feet, increasing the perfection of His household, inspire anything but deeper love for both the Master and the other slave?

Discovering herself

2006-09-23T10:46:00.000-05:00

It all really started with

deidre saw it at the local mart where she bought her cigarettes and couldn’t help but stare. A few days later she finally got up the nerve to ask her husband to buy a copy for her. Surprisingly he did. After that anytime there was a Club Magazine that caught deidre’s eye she’d ask him to pick it up for her.

deidre wishes she still had her copies of them. she used to keep a stack of a dozen or so in a wooden box under her bed along with the vibrators and wine cooler bottles she used to fuck herself with while looking at Jenna Jameson and her friends.

It was in one of these magazines that deidre discovered a very interesting article. It was about women and men who would dress in horse tack made specifically for humans and pull carts or prance around as if they really were horses. deidre was fascinated.

**BTW if anyone happens to have a copy of this article, or know how to get one, from a Club Magazine between November of 2001 and December of 2002 deidre would be eternally grateful if she could have a copy or a scan**

Up until this point her sex life had been pretty tame. At least this article began to make it feel that way. Yes, she’d had a couple of 3-somes, she’d fucked in public parks, on the beach in Santa Cruz, the back seat of a car etc, but this…this was different. Everything else just paled in comparison.

deidre remembers running outside to show her husband the article. she can still feel that excitement. Wonderful little butterflies were fluttering in her heart and stomach. deidre never anticipated that it would be something that he thought was strange. He did though. He didn’t understand deidre’s fascination with this "kinky shit". Why would anyone want to dress like a horse? We lived on a ranch, we had horses right there. Why couldn’t deidre just like sex the way it was. It was nice that way with him on top, or occasionally from behind. It was satisfying and normal.

Well, fuck normal! deidre was tired of normal. she went online and began looking for ponygirl pictures. Then she found sites that sold pony girl tack. The first one was BDSMToybox.com Not only did they have bit gags and harnesses, but all of this other stuff that deidre had never thought of. Rope, and other kinds of gags, collars, leashes, whips, cuffs. It was a whole new world and deidre was ready to dive in and become a part of it.

Little did she know that that one article would be the beginning of an adventure that eventually would lead the princess home to a castle and land in which she belonged along with her wonderful Prince and lived Happily Ever After. One of these days she may even have the honor of seeing that pony girl fantasy come true.

2006-09-20T10:42:00.000-05:00

Master allowed deidre to chat with a very nice submissive girl from collarme last night. deidre didn’t understand at first why He wanted her to speak with slave k. slave k has a daughter and Master does not want children in His house.

The main topic of conversation was, of course, slave k’s daughter. Slave k is being sent away from her current home because she no longer gets a long with her Owner of several years. she’s desperate because she has nowhere to go once she leaves His home. Finding a Master as a slave, if you aren’t too picky, is much easier without a child. Slave k had recently decided that perhaps in order fulfil her destiny as a slave she would have to put her 5 year old up for adoption.

Woah. Wait a minute here. deidre can understand an abortion, or if one is against abortion, giving up the child at birth, but to just throw away a child after 5 years of being that child’s mother, feeding her, bathing her, caring for her, hearing her call you "mommie"

How could Master even consider taking someone with that kind of baggage into His household? Not that baggage is THAT big of a deal. Everyone has some but the results down the road could be disastrous.

At one point during the conversation slave k asked deidre what this girl thought she should do. It’s a hard question to answer in an way that doesn’t make it sound as if deidre thought slave k was out of her mind, but it’s not deidre’s place to judge other’s actions. Others could easily feel the same sort of shock about some of the things that deidre has done to be with Master.

k:so what should i do about my daughter?
slave_deidre : that is your decision.
slave_deidre : not something that deidre can give you advice on
slave_deidre : if you believe that you were meant to submit...
slave_deidre : and that you can only do so without her
slave_deidre : then that leaves you choosing between submission and your daughter
slave_deidre : either way you sacrifice something.
k: yes
k: yes i know
slave_deidre : Also you will have to consider how you might feel down the road if you do give her up.
slave_deidre : will you always wonder what she's doing?
slave_deidre : if her new parents love her
k: yes i think i would and not be able to serve fully
slave_deidre : one day you might come to regret the choice and by then there will be no turning back.
slave_deidre : then resentment toward your Owner will build up and undermine the relationship.
slave_deidre : however if you think you can give her up with no feelings of guilt, and totally detach yourself from the last 5 years that's a different story.
k: i dont think i could
k: well that might be better
k: for me to keep her

Obviously slave k wasn’t yet considering adoption seriously and she hadn’t spent much time thinking about it. deidre realized afterward that Master had deidre talk to slave k simply because He knew that deidre could help slave k sort out her thoughts.

That thought led to deidre realizing that as she sits here looking at profiles on the net, chatting with girls on IM or on the phone she connects with some of them on a level that she never realized. deidre isn’t just here without affect upon those outside of His house. Even the lightest leaf falling onto the water causes ripples when no one is watching. We all affect others in ways that we never imagine. We inspire emotion, thought, and action. Even casual words tossed carelessly here and there can do so. Perhaps deidre should start thinking a bit more about what she has to say before she does so.

2006-09-19T10:48:00.000-05:00

deidre’s been doing some thinking lately. Actually for quite a while she’s been wondering about something. ravenna_amorosa asked her once "If you could choose only one, would you rather be loved or owned?"

deidre met Master and learned basically everything that she knows about the lifestyle from Him. What if she only did that because she happened to fall in love with Him? What if the only reason that deidre is a slave is because that was what she needed to be in order to be with Him? If the relationship is based only on love (gee in the normal world that sounds perfect) then what happens if one day that love withers and dies? Master tells her that He is never releasing her from His collar. He will never let her go. If she’s no longer inspired by love to be His slave then what will that make her? An empty loveless shell of a former want to be slave?

Of course deidre doesn’t really see this happening. she can’t imagine her love for Master doing anything but getting stronger so this is all hypothetical. Sometimes her brain just wanders off on strange paths.

Gosh, this is depressing. Let’s move on to something else.

How about pussy? deidre wants some. Very badly. she’s opening it up for volunteers. If you or someone you know would love to stop by for a few days of deidre devouring you please respond. you don’t even have to be a slave or a submissive. Just please be over the age of 18, younger than…oh…40ish, disease free, and preferably sane.

deidre’s Callers talk about going to massage parlors and getting their dicks stroked along with the massage. Perhaps deidre could call a masseuse up and just lick her up and down after the "work" part is over. Hell, fuck the massage, just let deidre eat some cunt.

she wants nice, hot, slick, juicy cunt. The kind that’s hungry, insatiable, so that deidre can wear herself and you out just with her tongue, lips, teeth and fingers. she wants to spread you open and tease, licking and tasting for hours keeping you on the edge until your muscles are quivering from anticipation. she wants to get you so worked up that your juice is flowing freely out of your sweet little sex hole and over your asshole so that she can lick that hot little puckered entrance. she wants to feel your body bucking beneath her as she licks you through orgasm after orgasm. When you’re covered in tears, sweat and your own juices she wants to take her time to explore every part of your beautiful female body touching, caressing, kissing and tasting you in a thousand different ways, finding each spot that makes you moan, and introducing you to pleasures that you’ve never known. You will be consumed and when we both fall asleep from exhaustion we will do so knowing that once we wake up we can begin it all over again.

a knight in shining armor or ?

2006-09-18T10:49:00.000-05:00

Vanilla guy : I am so sorry
slave_deidre : for what?
Vanilla guy : reading your journal
slave_deidre : you're sorry for reading it?
Vanilla Guy : you deserve so much more out of life
Vanilla Guy : I feel so sad now
slave_deidre : well i'm sorry that you see it that way
slave_deidre : i'm not sure i understand why it's so sad.
Vanilla Guy : because I went back and read between the lines
slave_deidre : i didn't think that i wrote anything there.
Vanilla Guy : You wrote everything there
slave_deidre : oh. ok.
slave_deidre : i'm not sure what you are thinking you are reading between the lines, but there is nothing about my life to be sad about.
slave_deidre : what's sad is that there are so many people out there who look their entire lives for someone else to be complete with and they never find it.
Vanilla Guy : true..but you don't need someone else to be complete
slave_deidre : you do when you are a slave.
Vanilla Guy : I don't see you as a slave
slave_deidre : or when you are a Master
slave_deidre : then you don't see me.
Vanilla Guy : and I hope you don't take this the wrong way...
slave_deidre : of course not
Vanilla Guy : but I see you as someone who was manipulated and taken advantage of ... and I wish there was something I could do about it
slave_deidre : hmmmm.
slave_deidre : that's interesting.
slave_deidre : others have said the same thing
Vanilla Guy : I didn't feel that way until I read your journal
Vanilla Guy : I was glad that you were happy
slave_deidre : but i am still happy.
Vanilla Guy : I never read the details about what happened
slave_deidre : what happened with what?
Vanilla Guy : you were preyed upon
Vanilla Guy : you had no chance
slave_deidre : lol
Vanilla Guy : and it makes me sad
slave_deidre : now you are not only attacking my lifestyle CHOICE but my intelligence as well.
slave_deidre : just pointing that out. I'm not offended.
Vanilla Guy : I'm not attacking you...just pointing out what I read
Vanilla Guy : and I would bet you any reasonable amount of money that a professional therapist would agree with me
Vanilla Guy : I'm sorry
slave_deidre : don't be sorry.
slave_deidre : i'm not
Vanilla Guy : you deserve more
Vanilla Guy : so much more
slave_deidre : more than what? complete happiness? more than being loved by a wonderful man? more than having every single need met and just about every single one of my desires?
Vanilla Guy : I am going to have someone read your journal if you don't have any objections
slave_deidre : go for it.
slave_deidre : it's public
slave_deidre : and i am always welcoming of any opinion that is not presented negatively
slave_deidre : meaning - be nice even in criticism
Vanilla Guy : I know
Vanilla Guy : I just feel bad for you now
Vanilla Guy : I feel deep sorrow for you
slave_deidre : well you shouldn't
Vanilla Guy : deep sorrow
slave_deidre : what exactly did you read?
slave_deidre : which part of my diary?
Vanilla Guy : makes me wish I could just hold you
Vanilla Guy : the early times
slave_deidre : the early times?
slave_deidre : like before April of 04?
slave_deidre : I was very confused at that time.
Vanilla Guy : no comment
slave_deidre : ok then.
slave_deidre : well, i assure you that i don't need rescuing
slave_deidre : and i am perfectly happy
slave_deidre : but your concern is sweet
Vanilla Guy : my heart actually hurts...aches...it just makes me want to cry it hurts so bad
slave_deidre : i'm sorry honey.
slave_deidre : it shouldn't be hurting at all.
slave_deidre : i guess i just don't really understand why this is so heartbreaking for you.
Vanilla Guy : because I care about you
Vanilla Guy : you will always have a piece of my heart
slave_deidre : i understand that part.
slave_deidre : what i don't understand is why this new information, whatever it may be, is so hard for you.
Vanilla Guy : It gave me more info than I had before and made me see things in a different light
slave_deidre : evidently i just don't understand.
slave_deidre : oh well.
Vanilla Guy : I wish I could let you see what I see and the way I see it
slave_deidre : and i feel the same.
Vanilla Guy : Until tonight...I thought you were lucky to find Lee
slave_deidre : i am.
Vanilla Guy : I don't feel that way any longer

He really is just a nice guy, but deidre doesn’t understand where this need to rescue girls who are perfectly happy comes from. No signs of abuse are present. deidre is fairly healthy emotionally if you excuse the occasional loneliness that settles in when Master is away or brief depression episodes now and then that she works through. she certainly is healthy physically. why is it that some people just refuse to see that there really is nothing "between the lines"? deidre knows that these "knights in shining armor" will always be there waiting to "rescue" slaves and submissives, and there’s pretty much no point in trying to explain what should be obvious. It’s just so frustrating. deidre wishes they would all just take that desire to help and apply it to something or someone that really needs it.

Forgot some stuff

2006-09-15T10:51:00.000-05:00

Seeing a comment from celticslave made deidre realize that she forgot to write about the things that Master brought back with Him. First there was a fabric swatch smelling like 2 sweet little slave girls from the material that deidre’s corset is being made with. she loves it and can’t wait to wear it (the corset – not the swatch). Woohoo!

Then, also from celticslave, was a beautiful New Mexican dream catcher that is now hanging in the guest bedroom

Master brought her back some stuff too. The first is a bag of rocks. Not just any kind of rock though. It’s 6 polished stones that are some kind of purple agate. Purple is deidre’s favorite color so these are just about the best rocks ever, well, ok except for the ones she is about to talk about, and moonstone, and emeralds, of course.

Anyway. Master also brought her back something very special. It’s a hematite necklace that she can actually wear with her collar! Hematite is one of her favorite rock/stones as it’s very grounding and calming not to mention the many other positive qualities that is has. The necklace is beautiful and deidre can’t wait until the first time she gets to wear it out with Master.

Eventually pics will be posted of these as well as the other things deidre has been gifted with recently.

Master's Return

2006-09-15T09:54:00.000-05:00

OK, so now that you’ve read it from the perspective of deidre’s pussy, here’s the rest of how Master’s first night back was.

The day before Master had instructed her to prepare for Him in a special way. He left her clothing up to His slave’s judgement, but wanted her to bind her breasts tightly before she left to pick Him up at the airport.

His first flight out of LAX was delayed a bit so deidre had some extra time to prepare for Him. she wanted to do something special, something that He’d never see before, at least not with deidre. In the Florida Room/Work shop is a big roll of industrial clear plastic rap. deidre’s plan was to wear only plastic wrap and maybe her crotch belt and harness.

Have you ever tried to wrap yourself in plastic wrap? It’s not that easy. OMG deidre must’ve looked hilarious trying to roll around on the wrap that she had spread out over the bed. she wanted it to be tight around her waist and her breasts, just like a corset (sort of) Well, it didn’t work.

So she switched to Plan B. Daddy’s little girl. she hopped in the shower and washed her body with baby wash, dried off, parted her hair down the middle, braided it, put on her little pleated purple skirt, slid her white ruffly sox onto her feet and stepped into her mary janes. she did her make up, brushed her teeth, and all of that other boring stuff.

Finally it was almost time to leave. deidre got out some white rope from the bondage closet and started to wrap her tits tightly. she put her shirt on and realized that one doesn’t really end up with much cleavage peeking out of the neckline when their tits are tied, but even so she really liked how it looked.

she had to drive through the pick up area 3 times because the dumb narky guys wouldn’t let her just sit there and wait no matter how many times she batted her eyelashes prettily at them.

Finally, there He was. Master. Safe and in 1 piece after 2 whole weeks away from His pet. He even did His own laundry while He was away * gasp * Yeah, really. He put His stuff in the car and We/we drove home.

Evidently Master missed the pool more than deidre’s pussy so that’s where He went first, out for a swim. While He was out there A. called just to say "hi" Master came back in at the tail end of the conversation and they got to speak for the first time. Understandably A was nervous, but it all went well and they’ve talked several times since then. deidre finds herself getting more and more excited, but is trying to control it.

After they finished talking, Master told deidre to turn on the overhead lights over the dining room table. At some point her shirt had been removed so she was now only wearing her purple pleated skirt, her frilly socks, her mary janes and a nice little bit of rope tied tightly around her purple breasts.

He had her bend over the table pushing down on her swollen breasts (ouch) with her legs spread wide. deidre felt His hand against her cunt feeling for how wet she was. For a moment He stood there caressing her ass cheeks and as hard as deidre tried to fight it she began to cry. she was dreading the pain. she’d gone for 2 weeks without it and even though she was only to receive a spanking she was afraid of even that little bit of pain. she didn’t want Him to stop, she just felt that panic building up in her. Then He began. He started lightly and then built it up to the point where deidre’s tears were just beginning to catch in her eyelashes. Then He stopped and told her that she was a good girl.

Next He had her crawl on top of the table, lie down on her back, and spread her legs wide. He wanted to take a look at His slut’s cunt with the pretty little piercings. He liked them very much (pictures will be taken again once the camera returns from Canon fix it land). It felt a bit like some kind of gyno/interrogation fantasy. The lights were on full and burning into deidre’s eyes, she was spread wide open being poked and prodded with Master’s fingers. Then He told her to cum for Him. He wanted her to masturbate and cum several times, then He was going to take her into the bedroom.

deidre really enjoys the sound of her rings tinking against each other as she rubs her clit. Master’s fingers slid inside her, 2 in her hungry little pussy hole and 1 up inside her ass. He fucked her that way while she took herself through 3 wonderful orgasms. When He was finished with her He allowed her to lick her fingers clean and to suck her juices off of His as well. Then He led her into the bedroom for the real fun.

Of course, His cock was hard. It had been since deidre picked Him up at the airport, and deidre’s cunt was slobbering juice down her thighs. she was ready. He was ready. Together We/we got onto the bed and deidre sunk down onto His cock for the first time in forever. she rode Him slowly at first, savoring that feeling of fullness and the slow pressure of His cock head against her back wall. He had her adjust just a little into a position that didn’t irritate the rings. deidre looked a bit strange probably, riding Him in a weird little squat, but it felt so good. Hearing His soft manly moans and sharp intakes of breath was heaven as was telling Him how much she missed feeling Him inside.

Neither Master nor deidre came that way though, the position was just too awkward, but He did allow her to get down between His legs and suck more of her fuck juice off of Him before getting down to business and worshiping Him with her mouth. It didn’t take long before He was telling His little bitch to beg for His cum, and then shooting that wonderful load into her throat. she swallowed it all down and then was allowed to cuddle with Him, lying in His arms for a few minutes afterward.

deidre asked Him if He had missed His pussy. He said that He had. It’s the only way that He can feel her wrapped around Him all at once like that. But what about her asshole? Doesn’t her asshole wrap around Him the same way that her pussy does? Evidently not. He says that her asshole has that tight ring at the entrance that squeezes around Him acting like a vice and it makes it difficult to cum. Ha!! deidre’s ass is so tight that it makes cumming difficult!! she loves it. Here she is worrying that as she gets older her body is becoming less satisfying when really He’s just happy with her all along.

Things are slowly settling back to normal. Not being able to take up the entire bed as she sleeps is hard to get used to and Xavia is pissed because Master is sleeping in her spot, but it’s so good to have Him home again, to hear His voice and to know that He’s right there if deidre wants to touch Him or just kneel quietly at His side.

Sigh. Life is good.

mmmmmmmmmmmm............

2006-09-13T10:55:00.000-05:00

She was famished, ravenous. She would try to distract herself but her primary thought was meat. She could almost feel it. A nice big piece of meat. She wanted it so badly. She was throbbing with hunger.

Finally all of the circumstances were just right and she watched as it came closer. It seemed as if it had been forever since the last time she felt full. she was drooling. Finally she felt it against her lips, pressing between, and then sliding in.

Hot wet tight pussy wrapped around cock.

Finally.

2006-09-12T10:57:00.000-05:00

We interrupt your regularly scheduled programming to bring you this special news bulletin
………………………………..

Today is happy pussy day!

Yes, finally, after months of waiting for her cunt piercings to heal, deidre will have the wonderful honor of feeling Master’s cock in her cunt fucking her like the little whore she loves to be.

……………………………….

We now return you to your scheduled programming, already in progress…

Gifts, Sex and Route 66

2006-09-08T10:57:00.000-05:00

deidre was hoping that the digital camera would be back from Canon so that she could take pics of her presents, but it’s not yet, and deidre looks like a chipmunk in the little movie she made so she isn’t going to post it. she’ll try to re-do it on Monday. Maybe the camera will be back by then and she won’t have to.

she woke up early that morning. she was so excited about the things that were planned, and she was uncharacteristically thirsty. deidre started to get up to go and get some OJ, but Master decided that He would get it for her. Since Master has never offered to get deidre a drink while We/we were at home she figured that something must be up. He brought her a little glass of OJ, and told her to go back to sleep. Some orders, like falling back asleep on her birthday, deidre just can’t seem to follow, but she stayed in bed like a good girl. Within just a few moments deidre could hear the sound of scissors and paper and knew that Master had waited until the last moment to wrap her presents.

deidre stayed in bed only for about 5 minutes after the sounds of wrapping were finished and then she begged Master to please be allowed to get up. There was a stack of prettily wrapped gifts on the glass table in the living room. Master asked her if she’d like to open them right away, and because she’s a dumb-ass sarcastic little bitch she said that she would prefer to wait until noon. He said ok, and deidre was forced to wait.

Finally, after breakfast and coffee, noon rolled around and deidre was allowed to open them. From isabellaval deidre received a copy of both The Trainer and The Academy, which are books 3 and 4 in the Marketplace series.

From slave_karirenee, deidre received a copy of the movie The Piano as well as it's soundtrack. There are a few reasons why it’s one of deidre’s favorite movies. First, it’s just a darn good story. Second, the music is incredible. Third has something to do with Master’s recent trip to Oklahoma and Kansas. While He was away deidre borrowed The Piano from the library and watched it. she was sitting back minding her own business, and missing Master when all of the sudden she saw something familiar on the screen. It was a scene where Harvey Keitel was nude, facing away from the camera. Well, surprisingly, Master and Mr. Keitel have the exact same ass!! It was the perfect thing to see at the time and made her feel quite a bit better.

deidre couldn’t exactly open it, but from slavemasterd she received the final amount so that she could have her first waist-training corset made.

deidre’s bathroom is decorated in Rubber Duckies. It started with just one that she brought with her from California. Her first rubber ducky had been a gift from deidre’s mother when she was pregnant for the first time. For some crazy reason deidre decided that this ducky needed to come with her in the limited number of things that she had room to bring when she moved to Florida. For months He sat forgotten in a box in the closet until one day deidre rediscovered him. From that point forward his new home was on the rim of the tub against the back wall.

A few months later Master and His deidre were in Bed, Bath and Beyond looking for a new shower curtain when We/we stumbled across happy little rubber ducky shower curtain hooks and bought a blue shower curtain to go with it.

When deidre’s 27th birthday rolled around the little money subbie that she had, browsed her wish list on Amazon and decided to send her a ducky bathmat and soap dish.

After the pool was complete, Master and deidre found a giant rubber ducky at the grocery store and bought her so that she could live in the backyard.

Then at Christmas-time deidre’s mom, knowing that the original rubber ducky that she gave deidre started it all, gave her these little duckies that suction cupped onto the shower wall.

At this point deidre figured that she probably had enough rubber duckies. Evidently K, Master’s brother didn’t agree. 4 of the gifts that were on the table the morning of deidre’s birthday were stuffed with rubber duckies. There were Halloween duckies, Pirate Duckies, Birthday Ducks and even little baby glow in the dark Halloween duckies. deidre’s favorite is the one that is dressed up to look like a black cat. It has little black ears and whiskers on either side of his ducky beak. she also has what appears to be a lifetime supply of ducky post it notes and ducky tattoos.

From Master deidre received a few things off of her wish list including a new book of sheet music so that she can play twangy country songs on her guitar, a beautiful silver belly button shield, copies of 2 of her other favorite movies, Memphis Belle and Very Bad Things, and of course deidre’s wonderful trip to BigCatRescue.

After cleaning everything up We/we got ready to go to the cat place. Which was a blast. One day she swears she’ll stop writing about it and boring you all to death. After the big cat place We/we drove over to the Apple Store so that deidre could have a little lesson in iMovie so that she could start making naughty videos for her customers. she learned quite a bit and can’t wait to get some made.

We/we were going to go out to eat in Tampa, but it was getting late and the dogs needed to eat and be let out so We/we drove back home before going out to dinner. We/we had a Calamari appetizer, Cheesy biscuits, Caesar salad, salmon, steamed veggies and drinks served to Us/us by the most wonderfully witty and hot waitress that deidre has had, ever.

Melina was just incredible. She has one of those personalities that makes her seem as if she fears nothing. she joked with us and had quick little smart-ass comments. There was just something about her that deidre can’t describe. Melina seemed perky and fun, but not in a cheerleader kind of way. she was perfectly spunky. Master wasn’t attracted to her at all, but enjoyed watching deidre’s reaction to her. This girl didn’t have a chance to go back last Monday to see her, but will probably do so this coming Monday. There’s just one little problem. deidre’s been speaking with a sweet, very cute potential slave sister and now feels slightly guilty about going out and hitting on another girl. A. says that she has no problem with it, but deidre’s little conscious is giving her trouble. We’ll just have to wait and see what happens on Monday.

Master's trip is going well. He started in Chicago and drove down through Saint Louis, into Kansas, then through Oklahoma and Texas, over to New Mexico, stopped to see bella_de_vil, celticslave, and cowboy_m. Today He was in Arizona. Along the way Master and His brother have been stopping and all kinds of Route 66 restaurants and little touristy things including The Launching Pad Restaurant, the arch in Saint Louis, The town where K was born, Some Cavern in New Mexico (she thinks), Roswell, a giant crater, Phoenix and Sedona in Arizona. They are having a wonderful time, and Master was kind enough to send her a post card or two.

Master will be back in just under 5 days. deidre can’t wait to see Him again. Once He returns deidre’s cunt will finally be fuckable!! she cannot wait to feel that sensation of His cock sliding into her for the first time again and then to feel His cock pounding in and out of her. deidre’s little pussy is just so happy.

2006-09-06T11:00:00.000-05:00

deidre’s been neglecting her lj, at least putting something important here. The thing is that she’s lonely without Master. It’s almost as if when He left He took most of deidre with Him and all that’s left is this empty feeling shell. Without Him here there just doesn’t seem to be as much purpose. What’s the point of being a deidre with no Master Lee? It’s like watching your favorite movie, but in black and white and with no sound. It’s not the same. It’s flat. It’s blah. It’s pointless.

deidre's birthday part 1

2006-08-31T11:01:00.000-05:00

This is really the second part, but she's writing about it first 'cause she can :)

After getting up and around and opening the presents, deidre got ready to go to Big Cat Rescue. We/we ended up leaving home later than planned and stopped by the library to drop off some things that were due and then began the drive over the bridge to Tampa. At one point a wrong exit was taken, deidre won’t say by whom * Master * and deidre was afraid that We/we would be late. We/we were by only about 5 minutes though and they let us in after signing a special disclosure.

deidre got to see some very beautiful animals and some others that had been treated so badly she was on the verge of tears.

One of the tigers had been kept chained to a wall to guard a stash of drugs and had spent so much time lying on the floor that she was not only underweight from lack of nutrients but had softball sized calluses on her ‘elbows’

One of the panthers had been part of a circus act where he was forced to jump through a ring of fire. Whenever the poor guy refused to do so he was clubbed over the head, which eventually led to horrible tear duct damage and a fear of humans.

Another one of these beautiful creatures was kept in a harness that was never adjusted. Eventually his flesh began to grow over the harness and it had to be cut out with a razor.

Most of the animals at Big Cat Rescue have stories like this. They’ve been neglected and abused, but there are happy stories too. Walking around watching them deidre could see a bit of her own cat’s playfulness in some of the big kitties. They’d role over and show their bellies, or meow in response to the guide’s voice or just do other goofy cat things. We/we got to hear a lion roar too. It was an incredible trumpeting sound, completely unlike the sound that comes from the MGM Lion.

Some of the animals have retired from performing early at this sanctuary so that they can live out their lives happily. As happily as an animal in a cage can be. The enclosures are large and clean, not cement like at a zoo but with vegetation growing inside so that they can live as naturally as possible. Their health and diet are monitored carefully though there is never direct contact unless necessary. The keepers do not get in the enclosures to pet them or to play with them. There are plans in place in the event of an emergency so that the cats can be evacuated quickly and safely.

The staff consists of only 4 paid people. The other 60+ people who are involved are volunteers. It’s obvious from their body language and words that these wonderful people care for the animals quite a bit.

she couldn’t take a camera with her so she has no pictures to share unless she steals them off of the website but there will be plenty of time to take pics later on because deidre will be volunteering there!

On the first Saturday of every month the facility has an orientation. deidre will be attending the one in October. Master wants her to have plenty of time to think it over before she give up half of her time off. Afterward there is an interview process to determine if the potential volunteer is sane enough to work there. Hopefully deidre will pass that test, get her little yellow shirt, and begin spending 8 hours there every other Monday. she will begin on the lowest rung of volunteers with duties that range from weeding, to shit clean up to washing off the slabs that the meat is placed on. deidre will probably never be able to donate more than 16 hours a month of her time to this wonderful place, so chances are slim that she will ever be raised to a level of higher responsibility. she’s okay with that. It’s worth it.

Master asked her on the way home why it was worth it if she is never raised above the lowest level. her answer was simple. Most people have the ability to rise above their circumstances regardless of what they are. There are almost always options for a person to work themselves out of situations. It may be difficult, and at times seem impossible, but it’s doable. These animals don’t have that ability. They’ve either been taken from the wild or were raised in captivity and have become dependant upon humans. They can’t be turned loose. They can’t be expected to survive on their own. People put these animals into these situations. deidre is only one person, but she can make a little bit of a difference in some of these animals’ lives. As silly as it may be deidre hopes that one day perhaps one of them will look at her and know her, to see her without judgment, to consider her a friend or whatever the equivalent is in kitty language.

More about presents and deidre’s very fuckable waitress to come.

Death to Ernesto!

2006-08-27T11:05:00.000-05:00

Well, today is deidre’s 28^th birthday. she’ll be spending the day working getting properly used, fucked, spanked and beaten by her wonderful Callers. Tomorrow, as deidre may have mentioned, she is going to Big Cat Rescue on a tour of their facility and to get more information about possibly volunteering there.

Up until this morning deidre was fairly excited about all of this, however, thanks to Ernesto, deidre’s enthusiasm is curbed a little bit. Let deidre show you why….

See that line that represents the path of the hurricane? Follow it up toward Florida’s Gulf Coast. Now, see that cute little purple X? That’s deidre’s house. Oh! Look! That line just happens to be passing right through the X that marks where deidre’s happy little home is. Gee…it says it’ll be there about 8 am Thursday, just in time for Master to have left safely on His trip.

For almost 4 months deidre has been casually bringing up to Master the fact that He is leaving to go on His road trip right smack dab in the middle of the busiest time of the hurricane season. deidre has no experience with hurricanes. There hasn’t been one that directly fell on this area in 60 years. Earthquakes, Blizzards, Fires…she can handle that. she’s been in freezing weather without electricity or running water for days. she felt the Loma Prieta earthquake in 1989 and has felt several smaller ones through the years.

A hurricane though, that’s a different matter. She’s not concerned with the high winds. Master’s home is concrete block. It’s not likely to be blown over. The rain on it’s own isn’t a big deal either, unless you consider the pool. While there’s power though draining the pool isn’t a problem. It’s the storm surge that is most troubling. According to deidre’s research if a category 4 hurricane hits just north of us, there will be approx. 14 feet of storm surge. That’s 14 feet of extra water washing up onto the shore and eventually through the streets to Master’s home.

deidre’s lucky though. she has several different places she can go to get out of the way. she, the cats, dogs and some emergency supplies can hop into the SUV and drive 2 hours to Orlando to stay with family, or drive 9 hours up to Atlanta to stay at Master’s other house. The emergency supplies, and important paperwork are all packed. The SUV will be full of gas, and if for some reason she can’t get gas somewhere along the way, a full tank will take her as far as the Georgia border. deidre will have Master’s cell phone which is loaded with emergency numbers. she’ll have cash in case the power’s out and she can’t use the credit card. Everything is all set and prepared.

So why is she so scared?

In the end, the hurricane will probably miss us, there will be no storm surge, and no reason to pack up and go. If it keeps heading right toward us then Master’s flight out of Tampa on Wednesday will be delayed and deidre can sit back and just let Him take control.

Yeah, let’s just think positively. The damn thing will miraculously die out there in the gulf, the skies will be blue, the waters calm and all will be right with the world.

Regret

2006-08-26T11:03:00.000-05:00

celticslave said "You have spoken of your past and how you wouldn’t change any of it. Life is not worth living if you have regrets however When was the defining moment for you on realizing that?"

"If Only. Those must be the two saddest words in the world" - Mercedes Lackey

deidre believes that it was something that happened gradually. During the first day of deidre’s 7th grade English Literature class the teacher decided to do something a little different. She had us all turn our desks away from the black board and toward the other side of the room where a television was. She popped in a tape, dimmed the lights, hit play on the remote and we were transported in the cinematic reality that is "Dead Poet’s Society"

The teacher’s point was to introduce us to Walt Whitman’s "O Captain My Captain" but the movie had a far great impact on deidre than the teacher anticipated. Not only did it inspire deidre to become an English teacher, (a dream she held onto as long as possible, but not one that worked with her marriage) but for the first time she heard the phrase "carpe diem". deidre began to think about what that meant. Seize the day. Time is short. Don’t put off the things that are important. Don’t waste time with insincerity or regret.

deidre remembers when it really hit her, and she understood everything that those 2 little words meant. she was in high school, and actually still has the piece of paper on which she wrote, "Never be ashamed of doing something you wanted to do - only be ashamed of not doing something you wanted to do." Do the things you want, do them all, savor life, become fulfilled and regret nothing. If you think you might regret passing up the chance to do something seize that chance, and ride that ride.

Of course, there are always consequences, and those consequences have evolved into what the lack of regret is really focused on. From any situation sift out the good and leave the bad behind. deidre wasn’t able to truly apply this until after her attempted suicide. As she has written, it was a life changing experience. It emphasized how precious every moment really is. deidre’s "no regrets" self policy was enforced once again after her rape. Yes, a rape is a horrible experience, but it is also an experience that changed deidre once again. she grew up a lot that night, took that growth as positive and left the rest behind her.

It isn’t just the big things that shape us. Everything has an effect, even those things that we cannot see. Past events silently mold each and every one of us into the person we are at present. It is because of that, because of the person that deidre has become, that deidre does not regret anything thing, not the rape, not the attempted suicide, not choosing to drink hot cocoa instead of coffee on some winter’s day. To regret any one of those things is to ultimately regret the person that deidre is, to wish that she was different. And honestly, deidre likes the person she has grown into.

Master's home...

2006-08-25T11:13:00.000-05:00

....at least for a few days. His trip home started with a call from His brother who had run out of gas on his way to work. Master, hero that He is, saved the day by taking a few gallons of gas to His brother and then followed him the rest of the way to His office before setting out on the trip.

Just before the Georgia border Master pulled into a gas station to fill up and realized that one of the tires on the car was flat. He slowly drove it over to the air/water machine and tried to fill it up but the air was coming out just as fast as it was going in. Evidently there was a problem with the valve stem. Luckily there was a tire store within a few miles and they were able to fix it and get Master back on the road quickly.

Off to one side of the road flies a huge Confederate Flag. Master has been meaning to stop and find out who is responsible for flying it for years, and finally decided that this time, since there was no slave, no dogs and no cats, He would. There was no direct road to the flag, and no buildings near, so Master stopped at the closest thing, which was the state farmer’s market. A very helpful woman at the farmer’s market headquarters was able to give Master some contact info.

Master basically wanted to thank them for flying the flag and remembering all of the brave Confederate solders who fought for what they believed in, fought for their own ideas, their lands, their homes. After speaking with the state representative it looks like Master may be interested in joining.

Now that deidre thinks about it, it isn’t something that is celebrated often. You hear of Veterans of W.W.I, W.W.II, Korea, Vietnam, and the Gulf War, but deidre has not heard a single time anyone celebrating those of the Confederate Army. Is that because they didn’t win? Weren’t they fighting for what they believed in just as much as those in the revolutionary war? They didn’t believe in their cause any less than anyone else who fights on their home turf. Perhaps deidre’s exposure is limited because she wasn’t born and raised in the south, and only has lived here for less than 3 years.

Anyway, that’s not the point of this entry. Finally Master made it home to His naked bowing slave right where deidre happens to feel He should ALWAYS be.

On Monday deidre will be going to Big Cat Rescue and she cannot wait! she is so incredibly excited!! she hopes that the weekend just flies by and Monday comes before she knows it. The only negative at the point is that Master’s digital camera is off in Canon’s fix-it-land and deidre highly doubts that it will arrive tomorrow so that she can take it with her. Master says that we can always buy some disposable cameras, but that’s just not the same. deidre can take thousands of pics with the digi-cam and easily get rid of any she doesn’t like.

deidre finally put up her reading list, and will be keeping it updated as much as possible. she’s slowly posting some of her poetry and prose as well. Eventually she plans to have it all here, even the horrible stuff. Feel free to comment if you like, but please try to be nice. If you don’t like it, just refrain from saying anything rude. Constructive criticism is always welcome. Just remember that these are little pieces that are taken from deidre’s heart and her soul, that they are not just words written in haste, but rather expressions of intense emotion.

Island Fun

2006-08-23T11:16:00.000-05:00

celticslave said "You have 48 hours on an island in the middle of the ocean. You are allowed to take 5 people with you. You are allowed to take 5 toys with you for play. Who would you take and what would happen with the six of you while on the island?"

Since you didn’t specify which island deidre is going to choose the one that Johnny Depp owns, while he’s there :) Since he’s already there he doesn’t exactly count as one of the 5 that deidre brings with her.

deidre’s thought about this a lot. One would think she would chose something “lifestylish” to do, but if she only has the one opportunity, and there are no conditions set other than those in the question itself deidre would bring with her 1)Master 2)A, deidre’s step daughter 3)J, deidre’s 13 year old sister 4) Her grandmother on her mother’s side 5) her grandmother on her father’s side.

Both of deidre’s grandmothers are dead, but neither of them had the chance to meet Master. Gramma S died when deidre was 8. deidre would love for not only to meet Master, but also to see the woman that her granddaughter has grown into. Gramma B died just a few years ago, but at the time deidre was miserably married to her ex husband still.

The reason for bringing A should be obvious. Not a day goes by when deidre doesn’t think of her. A is the only daughter that deidre will ever have. This girl raised her from the time she was 2 until she was 9 years old. deidre taught her to read, how to do her hair, took her to kindergarten for the first time and to school every day that she went after that. deidre was there when her eyes lit up at Christmas and spend hours the day before each birthday making elaborate cakes for A. deidre was there when she woke up in the middle of the night scared, when she scraped her knee or fell off of the horse. If deidre could have 2 more days with her telling her how much deidre loves her and that it wasn’t this girl’s decision to cease contact deidre would be happy. Even if it meant that deidre would never again hear from her or see her.

J is a beautiful young girl but because of certain events in her life has low self-esteem. She’s at that phase where girls are unsure of themselves, she’s changing, growing, becoming a woman. Mom is around much, deidre can’t be because she lives 2500 miles away, but for just 2 days deidre would like to tell J how special she is, how loved and beautiful she is.

deidre would bring with her a video camera, extra batteries, a stash of cameras, a stack of paper and some pens. Each person would have a camera so that they could take pics whenever they wanted of whomever they wanted. The video camera would be running constantly while the 6 (7 if Johnny joined in) interacted. Gramma S would have a both kids in her lap finding a way to make them laugh and to play with them even without toys. Gramma B would be sitting next to Master asking Him all kinds of questions that one would never expect to hear from a 90 year old woman. If Master answered one thing wrong Gramma B would probably kick His ass. deidre would be sitting between both of her grandmothers taking down their stories, recipes etc. All of the things that deidre heard over and over for years but never thought to retain. Death isn’t something one usually thinks about with people like grandmothers until it happens.

At night we’d sit around the campfire reminiscing, laughing, crying until things settled down and we’d stare up into the stars as we drift off to sleep.

Saying goodbye would be hard. deidre can imagine her grandmothers pulling her aside one at a time to tell her how proud of her they are, and how much the like Master. Asking one last time if deidre is sure that she is happy. Perhaps even telling her that all of those years they were looking down upon her and they will continue to do so when they go back.

It would be hard to let A go, and to know that deidre would probably never see her again, but now she would have all new memories to hold onto. We’d have 2 precious days that were plucked out of time where nothing existed but us and we could just enjoy each other.

It’d be hard to say goodbye to J too, but deidre knows we will see each other and talk with each other again. Even though there are so many miles between us, J is just a phone call away.

anal sex - tips & experiences

2006-08-22T11:23:00.000-05:00

slave_karirenee asked "Is there anything that you can do to make it less painful? Is there anything that can do to prepare yourself before doing sex? And finally, is there anything that you can do to mentally prepare yourself? Because I think most of it, is that I have a mental block, for some reason. "

The first time it happened was when she was 18. she was at her future mother-in-law’s house. N. had cooked deidre a lovely meal things had wound down and we were sitting in the fireplace room. We started kissing and making out and eventually were naked. deidre got down on the floor and bent over an ottoman so that we could fuck doggie style (deidre’s favorite position) Everything was fine until N’s cock slipped out of deidre’s cunt and slammed hard all the way into her ass.

deidre thought she was going to die. It hurt so badly that she ended up curling into a fetal position and laying there crying until the pain went away. For the next 7 years, while she still loved being fucked from behind, there was always this little thought rattling around that it just may happen again. N. only tried once more to use deidre’s ass and it was a failure. He was so worried about causing deidre pain that his cock never even made it all of the way in.

deidre’s next experiences with anal sex were with B, the Dom she was fucking before her divorce and before she met Master. One night we were in his car, deidre was on her back with her ass resting on the center console, her back on the seat and her head and neck bend up against the passenger side door. B was fingering her cunt pretty vigorously and had her cum three or four times. When she was done he told her that during the first orgasm he had slipped a finger into her ass and had been fucking both holes at the same time. seidre never even noticed the finger going in. she didn’t realize that he had slipped it in until he told her.

After that he would use her ass whenever he wanted. He’d slide his cock inside deidre’s cunt, fuck her for a few strokes so it was slick with her pussy juice and then force it up inside her ass. He had quite a thick cock and liked to use it as an ass-stretching tool. He’d push himself all the way in and the rotate his hips causing deidre even more pain than his dick alone would have.

deidre distinctly remembers one time when she had her hands bound behind her back, nipple clamps on her nipples with her chest down on the floor as he fucked her ass from behind. Every time he thrust it forced deidre’s clamped nipples to rub against the floor, eventually, without the use of her hands to keep her in one place she slid so far that her head was banging up against the wall. It was one of the most painful sex experiences deidre has had.

The last time that deidre had anal sex where it hurt badly was on the night of her collaring, as part of the ceremony. After placing the collar around her neck, Master dribbled some lube onto her tongue and instructed her to lube His cock. He then had her get down onto her hands and knees and began to fuck her hard. There was no prep time, no time for deidre to relax, at this point she still was terrified of anal sex. Master used his cock as a tool to hurt her, to take her violently until she was crying and whimpering. It seemed to take forever but finally He left His seed inside her.

After that night Master worked with deidre on making anal sex more enjoyable. He would insert small butt plugs into her to stretch her just a little before hand, or allow her to slide a finger up inside to open herself up a little. He’d make sure that both his cock and deidre’s asshole were well lubed and that deidre relaxed a little before sliding it in. Sometimes He would just slide it in and hold it there while deidre rubbed her clit and made herself cum, other times she was allowed to masturbate while He fucked her ass slowly. Eventually deidre got to the point where Master could fuck her ass very hard and she would be able to cum without any other stimulation whatsoever.

Here are deidre’s anal tips

First, relaxation is very important. The inside of your asshole is like a little tube with two separate muscles surrounding it. The external sphincter muscle is under your control, the internal one is not. If you can get yourself into the right state of mind the sphincter will not clench down just before hand making it harder to penetrate and more painful.

Secondly, lubrication is also very important. Use as much as you are comfortable with. If you need to get a towel to place under you, go for it. Lube up both the cock and your ass, inside and outside.

Masturbation can be very helpful as well. If you play with yourself it will help to take your mind off of what is happening and will combine the pleasure of cumming with any initial discomfort with having something slide into your ass.

Practice is also a good idea. Get to know your asshole. Place a mirror on the floor and crouch over to see just what it looks like. Try using a lubed finger or even something like a baby carrot to start out with. Just relax and slide it in slowly. You can test your sphincter relaxation by tightening and loosening around the object. In this way you will be able to know what your body feels like when it’s relaxing and more easily put yourself into that state just before anal sex.

After the finger/carrot stage, move to a small anal plug or dildo/vibe. Again lube it and your anus well, take your time and relax. Try fucking yourself at different speeds and in different positions to see what feels the best.

Lastly you will be ready for a large dildo or cock. Just beforehand, lube a finger and slide it in. It will open you slightly for the larger object. Get into the chosen position, remember to relax, and begin to experience a wonderful new aspect of your sexuality.